"Wills" Everyone seems cool with having the beneficiary know what's up.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Almost every post about bona fide relationship evidence gets a couple of " make your partner the beneficiary on your will".

Personally, I believe that if the beneficiary of your estate in case of death shouldn't know what he/she stands to gain until you are gone.

Lots relationships on this site have failed and several of them are still thriving, so my question is, do people really go back to change their wills after this process or not.

Y'all get where I'm going with this.A will is a big motive... Blame it on crime shows on ID channel....

Am I alone in this thinking?

If I ever have a will, it will be a mystery until I'm gone...lol

[TBoneTX 46,068]

You can change your will at any time.

And why would you want to hide or mask your information so that your survivors have to guess about their immediate financial obligations and long-term financial future, especially amidst the grief and turmoil of a recent death?

The very cruelest evil that anyone could confer on their loved ones is to die intestate (without a will).

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

You can change your will at any time.

And why would you want to hide or mask your information so that your survivors have to guess about their immediate financial obligations and long-term financial future, especially amidst the grief and turmoil of a recent death?

The very cruelest evil that anyone could confer on their loved ones is to die intestate (without a will).

People have killed for their wills. I am not against writing a will but I wouldn't want to know if I am the beneficiary to someone's will or who is the beneficiary to mine.

What I have come to find on this forum is that lots of people advocate for making spouses the beneficiary solely for meeting immigration requirement. That is what scares me.

[Ontarkie 14,444]

Ok lets put it this way. Most time the spouse gets everything anyway. A will just makes it harder for outside ppl to take what they think is theirs.

Now if you have money set for kids from a previous marriage, or assets that they will get. You better make sure you have a pre nup also!

[NikLR 13,232]

It's sometimes very important for people to know what's going on in a will. A will is not just about who is getting what, it's about how you want to be laid to rest and your last wishes. For instance my husband wants to be donated to science and I want to be cremated. We both find the idea of being buried in a coffin horrid, not that there is much we could do about it except maybe haunt whomever made that decision. Even though both of our names are on the title of the house, we didn't want any issues with probate.

My grandfather had a will made that gifted his wife a certain amount of money, however he made sure to gift his house (which was paid for) to my aunts and mother. This is because it was my grandmother's house. She worked all of her life and had bought it and paid for it. They were married obviously but it was her pay check that made it happen. She had stipulated in HER will that when he passed the house should go to their children. So it wasn't really his to give away to another wife which is what would have happened if he hadn't had a will. He had the will recently made as well when he found out he was sick. My mother has changed her will every time she's gotten married and divorced and as we have all grown up and left the house. She's again recently updated it after making any major purchases (her trailer on the lake and their sailboat.) Once you make one, it's your responsibility to keep it up to date.

A will is only a motive if you have a lot of money or property and have untrustworthy people in your life.

[Unidentified 2,930]

If you don't trust your partner enough to put him/her in your will, then why get married? How much time did you guys spend with each other before getting married? Sounds like you did not spend a lot of time before you got married.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

If you don't trust your partner enough to put him/her in your will, then why get married? How much time did you guys spend with each other before getting married? Sounds like you did not spend a lot of time before you got married.

I don't know where you are going with your statement. You can keep your judgmental comments to yourself. If you want answers to those questions, go read my story.

If you read my post, I said [ I wouldn't want to know if I benefit from someone else's will either..].

it is just my personal preference. And it has little to do with trusting a partner. You don't know what you will do under intense duress or maybe distress. it is for that reason among others that I don't want to know and wouldn't want my husband or any beneficiary know. I don't want that burden of knowing anything I might gain from the death of someone.

But I agree with the other commenters who mentioned things like "how someone wants to be laid to rest",etc being stated in a Will.

[DJ6372 111]

Who needs a will

Whats hers is hers

Whats mine is hers as well

Lol ain't that right guys?

[aaron2020 11,651]

Almost every post about bona fide relationship evidence gets a couple of " make your partner the beneficiary on your will".

Personally, I believe that if the beneficiary of your estate in case of death shouldn't know what he/she stands to gain until you are gone. Estate planning attorneys will disagree with you. Many families are fractured because of "unfair" secret divisions of assets. The reason to leave money behind is to protect our families. How is it protecting the family when your secrets can drive people to fight for their "fair" share? I seen too many families break up due to secret wills.

Lots relationships on this site have failed and several of them are still thriving, so my question is, do people really go back to change their wills after this process or not. My estate planning attorney and I review my will and trusts every few years to update them as my needs change and the law changes.

Y'all get where I'm going with this.A will is a big motive... Blame it on crime shows on ID channel....

Am I alone in this thinking? You watch way too much TV about crimes and wills.

If I ever have a will, it will be a mystery until I'm gone...lol

You may want to reconsider your position.

Why would you make a will? To protect and provide for the family that you love after you are gone.

How does family fights over your will protect and provide for your family? It doesn't. The will has the complete opposite effect.

