Divorce after 2 years of marriage to Philippine wife

[Avery Cates 1,141]

Protect your child an cut her off.

I would also thoroughly make sure it's your child.

[Boiler 46,033]

If it is any consolation you are not the first and will not be the last, a not uncommon story on VJ.

[ExPatty 502]

Hello everyone, I am new to this board. I seek help from people who can understand my situation. I am a mail 48 and look 38 for my age. And I have a good job and take care of my Philippine wife. We have 1 child 15 months old. The last 2 years has been hell with my wife.

I understand cultural divergence but every day or every other day my wife argues with me I have to leave the bedroom to sleep on the couch for 30 minute while she falls asleep. We even tried different birth control. The 2nd for sure helped but I have Philippine girl friends at work that say my wife doesn't love me. I think my wife loves me but is NOT in love with me if you know what I mean.

Like it is long story and more than just her sex drive with me. I do just about anything for my wife anything.'

Her family needs money for problems again! and I send it

She wants do lots of projects in philipppines like fix her moms teeth, build her mom a house, fund her brothers college, her sister college. I said yes but I want you to stay home with our daughter so she is safe and grows up with her mom. My wife wants to work nights and come home at 7 am and I said huh? you wont be able to watch our daughter you will be dead tired? She said she can do it. She said I don't make enough money to get all her project done as fast as she wants and she wants her own money.

Okay I did the allowance thing each month she got 150.00 to spend for fun. But she would shop online or shop at store and blow in all in one shopping spree. Then she would ask for more money OMGOD!

I fund her brothers college and give him allowance each month which averages 200.00 a month.

Plus here and there family issues maybe comes out to 50-75 bucks per month.

I cut her off from monthly allowance and I told her we both work at saving money. yes she can buy an occasional purse or shoes or what have you but not monthly.

I have so much more make you sick. This is our goals for 2 years.

1. save for Ph trip to see her family about 7,000.00 3 people

2. fix moms teeth with new one 1,000 or maybe 500

3. build mom a house about 5-7 K

4. help her brother in college 150.0 month

5. help her sister get college 200.00 a month

6. buy a house here in USA must have 5,000 down for fees only have va home loan no down payment

I am going to teach nite school at near by college to make extra money

but bottom line is she complains all the time...I don't get hugs and kisses upon arriving home.

I am the one at home asking if she needs anything coffee what have you. I am the one who serves her ( I don't mind as long as I get love and warmth back) but I am the loving man.

when I get home all she wants to do is fb on her phone and chat at me and then ignore me for her tv shows.

and when the baby cries and I am talking to her about something she covers her ears and says you are both so loud.

I am like what??? I was trying to tell her I need a hug and kiss when I come home not just hi!

I need a warm wife who had as soft spot for me.

I have worked very hard for my wife an child to have a good place to leave good things and such and she complains all the time,

tells me other people have houses why don't you. and that I have less than other men that she sees with her friends,

she calls me fat, she when she is sick she is very mean to me. When I am sick I don't get mean to people. She is

mean to me.

no affection

I thought Philippine woman were loving, respectful.

there is so much more, I ask her every day for 2 years when I get home can you put fb and your phone down. so we can talk or I don't have to compete with posts on fb? I mean I don't mind occoassional sharing of things on fb but it is every day and every nite at bed I compete with fb and her friends or post on fb is more important than talking to me.

she has weird things she does.

she complains all the time that I don't make enough money, I cant connect with her and when I want to talk about my needs she says I am weird and want sex to much? huh sometimes 2 days in a rowe if I happen to get luch and snuggle I get excited and she yells at me and calls me weird for getting horny?????????

I know other Philippine friends of my girls that is that are awesome and try to talk to her but she gets mad and says I don't want your friends talking to me giving me their advice? I have a friend ana who has a great marriage

and I talk to all the time she say she and her husband can she janet don't love me the way she acts and ana who is from same island has tried t talk to my wife janet but cannot and says your wife wont listen to reason or wisdom that she has..

my wife listens to no one

my wife had a father who cheated on her mother and I am afraid

I got the daughter who really hates men and only is using me she might have emotions for me but I feel she really don't love me

and I want a divorce but I am afraid..

can anyone give me advice please .. I know this is a visa forum but maybe someone hash gone through this before..

I want a new wife and this time I will look and be smarter. I took the 1st one that came along and next time I will be much smarter.

what do you think guys? can you give me some wisdom?

You are nothing but a sugar daddy to her. You're an income, that's it. I would say dump her on the curb, but the problem is now you have a kid. I have no idea what you can do now. You're in a very bad situation.

