Advice/personal experiences on getting hitched

[grrl77 1]

Hi there,

I'm currently in the Netherlands visiting my boyfriend and we've had the discussions re: K1 fiancé visa, what is involved, etc. We love each other and want to be together and know getting married is something we need to do, per the process, to make it happen. But that's just it - it's "per the process," and in any other situation, you'd date each other a year +, maybe decide to move in together, then look at marriage when it's feeling right - a normal flow of things. I'm sure some of you (or your partner) has felt a lot of pressure around the marriage part coming first, just so you can begin living your lives together. The boyfriend is willing to get married if that's the process so we can be together, of course, but .... He's not excited about it. It's a formality to him because of the way it's built into the process. He says he's looking forward to what comes AFTER all the paper work, marriage, red tape - actually starting our lives together. I don't disagree and understand the pressure of tying the knot when you've not gotten the experience together most people have.

My question is, how'd you overcome it? Did some of you just get a justice of the peace job and maybe celebrate it later with an actual wedding ceremony down the road when it's comfortable for you and CAN be something that isn't thrust on you because of a process? Curious to know your thoughts!

PS - We are starting our K-1 visa process in Jan.

[canadian_wife 1,828]

For us, the wedding was a means to an end. It was what needed to happen so we could start what we were both really wanting...the marriage. So we went to City Hall and completed the formality. No 'wedding' afterwards.

Posting on this site, you are going to get 10000 difference responses. It all depends on what is right for you as a couple. What do you want? What do you value? What is the most important to you as a couple?

Good luck

[Anh map 2,098]

The justice of the peace / courthouse wedding is the actual wedding. Anything after that is just a party.

If you choose K1, then the quickie to keep the paperwork going and then plan the larger event later made sense in our case.

If your future spouse wants/needs to work right away, then the K1 isn't the best option. The CR-1 spouse visa would be better. Plus, no adjustment of status paperwork (and $1000+ fee) coming on the heels of the legal wedding.

[JFH 12,191]

We are not on the K-1 route but I wanted to give my input too.

We had a very quick wedding - it lasted 8 minutes - with just the two of us, two witnesses and the officiant. It was, as someone else has mentioned, a means to an end. I arrived in the USA on the Tuesday, we got the licence on the Wednesday (we had a three-day waiting period as is required in Washington state) and married on the Saturday. I went home on the Tuesday. No flowers, no fancy clothes, a $40 ring, no party, no professional photographer, no honeymoon. I don't have any regrets. We did consider having a big wedding but there would have been no point. Realistically probably only one member of my family would have been in a position to fly all that way for our wedding - my mother. My husband's parents are dead, as are his brother and sister. He has one living brother, and I doubt he would have been able to come as he lives the other side of the country. So who would the big wedding have been for? That's a lot of hassle and expense for a party for friends.

You need to consider your personal circumstances - look at what you can afford, is his family likely to be able to afford to come. I also think it's better to spend your time when he arrives living your life together than immersing yourself in table plans and menus.

Edited December 27, 2015 by JFH

[grrl77 1]

Hi there,

Thanks for your prompt reply. It is appreciated. I don't think I've heard of the C1 visa that you were talking about in your post. The process, as I understand it, is once you are married, you file for an EAD and an Adjustment of Status and the EAD should arrive within 90 days of filing. Once the EAD is approved, my husband could then work anywhere without conditions attached to it, correct? Where does the C1 fit into this?

Thanks, in advance, for your help!

Edited December 27, 2015 by grrl77

[JFH 12,191]

The CR-1 visa is for those who are married already. That's the route we are on. We had the quick wedding to be able to start the process. I will be able to work as soon as I arrive.

You are correct that your husband will need an EAD to be able to work before his AOS is complete if he arrives on a K-1 visa. That means he will be unable to work for at least three months (assuming you marry as soon as he arrives).

The CR-1 is cheaper when you take all the fees into consideration as there is no AOS process.

[FarrahIdir 46]

cr1 comes with green card for your spouse to work when they get here. We did cr1 for this reason and also cause we couldn't be together unarried. We had to go to another country to marry. Was quick for us cause we were prepared. When we got back to his country we had a family dinner.

