84 days in and we called it quits an hour before our wedding

[wrestling289 7]

Make plans to move on to a bigger house and to get a second job because when she becomes a US Citizen her parents will live in your house, and they probably won't work.

Wish this was the case but she doesn't want her parents to live with us. If I can't afford it I will be living in a dog house and they will get my apartment :-P

[aaa2zzz 27]

In Ukraine the men pay for everything if he is older and rich and the girl is young and hot.

She is young and does not know anything and/or just relying on your lack of knowledge.

"all men are cruel and all women are liars."

Sorry to be cynical, but its SOP for Ukrainian women to say "In Ukraine we do it this way," knowing that you have no way of knowing whether its true or not.

Of course, you are not in Ukraine. You are in the USA.

Now, the woman wants the man to pay for everything. But, rarely does she get her wish. Usually the woman works as well and the husband does not help out with the household.

If you can afford her attitude, ok.

Many Ukrainian men complain of being a "podkabluchnik" (man oppressed under the woman's high heel)

if not careful. With a majority of the Ukrainian women under 25-28, its against the odds to have a successful marriage with them in the USA. Just like an American girl that age.

If you were living in Ukraine, there would be no problem of course. You would be acting like a Ukrainian man to some degree. Going out with friends late. Omitting her photos from your Facebook page.

I do not know you or her, nor do you know me. so, understandably, you have to take what I say with a grain of salt. Having lived in Ukraine some length of time, and also seen dozens of marriages, I have seen it all. Not saying either that you should not get married to her. Just understand that she will act like a Ukrainian woman and you don't know, yet, how to deal with it.

You have to bear in mind that in Ukraine a woman who is considered ordinary in looks, in America is red hot.

She will be hit upon many times a day. This can go to her head. If she hangs around with other Russian/Ukrainian girls, they generally are trying to ditch their husband for someone younger/richer/better looking and they will influence her.The women compete against each other based on what their man buys them.

Since you are only 25 and you have a decent job, it probably will not be a problem for you in particular, as long as she stays in love with you. But,

Will she grow up and be the wife you want? Or will you have problems? Hard to know. The same would be for most women of her age. Not mature yet. Not fully formed.

A very, very important factor is her parents.

What kind of relationship do they have? Is it stable? I gauge from what you say that that are still together. that is good.

Every one of the successful marriages I have seen in Ukraine, shares a common factor. The partner's spouses are still happily married.

How about her personal integrity?

Secondly, how are you? High self esteem? Good. You have to be a strong man and not weak with these ladies.

[aaa2zzz 27]

You never should complain about money or say something is too expensive. Never. If you don't want to spend money just say you don't want to spend it. Never say something is too expensive. Major faux pas

[Boiler 45,519]

Well you know what the deal is, only you can answer if you are willing to sign up for it.

[wrestling289 7]

In Ukraine the men pay for everything if he is older and rich and the girl is young and hot.

She is young and does not know anything and/or just relying on your lack of knowledge.

"all men are cruel and all women are liars."

Sorry to be cynical, but its SOP for Ukrainian women to say "In Ukraine we do it this way," knowing that you have no way of knowing whether its true or not.

Of course, you are not in Ukraine. You are in the USA.

Now, the woman wants the man to pay for everything. But, rarely does she get her wish. Usually the woman works as well and the husband does not help out with the household.

If you can afford her attitude, ok.

Many Ukrainian men complain of being a "podkabluchnik" (man oppressed under the woman's high heel)

if not careful. With a majority of the Ukrainian women under 25-28, its against the odds to have a successful marriage with them in the USA. Just like an American girl that age.

If you were living in Ukraine, there would be no problem of course. You would be acting like a Ukrainian man to some degree. Going out with friends late. Omitting her photos from your Facebook page.

I do not know you or her, nor do you know me. so, understandably, you have to take what I say with a grain of salt. Having lived in Ukraine some length of time, and also seen dozens of marriages, I have seen it all. Not saying either that you should not get married to her. Just understand that she will act like a Ukrainian woman and you don't know, yet, how to deal with it.

You have to bear in mind that in Ukraine a woman who is considered ordinary in looks, in America is red hot.

She will be hit upon many times a day. This can go to her head. If she hangs around with other Russian/Ukrainian girls, they generally are trying to ditch their husband for someone younger/richer/better looking and they will influence her.The women compete against each other based on what their man buys them.

Since you are only 25 and you have a decent job, it probably will not be a problem for you in particular, as long as she stays in love with you. But,

Will she grow up and be the wife you want? Or will you have problems? Hard to know. The same would be for most women of her age. Not mature yet. Not fully formed.

A very, very important factor is her parents.

What kind of relationship do they have? Is it stable? I gauge from what you say that that are still together. that is good.

Every one of the successful marriages I have seen in Ukraine, shares a common factor. The partner's spouses are still happily married.

How about her personal integrity?

Secondly, how are you? High self esteem? Good. You have to be a strong man and not weak with these ladies.

Thanks for the great advice. You bring up a lot of great points that I agree with.

Funny that you mention the competition amongst Ukrainian woman. We are currently looking for friends for my fiance and we found a local 27 yr old Ukrainian woman who also came here on a fiance visa. After checking out here Facebook page I noticed her husband was 50+ and he spoils her rotten. I am having second thoughts about them starting a friendship because I don't want her to be influenced by her. But then again, that is just a minor insecurity..

