How to tell family there that i am not rich

[BJZags 17]

Just because it is cultural, doesn't mean that it is the right thing to do.

I agree, but that is a difficult concept to deal with. Family ties and obligations run deep. Before my wife started working, she wanted to send more to her family because she didn't have any skin in the game, it was just money handed to her and passed along. Now that she's working, and working hard, and for not all that much, it is a whole different story. Now, when the family calls and wants "emergency" money beyond the monthly stipend we send them, she reads them the riot act and explains that there is no money tree in the backyard.

Also, in regard to the culture thing, if the wife had not gone outside the culture and married a Western Husband, she likely would be making Filipino wages, so any help would as a matter of reality been much less.

[Hank_ 9,174]

Ever since i started working here i have been sending money every 1 to 2 weeks to mother, 2 sisters and 1 brother in the Philippines for utilities, tuition fees, food, and any expenses you could think of.. i told them i am not rich and have to work long hours to earn money and have my own expenses to pay for.. in Philippine culture, children are expected to send and spend money to parents and some relatives (i guess ).. sometimes i want to abandon them because i am honestly exhausted. I dont think its my responsibility to pay for their utilities especially there tuition fees when they have there own father (my step dad). My mother obliged me though and says its my duty. My full blooded siblings are here and send them money as well. I tried to set limits but they bombard my fb messenger.

How do i deal with them? i get so stressed about this. For me to be able to send money to them i have to work extra hours or sacrifice some personal expenses which i think i deserve since i worked hard..

I wish our relatives in the Philippines realize that we dont just pick up dollars in our back yard,we worked hard for it. I have to hold my pee, skip meals, sleep less hours, and get yelled and cursed by clients to be able to work. For them to demand money and get mad if you say no is disappointing.

Sometimes i want to be selfish and just forget about them but is it the right thing to do

My suggestion is to contact your siblings that are also sending money, work things out between all of you as to how much in TOTAL you all want to contribute. After that hard line it with your family; NO means NO. Turn off messenger for a time if need be. Is it you or money your family values...

It is very possible you family is milking ALL of you.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Change your phone number, close down your Facebook.

Disappear for a while, recharge yourself.

When you are ready, contact them and set boundaries on YOUR terms.

Love yourself first, so you know what you deserve

Short and sweet ! Exactly how I see it.

This comes up ever so often in the forums and 'culture' should not be used as a manipulating tool to demand money while the person working their

####### off and paying their bills falls over in exhaustive anxiety on what to do.

You stop and regroup and set an amount at a time you can afford it. PERIOD.

[Umka36 781]

I've grown up in this culture. My parent's would just hang up the phone if it about money, and my mom already informed her siblings that they are retired and on a budget so they need to take care of themselves first. I've been lucky to only run into this problem when I visit only.

I realize that there are emergencies, but how were folks handling it before. Personally I think subsidizing folks just perpetuates the problem, and continues to give a false image that all western people are rich. From my own experience, the "emergencies" are never ending for some strange reason and I've seen some oversea family live richer than I.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Hey minions2,

Are you fully funding your retirement account? Do you put 20% of your household income into a Roth IRA and/or a 410K?

Have you saved up a down payment for a house? Or, if you already own a home, are you setting aside money every month for maintenance and repair?

Are you putting away money every month for car repair and eventual replacement?

Do you have money set aside for your health insurance deductible?

For that matter, are you saving money for your parent's health care issues in their old age?

The list goes on, but the point I'm trying to make is that if any of the answers are "no," then you need to learn to say this to your family: "I can't afford to send you anything."

[TonyTT 1]

Ever since i started working here i have been sending money every 1 to 2 weeks to mother, 2 sisters and 1 brother in the Philippines for utilities, tuition fees, food, and any expenses you could think of.. i told them i am not rich and have to work long hours to earn money and have my own expenses to pay for.. in Philippine culture, children are expected to send and spend money to parents and some relatives (i guess ).. sometimes i want to abandon them because i am honestly exhausted. I dont think its my responsibility to pay for their utilities especially there tuition fees when they have there own father (my step dad). My mother obliged me though and says its my duty. My full blooded siblings are here and send them money as well. I tried to set limits but they bombard my fb messenger.

How do i deal with them? i get so stressed about this. For me to be able to send money to them i have to work extra hours or sacrifice some personal expenses which i think i deserve since i worked hard..

I wish our relatives in the Philippines realize that we dont just pick up dollars in our back yard,we worked hard for it. I have to hold my pee, skip meals, sleep less hours, and get yelled and cursed by clients to be able to work. For them to demand money and get mad if you say no is disappointing.

Sometimes i want to be selfish and just forget about them but is it the right thing to do

I have read about this type of situation when i first started dating my GF 4 years ago. i told her to tell the family that we will not be sending money AT ALL. On top of that i did not even visit the parents. My GF and I said that we will visit a year after we are married because they are expecting me to bring a boat load of gifts. They think this because another family member married a Japanese man and they wore this guy out. I took a very hard line but you don't have to be as harsh, lay the law down and make a plan. My GF knows how her family is so she agrees with everything.

[Am & Ra 19]

I am the USC petitioner of my Filipino fiancee:

I understand her culture and also feel it is important to help her family. My approach to this is helping only to give assistance in helping them to provide for themselves. My fiancee has one brother and a sister and her mother, her father passed away in 2007. It's been difficult for her brother and brother in law to support their own families because of lack of transportation. We sent them money for down payment for two scooters in which they use to sell fish. Once those scooters are paid off I'm done with them, since now they will have transportation to either work or sell fish.

Her mother on the other hand needs our help until we get her here in the US with us. We plan to give her 10,000 pesos a month (225.00) for food and that is it. We also plan to help her with eye surgery, having cataracts removed from here eyes. I explained to my fiancee that both her sister and brother chose to get married and have children without the means to support them. This is not her's our my responsibility to be constant providers of their families. I am willing to help them buy boat to fish out of after they prove they can provide by selling the fish using the motorcycles we are buying them.

If they don't take advantage of the opportunity we've given them to make their own money, then the burden of survival becomes there's.