Am I doing something wrong? Please no judgments and no negative comment.

[unabletoleave 0]

Long story. After 11 months and a half of K-1 process. My now wife finally got her visa and we both came home about two weeks ago. I was happy when she's here of course. We've been together for four years. I even moved to Vietnam for over a year just so I can be with her.

We fighted bad when we were on our way to the courthouse. Because she wanted to go to school and wanted me to take her there, and she doesn't want to take to the school. She just wanted me to do it. I tried to explain to her that they'll not take her without a green card. She said that I don't understand her and just wanted to keep her home. Back and forth fighting, she ended up walking after hour of arguing Infront of the courthouse. I live in a small town where everybody knows each other so I tried to tell her to get in the car and we'll talk when we get home but she refused. I finally got her in the car and drove home. I had to say sorry to her whether I'm wrong or right. And guess what was next? She wanted to go to work, she said its boring at home. And again I tried to make her understand that she can't work or anything until she gets her green card. I gave up again and told her that I will ask around and see.

I finally got the gut to ask my boss if she could help around and he said yes. This is not right, I still don't feel good about it. I've always been against illegal wokers but now I'm in a situation where I'm even against myself.

It wasn't end there. We fighted on the day we got married at the courthouse over our wedding bands. She wanted a $1,200 for each band from a brand name jeweler. I told her that we should buy what we can afford. I took her to Zales, Kay's and a few other local jeweler. She didn't even want to look or even work with me. I finally tired and walked away. I was waiting for her outside and she told

Me to go ahead and go home ( I work 50 mins away from home). And again, I got her in the car so we don't have to make a big show for the public anymore. Back and fort fighting in the car, she told me that I stated I love her but I couldn't take care of her at all. My heart was breaking into pieces when she told me that. For the past four years, I supported her with every penny I've got. 3-4 trips back to Vietnam every year. And she told me that I didn't take care of her at all. I was broken and I told her that I would be successful by now and I know I shouldn't say that. I love the girl so much that I swallowed down pains after pains since she came here. I unhook the Internet when we got home because I don't want her to do stupid things. I would wait for her to calm down and I'll talk her thru. I left to buy food for my dog and she wasn't there anymore when I came home. She was walking at 12 where anything could happens to her. I drove around and finally found her reaching Wally's. We had another big fight and all I was trying to do was to get her home and said I'm sorry I'll buy the wedding bands she wanted. And tried to explain to her that even if we get a diff bands I will upgrade to what she wants on our anniversary. She called her family and her friend crying at Walmart where I'm well known for hours until she got to calm down and came home. Her friend was never a good friend and she knew it and she still listening to her and will choose her over me ( happened already in the past).

Few days later, her sister messaged her on fb and said that she'll send her money for a car ( she lied to everyone how she got to the US that she got scholarship and come here to study). We are same sex marriage and she said that she didn't want anyone in her family to know until we have kids. I'm a person who never existed in anyway.

Anyway, she makes money while working illegally with my help. She didn't want to spend her money helping me thru. I never want her money or even ask for her help. But her action hurting me by writing down what's hers. I don't mind her keeping my salary but it hurts to see what she's doing was to clear Infront of my face. I love her so much and I've always wanted a really family with her and our kids. She told

Me before that we'll have kids once we buy our house. Since she's here so I started to think about buying a house because there's no reason for me to do it before because we were apart. Guess what she told me last night? Yup, pay off the house then she'll think about having kid. I'll be long gone by then.

We're officially married but I still haven't file AOS for her yet, no ssc or driver lic either. I have to deal with pain everyday now and it hurts because I truly love her but I don't know how much longer I can endure. I'm here not to talk ####### about my wife behind her back. I am just so lost and don't know what to do anymore excepted smiling everyday to hide the pains. I'm sorry if I messed up something while writing this. I just couldn't stop my tears from falling.

[Jho369 13]

Wow. I would try to be more supportive. Not sure how but it's a marriage, not a walk in the park. She must feel lonely and cannot speak the language but it would take time for her. But being unreasonable isn't the answer neither. You might need to tell her that she needs to understand this is america. She can be deported if found she's working illegally. Sometimes holding on might not be a good idea but work it out. You will find a way. But to me, she sounds like finding a reason to leave you. But thats your side of the story. Life is difficult and keeping your head high and you will live happily with someone who loves you back. My wife sometimes can be unreasonable but only because she doesnt know how things work over here, and me having a good job feels wrong when she has to bust to make half, making me feel sorry but it's a start. At least she's not sitting at home studying and doing house work only. Even she has a part time job for not able to speak the language is making her feel more comfortably happy to help out. When I came here at 6th grade, it was very difficult to speak the language, and I can't imagine how difficult for someone in their mid 20 or 30 to pick up right away. It's a new world out there, dangerous and not fair but you gotta start somewhere. My parents were pretty successful and hard working so i am sure anyone can do it. Tell your wife to listen to you and do what's morally right and later, she will have a better life. Good luck on your marriage and you deserve to be happy.

[Darnell 8,478]

Ssc easy to get.

Ead easy to get when filed with aos set.

I won't touch the emotional side of this.

[skyking02 11]

You can't tell what kind of person she was when you came back to vn for a year? I would dumped her ### already. I'm pretty sure she will leave you within a few years, i hope that won't happen but if she doesn't care or understand you right now. then your marriage won't last long.