If you have any doubt about it being your child (i.e. unless it looks just like you), you need a paternity test.

Objectively you probably need to get divorced because it sounds like she didn't enter this relationship honestly. You're now a spineless wallet to her. That's unlikely to ever get better.

As I always recommend in these cases now you need to start documenting everything, saving all texts, emails, etc. because there are extremely strong odds that when you file for divorce things will get very, very nasty for you. I'm talking accusations of domestic abuse. The reason why is because that can let her stay in the country without you (look up VAWA). You are walking a tightrope right now and you're up very high.

Edited January 16, 2016 by ExPatty

[GregC2015 3]

This reminds me of a video I watched on YouTube a while back.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vEGNVWOeSlQ

This pretty much sums the OP up. OP, you need to listen to this lecture. You are behaving in this manner and are being treated as such.

Kill the boy and let the man be born. -- Game of Thrones

[Villanelle 4,122]

Meh I read his original post before it was edited. While I agree the edited version paints a slightly different version it really didnt contain anything that needs to be known publicly or something that would drastically change how the situation is viewed.

I would encourage all of those seeking entertainment to remember this is the actual life of the OP. There is a person behind the words. It can be emotionally difficult to lay yourself out there in a public forum and when you do so its because you are looking for support and advice- not to become entertainment or ridiculed.

The OP and his spouse have different views on sex/intimacy, money, parental roles, communication- heck pretty much everything. They can attempt to remedy these things through counseling if they are both open to it. If not the only choice is to divorce as they are not compatible. Its really as simple as that. If he posted here looking for ways to improve the relationship- counseling. For both. Its not something he can do on his own. But I get the impression based on the thread title and ending statement of I want a new wife that he has decided to end the relationship and is simply looking for confirmation it is the right thing to do.

Moving forward in his life he should evaluate why things went the way they did so he doesnt repeat the same mistake.

[TBoneTX 46,067]

Two off-topic posts and numerous posts referring to redacted material have been removed.

VJ Moderation

Edited January 17, 2016 by TBoneTX

[Lee&Ana 88]

How old is she? Where in the Philippines is she from? What kind of work did she do there? What is her status? Although you have given some information, there is a lot that has been left out. Did you and your asawa set marriage and life goals together?

[unique67 0]

I want a new wife and this time I will look and be smarter. I took the 1st one that came along and next time I will be much smarter.

what do you think guys? can you give me some wisdom?

The only advice I have is, if you are already thinking about a new wife, your love for your current wife is already gone, so why prolong the inevitable

[Heimef 3]

Sorry to hear about your problem ... my husband (55 and I 33), he knew me for 2 years before we got married. He told me how hard life is in USA. He confessed that I have been thru series of test before he will ask me for marriage and I passed with flying colors..Sorry because you picked the wrong one. Next time please don't spoil. Thank you!

[Harmonia 211]

As you said yourself, you want a new wife. So get divorced, make sure you get a lawyer for the custody, and move on. Maybe this time try looking for a wife based on mutual interests, shared life goals, compatibility, not on reputation or stereotype. You mentioned "Filipina women are like this"...that's a stereotype. You're going to set yourself up for failure if you choose a life partner based on nationality alone.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Two more posts removed, non-contributory, quoting removed post~

Pitaya

VJ Moderation

[Ortolan 381]

Best thing you can do at this point is file for divorce and ask for full custody of your child. Start documenting these arguments, conversations, late nights, etc. with a dated journal. Be very careful at this point to try to protect what little assets you might have left. Good luck, buddy....you need it.

[TheResistance 6]

If I may, because no one will know the full story but you, but your immediate family is your priority. Your child. If you both want to work it out, I would contact newlife.com or focusonthefamily.com and ask for one of their recommended counselors nearby. If you want to try and keep your family together, give it all you can, except more money to her family. Your priorities are here.

That is all I really want to say was just to give you an option to try if you want to take it. If she even agrees.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

I took the 1st one that came along

That's a rookie mistake.

Gosh, you just hate to see it.

[kallyz 1]

Couldn't agree no more with everyone. Just divorce with her & try to get custody for your kid. You're not her real partner, just sugar daddy to provides everything not just for her but for her family, that's ridiculous, that's not your job dude! If she want to provides her family with luxury, go ahead if it comes from her own money from her job, not all from you.

You have to be more straight to her if you decide don't want to divorce, tell her something, let her know that you're the man, and she is not the boss, marriage is equal.

Tell her if she is looking for a man who has a house or can provide everything at anytime she wants, tell her to get out of your life because you're not the man that she's looking for.

Don't be afraid to divorce with a type of person like this, not worth it to stay in marriage.