Her parents are in fact divorced, but have lived together for the many years after the divorce. It is not healthy relationship by any means. There is definitely a lack of respect and misunderstanding on both sides. She is not close with her Father, so that is also a worry I have.. She has high personal integrity, but can be very cold at times.

As for me, I grew up with 3 sisters, so I know how to handle a woman... American women that is.. Ukrainian women are a different breed, and although I was never a sucker I feel like I give in much more now than I ever have before. I figure it is the sacrifice a man needs to make for love.

[wrestling289 7]

You never should complain about money or say something is too expensive. Never. If you don't want to spend money just say you don't want to spend it. Never say something is too expensive. Major faux pas

This is the key to the inside of a Ukrainian woman's soul. Congrats for knowing this, and passing it on.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Thanks for your advice Russ. I agree, the 25/75 split is a start in the right direction. I have one question for you. If you were 25 again and you put yourself in my shoes - do you think you would be as successful as you are now if had such love and responsibility at 25?

I am just curious.. I have a lot of goals in life and I want to still be able to pursue my personal and professional goals without constraint. And of course, I still want to travel the world..

Ha! You're still here participating. Good for you. Most people come on here asking for relationship/immigration advice, hear one thing that they didn't want to hear and then check out.

Frankly, me at 25 would have likely failed in your situation (I'm 55 now, although on my 1st marriage). But then you sound a lot more mature than I was at 25. You're thinking out the situation. You're asking for advice. You're not rushing into a bad decision, yet. All of these are signs of maturity. Based on what you've stated so far, I agree with you that your fiance doesn't sound like a gold digger. She would have used other leverage than to say no to the wedding if she were a gold digger. In fact, if you're a gold digger, why say anything at all about money. Just lie low, marry the man, and then take him to the cleaners. This, of course, applies to gold digger husbands too. So, assuming your fiance is not a gold digger, then anything is possible. She might end up being a good wage earner. In 4 years, she might decide she doesn't want her parents living here. Just about every opinion she has stated might be turned on it's head within 5 to 10 years. You don't know. You can't know. People do change, especially people in their 20's. If you're open to change, and you love and respect her, then I think it's possible for you to realize your professional and lifelong goals.

[Lee&Ana 88]

Op. Your welcome. You can pm me anytime if you want. I am curious what made you choose a Ukrainian woman and what made you choose to get married at 25?

[TBoneTX 45,299]

OP, some blunt talk after some unbelievable recent posts above:

You're being taken for a major ride.

What the devil entitles her to your money?

Even more blatantly, what entitles her parents to your money?

How were they supporting themselves before their daughter's "rich," gullible gringo showed up?

What entitles these people or those of any other nationality to financial support like this?

If an American girl made these demands, would you give her the time of day, let alone give in?

Mrs. T-B.-to-be's family was also not well-off.

Not once did Mrs. T-B.-to-be ask me for a single dime. Never once.

Had she -- or had her family -- her shapely hindquarters would still be single in Ecuador.

If things are this bad now, how bad will they be when she has you legally roped in?

You'll be a financial slave -- and, if you ever object to it, you'll probably be emotionally abused, too.

If you try to divorce, she'll ruin you financially for life.

If, heaven forbid, you have a child with her, what then? Who will be the priority? Her, still?

This girl doesn't love you. She's clueless as to the meaning of the term.

Granted, we usually get more solid advice about buying a car or a washing machine than we do about picking a mate. I could go through your posts above and quote your many statements of doubt about just the financial aspects of all this. But it must be asked: Why are you (literally and figuratively) throwing good money after bad?

All the loving, caring, emotionally available, unselfish women in the world, and you're still considering a relationship of any kind with this one?

Edited January 12, 2016 by TBoneTX

[Unlockable 7,314]

Wrestling289,

The more your write the worse the situation sounds for you.

You think the 25% contribution is a win? Its just a start.

She doesn't want to share a bank account?

She wants you to provide housing for her parents when they come to the US because she DOESN'T want to live with them? And they are divorced so does that mean apartments for each of them?

Marriage is a union and this is sounding less like one.

I tell people all the time... You can STILL love someone and not be taken advantage of, used, or abused.

My advice is to continue the communication. And give it more time. Things will keep revealing itself. Over time you will have a clearer picture. But NEVER allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

You say you are willing to do things for her because you love her. You are going to have to clear your head every once and a while and start thinking about this by removing love from the equation. I know that may sound cold but I will explain why. I think that the things she is requesting you provide for her is not motivated by love.

I think she loves you. I think she wants to marry you and have a family because she loves you. I think she moved to this country away from her family and familiar life because she loves you.

However...

When i imagine her telling you " i want you to pay for every expense in our household while i work and keep every cent I make even though this is a stressful burden and unfamiliar to what you are used to. And i want you to support my parents comfortably until you can help bring them to this country, then provide them with homes because i do not care to live under the same roof as them. And i want you to do all of this... because I love you." It just doesn't compute.

The relationship, potential marriage/family, and migrating to you is done out of love. The requesting that you provide her parents with apartment(s)...not so much.

[Pitaya 2,577]

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