K1 is faster but more expensive. Just depends what's best for you and your spouse.good luck

[yuna628 9,712]

Hi there,

I'm currently in the Netherlands visiting my boyfriend and we've had the discussions re: K1 fiancé visa, what is involved, etc. We love each other and want to be together and know getting married is something we need to do, per the process, to make it happen. But that's just it - it's "per the process," and in any other situation, you'd date each other a year +, maybe decide to move in together, then look at marriage when it's feeling right - a normal flow of things. I'm sure some of you (or your partner) has felt a lot of pressure around the marriage part coming first, just so you can begin living your lives together. The boyfriend is willing to get married if that's the process so we can be together, of course, but .... He's not excited about it. It's a formality to him because of the way it's built into the process. He says he's looking forward to what comes AFTER all the paper work, marriage, red tape - actually starting our lives together. I don't disagree and understand the pressure of tying the knot when you've not gotten the experience together most people have.

My question is, how'd you overcome it? Did some of you just get a justice of the peace job and maybe celebrate it later with an actual wedding ceremony down the road when it's comfortable for you and CAN be something that isn't thrust on you because of a process? Curious to know your thoughts!

PS - We are starting our K-1 visa process in Jan.

I think we came into the process with a different perspective on marriage and how a relationship 'should' flow. This process was the only way we could be together, however we had been engaged for a long time before that. We didn't feel we needed to live with one another in order to know about being right, because we had known each other for so long already. You are right, that as a man, he felt that the marriage thing is a formality.. and in a way he was right. But it is certainly an important thing that we cherish for a commitment aspect, and that it is the only way we can be together. We both looked forward to what came after, and finally never having to say goodbye again. At the same time though after long discussions, we were both unwilling to compromise and have our wedding be 'just another day' or strictly be a 'formality' or a situation where we'd have a 'do-over' later on. Doing it that way works for some people, but wasn't for us. We wanted an as normal as could be wedding our way, and that's exactly what we did with a lot of careful planning (which is not typically recommended). People have asked us if it feels different now that we are married. The honest answer is no, it doesn't. The difference is we can now spend our lives together and do all the things we always wanted to do together. That doesn't mean that we haven't had to go through an adjustment period (a man lives here now!) We never felt pressure to get married, the pressure came from outside family members expectations of how our wedding should be done, and getting what we wanted to do done within the timeframe the government gives you. We worked it so that the ceremony day was quite a few weeks after he had arrived and was getting used to things.

In the end we let no one pressure or bully us. A ceremony is only as important as you make it. It's your lives and future.

[tarzan31 27]

My wife and I wanted , and planned the big church wedding. That was our choice as Christians and the way we chose to do things. For us, the wedding was not just a piece of paper or a formality. If you both do not have that feeling about your actual ceremony, then use whatever path suits you. As has been stated, the K-1 process is expensive and not always quick. You have 90 days to marry once the fiance arrives. They cannot work immediately. The CR-1 gives the incoming spouse immediate approval to work. Often times, both processes take the same amount of time from when you file the papers until the fiance/spouse arrives in the U.S. My wife arrived here on July 4, 2015 and received her conditional green card on December 24, 2015. During those five months, she has been unable to work. Guess you just have to weigh out your options, what speaks to your heart regarding the relationship and your future.

[Ryan H 3,829]

***Moved from K1 Process & Procedures to Off Topic; topic is about getting married and not about any process itself. One off-topic post that did not address the OP has been removed.***

[meemee1 34]

Its funny because my fiance doesn't want to do a big ceremony and I would like a destination wedding so we thought of doing the k1 visa marrying at the courthouse then doing a wedding on an island somewhere.

[QueenComley 295]

When we got married it was the second time round for both me and my husband. My first marriage (although not a church wedding) was rather elaborate and expensive. We got married in the grounds of a manor house (we selected 50 guests to attend) followed by a 3 course meal and then an evening reception party for 200 guests. I wore a $1000 traditional wedding dress and knew within 1 year of tying the knot that he was not my "soul mate" and I had made a huge mistake. That aside...My second husband is without a doubt the love of my life. We could not of cared less about the location of our wedding, how grand it was or the cost. We married in a court house, with just me, him, my step-son and step-daughter and our 2 best friends. It cost us $50 and I wore a dress I had owned for 4 years LOL. After the wedding I dropped the kids back to their moms house, and our best friends treated us to lunch at a local steak house. Me and my husband then went home and promptly fell asleep for the rest of the afternoon on the couch! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. We just wanted to be husband and wife, we didn't want the frills and stress of an extravagant wedding. Been there, done that and was miserable. Court house, followed by a huge steak and a snooze on the couch was all I needed LOL!!!!!!

