Language anxiety

[dcl766 0]

My wife and step-daughter have been here in the US for 2 1/2 years now. My step-daughter has adapted well to her new language and is at the top of her class as a Freshman in high school and has made a few good friends. My wife is finishing up her first full year of teaching math at a local high school and has done well too but her self-confidence with the English language is lacking.

My wife has a masters degree in Math (earned overseas) and IMO is doing great, but no matter what she accomplishes she still is concerned about her language progress, especially her accent. We have bought many CD's, books, etc and she has been taking ESL classes since she arrived. She is really doing great...but the problem is that she will not accept that she is doing great.

How do I get through to her that she doesn't have to worry about what others think of her just because English is not her first language?

She is very self-confident in every other aspect of her life, including other transitions she has made since coming to the US. It's just that this language thing is really getting her down on herself (yes, she is a perfectionist!) and I just want her to be able to overcome the anxiety it has caused her.

Any others have the same experience? Suggestions?

Thanks! Dave

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

I understand as a professional she wants people to respect her..to look up to her but she has to realize that people will pay more attention to her with the accent..with her sentence phasing.. At least with me.. when I hear a accent I'm curious.. and they will listen to her more closely..

And doesn't she realize how many young peoples minds she is opening up to the idea of foreign spouses ?

[dcl766 0]

Thanks for the reply! Wow, pretty big week for you two. Marina and Carina came thru Chicago O'hare so can't give any advice on Denver POE but I am sure she will be fine.

I'll mention what you said about opening people mind's to foreign relationships:)

Good Luck this week!!

Dave

[wildroze22 0]

my SO is completely fluent, but he STILL worries about it. he knows that i love his accent, but hes worried about the connotations. i just try to remind him all the time that he is fluent, and can do it... sometimes ill even use my sad hebrew to show him what a real language barrier is.

im not sure how else to help it though, i wish i did

[Emancipation 2]

I don't speak from experience personally, but my brother's wife is from China and she was very nervous at first about her English. They chose to speak only English in the home for 1 full year. After that, my brother started to learn Mandarin, and she started to teach him via her giving English instruction the Mandarin language.. I think that helped her to realize how well she was doing. We (the immediate family) also tell her all the time how amazing she does. A little encouragement from those close to home (sis in laws, mom in laws etc), has helped. Good luck!!

[malka 0]

I may be missing the mark here, but maybe your wife needs to get out there and make some friends of her own rather than focusing on eliminating her accent. I feel for her - I've bounced around the world a bit and one of the best things about going home is that I feel like I get my identity back --- I stop being constantly identified as "the foreigner" and become... myself.

The accent is probably driving her crazy because every time your wife opens her mouth, whether it's at school or just buying milk at the market, she gets a reminder that she's from somewhere else; well-meaning people ask her where she's from or correct her phrasing or whatever. It's fun if you're on vacation but it gets kind of tiresome when it goes on for months or years. You get a lonely feeling. A high school community may not be the best salve for this irritation. Is it possible that this constant sense of not really belonging is what's making her so anxious about her accent? Has she made some good friends yet? Not your friends who now accept her, but her very own friends? People who know her and choose to be with her for her personality and actions, her favorite foods and hobbies? Maybe instead of spending so much time in ESOL classes, etc., she should join a drawing group or a civic association or a math seminar and meet some adults in her community who share her interests.

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

You'll never get away from the accent.. The US was built from immagration.. Even if your born in the states..most americans hear something different they want to guess where your from.. this is normal and how we are raised..we learn it from TV..our parents..

Oh are you from Texas.. Virgina ??? Ohio .?? one of the strongest I thought southern accents..Was from a person from Ohio.. I think Texans have the least southern accents.. People from the other places hear my Idaho accent. ????

No I would embrace the accent.. Leave it alone.. .. it is her hertiage.. I would only work on the sentence phasing..and American Slang..

[dcl766 0]

I may be missing the mark here, but maybe your wife needs to get out there and make some friends of her own rather than focusing on eliminating her accent. I feel for her - I've bounced around the world a bit and one of the best things about going home is that I feel like I get my identity back --- I stop being constantly identified as "the foreigner" and become... myself.

The accent is probably driving her crazy because every time your wife opens her mouth, whether it's at school or just buying milk at the market, she gets a reminder that she's from somewhere else; well-meaning people ask her where she's from or correct her phrasing or whatever. It's fun if you're on vacation but it gets kind of tiresome when it goes on for months or years. You get a lonely feeling. A high school community may not be the best salve for this irritation. Is it possible that this constant sense of not really belonging is what's making her so anxious about her accent? Has she made some good friends yet? Not your friends who now accept her, but her very own friends? People who know her and choose to be with her for her personality and actions, her favorite foods and hobbies? Maybe instead of spending so much time in ESOL classes, etc., she should join a drawing group or a civic association or a math seminar and meet some adults in her community who share her interests.

Actually alot of what you said makes sense. Marina is a very private person and does not make new friends easily. Her self-consciousness with the language and pronounciation has prevented her from showing others her true great personality that I know and love. She has made friends among her co-workers, but that is pretty much it. Funny thing is that she is a Math teacher in a school full of ESL students that don't speak English nearly as well as she does! Last semester she had a few Russian students but now all of her students are Latino so that may be part of it too.

I am sure she misses home and her friends there too. It's getting her to admit any of this stuff that is the difficult part! When I suggest stuff she will just say "I'm fine" or "I don't need that".

Luckily they are both going home to Moldova over Spring Break and I am not going with this time so they get to speak Russian the whole time and not have to worry about me understanding them!!

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Dave