Separated 4 months after Marriage. Well that was fun

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

"... upsurge of twitter and Facebook that allows foreigners to have some realistic view of America and Americans..."

You must be kidding!!! Facebook a realistic view? Most people only put the most complimentary, flattering things about theirself on Facebook. If you looked at Facebook, it looks like everyone in the USA is beautiful, has nice cars and a wonderful home, and spends half their time yucking it up with beautiful friends, some of the time with the smartest children in the world, and the rest of their time working at a job they love...

The friends were visiting for one night, as they drove through on their way out of state looking for another job after being laid off. The kids are home because they got expelled from school, and the job sucks so bad they only get out of bed in the morning because the fat American spouse rolled over and started snoring louder than any alarm clock...

I'm really a fairly positive person...?

I'm not kidding. And to answer your statement in bold, fcbk has the good and the bad.

Your point of view is myopic if you believe that, everything on fcbk about America is good. The rest of the world is not naive and as ignorant as your statement suggests.

Before I moved here, I never for once thought there were HOMELESS Americans. If fcbk was as accessible now as then, I would not have been surprised. The "Freedom" that America preaches abroad is not what is experienced here.

My relatives are all on fcbk and when there's a shooting or some tragedy, they are quick to check on my family here. Americas clean and dirty laundry is out in the public view. Some people would not believe the realities here if you showed them videos, unless they experience it themselves but that does not mean that everyone else is ignorant. I have friends who would never trade their lives at home to live in America because of the crimes, discrimination and the hate they have seen some Americans spew on others on social media.

[TBoneTX 45,329]

The OP made his bed and must now lie in it.

Or, perhaps more accurately, "out of the bedpan into the [...]"

[NikLR 13,227]

You guys are adjusting to marriage and your in roller coaster she sleep long hours because of whether I was here in summer and I slept six hours but now it's winter I am freezing my eyes are shut like the bed is calling plus I don't have a job that's sucks , I am not lazy I am neat freak but sometimes with this cold I can't lift a finger to do my house cleaning , I love shopping all woman do just don't entertain it talk about it. Marriage is easy when you talk things .my English and culture is different I was shocked when my hubby say I offend him by things I say to him pls give me credit I don't speak English sometimes I don't understand even things I say in English but I am learning,

My husband teach me to say thank you to almost everything and people tell me thank you for things I thought was not need to say that , but hey I am learning and I am getting use to it now , I wish I could go back home in winter and come back in summer but this is my home now I will get use to it , plus I cover my self with Lots of cloth and stay near fire plus heater then I feel sick , but with all this and more we are adjusting with maturity and love , she is not a monster she is just need some teaching from you and talking , you will be suprize

I hate shopping.

Did you read the whole thread? They just don't get along. They are two very different people and he no longer wants to work on this relationship; I cannot blame him in the slightest. I'm surprised he let himself go this far.

[Harmonia 211]

I don't get why you went through with it (getting married) when you only had 1 happy visit and the fights increased after that? Then again, I met and married my husband when he was already in the country. But I feel that a long distance relationship requires a lot of time physically spent together to really work even WITHOUT putting immigration and language barriers on top of that. Before my husband, I was with a guy and then moved 700 miles away for grad school. The distance made our visits all the more special because we looked forward to them, but ultimately we couldn't make it work because neither of us wanted to relocate at the time.

During a visit, you're on vacation. You're not working. You're on your best behavior because you're excited to see the person. Daily life cohabitating is very different.

I think you need to just divorce and move on. It sounds like neither of you really know one another and you're not compatible. I'm not convinced she used you. I think you both were naive and not ready to marry. But either way, the relationship has run its course.

Edited December 18, 2015 by Harmonia

[Harmonia 211]

I'm not kidding. And to answer your statement in bold, fcbk has the good and the bad.

Your point of view is myopic if you believe that, everything on fcbk about America is good. The rest of the world is not naive and as ignorant as your statement suggests.

Before I moved here, I never for once thought there were HOMELESS Americans. If fcbk was as accessible now as then, I would not have been surprised. The "Freedom" that America preaches abroad is not what is experienced here.

Yes! Homeless people really confused my husband. He'd be like "why doesn't the government give them a house? There's abandoned houses". Good question, indeed.

In general, he can't believe a lot of aspects of American life, even though he saw US news and media dubbed in his home country. You can buy any American DVD you want for pennies on the dollar! But he had an illness here and couldn't believe the care was so expensive (even with insurance, which we pay for). He doesn't understand why the government doesn't help homeless vets or people with mental illness. I work for a nonprofit, and he thinks the government should pay for the services we provide. So although his country is poorer, there's more safety nets. Not so in America. But people might not realize that. They know America is a richer country than theirs, so if anything, the safety net should be better, right? LOL

[JamnSol 35]

@Ayisi&Phyllis- sure, there are lots of social issues presented on Facebook, but I still contend that at least at the personal level, people post in a favorably biased way. Rarely will you see postings regarding a persons struggles.

Certainly, we see postings about somebody suffering through challenges, but often this is put up by a third person, not by the one suffering.

