Am I doing something wrong? Please no judgments and no negative comment.

[goolia 54]

I am so, so, so sorry to hear all of that. While part of her frustration of course comes from being new to the country and trying to adapt to this entirely new life, to me this sounds like more of a personality issue. To the person who asked if she couldn't tell all this from VN ... well no. It's a whole new ballgame once you actually cross the POE. I consider myself a pretty laidback, balanced person and I STRUGGLED upon first arriving here. My fiance and I were getting into arguments about the dumbest things because I too was bored and things weren't going the way I thought they would. After a few lengthy arguments and REALLY sitting down and thinking about things, I realized that this part is only temporary and something we have to endure to get where we want to be. Just like the entire K-1 process. It's all a means to an end. It doesn't sound like your fiance is willing to think at all about what this current, temporary sacrifice will mean in the long run and for her to downplay all the things you have done for her or flat out deny them is downright insulting. You need to have a serious sit down with her and let her know you can't handle those kind of emotional breakdowns from her and that you deserve better. Maybe once she considers the very real possibility of losing you, she will get a grip. Good luck, sincerely.

[JNC09 5]

I could never treat my husband they way she is.... we got cheap wedding rings because he told me we will get better ones when we can afford them, if she truly loved you she would appreciate all you have done (which sounds like a lot!!!) and not care about a wedding band so much. Wow, my heart dropped when i read this. You deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you (doesnt sound like she does, and to be honest sounds like she is using you in a way ). You don't need to do the AOS package, you haven't committed to that yet.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

This seems like a really stressful situation. For the both of you. Like others have suggested before I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with her about how you feel. Hopefully you can both get to a place of openness and respect and set concrete goals for the future.

I'm only hearing your side of the story so I am not going to jump on her case. She is probably going through some culture shock right now and it's possible she may be lashing out over that. If you are uncomfortable with her working, maybe suggest she join some sort of community organization or group or something of the sort. It can help her get to know people here and she may come to feel more comfortable and settle in better. Not sure if you have anything in your area, but church groups are sometimes nice, and you don't always have to be religious in order to be a part of them.

Unfortunately, if none of this helps and things continue to go the way they are, I would honestly consider makin a choice that is healthier for the both of you. Even if this means her going back home and you two not stayin together, no marriage is always better than an unhappy and/or unhealthy one.

I realize nothing I said really has much to do with immigration, but I still hope it can be helpful! Best of luck to both of you!

Edited November 25, 2015 by MorganandMichael

[skyking02 11]

I could never treat my husband they way she is.... we got cheap wedding rings because he told me we will get better ones when we can afford them, if she truly loved you she would appreciate all you have done (which sounds like a lot!!!) and not care about a wedding band so much. Wow, my heart dropped when i read this. You deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you (doesnt sound like she does, and to be honest sounds like she is using you in a way ). You don't need to do the AOS package, you haven't committed to that yet.

diamond ring is meaningless. DeBeer is very good at making female think diamond means love.

[unabletoleave 0]

Thanks for y'all advices. And to those who thinks she's having a culture, this is not the case. This is not one side story either, I'm here for a both side story which still covered me in pains everyday. I do appreciated that she gave up her life in Vietnam to come here with me. But then to come to think of it, I supported her for the past four years we've been together. All she does in Vietnam was part time job for a short emount of time cause she wanted to ( I never force her to do anything). Her schooling, and went out with friend while I was here working 13-14 hours straight and she seems never care about it.

