Spouse's anger problem

[pedroh 21]

Fear the most powerful of weapons -- words!

i thought the most powerful of weapons was.........pms

OWNED

yeah.. I can't fight against that, like ever..

[Mephys 2]

The day I was beaten to within a inch of my life by my ex-husband it was my fault because he had phoned for a fast food delivery and they sent the wrong meal... my fault because I should have checked it before the man left the door... well thats what he told the court.... he went to prison and served 8 years and had all the anger management treatment that was on offer.... 2 years after he was released he murdered his new wife, the poor woman was stabbed 26 times... why because she forgot to put the salt on the dinner table.... Will he ever change... not a hope in hell.... why... because he blames everyone but himself for all his anger....

My advise to the OP is get out NOW.... will she.... NO... because like me she will try to help the man she loves and will put up with it and maybe even start to believe that in some way it is her fault... until one day something will happen and she will either look at her life and say enough or she will be DEAD...

Kez

Omg that is terrible....I dont know what to say.

I just had a little talk with my husband again about his anger issue, and he's actually starting to mention that he thinks big part of his anger problem is because of me. It's because of me not showing him enough love and care. If it wasn't for me acting like I don't like him all the time, he wouldn't have this problem.

Sounds like a typical case? I think so. I'm actually starting to get scared. I feel like it's either he'll go crazy or I'll go crazy. Actually I'm going back to HK to visit this May. Maybe I should consider not coming back?

I would definitely not come back, you should take care of yourself and get out of there

Thank you for your good advice. I especially agree with moving to a quieter place. That can probably help him have a more peaceful mind.

Actually one of my problems is that, I always tell him that I'm tired of him not being able to control his emotions and that I want to go back to my home country and never come back. I need to give him lots of encouragement instead.

In that situation its probably not a good idea to say that, you never know how he could react to that one day.....dont say it just do it....

[Rob and Melinda 0]

The symptoms of the problem is anger, the real cause is Spiritual not mental or physical. You husband is dealing with unresolved guilt in his life, and because the guilt has never been taken away, he responds in anger. Jesus died to take away every wrong thing that we have ever done. The moment that any person comes to Jesus and asks him for forgiveness for their sins, all the guilt of the past is gone and so is the anger.

That might not be the answer that you were looking for, but it is the truth. I know becacuse I had the same problem that your husband has and Jesus Christ changed my life and the anger problem over 32 years ago.

Rob

[KarenCee 3]

The symptoms of the problem is anger, the real cause is Spiritual not mental or physical. You husband is dealing with unresolved guilt in his life, and because the guilt has never been taken away, he responds in anger. Jesus died to take away every wrong thing that we have ever done. The moment that any person comes to Jesus and asks him for forgiveness for their sins, all the guilt of the past is gone and so is the anger.

That might not be the answer that you were looking for, but it is the truth. I know becacuse I had the same problem that your husband has and Jesus Christ changed my life and the anger problem over 32 years ago.

Rob

I'm sorry but why does every situation "seem" to get better when one becomes a Christian? Let share something with you something Rob. I was in a marriage to a man who went to church every Sunday, carried his bible, did and said all the right things. He used the bible as his excuse for abusing me. The bible says this....the bible says that....you are not this, you are not that...I was the reason he had a temper. I was the reason he did the things he did...because I wasn't submissive enough or obedient enough. I had to ask permission to do everything, go anywhere, buy anything simply because I stayed at home and raised our children until they were school age THEN I was permitted to find work, but only work that would be consistent with their school schedule. After 20 years, I snapped...I did the unthinkable. I left my husband and took my small daughter. My son was grown. To this day he and his church (a Baptist church) blame me....ME....for making my ex a "victim" and my son a "statistic". I lost my best friend...a woman who proclaims to be Christian (her father was a pastor as well) because she couldn't be friends with a divorced woman...it just wasn't proper for her. Her words, mind you...not mine. My ex stalked me, followed me wherever I went and used his presence to intimidate me, to scare me. He found out from "friends" where I was applying for work. When I left him, my daughter was only 4 and I was still staying at home. He would find out where I was applying for work and he'd call them and tell them not to hire me. When nothing worked, he started threatening me. He told me it was all my fault, that I left him. He threatened to rip my jugular vein out with his bare hands. He threatened to take my daughter away from me. I finally had to move over an hour away (still not far enough though) just to find a job and have peace. I also had to leave my beloved mother who was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. BTW, he said my mother made up the cancer just to use me and keep me away from him. My mother died of metastatic breast cancer in 2005 so yeah, she really made it up.

Finding Jesus seemed to do him a lot of good and it sure did something about his anger (enter my sarcasm here). Am I bitter? No, I just don't have much faith in religion anymore. People have been used and abused in the name of religion for way too long. I am living proof that even today it still goes on. Religion is NOT the answer. Self control is what controls anger. You can be as religious as you want, but without self control it's not going to do you OR anyone else any good.

[MPGGPM 0]

This thread has some of the toughest, most tragic stories, that I think a person will ever read. It's amazing what so many of you have had to go through in your marriages.........

From stories where the wives have been beaten up to near death, stalked, verbally abused, threatened, etc............ it's really something to read.

