Newbies to the US from Canada: Anyone else having trouble adjusting?

[k_stacky 65]

Adjusting is so much harder than I thought it would be. I POE'd in December but over the last couple of years have lived here for multiple six month long stretches, so I thought it would just be like coming back.. but it's not.

There's a finality to it that makes me feel the homesickness I never felt during my other trips. I really miss being able to walk everywhere whenever I wanted to (Moved from ON to FL and everything is at least a 10 min drive away now), and I miss the stores I used to know and shop at. I miss Timmies Ice Caps. I miss Canadian mannerisms. I can't bring myself to use 'sir and 'maam' and I often feel as though people may consider me rude for it. Don't even get me started on saying y'all. I miss being able to see my family and talk to my mom and I miss my cats that I had to leave behind at my parents house. I miss my best friend and it makes me sad knowing we won't be in each others lives like we have been for the past ten years. I miss how easy healthcare was in Canada. I need puffers for my asthma and I have no idea what i'm going to do when mine run out. I also usually get pneumonia like clockwork twice a year and I feel guilty knowing i'm going to cost money and constantly worried about what may happen and what kind of bills we may face. I miss being able to just book a doctors appointment, instead of toughing it out through everything and only being able to seek help if I think it could kill me.

And on top of all of it all it's the little things too that I miss, the things I never cared about before I left. It's so stressful and miserable because I know this is what I want, but at the same time I miss everything I left behind.

[Dualie 185]

Adjusting is so much harder than I thought it would be. I POE'd in December but over the last couple of years have lived here for multiple six month long stretches, so I thought it would just be like coming back.. but it's not.

There's a finality to it that makes me feel the homesickness I never felt during my other trips. I really miss being able to walk everywhere whenever I wanted to (Moved from ON to FL and everything is at least a 10 min drive away now), and I miss the stores I used to know and shop at. I miss Timmies Ice Caps. I miss Canadian mannerisms. I can't bring myself to use 'sir and 'maam' and I often feel as though people may consider me rude for it. Don't even get me started on saying y'all. I miss being able to see my family and talk to my mom and I miss my cats that I had to leave behind at my parents house. I miss my best friend and it makes me sad knowing we won't be in each others lives like we have been for the past ten years. I miss how easy healthcare was in Canada. I need puffers for my asthma and I have no idea what i'm going to do when mine run out. I also usually get pneumonia like clockwork twice a year and I feel guilty knowing i'm going to cost money and constantly worried about what may happen and what kind of bills we may face. I miss being able to just book a doctors appointment, instead of toughing it out through everything and only being able to seek help if I think it could kill me.

And on top of all of it all it's the little things too that I miss, the things I never cared about before I left. It's so stressful and miserable because I know this is what I want, but at the same time I miss everything I left behind.

My heart goes out to you, adjustment is not easy and it sounds like yours is more extreme than some. Please take comfort in knowing that what you are feeling is normal. Even when one moves to another address in the same city, it takes at least a year to find your "normal". Compound that with navigating the immigration process and you have a bucket load of change and stress. What you are feeling is completely normal. I found that the best way to pull myself out of the homesickness is to focus on looking ahead, and not putting your focus on what is behind you. Those things and those people behind you are still there, they always will be. Your relationship with them has changed, but you still have one. It is normal to feel sad, and even sort of lost sometimes, but finding things to do to assimilate into your new life where you are now is a positive step forward. Join a club, meet some neighbours, anything that gets you out and among other people. Hopefully your fiance/spouse can help you along with this until you get your AOS completed. I have met some awesome people here that won't take the place of my besties in Canada, but they accept me and my differences...and tease me every time they catch me saying "eh" . You are in great company here also, we have all been there to some extent. If anything, VJ can be a great sounding board. Take it a day at a time, roll with it, ask questions here. On VJ Canada is never very far away .

[bloopygirl 20]

Aww k_stacky I feel exactly the same way. But don't feel guilty about your medical bills, I'm sure your new spouse realised beforehand that part of starting a family includes new expenses like that.

[mdcatelli 16]

So many of you still live pretty close to Canada. An 18 hour drive through Wyoming and Montana keeps me pretty much in Colorado. And the cost of my daughter's flights keep me grounded too.

Does everyone live near their in-laws too?

My inlaws are about 100 miles away. Which isn't too bad. It's close enough to visit for a weekend.

[NikLR 13,227]

Ive met my FIL but not my BIL and family or my MIL. We've been married almost 4 years. They weren't at our wedding, and most of our spare money goes towards my daughter visiting.

But then we arent having kids and it seems like people like to be near family because of kids.

[bloopygirl 20]

I hope you get to meet them soon. A lot of people couldn't make it to my wedding either. My brothers both had to work. It sucks but with the distance it's understandable...

You're probably right about the kids, my parents haven't visited since the wedding but I bet once we have the baby my dad will have to drag my mother back to canada by force lol. First grandkid for them, she's really excited.

[NikLR 13,227]

MIL should be making a trip up here this summer. Hubs said he would fly her here and back for her Christmas and birthday present. I just hope she GOES back. I'm far too alpha female to want my MIL living with me. She would just want to coddle her son. It's sadly funny because she lives with her grandchildren but really, all she truly cares about are her own sons.

[TheRowgles 10]

I moved to the US from Toronto at the end of November, 2015. Adjustment has been fine so far, but boredom out of not being able to drive or work has definitely set in. I never learned to drive in Canada because I didn't need to; buses took me everywhere. Now at the ripe old age of 29 I'm finally learning. The car insurance company my husband had gave us a huge discount for him being married and for me being an "experienced" (old, I think she meant) driver (lol yeah right). I think that's the biggest/hardest thing I'm going to have to adjust to.

