k1-visa: 6 years for a divorce decree and a sneaky mother in law

[courage87 10]

No the title of the thread is not about a movie but about a real life experience.
Everything started in the June 2013 when I met my american girlfriend online;
she told me since the begins which she got married once while she was 19 and which her ex-husband shown to be a monster since the beginning of her wedding (he cheated on her and he used to beat her).
She paid immediately a lawyer after he started to be violent and she went back to live with her family while doing the divorce process but he rejected the cause and everything was left pending for more than 4 years till today.
The issue is which my girlfriend was traumatized and got depressed during those years and she gave up in keeping paying the lawyer for to have in-justice.
The other drama is which she decided to pay a new lawyer just now in May of this year 2015.
From the 2013 to 2015 she always thought she loved me and which she wanted to get married with me, but if I remembered her that we absolutely needed her divorce decree for to file the k1-visa process, she used to get crazy and to shut down any possibility to discuss about it.
During the first months of our relationship she was too much closed and rejected my intentions to pay a ticket to go in the USA for to know her in person, but finally after 1 year and half of virtual relationship she allowed me to buy a ticket for to go to meet her in the USA.
It was the 2014 when I met her in the USA, and I had to fight and wait 1 more year before she would allow me to buy a ticket for her to come here in Italy for to meet my family.
She came here in May 2015 and she had to go back to USA after 4 days, because her mother started to act jealous, saying she had a surgery intervention (it was just a simple intervention in the ankle, nothing problematic cause it was just a check to the screw), but it was not an emergency cause she was able to walk and do everything like a normal healthy person.
So basically I've wasted a lot of money just to see her for 4..days instead of 20.

After she went back in the USA in May, she finally decided to pay a lawyer for to obtain the desired divorce decree so we could start the k1-process.
She paid a friend of her mother which is a lawyer.
Every month this lawyer say "I have the divorce decree in my hands, I just need a mark from the judge"... first he said us to wait August, then till October, then November....
2 days ago the lawyer said "I have the paper, come with other 200 usd and I will give you the divorce decree in 1 week".
She gave him the money 2 days ago, and yesterday he called her back saying "you must wait till March 2016 because everyone is going in vacation now".

So I'm struggling a lot and I am giving up, and my girlfriend is depressed, and we think her mother is in the middle of this because she always laugh at my girlfriend when she says she is going to marry me, and her mother often said to her "You will never do this, trust me, you will not be able to marry him mhauhauah".
And her mother is a woman in power, she is in politics and is the owner of stuff, and she makes her male sons to live like kings but she uses my girlfriend as the slave of the house and doesn't give her a single cent;
my girlfriend had to escape from the house for 3 years for to work and pay her university studies, because he mother used to steal her money and to force her to obey to all her mother's needs.

This situation is killing me and my girlfriend... I told to my girlfriend to pay a lawyer which has no connections with her mother or her family, and I said to her to explain also to police this situation , cause it's not normal which a lawyer says lies robbing her money and after 7 months he had done nothing to get the divorce decree.
Any advices? similar stories? I am going to struggle and get depressed, I don't know what to do, I don't want to enter in USA as a clandestine, but what to do when things are as black as night, this is too sad.

Edited November 12, 2015 by courage87

[Boiler 45,399]

Divorce is a relatively simple thing and is up to her.

The obvious solution is to move her to Italy. Well away from the abusive situation.

[Sandra G. 5,043]

I do not believe in a single word that your girlfriend is telling you.Man you have a CRAZY girlfriend to say the least. Your relationship has RED FLAGS for everyone. YOU should seek some help for yourself (psychotherapy) in ordee for you to develop skills of sef respect and self esteem.

I am an attorney since 1989 and an advocate for victims of domestic violence,and let me tell you something,everything you described here I saw before, do not walk but RUN, your gf is not a victim here,she is VERY manipulative,and the divorce story is a complete bs.