If you just look at my ex's FB postings, you would think she is a gorgeous, loving kind woman. She doesn't post about her suicide attempts, her struggles with depression, or any of her neurotic behavior. At least two men that she hooked up with through FB learned the reality, she's now on #3...

I am actually confused by your own posting, you sound like you are saying that FB is an accurate portrayal of life in the USA, and then say that your SO didn't know there were homeless in the states.

In any case, my opinion is that the only way to get to know a country is to visit. There will always be surprises.

Best wishes to all VJ'rs, and Merry Christmas!

[NikLR 13,227]

Yes! Homeless people really confused my husband. He'd be like "why doesn't the government give them a house? There's abandoned houses". Good question, indeed.

In general, he can't believe a lot of aspects of American life, even though he saw US news and media dubbed in his home country. You can buy any American DVD you want for pennies on the dollar! But he had an illness here and couldn't believe the care was so expensive (even with insurance, which we pay for). He doesn't understand why the government doesn't help homeless vets or people with mental illness. I work for a nonprofit, and he thinks the government should pay for the services we provide. So although his country is poorer, there's more safety nets. Not so in America. But people might not realize that. They know America is a richer country than theirs, so if anything, the safety net should be better, right? LOL

People don't want to pay taxes to help other people because they're afraid those other people will abuse the system.

I'm pretty sure everyone on facebook thinks I'm a left wing tomboy nerd nympho. But they may also think I'm skinny so at least I have that?

I agree, facebook does a pretty poor job of showing everything.

[Avery Cates 1,141]

VisaJourney helped me no doubt about it. The k1 visa process went well with the help of fellow members. I made some new friends from this forum. We married Sept 2015 and now we are separated. It has been a ROLLERCOASTER. She is from the Dominican Republic. I am American. We met December 2014. I flew down 4 times. We talked every day on whatsapp and phone. Her English is enough to get by on, but not enough to have a deep political conversation - if you're into that. I don't speak Spanish. Bad combo right? Haha...so blah blah, we fell in love the first trip down. It was December and freezing in the North East. I think I fell in love with the warm Dominican temperature in the winter. I was on vacation. I was drinking a lot. I was having a good time. Flash forward to the day she gets off the plane at JFK August 17...it has been quite a train ride. She is the laziest person I have ever met. Dear god the woman can sleep 20 hours a day and not be bored. I spent thousands of dollars on her, buying winter clothes, paying for the entire visa process, supporting her, paying for an apartment in the DR that we don't even use. omg. I realized that having not ever lived together longer than 10 days was a gamble to jump into living with each other full-time. I know it is a major culture shock for her to come to the USA. She has never left the DR before. The weather is different. She was sick everyday for the 1st month in August and September - mainly due to the change in weather. She made $200 a month working 70 hours a week in the DR. She knows every fashion store that has clothes that cost over 1 grand. I am boggled on how a woman who made less than $3,000 a year working as a secretary knows how good shopping can be. I spent thousands of dollars on her for clothes. She doesn't even like sales racks. She goes for the best clothes. Sorry, yes this is a rant. We argue and it gets bad. Like, you can't win an argument with a Dominican Woman. NOPE, sorry, can't be done. My 1st trip in Puerto Plata, an English guy at a bar told me he was divorced twice from Dominican women. He said to me "The best advice I can give you is to wear the pants in the relationship." How can I wear the pants when she doesn't give a **it about anything. Nothing is ever her fault. She never takes blame. She's not grateful for anything. You could buy her a $400,000 Lamborghini and she wouldn't say thank you. We were in an elevator in at a hotel in Boston and this poor crippled guy with a cane was standing next to us. When the elevator made the stop, she rushed past him first. I told her, please baby, here in the USA it is common courtesy to let the elderly and handicapped go first. She looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. When we go to the mall or anywhere in public where there is a lot of people, I am usually behind her apologizing to everyone that walks by, because she doesn't look where she is going, she will literally bump into everyone. If your in her line of walk, she will just bump you out of the way, like you don't exist. She has family in Manhattan and all along I had a feeling she would move there. I am not a big city person. She is. We have our differences. When all seems good when your on the beach drinking margaritas sitting next to a hot babe and your mind starts to wonder about how good it would be to get married to this hot babe...LIVE WITH HER FIRST. Lesson learned

Someone put a bell on him, he's a milk cow.

[jeessgb 57]

I feel this is a matter of IT DIDN'T WORK OUT more tan a matter of SHE'S A BAD PERSON / SHE USED YOU.

I read both of your posts and being from a latin country I can recognize the difference in customs you experienced.

In general latinas (and latinos) do spend more than american girls and give more importance to brands. Also if I was doing ALL the house work, and also working, paying for food, and being expected to raise a baby AND contribute to the house, simply wouldn't do it because I feel its not fair. If you want to be equal in your monetary contributions to the household, then you should be equally contributing to doing house chores and staying at home for raising children when necessary. You simply can't have it both ways.

You may find a latina with a very progressive sense of equality in monetary contribution for household, but in general I can tell you latinas are usually very traditional and expect the man to pay for everything while they're doing all the domestic chores, so if you're not into this, maybe you should look for a partner from a different cultural background.

I wish you the best of luck!