How will I know if my fiance is doing drugs?

[Happyandlucky123 0]

There are days where my fiance is acting weird on the phone. He looks like he is not thinking right because he dont easily get what I meant, he gets paranoid, and we always fight when he is in this mood which usually happens two or three times a week. Ive been researching if this is a sign of drug use. But there is nothing similar to it. I also ask him what is really happening when hes mood is like that but he keeps telling me he is just tired. I also ask him if he is doing any drugs but he tells me that he dont and I should trust him. I know that he uses marijuana but Its fine with me because I have this thinking that its not that bad and a friend of mine told me that it is not addictive... I just want to know if this is also the effect of marijuana or is there a possibility that he is still using other drugs besides from it.

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

Is there a reason why you think this is drugs?

It could easily be the stress of being separated, and the difference in culture making him not understand things you say easily.

That being said, marijuana can make users lethargic and paranoid, as can many other drugs. Ask him to do a drug test if you are truly worried.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Yes marijuana is addictive.

What do you mean by paranoid?

[Boiler 45,559]

Sounds like you know the deal.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Marijuana can be more psychologically addictive than anything else.

With that said, honestly you described someone that was probably smoking Marijuana. A little bit, yeah it won't make you the spacey high, but you can easily be confused, distractable, and paranoid if you're smoking Marijuana.

Everyone reacts differently to Marijuana, there's the stereotypical "stoner" and then there are people who have it effect them differently. I have one friend who tried smoking a few times, but it would cause him to be rash and angry, which is the opposite of what it normally should do, as far as I know he's never touched the stuff since.

Every "drug" can have wonky affects as no persons body is the same, no different than how people are affected by alcohol differently. Alcohol can be "not that bad" depending on the person.


While you may not feel that it is a drug, it is considered an illegal drug to the federal government, so yes, your fiance is doing drugs. If he's USC hopefully he's in a state where it's legal, and if he's the foreign fiance he probably needs to stop before his medical.

Is your fiance the USC or the foreign fiance?

Either way, it sounds like he might just be hitting the bong to hard, smoking a bit too much, or is just naturally more sensitive to the effects of Marijuana. There's a good chance that's all he's doing, but as you've already said, smoking it's fine with you.

If it's causing trouble, then you may need to ask him if he's smoking at those times where you feel he's doing drugs. If him being distracted or kind of "out of it" is a problem for you, then talk to him about it. It won't be that great to tell him to stop smoking so he can pay attention to you, but this would be a future issue you may have problems with. But it honestly sounds like he's doing exactly what he said he did.

Edited December 6, 2015 by Ash.1101

[Happyandlucky123 0]

Thank you everyone for all your response.. Im the foreign fiance. Im scared that he is using other drugs because he also told me that he used cocaine about 10 years ago. If it's only the different symptoms of marijuana used, Im fine with it. I know its still not legal to all the states in US but having few states legalized it made me feel like its not that bad. I also have a friend who told me that its not that bad and Ive also read few articles. Maybe He just have different reactions to it. Sometimes it makes him very happy and he will fall asleep easily, but sometimes he just look so stoned, confused, and stupid and he will be awake until 3am or sometimes wont sleep until morning. I always asked him if he used it and when hes reaction is the second one he will say "a little", but when he is happy he will just say Yes and ask me if I dont like the effect of it. Having these two reactions whenever he used it making me think that he is using two different drugs.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Cocaine would speed him up and have him not sleep, but it would be more of a manic type of awake not a happy free loving kind of awake.

Weed would give him that high and happy but slower feeling. You've also got different types of weeds and possible additives that can be put in with it.


At the same time though, you say you're fine with it if it's just weed, but you've been getting in fights because of his behavior from most likely smoking weed. It's a bit counter productive. If the weed is making him have behaviors you don't like, don't just go "well it's just weed, no big deal".

That and, even if it's legal in some states, each state has it's own punishment for the amount held (too much you could get hit with selling drugs, small amounts personal use). If he's in a state where it's legal then you're good and fine, but don't treat it TOO lightly.

Here are the penalities for the state of Illinois if you're caught with Marijuana... Well.. lemme rephrase if your fiance is caught with it. Everything to do with you will be done on the federal level, federally weed is illegal. You would end up in immigration court.

Just having a pipe on him could put him in jail for a year. Extreme I know, but just because other states say it's okay doesn't mean all treat it that way.

Penalities for a USC are here:
http://norml.org/laws/item/illinois-penalties


Be careful and know what you're getting into. Learn the laws and make sure your fiance knows what could happen if you get caught with weed on you or implied you're smoking it. You and him may feel it's no big deal, but if you're pulled over, the cop smells weed, and it's in your pocket, you could face serious charges where as your fiance would just get fined. Personally if it were me coming in, I would kindly request that he stop smoking.

"But the federal law on how drug convictions affect immigration status remains largely unchanged, and crimes like marijuana possession or sale can still land immigrants in deportation proceedings and federal detention facilities. Lawyers say that as the punishment for pot lessens, many non-citizens are unaware of the sizeable consequences they may face in immigration court."


"Violeta Chapin, a law professor at the University of Colorado, represented a 19-year-old who had entered the U.S. from Mexico as a child, and was placed in deportation proceedings after police found marijuana in his pocket. Like many others, he did not have a lawyer and simply pleaded guilty. During his detention at a federal center in Colorado, President Obama announced a new program that would shield some undocumented immigrants from deportation if they entered the country before the age of 16. He would have been eligible for the program, despite his single marijuana conviction. But the program did require him to be enrolled in school, which he could not do while detained. He was deported to Mexico."

- https://www.themarshallproject.org/2015/06/16/get-caught-with-pot-face-deportation#.u4xApxRmT

Edited December 6, 2015 by Ash.1101

[Sandra G. 5,048]

My dear you have a problem here bigger than "smoking weed.You said every week you and him have arguments,for me just this reason is enough not to continue the relationship,weed or not weed is not the problem.

Do not expect he will change when you are here,but if you are prepared to have this kind of ####### relationship then way to go my dear.

Edited December 9, 2015 by sandranj

[Unidentified 2,930]

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's good for you. Just because it's legal you shouldn't have to put up with his "moods" that you clearly do not like.

[NikLR 13,227]

Just a note there is more than one type of marijuana. There are some that wake you up and give you a head high. There is some that mellows you out and gives you a body high. And some that do a little bit of both depending on the strain. I could be that he doesn't react well to the head high of sativa and does better with the body high of indica. Thats when you see him happy and relaxed. As it's been pointed out, not everyone reacts the same and different strains affect people differently.

Many people don't let marijuana affect their lives. They go to school, go to work, and are a functioning member of society. Some people do let it affect them negatively. To be honest, I know far more people who are the former than the latter, both from Canada and from the USA.

Also there are many positives to come from marijuana as we learn more during the time it's been legal. Some parents who have children with epilepsy have found that with certain oils they can control and often completely stop their children's seizures. Veterans with PSTD may find that marijuana helps them. In addition hemp is easier to grow and harvest than trees. People have used it for thousands of years to make rope, cloth, and paper for example.

BUT you have bigger issues here and don't like your fiancé's changing moods. If he's happy doing drugs and you don't like it, you should make the choice to remove that from your life because he won't change what he enjoys. Change only happens when people want to change themselves; you cannot change another person. If you try only resentment and arguments will come from it.

So make the decision what you want in your life. Love doesn't conquer all unfortunately.

[ExPatty 502]

If two people who are engaged are fighting 2-3 times/week they should split up. Wait until the stress of kids comes along. If you don't even like each other enough now to avoid fighting, it's only going to get much, much worse.