American Women and Russian Men, an Oxymoron in the Making?

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

On a lighter note, we were talking about laundry. He told me that I needed a new wash machine (true) and a new steam iron. During the course of this conversation, I learned he irons his underwear and bedding. American women, don't do that! Not any I know of - as usual, he melted my heart when he Vibered pictures of such, asking me how they could go without ironing? That's one of the charms, I find appealing about this guy. Yes, his clothes needed to be ironed, but in America, cotton is no longer king!

It's a cultural thing in RUB countries for people who grew up back in USSR - almost every piece of laundry has to be ironed. My mother used to iron even bedsheets and handkerchiefs because how I dare to put a wrinkly bedsheet with no straight ironed lines on the bed? I've never got it, didn't do much of ironong back in Russia and didn't use iron once since I moved to the US. Well, let him iron everything if he wants it I guess as long as he doesn't push you to do it.

- Victor from Russia

Edited January 11, 2016 by Amy_and_Victor

[Dashinka 24,493]

It's a cultural thing in RUB countries for people who grew up back in USSR - almost every piece of laundry has to be ironed. My mother used to iron even bedsheets and handkerchiefs because how I dare to put a wrinkly bedsheet with no straight ironed lines on the bed? I've never got it, didn't do much of ironong back in Russia and didn't use iron once since I moved to the US. Well, let him iron everything if he wants it I guess as long as he doesn't push you to do it.

- Victor from Russia

Katya likes to iron many things as well, but over the past 18 months, she has adjusted. She does iron table cloths, blouses, skirts and pants, but has stopped doing everything else such as bedding, or under clothes. I have always ironed my shirts and pants (not jeans, or t-shirts). We share the load as far as laundry, but I still have a hard time getting Katya to clean out the drier lint trap. She did not have a drier in Russia, and she really seems to like the fact that we have one, but I had to get a drying rack to help her feel a little more at home. One thing she does very well related to laundry is folding, she has folding of fitted sheets mastered! . Overall, I agree with Victor, if he wants his underwear ironed, let him do it himself.

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

We share the load as far as laundry, but I still have a hard time getting Katya to clean out the drier lint trap. She did not have a drier in Russia, and she really seems to like the fact that we have one, but I had to get a drying rack to help her feel a little more at home.

I agree, air drying laundry is another thing that is considered normal in Russia. It preserves energy, it's free, it makes clothes look new for much longer, it's enviromentally friendly so I rarely use dryers in the US, I have couple of drying racks and some drying lines outside for the summer. I use dryers for things like quilts, blankets etc. - what takes forever to air dry, but not a regular clothes or bedding. Stand alone dryers are hard to find in Russia but there're plenty of front load combined washing machines with dryer function on the market, they're just not very popular. My parents had one but almost never used it for actual drying.

- Victor from Russia

[baron555 934]

My wife will throw things on the clothes line on a sunny day in the dead of winter.

She'll use the dryer when that option is not available.

[DJ6372 111]

This is a great thread!

There are a couple of delightful Russian ladies in my complex, they seem to have the same sense of humour as a Brit!

And they always have a twinkle in thier eyes

Love them, and this thread

[Dashinka 24,493]

This is a great thread!

There are a couple of delightful Russian ladies in my complex, they seem to have the same sense of humour as a Brit!

And they always have a twinkle in thier eyes

Love them, and this thread

I think that might have something to do with how they learned English. Katya was an English teacher in Russia and reminds me all the time that she learned and taught British English not American English. This may explain their British sense of humor.

[ONA 133]

This thread makes me think about one thing...

Don't, please, don't think about your future/current spouse as a "Russian" or "American" man/woman. Remember that first of all they are another person, a human being who you care about.

Yes, there could be some cultural differences, but in reality it depends on the upbringing, the family in which they grew up, their age, and a lot of it depends on their personality, on whether they are ready and willing to adapt to change. And it's also possible that you may have more differences with somebody from your country.

Back when my husband and I had a long-distance relationship going on, he read a few articles online about "why you should marry a Russian woman". And then he said "all these articles talk about how quiet and caring Russian women are, how much they love housework like cooking and cleaning etc., so I was wondering how I found the only one who is just the opposite". I don't know maybe being half-Ukrainian has something to do with it (although I doubt it), but I am a very career-oriented, strong and stubborn person (Why he still lives with me - I don't know ). No, I don't iron all of our laundry (God forbid!) - in fact, I barely ever iron anything, and my husband cooks our dinner on most of the nights - he even learned how to make some Russian dishes. Not to mention that he likes "herring under fur-coat" way more than I do (to be completely honest, I cannot imagine how anyone can eat it).

