Relationship Help

[Kevin Milan 0]

I have been together with my girlfriend/fiance' for 7 years. We've been working on a problem with her birth certificate for over a year before we can submit for a Visa. Six of those years have been wonderful. This last year has been painful as we have been at sometimes great odds with miscommmunation, moral support, frustrations misunderstandings, family problems, money issues. She is 41 years old and I am 59. I don't know how to get her to communicate to solve our issues as apposed to shutting down and would like to talk to some type of counselor. Currently, I work in the US for two months and then "go home" to the Philippines for a month. I will retire there in 5 years...maybe less. I just arrived back in the States for work and have just spent the last month there in a huge row and she currently will not even communicate with me. Any suggestions on finding a counselor for some perspective and advice? We are both good people and just need some help.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Seven years?!? Brother, you don't need a counselor. You need a wedding. Here is what your fiancée is thinking:

Edited November 2, 2015 by Tahoma

[madtownguy 164]

Tahoma could be right, has she complained about that at all? I personally wouldn't waste your time on counseling and just get a new girlfriend. If you don't have kids, I suggest testing the waters with new relationships.

[Kevin Milan 0]

Yeah, maybe you're right in that sense and it is one of the frustrations between us. However, it is not that either one of us is stalling our trip to the alter. We decided to get married in the US first because she wants to visit but not live there, so, we'd get her B2 Visa, marry in the US and, subsequently, have a ceremony in the Phils. Believe me, we've done plenty of research on this including opinions and advice on this forum and immigration attorneys in the US. The problem is not that we haven't married yet...it has been that we've been working on her birth certificate issues so we CAN get married. NOTHING happens until that is cleared up. It deeply embarrasses her, but, it was not her fault and I have consistently tried to reinforce that with her. Although she recently got her passport issued based on the original certificate from the registrar's office in Calbayog City, Samar, the "prevailing" certificate on file with the NSO is one that was "duplicated" when she was living Cavite by "friends" of her Aunt in the registrar's office there. The problem became that the certificate on file with the NSO (issued in Cavite) had the wrong birth year listed, preventing us from applying for ANY type of Visa and moving forward with our marriage plans until that was resolved. She hired her attorney friend (who is the President of the regional BAR Association in Eastern Samar) to help. After a bit of negotiation, we were given an amount and an assurance that it would be done in two months. It would be necessary for the attorney to travel from Calbayog to Cavite for the hearing and the agreement included her airfare. According to the attorney and the local registrar in Calbayog City, the matter needed to be resolved in Cavite, where the duplicate was issued. Well, it has been over one year and $100,000Php. Of course, I have had some frustrations about the Philippine system!!! Don't we all? It is obvious that a good portion of that money has been used to "facilitate" the process...to no avail. Still,I have never thought of ending the process and certainly never pointed any criticism at my fiance' about, as she puts it, "her stupid problem." Since that time, I have not said a word and let the process go forward and, hopefully, it will be done soon. However, she brings it up occasionally that I am not supportive of her in this and cannot seem to differentiate between my frustration in the system and support for her!?!?! It has caused a lot of conflict. I would have loved to have been married long before this.

[Greenbaum 12,259]

As I see it you have two choices. Continue on the path you're on or end it with her and move on. If you can't get pass this, you are not going to get past the other things in life that we all run up against.

If you continue, then the two of you have to agree no more money to grease anyone's palm. No arguing about what you are gong to do next and so there has to be agreement. She sometimes has to give in to her wishes and sometimes you'll have to give in for yours. Right now you are going nowhere and I wouldn't be afraid to tell her that. If she wants you then she needs to start "fighting" to get documents completed and submitted. And no more MONEY for palm greasing! Work within the system. This is not that hard, but you have got to want it more than anything else and you will get it. Both of you have to grow some balls and start facing this and doing it the way anyone else is doing it. There shouldn't be a need for any lawyers to get a birth year changed. You find out what documents you need and submit them to the authority. They make the change and issue you the new BC. Done!

[Tahoma 2,292]

Kevin, Now would be a good time to send your fiancée a large bouquet of flowers with a sweet note attached to it.

By the way, if your fiancée arrives in the U.S. with her B-2 and tells the immigration officer that she intends on getting married while she's in the U.S., she'll be put on the next plane to Manila. Just saying...

[chillin4me 15]

why not get married in the Philippines..

she might be really frustrated about everything but girls need assurance about relationships.. That is why she is so frustrated right now because as much as she wanted to pursue with your relationship, there's a big bump on the road.. and she might be thinking of giving up now that is why she is acting like that. best of luck to you both, i hope everything will be fine relationship wise..

[minions2 24]

i read on love forums that if within 2 yrs and you still cant decide if that person is the ONE, you gotta RUN