Starting to thing about the logistics around having kids

[quimolum 12]

I'm pregnant due in one week. I will be eligible to FMLA one day after my due date... In Massachusetts the maternity leave is 8 weeks starting at the delivery. So I have 8 (state law) or 12 (federal law) weeks depending on one day! Crazy country!

In my company I cannot add my spouse to the health insurance if he has the possibility to be covered with health insurance through his own work. If he can prove he cannot be covered, I can put him under my health insurance. If you are on maternity leave, you are not covered: you should check again if you cannot be covered by your husband health insurance during your maternity leave.

One more thing: many companies here make it mandatory to use all your sick days during your leave. Some even ask you to use all your vacation days. When you come back to work, you have nada. It is often not a choice!

Just for fun, this is a video describing quite well how maternity leave works in the US:

However plenty of women have babies in the US. From my point of view, the only ones that are annoyed by the laws are the ones who rightfully do not want to depend on their spouse or on government benefits all their life. This system is outrageous in a "modern" country of "freedom" and "equality".

But do not avoid having children only because you are in the US: work hard and beat the system. And once you get your citizenship, vote for people who will change this stupidity!

[DaisyD 12]

Another option is to wait until you get your citizenship, move back to the UK with your husband. Have your kids there, then if you both want, move back to the US. Seems a convoluted option but it is still an option to add to the list.

[Boiler 45,481]

Another option is to wait until you get your citizenship, move back to the UK with your husband. Have your kids there, then if you both want, move back to the US. Seems a convoluted option but it is still an option to add to the list.

That would need fairly substantial savings.

You are no longer a UK Resident which impacts NHS coverage.

[DaisyD 12]

That would need fairly substantial savings.

You are no longer a UK Resident which impacts NHS coverage.

Nothing is cheap about a transatlantic relationship. Weighing up the best option, in my mind means thinking through all the possibilities.

By moving back to the UK to live, the OP and her husband would be residents. The suggestion from others of going back for pregnancy tourism to have the baby there and stay a couple of months before returning is not in my mind being a resident. In all reality, the NHS is unlikely to send a bill even if they are entitled to (and any bill would be substantially less than an out of pocket medical expenses paid in the US).

[Umka36 781]

40% of US births are already financed by Medicaid.

https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid-chip-program-information/by-population/pregnant-women/pregnant-women.html

No system is perfect. In order to do what other countries are currently doing with maternity leave, we would have to raise our taxes. It's really hard to compare the US to other countries especially when you look at it's demographic/population size.

[quimolum 12]

40% of US births are already financed by Medicaid.

https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid-chip-program-information/by-population/pregnant-women/pregnant-women.html

No system is perfect. In order to do what other countries are currently doing with maternity leave, we would have to raise our taxes. It's really hard to compare the US to other countries especially when you look at it's demographic/population size.

The US is not a "special" country. Giving access to paid maternity leave (not only 6 weeks!) would encourage women to have a good job and pay taxes of their own! Pregnancy/delivery/bonding with a new born are very temporary in the life of a woman. It doesn't cost that much to make sure she can sustain herself and family now and after the leave.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

The US is not a "special" country. Giving access to paid maternity leave (not only 6 weeks!) would encourage women to have a good job and pay taxes of their own! Pregnancy/delivery/bonding with a new born are very temporary in the life of a woman. It doesn't cost that much to make sure she can sustain herself and family now and after the leave.

The mentality of 'why should I pay for someone else to have children?' Is alive and well in the USA. Americans often believe that maternity leave is something to be planned for, a personal responsibility. I don't foresee that idea changing anytime soon.

[Boiler 45,481]

I think we would all like lots of paid leave whatever the reason.

[Umka36 781]

Never said US was special, but it's how the system was setup (things don't change overnight). My wife comes from a socialize system, and I've heard of the good and bad that comes from it.

The US is no better or worse than any country in my eyes, you just have to adapt to the country you are in. The good news is that laws/rules can change, and it's already slowly changing with many major employers. Give it time and maternity leave will be the new norm in the future.

[Umka36 781]

I think we would all like lots of paid leave whatever the reason.

If often tell my wife I need paid leave so I can retire, but it hasn't happen so far.

[quimolum 12]

I think we would all like lots of paid leave whatever the reason.

If often tell my wife I need paid leave so I can retire, but it hasn't happen so far.

Funny. I sense you are trying to make a point but I do not see the link with maternity leave and the fact that the OP here is being advised to LEAVE the US in order to have a child.

[Boiler 45,481]

Funny. I sense you are trying to make a point but I do not see the link with maternity leave and the fact that the OP here is being advised to LEAVE the US in order to have a child.

I have not advised her to leave the US, actually pointed out some issues in doing so.

[Umka36 781]

Not making any point with my response to Boiler, just making a comment of what I tell my wife because I want to retire already.

The US has a system that may not be ideal, but it is what it is. It will ultimately change (abeit slowly), that just the nature of things.

[SennaBrigante 92]

Do people fly home to have baby to spare the cost of having the child in a US hospital?

I did. Plus the comfort of having family around to help with childcare during my recovery. I don't regret that decision at all.

[Cam54 84]

Bringing this topic back as once again trying to figure it all out. It appears that daycare in California mimics what I earn so working about putting an infant in daycare isn't an option, my husband is in an apprenticeship program where itl be 4 years before he can just about afford to support us on single income and I'd hate to wait that long. We don't have any family who can help with daycare as my mother in law is terminal and my father in law her full time carer. Just wanted advice from any families on here who were kind of low- middle income without family help who made it work and how