Edited December 28, 2015 by QueenComley

[oliviaalexandra88 9]

Hi there,

I'm currently in the Netherlands visiting my boyfriend and we've had the discussions re: K1 fiancé visa, what is involved, etc. We love each other and want to be together and know getting married is something we need to do, per the process, to make it happen. But that's just it - it's "per the process," and in any other situation, you'd date each other a year +, maybe decide to move in together, then look at marriage when it's feeling right - a normal flow of things. I'm sure some of you (or your partner) has felt a lot of pressure around the marriage part coming first, just so you can begin living your lives together. The boyfriend is willing to get married if that's the process so we can be together, of course, but .... He's not excited about it. It's a formality to him because of the way it's built into the process. He says he's looking forward to what comes AFTER all the paper work, marriage, red tape - actually starting our lives together. I don't disagree and understand the pressure of tying the knot when you've not gotten the experience together most people have.

My question is, how'd you overcome it? Did some of you just get a justice of the peace job and maybe celebrate it later with an actual wedding ceremony down the road when it's comfortable for you and CAN be something that isn't thrust on you because of a process? Curious to know your thoughts!

PS - We are starting our K-1 visa process in Jan.

if you really want to be together ASAP, K1 is the fastest way to go as the process only takes 4-6 months. You get married then process for AOS etc etc.... That is if your goal is to be together right away. But if you get married beforehand and it took place in his country, it could take longer but the up side is he gets to work right away.I don't think an expensive and grand wedding will have a say in how your marriage is going to turn out, as long as you both are willing to do the work in making it last, that's all that matters. Sure, the marriage being the first step for him to be with you forever puts a little a pressure - it's huge for some people but just look on the brightside of things, no more goodbyes!

Me and my fiance are both still young and we're both a little pressured, but I didn't push him to go through with the process because I wanted him to be sure and unafraid of the concept of us being together for the long haul. I could wait for him, but he really wanted to be with me and I feel the same, too. The faith that I have in our relationship and our bond is strong and I know that we can make everything work, after all the hardship this long distance relationship has put upon us, we are ready for whatever comes next. When I get there, we will only have a courthouse wedding because I do not really care about wedding gowns, cakes, receptions or guests. They will not be a part of our marriage and relationship everyday, and it does not make any sense to spend so much in a wedding for an audience that will only play guest appearances in our lives. i doubt it would have a huge impact if the wedding is small and simple, being married to man/woman of your dreams is what matters! Start your life together and if in the future, you have enough budget for a huge ceremony then go

[tarzan31 27]

if you really want to be together ASAP, K1 is the fastest way to go as the process only takes 4-6 months. You get married then process for AOS etc etc.... That is if your goal is to be together right away. But if you get married beforehand and it took place in his country, it could take longer but the up side is he gets to work right away.I don't think an expensive and grand wedding will have a say in how your marriage is going to turn out, as long as you both are willing to do the work in making it last, that's all that matters. Sure, the marriage being the first step for him to be with you forever puts a little a pressure - it's huge for some people but just look on the brightside of things, no more goodbyes!

Me and my fiance are both still young and we're both a little pressured, but I didn't push him to go through with the process because I wanted him to be sure and unafraid of the concept of us being together for the long haul. I could wait for him, but he really wanted to be with me and I feel the same, too. The faith that I have in our relationship and our bond is strong and I know that we can make everything work, after all the hardship this long distance relationship has put upon us, we are ready for whatever comes next. When I get there, we will only have a courthouse wedding because I do not really care about wedding gowns, cakes, receptions or guests. They will not be a part of our marriage and relationship everyday, and it does not make any sense to spend so much in a wedding for an audience that will only play guest appearances in our lives. i doubt it would have a huge impact if the wedding is small and simple, being married to man/woman of your dreams is what matters! Start your life together and if in the future, you have enough budget for a huge ceremony then go

K-1 not necessarily that fast. Our Noa2 for I-129F was a 222 day wait. K-1 received 11 days shy of one year from Noa1 for the I-129F. We had no RFE or delays, that is just the wait time that was in play. Although the service centers have not had that long a wait for a while, it is possible. For us , marriage in the church before our Lord was the key factor in our having a church wedding. Op and fiance do not seem to have that drive, so any way they proceed will work fine for them. It seems the determining factor for them will be the ability to work as soon as possible. That being said, with wait times it seems either way might pan out to the same amount of calendar time. K-1 of course would have to wait for EAD approval once AOS is sent in.

[luckytxn 2,265]

Had the civil ceremony to start the paperwork since we had to before the 90 days.(K-1) Since my wife is Catholic and I wasn't we both knew that it would take a long time to get permission to marry and it ended up taking a year and a half to get married in the church.