[courage87 10]

I do not believe in a single word that your girlfriend is telling you.Man you have a CRAZY girlfriend to say the least. Your relationship has RED FLAGS for everyone. YOU should seek some help for yourself (psychotherapy) in ordee for you to develop skills of sef respect and self esteem.

I am an attorney since 1989 and an advocate for victims of domestic violence,and let me tell you something,everything you described here I saw before, do not walk but RUN, your gf is not a victim here,she is VERY manipulative,and the divorce story is a complete bs.

In some things you said the truth. About the lawyer also her mother confirmed me once which my girl was paying it for to get the divorce decree. At the begins her mother loved me and said to my girlfriend which there are no more guys like me in this world and which she should marry me. But last months her mother started to act very jealous and she doesn't want her daughter to marry me.

And since my girl works for her mother's institute (without any salary), her mother plays to set troubles to her and also to the secretary. But she told which her mother has always been abusive against her since she was little. She educated her sons to be served by my girlfriend, and she has teach them to not work and she fills them of money, and they drive a porsche and eat MCdonald's like if there is no tomorrow, while my girlfriend has to go working on bus and they leave her in the city if she is not able to go back home alone.

About my direct experience I can say which it's true which my girlfriend is the slave of the family, cause at the third night my girl and I stayed in an apartment paid by my girlfriend, her mother called her saying she thrown her bed and stuff on the street. And we had to go every morning to her institute to solve her issues instead to go to have fun. And I noticed which her mother and her brothers just came in the institute looking at my girl working while they ate like pigs and by staying all day out with their porsche.

Surely my girlfriend has her defects but the 90% of what she says it's true.

But I do appreciate your comment, thanks

[courage87 10]

Divorce is a relatively simple thing and is up to her.

The obvious solution is to move her to Italy. Well away from the abusive situation.

She doesn't want to live in Italy, but she said as soon as possible she has to move away from her mother's life and to go to live alone like before, but since she lives in the countryside, without support from her family it's a little hard to do that. She lost her last job cause her car got broken and her mother refused to lend her some money for to repair it, and with bus she was always late and she had TO PAY her brother more than a taxi for to pick her up at night, but she lost the job anyway.

I prayed her many times to try to come and to live here and to support me to have a career here, but she always menaced me to breakup If I would refuse to go to live to USA.

This is for others who read

And I cannot live her because:

1) she is my first and only girlfriend I ever had in my whole life and I love her and I would give my life for her;

2) she loves me, and I would never forsake someone which shares my problems, hard times, love times, happy times.

3) I am kind of religious, and if I give myself to a woman then I want that only woman for my whole life unless she cheats on me

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I'm sorry but I really don't believe this. It sounds like a bad rip off of Cinderella

[courage87 10]

But what if what she says it's true?
I will wait to see what another lawyer will say to her, because this lawyer seems like if he is losing time on purpose, or worst, he never did nothing and he is in communication with the mother of my girlfriend and probably he turns the money back to her mom, who knows that?
How can a serious lawyer lose 10 months for a divorce decree?, she doesn't live with her ex since 6 years ago, and she already paid a lawyer 6 years ago but her ex refused the meeting letter for the consensual divorce.
I mean in such situation even the worst lawyer would work out the divorce decree in maximum 4 months.

Edited November 12, 2015 by courage87

[Boiler 45,399]

I'm sorry but I really don't believe this. It sounds like a bad rip off of Cinderella

Modern Romeo and Juliet?

But what if what she says it's true?

I will wait to see what another lawyer will say to her, because this lawyer seems like if he is losing time on purpose, or worst, he never did nothing and he is in communication with the mother of my girlfriend and probably he turns the money back to her mom, who knows that?

How can a serious lawyer lose 10 months for a divorce decree?, she doesn't live with her ex since 6 years ago, and she already paid a lawyer 6 years ago but her ex refused the meeting letter for the consensual divorce.

I mean in such situation even the worst lawyer would work out the divorce decree in maximum 4 months.

