Culture shock / adjusting

[Shauna&Wael 211]

1) Tell him you've bought a surprise vacation back to Cuba for the two of you because he's feeling homesick.

2) Wait until he's sleeping

3) Buy the next available ticket back to the USA for you only.

This is not a love relationship. It's a slave and their master.

[avital 34]

he sounds like a toddler. this is NOT how you behave no matter what.

I agree with maria.

i moved to the states 2 months ago and i can relate to the cultural shock thing but i would never disrespect my husband like that, there are mature ways to express yourself and constantly yelling complaining and demanding just shows how immature a person is.

[inlovewithacuban 39]

Agreed, toddler behavior not cultural. Any discussion about it ends in him telling me I do not understand Cubans and Cuban culture.

[Torete 121]

1) Tell him you've bought a surprise vacation back to Cuba for the two of you because he's feeling homesick.

2) Wait until he's sleeping

3) Buy the next available ticket back to the USA for you only.

This is not a love relationship. It's a slave and their master.

One way ticket for him would probably be cheaper instead.

OP, you sound quite mature and you probably know in your heart what you need to do.

Like is incredibly short. It's disheartening to hear you're enduring this but know that there are many here who can both sympathize and empathize.

Regards.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Posting removed for TOS violation, administrative action taken~

Pitaya

VJ Moderation

[JamnSol 35]

Sorry- but the gist of the comment is still valid- using "you don't understand xxxx culture..." As a justification for terrible boorish behavior is not an a adult conversation.

Don't go "on vacation" to Cuba together, have a discussion, if he won't participate, and acknowledge your side, start to make preparations to just send him home and cut your losses.

[FabtheFab 67]

When were you planning to get married?

I know it's only been two weeks, but my impression is that unless he gets his act together and tries to treat you with a bit more of respect, it's kind of useless to keep on going like this.

Sit down with him. Tell him you see he is not happy, and that he is free to go back to Cuba if he wishes - you'll buy his ticket. Don't be overly emotional. If he's in love with you, this will be a reality check.

My impression is that if you keep on feeding his ego, he will not bother to make any effort to make your relationship work.

[t4t 18]

Since he came on K1 and you haven't married, i recommend you let him go home and move on.

You dont want to spend your life trying to make him like the place/ or be 'happy'.

I came with K1 as well and I do understand, when i open my wife's fridge to cook, there was literally nothing i could cook because i wasn't familiar with the groceries here. and living in the suburbs being isolated was tough. but i learnt to get things done. i got a cook book and worked on adjust to stuff here.

i didnt really complain, i was obvious i wasn't happy though.

The extent he expresses dislike for the place is not acceptable.

Then again, i think you should communicate with him and let him know how his actions make you feel.

I use to tease my wife about a subject, and she didn't say she didn't like that.

We later went for counselling and she expressed how my 'tease' makes her feel, and i was very very shocked, because i did not know and she did not express dislike for this either.

so let him know, once you let him know and he keeps on doing so, then you have to advice yourself, this country is stressful enough by default.

Wish you the best.

Edited November 1, 2015 by t4t

[BigDaddy28 228]

He sounds like he is egocentric not home sick. A home sick person doesnt need clothes for $1800 or a lobster plate for $80. Him treating you that way is not a gentelman way, and I honestly think that you shouldnt go with your marriage with him. You are not happy, clearly he is not happy and not willing to change to make you happy. I wouldn't even talk to him, buy a return ticket fo to airport and tell him good bye. He doesn't have to be in the US if he doesn't like it. Honestly I feel like he is using you for green card. If you go with the marriage, there is a big chance he will leave you after he gets what he wants. Madam all I can say be careful and be wise. Don't let your emotions control you.

[hampguy 9]

Agree on putting my foot down.

Thank you all for validating my feelings

His behavior is absolutely disgusting to me. How he can talk and treat you like that in YOUR home is beyond me. I would never tolerate being spoken to like that in my home....regardless of who it is. He sounds like he has no gratitude. As far as buying clothes? Wow, "Out of the Closet" thrift shops are not good enough? I lived in LA for 26 years, left in 2003. There is that amazing Cuban restaurant on La Cienega and another on the west side and another in the Valley....the name is escaping me.

My partner is coming here from the Philippines and i have been buying quality items from Savers and local thrift stores, i have showed him and he is shocked that they are high end and in brand new shape. I just returned from Savers about one hour ago and got a few winter items for the both of us. Luckily we are both the same size.

It sounds like you live very close to LAX........

[inlovewithacuban 39]

He did not have many belongings. I have totally enabled all of this. I am not saying I am to blame, but am just admitting I have been an enabler. The part I have the most difficulty understanding is that when I am vocal about things, I get dismissed to not understanding Cuban people and Cuban culture.

[EmilyW 1,312]

I'm no expert on Cuban culture but I am pretty sure that being abusive, rude, selfish and mean is not part of it. From what you've described OP, this guy sounds like an a-grade jerk who needs to have his a** and his lobster booked on the first flight home. This isn't homesickness. This is emotional abuse and him taking advantage of your nature.

You sound like a loving and kind person. If nothing else, you deserve so much better than what he is bringing to the table. Get rid of him and fall in love with someone who appreciates and cherishes your love, not takes advantage of it.

[t4t 18]

since you are both now currently in USA, he ought to be the one to needs to work on understanding America and American people (which is a complex equation) by the way.

I really think you should rethink your future with him.

[gw68ad78 64]

The good news is you aren't married yet. I think it's really brave and admirable to admit your role in his behavior. He's spoiled and he's been over indulged. It seems he has been taught that his behavior is acceptable. The sad part is people don't readily change. There may be things that can be done to mitigate the situation but regardless you have lots to consider before you're locked in.

[town&country 9]

I really feel for you OP. Your situation is really sad. Be thankful you are only engaged to this immature person. My advice is to just stop pampering and spoiling your fiancé because it isn't working, and just go to work or whatever you do and let him get himself together. You have well, what, 2.5 months to decide one way or not to marry him. Unless he is being abusive to you and making you miserable (you do sound miserable, so very disappointed in him you are) maybe give it some more time and just leave him to his own devices. Maybe his Skype friends in Cuba will buy him a ticket home!

I am married to a Caribbean man. I know he will be in shock to actually live here even though he has visited in the past, twice, and knows a little bit what to expect. But, like, he is terrified of cold weather and snow. He has heard it can cause a stroke . . . I tried to assure him that was not true. So I have been nervously thinking about what it will be like when he actually gets here. Your story is compelling to me.

Incidentally, my husband is not Cuban, he's from further south in the Caribbean, but I do hear the same thing from him often enough, that I don't understand him and his country and his culture. So I just try and smile and nod and say 'I'm trying!' People around the world seem to have a love/hate thing for America and Americans. And while we may not agree with everything our country says and does, when a 'foreign' criticizes America unfairly, we get fighting' mad, I do anyway.

I really do hope he starts to relax and you guys can feel the love once more. Let us know how it is going!