So... stereotypes exist, but it doesn't mean that you should focus on them. Focus on the person you're about to marry instead.

Edited January 13, 2016 by ONA

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Back when my husband and I had a long-distance relationship going on, he read a few articles online about "why you should marry a Russian woman". And then he said "all these articles talk about how quiet and caring Russian women are, how much they love housework like cooking and cleaning etc., so I was wondering how I found the only one who is just the opposite". I don't know maybe being half-Ukrainian has something to do with it (although I doubt it), but I am a very career-oriented, strong and stubborn person (Why he still lives with me - I don't know ).

This is very true about stereotypes regarding age, background and other factors. I think articles your husband read were written back in 90's or early 00's (or inspired by other articles of that time) for older American men seeking for middle age foreign spouses who will make their last few decades comfortable. I've seen such articles myself. In this case it's not far from the truth, the thing is somehow this stereotype about RUB women is still alive in our days, but modern young RUB women who grew up in post-USSR RUB are much more money-driven and/or career-oriented than generation of their mothers, and rarely looking to compete with Martha Stewart at home.

- Victor from Russia

[Dima_April 9]

Mrs. T-B., just tonight, observed that she never dreamed of having a marriage in which the husband did the laundry.

However, your other issue seems to be far more crucial to resolve.

Hi everyone, I put this post up for comic relief originally Since that time, I've watched the comments come in and yes, he can iron his own tidy whities if he so pleases. I agree completely that people are people wherever you go and family background, social economic conditions and personality all shape the individual; it's not just cultural differences. I still hope we can keep the post going and have fun. Life certainly would be boring without a laugh or two. Hopefully people, can keep an open mind. I'm certain, that while i am poking fun at the neatness of my guy, he may be sitting back thinking my God, does she even know what an iron is?

If you don't mind, could we step back from the laundry issue for just a moment? Mrs. T-B caught my concern regarding how to make someone feel financially safe and part of something here in America and I'm just curious how others did that? I think Bill, mentioned something about letting his wife add her touch to the home. I'm all for letting my guy make changes, so long as we don't place an oriental rug on the wall and playboy calendars all over the place!

I'm talking about financial here and obviously, non of us are going to want to go into great detail, but some solid advice on how it worked for some would be helpful. I'll go first about myself, since it was me that started the thread. So heart on sleeve, here I go and you get a little boring info about my past and where I'm at. I married about 11 years ago; very wealthy family, mine middle class. I had a prenup with my first husband and let me tell you, it made you feel lower than dirt. I divorced him, b/c we never shared what I would call a true marital life. The kind of life, where you look out for the other person and have their interest at heart. When I think back I remember always viewing this from a standpoint in Lincoln's address to the Union - " A house divided, cannot stand." After I divorced, I made up my mind, if I ever remarried, I wouldn't do this to someone. Of course, I am sometimes afraid, marriage is a big step, but the benefits can be great. I never imagined that I would meet someone from a different country. I even blew him off for almost a month, b/c I honestly didn't think I could understand him. Only after weeding some guys out, did I attempt to talk with Dim. Since, we've had our ups and downs and some serious; at the end of the day, we still come back to each other. That stems from another philosophy of mine, that is actually very old and that is, "If something's broken, you fix it." To many people divorce these days. We come into a marriage with "soapy eyes." It's never going to be easy, but instead hard work. It was hard work generations ago. The only thing different between now and 50 years ago, was people new the value of each other and of family.

I've always worked as a sub teacher and now I'm hired in to the school as the permanent building sub. I have an expired teaching certificate and the reason I never moved away was b/c I wanted to be close to family. My degree was in art education, with a concentration in metals. Coming from a small town, there really isn't a call for that job. My Income is lower, but I think we will be okay. I own a house, with no mortgage, have a nice sum in the bank and my credit rating is perfect. I look at friends that work a similar job as mine, lower pay and between them and their spouse they live comfortably together. I didn't work last summer, I took time off to travel with him. I'll never regret it. For three solid years, I pretty much stopped working to take care of two parents, both on hospice, palliative care. Financially, that probably wasn't the best move, but I can't say I wouldn't do it all over again. I think it's just my nature to be nurturing and highly loyal. So, that is where I've been and were I'm going I only hope to get stronger. I also hope to make Dima, stronger too. I keep trying to make contact, with people I know that work with a Russian company close by and I also asked a girlfriend about oil jobs in Texas, today (her hubby is upper management). I hope Dima, will be happy here and I'll give my very best to make all work; but a marriage is a two way road and he must come here with good intentions. Those are simple for me - he must love me, be willing to work and move up the later with time. To me, I don't care what type of work he does and I'm willing to be a partner - rich or poor, sickness or health.