I was able to bring all 4 of my cats--my husband is allergic. He's been great with them though, takes Claritin mostly everyday. We're both surprised at how well he is dealing with them. Plus they love him so much. My one Mr. Independent cat has suddenly turned into a lap cat, rarely leaves my lap during the day.

I finally have a pleasant relationship with my family at home--we talk when we want to and there's no negativity in our conversations anymore. My husband's family is also super great and they're always willing to help me and drive me places if need be and they are just all around supportive.

I've had no comments about accents or anything but I CONSTANTLY get asked things like: Do they have Halloween in Canada? Do you guys have green Christmas trees in Canada? Over the holidays I convinced my family in law (for about 10 seconds) that we only had white Christmas trees in Canada, since it's always snowing, duh!

Tim Hortons, yes I miss. Herb and garlic cream cheese doesn't seem to exist anywhere else. Mc Donalds coffee doesn't taste the same, kind of sour actually.

Don't get me started on Red Rose tea, my second choice for a hot beverage. Apparently Red Rose has a different recipe in the USA, a much more watered down one haha it's terrible even with doubling it up.

But the choices here are great. Half an aisle devoted to peanut butter? yes please

I'm thinking of buying a doll house kit to build to pass the time; I don't think I'll ever have this much free time ever again until I retire so might as well use it!

[chiggins82 88]

I moved to Minnesota from Alberta in March, 2015. It has not been easy. Similar to what many are saying.. I miss my Canadian ways and foods and I find everything here is boring, bland and just not quite as good as Canada. I hate being judgment like this, but I struggle so much to stop comparing. I have been luck enough to visit home a couple times and I was bringing suitcases full of Canadian foods. My New years resolution is to stop that... except for coffee and corn pops. Both are just no good on this side of the border

I struggle a lot to make friends. My husbands friends are great and I like them, but I want my own circle too. I totally understand what people say about going from an active social life to just sitting alone most of the time! I tried meet ups, but did not have much success. There are no Canadian Meets ups here.. I keep thinking, maybe I should start one!

Since Dec, I have started working again, but took a job that I had 5 yrs ago and I think I resent it a bit. I now make less money and I am doing something I already moved on from once.

It really is not easy moving to a new place! Especially, I think, when you move for marriage.

Anyone feeling lonely out there, message me sometime. Online friends are good too!

As for advice... hmm.. I think Keep trying to make friends, the older we get, the harder it can be.. Meet ups are kind of good, but so is maybe doing some adult learning, classes, etc... I think I keep hoping that someone else will make the push to be friends and really I need to be that person. Not easy when you are more of an introvert! Someone told me I should make a list of things I want to do in the short term, and the long term and it might help me find my way.

At least we know, we are not alone feeling this way!!

[NikLR 13,227]

Im glad you guys are mentioning the lack of being able to do anything after travelling on K1. I don't think people realize how hard it can be when you are used to working etc.

[bloopygirl 20]

Yeah it's hard going from living with my family and visiting all my friends from university and working 30 hours a week to basically no social life! I'm sure it's easy over time though. I just lack the motivation to start new friendships most of the time, it's a lot harder to do that than to ring up your friend who you've known since you were 12.

[NikLR 13,227]

I guess it would be. I dont even talk to my high school or college friends anymore. Haven't in years except the two i have on Facebook. But I'm not introverted. I know how hard it is on my husband to make friends and he is.

[k_stacky 65]

I moved to the US from Toronto at the end of November, 2015. Adjustment has been fine so far, but boredom out of not being able to drive or work has definitely set in. I never learned to drive in Canada because I didn't need to; buses took me everywhere. Now at the ripe old age of 29 I'm finally learning. The car insurance company my husband had gave us a huge discount for him being married and for me being an "experienced" (old, I think she meant) driver (lol yeah right). I think that's the biggest/hardest thing I'm going to have to adjust to.

I was able to bring all 4 of my cats--my husband is allergic. He's been great with them though, takes Claritin mostly everyday. We're both surprised at how well he is dealing with them. Plus they love him so much. My one Mr. Independent cat has suddenly turned into a lap cat, rarely leaves my lap during the day.

I finally have a pleasant relationship with my family at home--we talk when we want to and there's no negativity in our conversations anymore. My husband's family is also super great and they're always willing to help me and drive me places if need be and they are just all around supportive.

I've had no comments about accents or anything but I CONSTANTLY get asked things like: Do they have Halloween in Canada? Do you guys have green Christmas trees in Canada? Over the holidays I convinced my family in law (for about 10 seconds) that we only had white Christmas trees in Canada, since it's always snowing, duh!

Tim Hortons, yes I miss. Herb and garlic cream cheese doesn't seem to exist anywhere else. Mc Donalds coffee doesn't taste the same, kind of sour actually.

Don't get me started on Red Rose tea, my second choice for a hot beverage. Apparently Red Rose has a different recipe in the USA, a much more watered down one haha it's terrible even with doubling it up.

But the choices here are great. Half an aisle devoted to peanut butter? yes please

I'm thinking of buying a doll house kit to build to pass the time; I don't think I'll ever have this much free time ever again until I retire so might as well use it!

I SO understand what you mean about the driving thing.. I never got my license either. My family didn't even own a car, we lived either across the street or just down the road from anything we could ever need, so there was never really a reason to drive. Now where I live it's a 10 minute drive to get anywhere and I really miss the independence. My husband works a travelling job and is gone for weeks at a time so I have to rely on my inlaws to drive me around and I hate feeling like I'm a burden or an inconvenience for them (even though they love me and tell me constantly that they don't mind taking me places).

[NikLR 13,227]

For the non-drivers, how did you guys get groceries?

[k_stacky 65]

For the non-drivers, how did you guys get groceries?

For me, I lived across the road from two grocery stores. We would buy food for a day or two at a time and just carry the groceries home.