Separated 4 months after Marriage. Well that was fun

[supreet4650 6]

or maybe don't be a shallow SOB and marry someone for their hotness I agree with Una Mexicana. If you love this woman, flaws and all, make it work, otherwise move on.

[Sandra G. 5,048]

People keep saying if you love her...#######,marriage is not just about if YOU love someone, but if the person loves you and respects you as well. In my opinion she is using you big time.We are our choices, you can embrace to be used as a bank or kick her out of your life.It's your call.

[supreet4650 6]

People keep saying if you love her...#######,marriage is not just about if YOU love someone, but if the person loves you and respects you as well. In my opinion she is using you big time.We are our choices, you can embrace to be used as a bank or kick her out of your life.It's your call.

That's true. It matters what the other person thinks too, but it isn't really fair to say she used him or is a shopaholic based on his comment. Everyone here is very quick to make her sound evil when you don't know about her, and are making judgements based on comments by his ex-husband.

[vermont77 12]

You have three options: try to make it work, do nothing, or cancel your affidavit of support which will result in her being unable to legally stay in the US.

If you two are done and you're willing to make her go back to the DR, you have that option if her AOS hasn't been approved. You would have to contact the USCIS to have them cancel your I-864 affidavit of support. That will effectively cancel her AOS. But if you do that, she will not be able to get an EAD or adjust status to stay. And if you ended up staying together, you'd have to re-file and pay the fee again. Be sure you want to end your relationship before doing this because there's no easy way back. I'd also recommend seeing a divorce lawyer and starting to protect yourself from a VAWA accusation.

If her AOS is approved before you cancel your affidavit of support, you can be held liable if she received public assistance. And that liability lasts until she WORKS 40 quarters in the USA. That can be a long time if she doesn't like to work and can live with relatives.

If you stay together, be sure it's because you want to be together and not just for her status. At her AOS interview, they'll ask questions about your relationship. And you'll have to be honest. If they think the marriage was or is for status, they can investigate it as fraud. I don't know how often that actually happens but I know it happens. But if you're actively working to make your relationship work, even if it's a rough road, then the adjustment will be legal.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You're in a hard spot. But if you decide on getting a divorce, I'd read more of the topics in this thread. VAWA charges can wreck your reputation and be a huge headache. From how you describe your wife, I'd take precautions to protect myself.

JR, Thank you, this was very good advice. I am going to wait a week or more before I decide on my next step.

[vermont77 12]

Thank you all for your tips and information. I am going to seriously consider my options over the next 2 weeks. We are married and we have filed for the AOS. She is currently living in Manhattan with her sister while we figure out how to proceed. I live in Vermont. I have told her I don't care about money. I could be homeless living in a tent with her and still be happy. All I wanted was to be with her. She's not here to get her greencard - infact she has talked about going back to her country and cancelling the entire process out. She says she hates the USA because you have to work hard for a little money. She sees me putting in 12-14 hour days working my *ss off and then the government takes 30% for taxes. In the DR, you make fish food for income but they don't take taxes out. So now her perception is - it's actually not an easy life here in the good ol' USA. I am going to talk to a divorce lawyer this week and see how to proceed.

[RUSH HOUR 47]

you did a very noble thing by opening up your life and your home to someone else. If she is not respectful of your finances or your values, then unfortunately she is not the right one for you. Cut the cord and move on. Plenty of fish in the see.

[lovealwayswin 3]

wow Sorry to hear that, it is nice to show off a beautiful girl as your wife but if she doesn't appreciates or respects you what good is it? Clearly you guys dont have much in common, she likes to spend money she doesnt work for and most likely she will vanish once she has her papers honey, and at that point you are going to suffer more because you are goin to feel used and nobody likes that feeling. So I suggest you act ASAP and open your eyes! Counseling doesn't work that is for fools!

Good Luck.

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

A lot of good advise here but i have to agree with Shauna&Wael

Dump her

From the amount of money you say you spend, looks like you can afford the divorce lawyer

withdraw the I 864

stop paying for her cell phone

and any other bills she accumulates

and when she tries to come back for these benefits, don't be taken in with beauty

you have been had

Get out

[PhilLuv 43]

My 2 cents opinion. I see a man with low self esteem who has now seen the 'light'. You were love struck from the get go by outward appearance. She tells you what you want to hear ... For example that she wants to return to DR. You said she is lazy and think people here work too hard, but in the same breath you said she used to work 70 hours for $200. How could she be sleeping 20 hours and yet was used to working such long hours? She appears to be avoiding your presence.