Read these articles. A good estate attorney will tell you that making sure your wishes are carried out by avoiding family fights is the best way to protect your family. Often, this means making sure that the people you leave behind will actually follow through with your wishes by disclosing things to them while you are alive.

These are relatives of my wife. Two sister and a mom. All got along great until mom died. The executor of the will could not accept her mother's passing. She would not move anything in her mom's condo for over a year now. They haven't even replaced the carpet where mom bled out after falling and fracturing her skull. The other sister has moved on. Mom left her condo to both. It's sucking money sitting empty with mom's stuff. The sisters are now fighting over the bills for mom's condo. No ill will. No greed. Just life. If mom had planned better, the sisters would not be co-owners and they wouldn't be fighting. Mom's will did not protect her family. Mom could have done a lot better by sitting down with her daughters and telling them what she wanted. She should have made sure that the executor was willing and able to carry out her wishes by communicating things to her while she was alive.

Read these;

https://www.everplans.com/articles/8-signs-your-family-will-fight-over-your-estate

http://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2012/07/17/how-to-avoid-fights-over-inheritance

http://www.familyfight.com/story9.html

People have killed for their wills. I am not against writing a will but I wouldn't want to know if I am the beneficiary to someone's will or who is the beneficiary to mine.

What I have come to find on this forum is that lots of people advocate for making spouses the beneficiary solely for meeting immigration requirement. That is what scares me.

How many people do you know that have been killed for their wills? TV doesn't count.

It's sometimes very important for people to know what's going on in a will. A will is not just about who is getting what, it's about how you want to be laid to rest and your last wishes. For instance my husband wants to be donated to science and I want to be cremated. We both find the idea of being buried in a coffin horrid, not that there is much we could do about it except maybe haunt whomever made that decision. Even though both of our names are on the title of the house, we didn't want any issues with probate.

My grandfather had a will made that gifted his wife a certain amount of money, however he made sure to gift his house (which was paid for) to my aunts and mother. This is because it was my grandmother's house. She worked all of her life and had bought it and paid for it. They were married obviously but it was her pay check that made it happen. She had stipulated in HER will that when he passed the house should go to their children. So it wasn't really his to give away to another wife which is what would have happened if he hadn't had a will. He had the will recently made as well when he found out he was sick. My mother has changed her will every time she's gotten married and divorced and as we have all grown up and left the house. She's again recently updated it after making any major purchases (her trailer on the lake and their sailboat.) Once you make one, it's your responsibility to keep it up to date.

A will is only a motive if you have a lot of money or property and have untrustworthy people in your life.

Thank you for a fantastic answer.

Edited January 12, 2016 by aaron2020

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

Almost every post about bona fide relationship evidence gets a couple of " make your partner the beneficiary on your will".

Personally, I believe that if the beneficiary of your estate in case of death shouldn't know what he/she stands to gain until you are gone.

Lots relationships on this site have failed and several of them are still thriving, so my question is, do people really go back to change their wills after this process or not.

Y'all get where I'm going with this.A will is a big motive... Blame it on crime shows on ID channel....

Am I alone in this thinking?

If I ever have a will, it will be a mystery until I'm gone...lol

Yes, well, hence it being proof of a relationship being bona fide

[Merrytooth 5,748]

ha ha ha ha.. you can easy create a will just for ROC.

After you mailed off the package, create a new will to supersede the old one

[yuna628 9,712]

I have been through too many distressing family situations caused by those refusing to act on the will as they have been charged to do, or that the person who died never made one so their family was left in a nightmare scenario. Don't ever go down that road. Don't go without one and ensure that whomever the executor is, is someone that is impartial and trustworthy.

Wills are important in burial wishes, and I should think especially important for those that are international couples, in dividing up estates and money, tax purposes, and ease on loved ones who will already be suffering greatly in both countries.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I don't know where you are going with your statement. You can keep your judgmental comments to yourself. If you want answers to those questions, go read my story.

If you read my post, I said [ I wouldn't want to know if I benefit from someone else's will either..].

it is just my personal preference. And it has little to do with trusting a partner. You don't know what you will do under intense duress or maybe distress. it is for that reason among others that I don't want to know and wouldn't want my husband or any beneficiary know. I don't want that burden of knowing anything I might gain from the death of someone.

But I agree with the other commenters who mentioned things like "how someone wants to be laid to rest",etc being stated in a Will.

I don't see how it's judgmental. It's the truth. It's also about way more than trust, it's about making it easier for your loved ones when they have to deal with your death.

[TBoneTX 46,068]

Yes to both posts immediately above. See last sentence here:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/579197-wills-everyone-seems-cool-with-having-the-beneficiary-know-whats-up/?p=7937200

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

We didn't submit copies of wills for ROC and here is why - my husband isn't the primary beneficiary on my will, my only (at the time) child was. My house I bought with my money and my daughter came along before I met my husband, hence, I left most of my house to her. Her future was my primary concern. My husband knows this fully well and understands my logic behind it. I think you've got to ask yourself what kind of relationship you have if you can't be honest about how things will be distributed after your death.