k1-visa: 6 years for a divorce decree and a sneaky mother in law

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

She really picked the right guy to mess with you. You come off as a very emotional guy and there's nothing wrong with that but you have to be careful.

So far you have no proof she has paid the lawyer or even if the "lawyer" is in this scam with her.

If she really wants to get away from her mother who is obviously not in support of the relationship, why would she get a "friend of her mother" to handle her divorce case?

She is telling you all those sorry-*** and sobbing stories to get into your mind.

It is unfortunate that this is happening to you when you genuinely love her but you have to let her go..Find someone else and be vigilant, think with your head and put your heart aside for a moment.

Good luck

[courage87 10]

thank you all guys <3

[Tahoma 2,292]

From one brother to another...Your girlfriend and her family are not the problem...The problem is your own dysfunction...Please get the therapy that you desperately need.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

When I posted my previous message I was using my cellphone, sorry folks I misspelled some words.

Someone said here something about "codependency" and I agree 100% with this answer. I read somewhere that “There's always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of." or maybe he is just a troll. LOL

[dwheels76 5,468]

No one I mean NO ONE can keep a Divorce decree hostage. The lawyer said he has it. If the divorce was granted all she has to do is go to the courthouse and get a certified copy.

You may not know our laws and I don't want to say she is playing you, But it doesn't take 4 years to divorce anyone unless there was some serious child custody and property disputes.

Even if she couldn't find her ex or even if he didn't sign it doesn't take no 4 years to divorce .

Have you bothered to look up the divorce yourself. It is public record in every state in the US. You need to know the county go to the website know names and such and waaalaaaa its either there or no.

All the best to you.

[TBoneTX 45,292]

And I cannot live her because:

1) she is my first and only girlfriend I ever had in my whole life and I love her and I would give my life for her;

2) she loves me, and I would never forsake someone which shares my problems, hard times, love times, happy times.

3) I am kind of religious, and if I give myself to a woman then I want that only woman for my whole life unless she cheats on me

1) She's not available to you -- geographically, situationally, or emotionally.

2) If she loved you, her actions would mirror that love. She's not available to you emotionally.

3) For years, you've tried to give yourself to someone who cannot and will not accept you or match your efforts.

1) she is the only girlfriend I had in 30 years.

2) even when I had huge self esteem, athletic body and funny character no girl wanted me

3) the age feeds me to keep staying with my actual girlfriend.

4) I'm been desiring love and after I've tasted it I cannot think to be without it [...] I can't stop needing love, I just cannot.

5) I will wait things to reach their limit

1) This is irrelevant to anything.

2) Your lack of self-esteem is the root of your desperation and willingness to sell yourself out.

3) Age 30 is old?!

4) All the available, well-adjusted women in the world and you're wasting your "love" on THIS one?

5) Most of us who are reading this would have ended things immediately and permanently after her first excuse and the first hint of dysfunctional drama.

1) if the story ends I will look for a therapist I guess.

2) I don't think it is bad to be dependent on feelings if the other person loves you back.

3) now that I am 30 she is the only source of love I have

4) she is not a liar.

1) The story, or at least the one you want, never began. Therefore...

2) She has exhibited zero love toward you. She is unavailable to you in every way.

3) Why are you hung up on a number?

4) Maybe or maybe not, but the fact remains that she is unavailable to you in every way.

You could use some help. I'm sorry but this sounds like an obsession which is healthy to nobody

^^ This. ^^

[Alaska2012 462]

Dude move on! Find a woman that makes you her priority!

[Mike-eeh and Odie 193]

...I'm been desiring love and after I've tasted it I cannot think to be without it, I can stop to smoke or I can stop any other vicious thing, but I can't stop needing love, I just cannot...

You realize what you have now is not love, yes? Love is a two person commitment, and so far, you have described what is called a one-sided relationship. If she truly loved you, she would move mountains to be with you, and not any one or any thing would stop her from being with you, not even family.

You feel committed to this relationship for a good number of reasons, your time and energy devoted to being with her not withstanding. That said, at this point what you are now experiencing is not love, but rather coveting what you cannot have, in this case, your girlfriend.

My advice would be for you to let her go and find a new girlfriend. There are thousands of women around the world who would love to be with you, and would positively show more effort to be with you.

Good luck, and God Bless.

Edited November 12, 2015 by Mike-eeh and Odie

[Adrian-Gloria 43]

Hey, if you keep at it and it works out, cool. If ####### hits the fan at least you can say you heard it from visajourney!

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

She doesn't want to live in Italy, but she said as soon as possible she has to move away from her mother's life and to go to live alone like before, but since she lives in the countryside, without support from her family it's a little hard to do that. She lost her last job cause her car got broken and her mother refused to lend her some money for to repair it, and with bus she was always late and she had TO PAY her brother more than a taxi for to pick her up at night, but she lost the job anyway.