So, how have some of you managed to blend all?

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Hey there, me and Victor share an account so this is his American wife Amy posting this time around. As far as financial stuff goes, we just talked about and came to some agreements about how we would handle things before we got married. We decided ahead of time what kind of lifestyle and housing situation we would be happy with and came to an agreement that works for us. I don't think there's really any other way to do it, to be honest. We're a younger couple so we don't have as many assets and property to worry about at this stage in the game, but I think the ability to compromise on an arrangement that works well for both people in a couple is essential for any marriage with anyone of any nationality. Maybe it's because we're older members of the "millennial" generation that we didn't really feel like there were a ton of cultural differences in the way we view financial and lifestyle matters. We just knew it was smart to discuss these things ahead of our wedding and living together so we wouldn't experience any radical differences in how each other us wants to manage the financial aspect of our life later on down the road.

- Amy from the US

[ONA 133]

I think when I moved here, financial security was not my biggest concern. My husband is young (29 now, he was 25 when we got married) and definitely not rich, but he is very responsible and has a decent job, and he had bought a house before I even moved here. I always had an option to stay at home and not work, which is definitely nice to have, but not for me Being able to apply myself has always been a bigger problem. I almost feel like I'm incomplete if I don't have a chance to work, to impact people's lives somehow, to learn something new everyday, and to challenge myself. So, the first few months - when I was waiting for my employment authorization, getting my DL, looking for a job - seemed like a nightmare, which is why I think that these first few months were probably the most challenging in terms of our relationship. What definitely helped me though, was the fact that it was not my first time in the States - I used to come here every summer, and I would spend anywhere from 2 to 4 months here before I finally moved - working summer jobs, making friends etc.

My husband has always known that I am very career-oriented, so he kept pushing me, and in just a few years I went from a part-time instructor to the Academic Director position. He still pushes me forward saying that I can do so much more, and I definitely agree

2015, however, was a rough year. At the age of 26 I found out that I was born with a congenital heart defect (oops!), and had to have an open heart surgery. Something like this can completely ruin a relationship, but, I think it made ours much stronger. So, this year we'll be celebrating 5 years of being married, and celebrating life as well by running a half-marathon together and possibly going skydiving

[Kharkov_Natalie 0]

Hi There! When I was going through the greencard process in 2008, there weren't many of us American women, Russian men couples. So, glad to see there are a few more out there these days. I read along with interest.

We are going on 10 years of being a couple and 9 years of being married. We have a 7 year old little boy and we all spent a year in Moscow last year so that our son, Hunter, could understand his other culture. For now, we are in enjoying life in Florida and bringing his mom here on a greencard sometime this year. (Luckily for me, she will live with my husband's sister!)

[Kharkov_Natalie 0]

I just read your question April about how do we manage financially. I have always been good with the finances and am a programmer. My husband came from a family that was very poor and didn't feel at all comfortable dealing with non-cash situations. He's gotten used to using a credit card after all of these years, but I still manage the finances. When he was working, he would just hand me his paycheck. Now, we have an online business and we both work from home. He does a lot of the house work, some cooking and spending time with our son and I do the majority of the online business, but there are areas he helps me with. Our male/female roles bleed into each others quite a bit.

But, at the end of the day, he still wants to make the final calls on everything we do. We clash on that sometimes. But, he is more of a visionary and I am more of a worker-bee/entrepreneur. It has taken us years to get to this point and be comfortable with it all, but I think we are finally there.

But, marrying someone from another culture is definitely not for the faint at heart. As someone said earlier, you have to have the fix-it mindset or divorce will seem very attractive at times.

[DJ6372 111]

I think marrying American women is different for all cultures!!

I love my yank wife, but sheesh she can scare me when annoyed

I recently bought a new car, my wife was with me, lets just say she certainly demanded and got a lot more than I would have!

I chat to a couple of the older Russian ladies in my cmplex, they are really friendly (my wife calls them flirty) haha

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

I recently bought a new car, my wife was with me, lets just say she certainly demanded and got a lot more than I would have!

Very common with Russians too regardless gender. In Russia car is not only transportation but rather a status symbol so many Russians get way more expensive cars than they can reasonably afford. That's why in Russia you see a lot of luxury cars like Mercedes or BMW around - it doesn't mean everyone is rich, it means many people there trying to get the most expensive car they can pay for. Oh yeah, and size too - the bigger car is better car. I've noticed the same in the US about car size, so many people buy unnecessary huge SUV's and trucks with big engines even if they live in apartments within city and need it for commute to work/school only. I've noticed it's very different in Europe, when I was visiting many countries there as a tourist, I've seen huge amount of compact gas savers, especially in big cities.

- Victor from Russia