Nothing you can do, you have offered her a way out, she did not want to take it.

[kkk1 42]

No the title of the thread is not about a movie but about a real life experience.

Everything started in the June 2013 when I met my american girlfriend online;

she told me since the begins which she got married once while she was 19 and which her ex-husband shown to be a monster since the beginning of her wedding (he cheated on her and he used to beat her).

She paid immediately a lawyer after he started to be violent and she went back to live with her family while doing the divorce process but he rejected the cause and everything was left pending for more than 4 years till today.

The issue is which my girlfriend was traumatized and got depressed during those years and she gave up in keeping paying the lawyer for to have in-justice.

The other drama is which she decided to pay a new lawyer just now in May of this year 2015.

From the 2013 to 2015 she always thought she loved me and which she wanted to get married with me, but if I remembered her that we absolutely needed her divorce decree for to file the k1-visa process, she used to get crazy and to shut down any possibility to discuss about it.

During the first months of our relationship she was too much closed and rejected my intentions to pay a ticket to go in the USA for to know her in person, but finally after 1 year and half of virtual relationship she allowed me to buy a ticket for to go to meet her in the USA.

It was the 2014 when I met her in the USA, and I had to fight and wait 1 more year before she would allow me to buy a ticket for her to come here in Italy for to meet my family.

She came here in May 2015 and she had to go back to USA after 4 days, because her mother started to act jealous, saying she had a surgery intervention (it was just a simple intervention in the ankle, nothing problematic cause it was just a check to the screw), but it was not an emergency cause she was able to walk and do everything like a normal healthy person.

So basically I've wasted a lot of money just to see her for 4..days instead of 20.

After she went back in the USA in May, she finally decided to pay a lawyer for to obtain the desired divorce decree so we could start the k1-process.

She paid a friend of her mother which is a lawyer.

Every month this lawyer say "I have the divorce decree in my hands, I just need a mark from the judge"... first he said us to wait August, then till October, then November....

2 days ago the lawyer said "I have the paper, come with other 200 usd and I will give you the divorce decree in 1 week".

She gave him the money 2 days ago, and yesterday he called her back saying "you must wait till March 2016 because everyone is going in vacation now".

So I'm struggling a lot and I am giving up, and my girlfriend is depressed, and we think her mother is in the middle of this because she always laugh at my girlfriend when she says she is going to marry me, and her mother often said to her "You will never do this, trust me, you will not be able to marry him mhauhauah".

And her mother is a woman in power, she is in politics and is the owner of stuff, and she makes her male sons to live like kings but she uses my girlfriend as the slave of the house and doesn't give her a single cent;

my girlfriend had to escape from the house for 3 years for to work and pay her university studies, because he mother used to steal her money and to force her to obey to all her mother's needs.

This situation is killing me and my girlfriend... I told to my girlfriend to pay a lawyer which has no connections with her mother or her family, and I said to her to explain also to police this situation , cause it's not normal which a lawyer says lies robbing her money and after 7 months he had done nothing to get the divorce decree.

Any advices? similar stories? I am going to struggle and get depressed, I don't know what to do, I don't want to enter in USA as a clandestine, but what to do when things are as black as night, this is too sad.

I am sorry for your situation. You need to understand one thing that you need to stop messing around. Don't make your life miserable. What I can see in you is symptoms of relationship co-dependency (read about it). Your girl friend is taking advantage f you being in LPR relationship. If she would love you she could have been with you long ago. She is manipulating you for some reason 1st to get your attention or 2nd if you are helping her with money ( please stop it). Save yourself from all drama. Life is precious. As suggested by other VJ get some professional help. I have been in such situation. Your life is of worth,don't take it for granted. I know how you would be feeling about your girl friend but open your eyes and think of the things going in your life. Distract yourself from this situation.