I prayed her many times to try to come and to live here and to support me to have a career here, but she always menaced me to breakup If I would refuse to go to live to USA.

This is for others who read

And I cannot live her because:

1) she is my first and only girlfriend I ever had in my whole life and I love her and I would give my life for her;

2) she loves me, and I would never forsake someone which shares my problems, hard times, love times, happy times.

3) I am kind of religious, and if I give myself to a woman then I want that only woman for my whole life unless she cheats on me

I might be reading this wrong, if I am, please correct me. You're asking her to come to Italy and support you? If this is true, that might be one of the problems you're facing. Equal partnership is very important in a relationship, in my opinion. You lean on each other when you have to.

As for the loving you part, this seems to be in doubt. I agree with Sandra, T-bone, and the few others that say there are red flags within your story. My fiance gave up a good paying job just to come and be with me, something I never forget and do my best to make up to her. When you love someone it's what you do.

[Boiler 45,517]

You could use some help. I'm sorry but this sounds like an obsession which is healthy to nobody

Actually Desperation.

[kkk1 42]

When I posted my previous message I was using my cellphone, sorry folks I misspelled some words.

Someone said here something about "codependency" and I agree 100% with this answer. I read somewhere that There's always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of." or maybe he is just a troll. LOL

It was me. Let me shed some light to this topic and yeah I am not talking off topic things here.

Being co-dependant, is to be self destructive for other's advantage. I am not arguing with OP here, I would like to apologies if I hurt his feelings. Here OP says he has high self esteem. Considering this thing is true he shouldn't have fear of being abundant. Seems to be it is next to impossible for him to give up relationship. Here he has to take the safety instruction of Air plane into the practice " before helping others use your own oxygen mass." Again it is not easy for him to take this idea into the practise unless his brain work and sort out the issues he is going through ( for which he can see psychirtist). His partner only want his attention not being physically present for his needs in which she is happy and he wants to accept that by giving up his happiness. He wants to try things till it drains him out. Here I would like to suggest him that he has to sit with her and talk where are they and re- evaluate the relationship. Fear of being alone will be there but you will feel great relief from the stress. Nobody bring anything when they come to this world and nobody takes anything when they go back from this world. In middle phase we need someone to be with us and love us and mostly we need physically. Try to thing you can't rely or depend on others and to get love you must not. Human being change their mind everyday. Honestly the way OP describe himself he will get someone, he might not got girlfriend earlier because girls would think he might lack something. Now he is experienced with life and he might get someone. Hope he successful in his life.

I would like to add when he go to therapist better he reads about co-dependency on bpdfamily.com. Also there is online test availabe for same for which he has to google it.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

How is she paying for this lawyer and paying her brother for rides if she works for no salary??

You're only 30 and you think you only have this one chance for love??

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I am going to have to go with the rest of the comments on here and suggest you move on. As someone with a history of co-dependency in the past I know first hand how it may feel like a normal and even romantic thing but it can and will get ugly eventually.

I just want to point out a few red flags in order to show that I am not just being negative, but really think she is not being genuine.

The first thing is how you mentioned she would not "let you" buy her a ticket to visit you in Italy for over a year. I am petty sure anyone here could speak to the fact that if they had an earlier opportunity to visit their partner they would jump on it instantly. I could understand why she wanted to wait a while for you to visit her for the first time, since it can be scary to take that step and move a relationship into the "real world". But since she had already met you were in a relationship it makes no sense that she wouldn't let you get her a ticket. It clearly wasn't about her feeling bad that you were spending the money because she seems fine with taking advantage of that. And since it's her mom's company that she works at for no money then she had no commitments to stay in the country on the account of a job.

Not only that but she left after four days? Because her mother who it seems like she does not have a good relationship with had minor surgery? She actually paid money to get her flight moved up in order to do that? That seems really fishy.

Also I agree that the divorce thing should not be taking this long. And the fact that she has gone through multiple divorce lawyers already without actually going through with the divorce is a bad sign as well.

I strongly encourage you to look at the facts and try to separate your emotions from your judgement. Usually I am all about couples sitting down and really talking about issues before giving up but since she sounds like a master manipulator and you seem very easily manipulated, I do not advise this. Please remove yourself from this situation immediately. At the very least if you tell her you have had enough and are no longer interested in continuing the relationship, she may show her true colors..

[Expat1 971]

Regretfully either this fantastical story has too many holes to believe and the OP is trolling OR this girl is seriously mentally ill.

Hopefully she's on the no-guns-for-you list...

Edited November 13, 2015 by Expat1