I've tried to talk to her but she's a Mrs right. She never thinks that she's doing something wrong. I had to go outside whenever she's talking to her mom or sister or whoever, because I couldnt stand her lies to them about school and stuff. The part of her saying that she'll think about having kids and then take them home to come out with her mom and family if I have the house paid off. I will be long gone in peace under the ground. She's always threathen me that she can get her friend's help to buy a ticket within 30 seconds, that she have alot of friends here in the US, she can speak English and understand and will call the cops on me for mental abuse. I finally took her for her SSC today, while I was doing all the thing she's supposed to do. She was outside taking selfie pictures to post on her FB page. I do love her and do not want her to leave. But I do not want to do the AOS. If she leaves then she leaves. I've always told her that one day if she loses me she'll know how much I loved her. I even asked if she's ever afraid of losing me. She said no because she knows I'm hers and she'll never lose me. I dont regret of loving her. I just hate myself for being weak. Until now, we haven't got a ring on our finger excepted for the one I gave her when I proposed, because she doesn't want anything but the exspensive one. I hate it when I'll have to lie to her about my income because I do not want her to take all of it and when she leaves I'll end up with nothing.

But guys, I do appreciated your thoughts, and times.

[skyking02 11]

Thanks for y'all advices. And to those who thinks she's having a culture, this is not the case. This is not one side story either, I'm here for a both side story which still covered me in pains everyday. I do appreciated that she gave up her life in Vietnam to come here with me. But then to come to think of it, I supported her for the past four years we've been together. All she does in Vietnam was part time job for a short emount of time cause she wanted to ( I never force her to do anything). Her schooling, and went out with friend while I was here working 13-14 hours straight and she seems never care about it.

I've tried to talk to her but she's a Mrs right. She never thinks that she's doing something wrong. I had to go outside whenever she's talking to her mom or sister or whoever, because I couldnt stand her lies to them about school and stuff. The part of her saying that she'll think about having kids and then take them home to come out with her mom and family if I have the house paid off. I will be long gone in peace under the ground. She's always threathen me that she can get her friend's help to buy a ticket within 30 seconds, that she have alot of friends here in the US, she can speak English and understand and will call the cops on me for mental abuse. I finally took her for her SSC today, while I was doing all the thing she's supposed to do. She was outside taking selfie pictures to post on her FB page. I do love her and do not want her to leave. But I do not want to do the AOS. If she leaves then she leaves. I've always told her that one day if she loses me she'll know how much I loved her. I even asked if she's ever afraid of losing me. She said no because she knows I'm hers and she'll never lose me. I dont regret of loving her. I just hate myself for being weak. Until now, we haven't got a ring on our finger excepted for the one I gave her when I proposed, because she doesn't want anything but the exspensive one. I hate it when I'll have to lie to her about my income because I do not want her to take all of it and when she leaves I'll end up with nothing.

But guys, I do appreciated your thoughts, and times.

LOL..so you knew what kind of person this girl is but still doing paperwork for her to come over here? you are making bad choice my friend. time to send her back to vietnam since she will dump you very soon. there is no love between the both of you. if my wife acted like that to me. i will send her ### back to vn so quickly.

[Jho369 13]

I agree with skyking. How did you know about that and still bring her here? You can't love someone and they don't love you back. Save yourself time and get out while you still can. Ask yourself if you treat someone like she treats you, do you blame her for leaving you?

[JohnCAL 2]

No you don't love her. You just want happiness, and you think she gives you happiness but clearly she isn't. Sometimes we fool ourselves and think that we are in love. You have nothing in common with her and she doesn't treat you with respect. Your Nick says it all. You want to leave but you are afraid. Fear of loneliness is what keeps many in bad relationships.

[JNC09 5]

Geez, i hope USCIS sees this and deports her... i don't even care if people think that is mean - OP i am referring to your wife who cleary used you.

[Anh map 2,098]

People don't change much. And from what you have stated, this relationship is dysfunctional. I've seen that behavior both here in Vietnam and in the US. It's not exclusive to the Vietnamese, but the girls do seem to have raised it to an artform.

It's best to move on, or accept that you will continue to be treated in the same manner as the past few years. Breakups are no fun, but you sound miserable now. No need to give in to threats anymore. Split up, file for divorce and move on. It's painful, but survivable. Don't worry about immigration and don't sign another thing related to immigration.

Best of luck.