[courage87 10]

I am sorry for your situation. You need to understand one thing that you need to stop messing around. Don't make your life miserable. What I can see in you is symptoms of relationship co-dependency (read about it). Your girl friend is taking advantage f you being in LPR relationship. If she would love you she could have been with you long ago. She is manipulating you for some reason 1st to get your attention or 2nd if you are helping her with money ( please stop it). Save yourself from all drama. Life is precious. As suggested by other VJ get some professional help. I have been in such situation. Your life is of worth,don't take it for granted. I know how you would be feeling about your girl friend but open your eyes and think of the things going in your life. Distract yourself from this situation.

No, I'm not sending her money.

I feel sad but I think I can still handle it, but if the story ends I will look for a therapist I guess.

I don't think it is bad to be dependent on feelings if the other person loves you back.

I just had hard time while I was a teen and after and now that I am 30 she is the only source of love I have and it's not that simple to not think on feelings; it's like to forbid a child to eat candies, so I cannot forbid myself to desire love cause I like love with all myself and I cannot live without it.

Yes she was anxious at the begins and she took time to feel comfortable with me before to allow me to go to meet her in person, but she is not a liar.

Edited November 12, 2015 by courage87

[redleg627 15]

wow..just wow. If I was you I would move on. I know that is easier said than done when the heart is involved. However think like this. You most likely want a relationship with love, trust, and support each other. You want to put into the relationship 50% and she puts in 50%. Its called equal efforts in the relationship. Right now as i see it everything is all you. I don't buy any of her divorce excuses. They are exactly that..excuses.. If she really wants this relationship she would have found a way to get the divorce decree long time ago.

Now think this.. lets say she has a decree right now. Do you honestly think she is in a mental place in her life to start a HEALTHLY relationship? There are so many red flags here I would move on. I know it is hard, but time doesnt stop and you are getting older and life is passing you by. How many more holidays do you want to spend by yourself? More on friend.. That is my friendly advice..

[courage87 10]

wow..just wow. If I was you I would move on. I know that is easier said than done when the heart is involved. However think like this. You most likely want a relationship with love, trust, and support each other. You want to put into the relationship 50% and she puts in 50%. Its called equal efforts in the relationship. Right now as i see it everything is all you. I don't buy any of her divorce excuses. They are exactly that..excuses.. If she really wants this relationship she would have found a way to get the divorce decree long time ago.

Now think this.. lets say she has a decree right now. Do you honestly think she is in a mental place in her life to start a HEALTHLY relationship? There are so many red flags here I would move on. I know it is hard, but time doesnt stop and you are getting older and life is passing you by. How many more holidays do you want to spend by yourself? More on friend.. That is my friendly advice..

I recognize which there are red flags and I am sure I would have troubles also if we would be able to get married; first for her moody behaviour and second because of her family hostility.

It's easy to speak but hard to do it, because she is the only girlfriend I had in 30 years.

I had ups and downs in my life but even when I had huge self esteem, athletic body and funny character no girl wanted me, I just didn't fit with anyone of the girls I met and the age feeds me to keep staying with my actual girlfriend.

It could sounds weird or funny to most of people here reading, but everyone of us has his/her own experience.

I'm been desiring love and after I've tasted it I cannot think to be without it, I can stop to smoke or I can stop any other vicious thing, but I can't stop needing love, I just cannot.

I will wait things to reach their limit, and then I will breakup if necessary, and she thinks the same of me about this.

Edited November 12, 2015 by courage87

[Transborderwife 4,666]

You could use some help. I'm sorry but this sounds like an obsession which is healthy to nobody

[Ortolan 381]

You might love this woman but if you proceed with this, you're in for a long and winding road of pain, just a prediction. Take a break, take a breath, and think hard about whether you want to get in deeper in what seems already like a horrible situation with a person who can't stand up to her mother.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

Since you're not sending her money, then time is on your side. Obviously she has some things to work out. Let her follow through on these things. I knew my wife for 8 years before marrying her, and 10 years before she immigrated here. You've got time. Good luck!