I guess the rest of us who read such things with amazement, can at least be encouraged that those of you who have gone through such tough marriages..........have at least gotten your lives back on track, and hopefully have found happiness now.

Yeesh........what a thread.

[KarenCee 3]

This thread has some of the toughest, most tragic stories, that I think a person will ever read. It's amazing what so many of you have had to go through in your marriages.........

From stories where the wives have been beaten up to near death, stalked, verbally abused, threatened, etc............ it's really something to read.

I guess the rest of us who read such things with amazement, can at least be encouraged that those of you who have gone through such tough marriages..........have at least gotten your lives back on track, and hopefully have found happiness now.

Yeesh........what a thread.

You know...some women let this kind of ####### defeat them. I was determined to be survivor. My life was not easy when I left but the alternative just wasn't acceptable to me anymore. I have found happiness...unbelievable happiness with my husband now. He helped me believe again. His love is helping to heal my scars and finally, I believe love exists.

[Mags 112]

This thread has some of the toughest, most tragic stories, that I think a person will ever read. It's amazing what so many of you have had to go through in your marriages.........

From stories where the wives have been beaten up to near death, stalked, verbally abused, threatened, etc............ it's really something to read.

I guess the rest of us who read such things with amazement, can at least be encouraged that those of you who have gone through such tough marriages..........have at least gotten your lives back on track, and hopefully have found happiness now.

Yeesh........what a thread.

You know...some women let this kind of ####### defeat them. I was determined to be survivor. My life was not easy when I left but the alternative just wasn't acceptable to me anymore. I have found happiness...unbelievable happiness with my husband now. He helped me believe again. His love is helping to heal my scars and finally, I believe love exists.

Good for you Karen.

[no one 0]

You know...some women let this kind of ####### defeat them. I was determined to be survivor. My life was not easy when I left but the alternative just wasn't acceptable to me anymore. I have found happiness...unbelievable happiness with my husband now. He helped me believe again. His love is helping to heal my scars and finally, I believe love exists.

I agree... good for you, Karen! I know a few friends who are now afraid to invest too much emotionally in anyone because they've been dumped/abused/cheated on before. They've lost faith in people, and in the fact that there are good people out there.

Oh, and the things I can say about religion and hypocrisy... I used to have ONE friend whom I believed to be the rare Christian who truly lived his life with Christian love, but even he's lost my respect recently. He cheats on his girlfriend by being emotionally involved with many other girls, yet because he "hasn't done anything physically / hasn't acted on his feelings... that is not cheating". Bleh.

[Kiv 32]

I just had a little talk with my husband again about his anger issue, and he's actually starting to mention that he thinks big part of his anger problem is because of me. It's because of me not showing him enough love and care. If it wasn't for me acting like I don't like him all the time, he wouldn't have this problem.

Sounds like a typical case? I think so. I'm actually starting to get scared. I feel like it's either he'll go crazy or I'll go crazy. Actually I'm going back to HK to visit this May. Maybe I should consider not coming back?

I am shocked for the stories that I read here, specially the ones that include the words "knife" and "bat".

I think that the only person that you can change is yourself, and that you are only responsible for your own actions.

I believe in love I am living a love story right now, but if my husband decides that he does not love me any more It will be my own decision if I decide to become sad, angry, depressed for ever or get over it.

Unfortunately I have seen girls with a black eye, saying that they don't want to hurt their significant other by suing them, and get a matching eye the week after. Pay attention to all the advice you get but most important obey your own instinct, if you are writing about this you know that something is wrong.

[JayJay 4]

Gotta agree with you there Karen. I can't stand the way some people hide behind religion and had an ex like that as well. "The Bible says blah blah blah" when he used it as an excuse for racism, sexism and especially homophobia to the worst degree (he used to say he thought all 'gays" should be put on their own little island or shot - because the Bible "says it's immoral"). It wasn't exactly uplifting.

Not to say there aren't a whole lot of GREAT Christians or people of many religions out there - there are. I've just had far to much experience with naughty vicars and church bursors fiddling the funds (one particular one from England stole about $250,000 from a church he worked at and spent it on holidays, cars and affairs. Very spiritual!) to think that simply "being reborn in Jesus" is enough to do anything for anyone. I think finding FAITH is a different matter, however...and to be perfectly honest, you CAN find faith in your children. Or your wife. Or the sunset. Or your own creativity.

Self control is a wonderful thing. I don't think people give themselves enough credit for the strength they do have and I think they CHOOSE to chicken out and become violent because it's much easier than giving yourself a good kick up the a$$ and getting the help you need, which is scary. Most violent people are cowards. A few of them are indeed clinical psychopaths but most are cowards. It's only when they learn that the cowardly way is harder in the long run that they can rise above what they've been up to and change themselves, I reckon.

And that's my 2 cents!

[KarenCee 3]

Yeah, my ex feels that way about certain races of people, homosexuals, you name it. He also told me once, after I'd left him, that I had become heathen. According to him (yeah, right) I failed to fulfill my vows to him, that if a woman is beat by her husband and she stays and is eventually to death by her husband, she will have fulfilled her vows. *spits on the ground* No where in this bible he quotes me does it say anything like that.

BTW, 20 years I stuck it out....I think I did my time.