Culture shock / adjusting

[TBoneTX 45,284]

I'm suspect Mrs Tbone is truly behind it all.

Mrs. T-B. has thoroughly and objectively educated me about machista behaviors and attitudes, which I completely disbelieved until I observed them myself. This is why -- on the basis of the available evidence -- I give the OP's relationship a low chance of surviving, even if she persists: natural inflexibility combined with machismo can be a lethal combination to a male-female partnership.

One of the saddest things in my life has been to see perfectly wonderful women suffering (usually in silence) throughout a lifetime of mistreatment and double standards. I hope that the OP can avoid this.

Edited November 4, 2015 by TBoneTX

[inlovewithacuban 39]

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

[Amhara 460]

Fiancée visas are only good for a single entry, so it's already cancelled. He can't use it again.

[heo luoi 206]

Terrific measured response and you got prompt resolution.

GOOD. on. YOU. OP +100,000 points.

CONGRATULATIONS on your freedom!

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Edited November 4, 2015 by heo luoi

[inlovewithacuban 39]

I really can not thank you all enough for the wisdom and encouraging words. This was all incredibly difficult for me. I spent a week telling myself to be patient and kind to this man who left his beloved country and family behind -- full of self doubt as to what to do. As I read through the 7 pages of unanimous vote, it became clear to me how much I was being taken advantage of. I am so happy I reached out. Thank you all.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I'm glad the situation resolved itself even though it's sad that he choose not to work on your relationship. But you deserve someone much much better than him! Someone who loves you and respects you. Good luck with everything in the future!

[TBoneTX 45,284]

Yes -- where's the +100,000 button?

As soon as he's out of your presence, a million-ton weight will be lifted from your shoulders.

Proud of and happy for you.

[Moderator hat on]

If at some point you wish for this thread to be closed (= entirely up to you), hit the "report" button and so request.

[naire37 53]

I know it's weird to congratulate someone on the end of a relationship, but still: congratulations! And also *virtual hug* wishing you to find someone who will be loving, caring and mature for you soon.

[t4t 18]

I'm glad, not because it ended but because u gave him an option/chance.

Since u had mentioned he liked hearing things from third persons, I was gonna suggest counselling which he's declined.

I can imagine how emotional it could be for u now but avoid idle time(makes I think too much) and occupy yourself with work, activities, close friends n family.

Be cheerful

[Sarah&Michel 6]

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

I am so sorry you had to go through all of this and invest so much time and energy into the process only to have it end like this, but better to realize these things now than further down the road. As so many others said, what he was putting you through was not out of homesickness but out of disrespect.

Just to let you know- there is the possibility that he could stay in this country and apply for permanent residence via the Cuban Adjustment Act. This wouldn't affect you except maybe you would still be liable for him for the remainder of the 90 days. I don't know. I am sure someone else on this forum can better answer this.

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.

If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.

Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

I am so sorry you had to go through all of this and invest so much time and energy into the process only to have it end like this, but better to realize these things now than further down the road. As so many others said, what he was putting you through was not out of homesickness but out of disrespect.

Just to let you know- there is the possibility that he could stay in this country and apply for permanent residence via the Cuban Adjustment Act. This wouldn't affect you except maybe you would still be liable for him for the remainder of the 90 days. I don't know. I am sure someone else on this forum can better answer this.

[lmatos1978 14]

I really can not thank you all enough for the wisdom and encouraging words. This was all incredibly difficult for me. I spent a week telling myself to be patient and kind to this man who left his beloved country and family behind -- full of self doubt as to what to do. As I read through the 7 pages of unanimous vote, it became clear to me how much I was being taken advantage of. I am so happy I reached out. Thank you all.

I've showed your post to my coworker from Cuba and he was not surprised by your fiance actions! I'm proud of you! You did the right thing, sorry you had to go through that but at least you didn't get married and had to go through a divorce!

[inlovewithacuban 39]

First off, I want to say thank you again. I have never reached out to an online community before, and you all have NO IDEA the strength you have given me. I was absolutely weakened by manipulation from the man I loved, and I probably would not have had him leave if I had not reached out in this forum. The outpouring of support warms my heart greatly.

Sarah&Michel I have thought the same thing about the CAA. I am not certain how that superimposes over our situation. I think he can apply but still has to wait for a year. For those not familiar, Google "Cuban Adjustment Act" and you'll see that Cubans are afforded special privileges after entering the country.

When he bought his ticket here, he had to buy a round trip. We tried to call the charter company a million times to change the ticket, but they never picked up the phone. I sent him to Miami and he was going to see if he could change the ticket or buy a new one. He claims he needs a few days to think about everything, and if he wants to maintain our relationship. I had told him I didn't understand what he didn't understand about "Counseling or Cuba" being the only two options. I think really what he is doing is waiting until he can get ahold of some money to buy the ticket (money left behind for his family).

Regardless of what he does, I would like to set things straight with immigration. There are people who would kill for this opportunity. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the government that they go out of their way for lovers to be together. I feel horrible knowing there are people who are denied visas every day, and we were so lucky to receive one, only to have it last less than two weeks.

I was head over heels, I did everything for him, spoke to him every single day, and moved mountains to be with this man. I couldn't believe that I finally found "the one" and felt so happy as if my life was starting anew at 40. Mind you, I'm a successful, fun, happy and pretty woman who has never had a problem meeting men (I get hit on daily and remain humble), and was in no way desperate to have a relationship. I just hadn't met any man I wanted to devote my life to until now.

The only information I have found about "canceling" a visa is before the person arrives. Whether or not he stays under the CAA is immaterial to me, because I know how he spends money and he will never be able to survive. I just want to do my due diligence, and afford the respect to my government to let them know of these irreconcilable differences.

Help?

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

There is nothing to do to inform immigration. You have not married, therefore not filed AOS so there isn't anything to withdraw.

Just let him do whatever he chooses and lay in the bed he makes for himself. He is on his own little self now and can gripe, moan, groan and complain

his way all the way through the CAA if that even applies to him having entered on a K1 or he can return to Cuba and maybe his friends will have a welcome

home party for him

Change your number and make a clean cut. He will come crawling back when he realizes how good he had it with you. Geez Louise, what a basket

case he is with his hissy fits.

[TBoneTX 45,284]

You might notify the Cuban Interests Section (or consulate, or whichever outfit granted the visa) that you're not proceeding toward marriage and AOS, because of irreconcilable differences.

[verneforchat 139]

Agreed, toddler behavior not cultural. Any discussion about it ends in him telling me I do not understand Cubans and Cuban culture.

Then why did he even attempt to be with a person who is in the US, and culturally American?

I am sorry, I saw your posts and it feels like he is using you as a doormat. You might be a people pleaser, but this is what he has been taking advantage of.

If you or him don't understand the financial aspect of living in the US, and dont know how to budget, this is going to get ugly really fast.

I also get the feeling that he may have used you to come to US. But that is an assumption.

You deserved to be treated with respect and as a partner. If you are babysitting a manchild, spending thousands of dollars for them, without them making any attempt to assimilate or adjust, then you need to reevaluate your decisions.