Edited November 24, 2015 by skyking02

[unabletoleave 0]

Wow. I would try to be more supportive. Not sure how but it's a marriage, not a walk in the park. She must feel lonely and cannot speak the language but it would take time for her. But being unreasonable isn't the answer neither. You might need to tell her that she needs to understand this is america. She can be deported if found she's working illegally. Sometimes holding on might not be a good idea but work it out. You will find a way. But to me, she sounds like finding a reason to leave you. But thats your side of the story. Life is difficult and keeping your head high and you will live happily with someone who loves you back. My wife sometimes can be unreasonable but only because she doesnt know how things work over here, and me having a good job feels wrong when she has to bust to make half, making me feel sorry but it's a start. At least she's not sitting at home studying and doing house work only. Even she has a part time job for not able to speak the language is making her feel more comfortably happy to help out. When I came here at 6th grade, it was very difficult to speak the language, and I can't imagine how difficult for someone in their mid 20 or 30 to pick up right away. It's a new world out there, dangerous and not fair but you gotta start somewhere. My parents were pretty successful and hard working so i am sure anyone can do it. Tell your wife to listen to you and do what's morally right and later, she will have a better life. Good luck on your marriage and you deserve to be happy.

She speaks very well English. She just carries that thinking of her from Vietnam to here. She thinks she'll get everything her ways and no highway option. I've tried my best to please her but didnt work out too good.

[unabletoleave 0]

You can't tell what kind of person she was when you came back to vn for a year? I would dumped her ### already. I'm pretty sure she will leave you within a few years, i hope that won't happen but if she doesn't care or understand you right now. then your marriage won't last long.

I can and I meant for all the time I was living there, I was working as well and my salary wasn't bad compare to a life style in Vietnam but It wasn't never enough for her. It just gets to the point where I'm giving up slowly for everything now. She will chooes her friend over me, and her family. Nobody knows that she's married to me or I was the one who sponsored her here to the States so we can be together. I knew she's trying to work now to save up and will leave me but I just didnt have the gut to put her on the plane back to Vietnam. I just dont know what to do anymore.

[zzmr_qzz 24]

Sad to read your Post am same sex K1 as well. how could you endure over 4 years without announcing to her family about your relationship. I'm lucky to visit his family and introduce him to my family as well. Somehow I could understand your fiancee as we're newbie to the states and what we think isn't mapped there. with fluent english, we (young stubborn peeps) are eagerly exploring but staying home alone will stop us from that. Instead of trying your best to explain, give her time to figure out new life to us, employment process,ssn, culture ect... Before I always think with my experience I could find job in my field in the states but just last week, I read the thread http://www.visajourney.com/forums/forum/15-moving-to-the-us-and-your-new-life-in-america/and found out that its not that easy. If u dont mind, send this link to her, she can read to pass the time.

Anyway, you both walked so long to just give up. Sit down and slowly disentangle. I value and treasure cause I know how hard long distance relationship is, you already won to bring her here. everything will be ok, at least you did all ur best to grow it up.

[Jho369 13]

Stop doing the packet. This type of marriage won't last

[Boiler 45,486]

Does have disaster written all over it.

[JohnCAL 2]

Wow, I am sorry she is difficult to deal with. I know how much it costs going to VN. Each trip costs at least $5000. You already supported her with "every penny", what else does she want? The incident with the wedding band says it all. I am sorry but I think you will have a very difficult road ahead. Are you planning to adopt children or getting pregnant with sperm bank donation? I don't think you should have children if the relationship is so tumultuous. I am not judging, but I am just saying that I think you probably have self-esteem issues. I too, had some self-esteem issues and it lead to my divorce. The problem with this is that your spouse will walk all over you. When the only thing your spouse does is give you pain, you have to ask yourself, do you really love her or you don't want to be lonely? I asked that question and once I found out the answer, I filed for a divorce. A lot of time we think we love someone but it is not true. We just want happiness for ourselves and we think that a certain person gives us that happiness. When that person gives us only pain, you have to rethink the relationship.

Edited November 24, 2015 by JohnCAL

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You are able to leave. Stop telling yourself you aren't. You only have 2 options.

A. Leave her.

B. Stay and suffer.

Your choice.

[heo luoi 206]

My fiance just came over. We too have made a trip to Wallys. It went nothing like yours. If my now wife was anything like you've suggested there is no way. We've had some arguments. I got very frustrated/angry just the other day. I hlaf expected her in tears. But she was very calm about it. Someone, unsolicited me advice other day that I still took value in...dont be angry at the same time. If shes gonna be angry all the time for this ridiculousness you need to do some reevaluation right quick.

VN can most definitely be expensive. $5000? not sure bout that unless you are doing some major gifting. Moving there for a year? You sound like you've certainly done your part.

Obviously we're only getting one side of the story here. Obviously shes got a lot of adjusting and gave up 'everything' to come over here. But her expectations need a reality check, right quick. That attitude would not go over very friggan well over in VN and certainly wont here either.

[andy78 178]

You do not have an immigration problem, you have a relationship problem. From personal experience, I am familiar with the kind of woman you are describing. The longer you stay with her, the more damage you will receive, and the more she will use you and subject you to emotional blackmail to get what she wants. Again, I am speaking from experience. You have two choices. Either end it now with minimum amount of damage to you, or stay miserable for the rest of your life. She will never change. That's her personality.

[tanzaniawinter 10]

Are you sure she is gay like you , because may be she is having second thought about being gay , and that's why she hide from family because she is not who she say she is. Or if she is who she is she is just feeling home sick. Which can be worse people just don't know if you never experience that . Just seek professional help

[J&T_C@82 8]

Wow its is very sad to read. In my opinion I think she used you to come to America. Just like how she lied to her family about you ,she lied and conned you into a k1 visa. Alot of people thinks America is a bed of roses and for her to be demanding expensive rings knowing the financial situation should also tell you her motives. Furthermore why is she going out late at nights for walks in a place she doesn't know ??? And to say she will tjink about kids after house is paid off sou ds to me like she doeabt want to have any attachnents when that GC comes. I would buy a plane ticket and drop her off at the airport . Sometimes love makes us blind to the fact .