You are a walking bank to her and being used. The writing was on the wall from day one, maybe day two but you ignored it. Now smell the coffin and run. Better than what the outcome would be in the long run with thousands of dollars spent and headaches.

[trinaqueen 36]

The FB and Google Translator parts of your post got me...My husband just came from DR less than 2 weeks ago. We ditched the translator and whatsapp as soon as he arrived. He's been to 2 ESL classes. I can speak enough Spanish and he doesn't speak any English beyond Hello How are you? However, we are both determined to make this work. Your situation sounds like she's not even trying to make it work. She doesn't want to be here, so let her go...All you can do is say you tried!

And yes she's using you and will keep on doing it because you told her money isn't a thing

[NewBeginnings1 10]

yes very true. Don't marry someone you meet on vacation. remember these people spend their lives observing American culture. They take advantage of a situation. There are far and few here who actually make it. TLC has 90 day visa, they should do a post show Removing Conditions and see how many made it past the two years. Many of these people come with an agenda and use emotional warfare to you over.

[PostOakGuy 13]

Didn't you listen to the song titled "International Love " with Pitbull and Chris Brown? Hmm

[ExPatty 502]

I think I fell in love with the warm Dominican temperature in the winter. I was on vacation. I was drinking a lot. I was having a good time.

I snipped most of your post, but I appreciate the honesty and the fact you know exactly what happened and don't seem to make an excuse for it. There are sooooo many examples on these forums of people marrying from another country and the marriage being an absolute train wreck from day one. It happens stateside, too, but you don't have the immigration factor to worry about nor any sense of feeling rushed by the distance nor, it should be said, the romanticism of marrying somebody from another country and sweeping them off their feet back to the US.

I'd appreciate legal advice. What should I do? I'd hate to send her packing. I am not trying to sound selfish, money shouldn't be an object when you are in love. I have a good job but I am by no means well-off or rich. I tried to take into consideration that she was leaving her friends and family. I enrolled her in English classes 3 weeks after she arrived. She went 5 times and then just stopped going. We literally still text on whatsapp in the same house using google translator. One of my pet peeves is she still has on her facebook that she lives in the DR. Doesn't say anything about our marriage on her facebook. 2 weeks ago I got upset with her because she posted a photo of "us" on facebook that had me cropped out of the photo. My neck and part of my shoulder was showing. One of my relatives asked me about it. She shrugged it off like it was nothing. I said to her, I am sorry hun but normal people don't do things like this. You should be proud to be my wife and not be cropping me out of pictures using the $600 iphone I bought you. She doesn't have her work permit yet and I am working from home at the moment, so being glued to each other 24/7 isn't helping. I have tried to take her on trips to other parts of the USA so she is not bored. These trips turn into shopping nightmares. She buys stuff even if she doesn't need them. I am basically a walking credit card. She has no money to her name.

It's so obvious she is using you and you're not in love with each other. Hopefully you'll realize that soon and dissolve the marriage. It was never an honest marriage anyway, you were a mark from day one. Stop wasting time with her, it will just be a deeper hole to climb out of later.

She is currently living in Manhattan with her sister while we figure out how to proceed.

Man, it's hard to have sympathy for you now. I mean, I really want to, but how can you not see what's going on? You're still weighing your options? Your only realistic option is to completely cut ties as quickly and efficiently as possible. You are nothing but income now as she lives the good life in manhattan on your dollar. Agree with earlier comment about protecting yourself from possible domestic abuse accusations as well. Record all conversations you have with her from here on. That means keep all emails, texts, and if you speak on the phone record the audio of everything. This is not an overreaction but a pragmatic action based on what you're telling us.

Edited December 7, 2015 by ExPatty

[klang78 8]

You sound like a good guy. I think this woman just used you to get out of DR. Have you try discussing her nasty ways to her. It's either she's narcissistic or just clueless. I really feel for you,especially the part where she don't shop on the sales rack. #######?

I am a hard working woman making a good salary and I shop on the sales and clearance rack. If she doesn't change her ways you need to dump her real quick. Do keep us posted

[Maria2012 16]

Laziest person you ever met worked 70 hours weeks? Interesting....

Sounds like your wife might be depressed and has a hard time adjusting.