Culture shock / adjusting

[heo luoi 206]

Agreed, toddler behavior not cultural. Any discussion about it ends in him telling me I do not understand Cubans and Cuban culture.

Man this quote really resonated suddenly. Man my parents would play this card ALL THE TIME growing up. And I LOATHED it. My parents are wonderful dont get me wrong; im grateful for it all but they didnt do the best job of EXPLAINING why. I suspect this guy was incapable. Cultural pride is great...but dont use it as a crutch. Thats lame.

[inlovewithacuban 39]

As if this didn't hurt enough... I have learned of a woman back home, a child on the way, and have seen emails from his sister talking about ways to take my money and lie to me about going to Canada, but get his papers here because he is Cuban, etc. He is partying it up in Miami right now, but sends me emails saying he wants to come back to California and work on our relationship.

This man deserves and Oscar for the acting he did. I am as skeptical as they come, and have been completely blindsided by this.

I need this man out of my life. I need this man to not disrespect my country and my government and the sacred bond of marriage. I do not want to be implicated in his horrible behaviors, and I feel horrible I brought this con artist into my country. I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what that is? Sit idle until the 90 days is up and that's it? I am guilt ridden with a larger sense of responsibility than that.... Please help me Visa Journey!

[TBoneTX 44,672]

He's obviously a first-class con artist. Don't sweat it -- most of us have been fooled by one, at some point in our lives.

Wait till the 90 days are up. If you suspect that he's still in the U.S., set a USCIS InfoPass appointment and speak with the FDNS officer. Be objective (that is, not a vindictive former partner), and take all information with you that will prove your conclusions about his dishonest immigration intentions -- e-mails from his sister, etc. If you know his whereabouts, it will be even more helpful. Note that USCIS FDNS can and will do nothing until the 90 days is up.

Because you're not far into the 90 days, I'd go ahead and notify the Cuban consulate/interests section (who issued his visa) as I suggested a couple of messages earlier -- keeping things objective, concise, and unemotional. Keep a copy of your communication and their response. Turning this over (later) to the FDNS officer will support your contention that you're not a vindictive, jilted spouse, but rather someone who's trying to rid the immigration system of an abuser of it.

Throughout all this, remember how thankful you can be that you've escaped relatively unscathed. Just think of the additional mess if you'd married and adjusted his status! Holy mackerel, but you can thank your lucky stars.

Edited November 7, 2015 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 44,672]

Found it! Here's an extremely enlightening thread from someone who was also hosed. It explains the FDNS unit, and more.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/439326-reporting-fraud-to-uscis/

[town&country 9]

Dear OP, how shocking to read your latest update. So sorry this is happening to you.

I imagine TboneTX is right, that many people in this forum have at some point been fooled by a foreign. (I was, it was 10 years ago and thank God I never petitioned for him). But I'm not sure that your guy had in mind to 'hose' you when you got engaged and he came to the U.S. His behavior doesn't seem to indicate that, or he wasn't such a great actor since he sent up red flags galore right away with his terrible behavior. What was the intention there if he was trying to defraud you? If this was intentional, preconceived fraud he would have been on his best behavior. Sometimes visa (and relationship) fraud seems to be a cut and dry case of lying and usury, but other times, it's not so clear. so don't beat yourself up about it.

I hope you can get through it with your self respect intact. Try not to feel stupid. Probably he does love you, in his own way, not that it matters at this point since the damage is done, but men from many cultures feel that they can have more than one woman, that they can keep all the ladies happy, even though they usually cannot.

I hope you are not considering taking him back, it does seem like time for you to find someone worthy of you!

all the best, Julia

[inlovewithacuban 39]

I'm calling it fraud based on his sister's emails to him, telling him to take my money and say he spent it all so I do not ask for it, and when she says "Trata de hacer papeles y no vengas para aca a seguir en lo mismo, lucha y trabaja q ya vas a ser papa".

[heo luoi 206]

Howd you come about these mails though?

I'm calling it fraud based on his sister's emails to him, telling him to take my money and say he spent it all so I do not ask for it, and when she says "Trata de hacer papeles y no vengas para aca a seguir en lo mismo, lucha y trabaja q ya vas a ser papa".

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is a real blessing in life that you gave him the ultimatium and his scammer behind left! Thank you sweet baby Jesus you are rid of him and did not marry!! I would do as T Bone suggests and make the proper people aware.

I know still your heart must be hurt. You did the complete right thing and none of any of this is your fault! I wish you the very very best in life!

[inlovewithacuban 39]

I should have said duped instead of fraud, that is a strong word. Yes he took my money and is partying it up in Miami. I wanted it back but I realize it is no good arguing with a con artist. I'm just going to call the embassy as suggested and tell them irreconcilable differences. I hope he never comes near me again.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I should have said duped instead of fraud, that is a strong word. Yes he took my money and is partying it up in Miami. I wanted it back but I realize it is no good arguing with a con artist. I'm just going to call the embassy as suggested and tell them irreconcilable differences. I hope he never comes near me again.

Money comes and money goes. Fortunately for you he left along with it. Karma will work everything out. The best revenge is living well. Take care of you now! You deserve it!

[Amhara 460]

Yeah, I don't know if this guy was trying to convince you to stay with him for "immigration benefits" or not since he was behaving so crass. However, one thing is for sure, he things that he can use people, especially women, throughout his whole life. What kind of father is he going to be? At best, an absent one, I gather...

CubanLove, you did the best thing you could do for yourself. You showed the strength that any woman that loves her man would find a hard time gathering. I'm proud of you. After you heal, you will make a great wife because you have shown that you love yourself. In the future, you will be able to love a better man in a healthy way. You did it and your future is bright! All his fault and none of your own!

Some men...

[TBoneTX 44,672]

Where's the +1,000 button for the post just above?

[oceanborn 33]

I'm so sorry to read the entirety of this thread; what an awful situation to be in.

I echo the thoughts of everybody else on here - you're well rid of him, you clearly deserve much better, and he clearly did not respect you (nor does it particularly sound like he has the capacity to respect anybody)

Good luck on your journey, you're doing the right thing.

[Peace&Love 26]

You are not alone sister, I'm having the same experience as you by Cuban husband, except that mine is even worst than yours and he become violence. First our fiance visa was denied, we had to go through the second processes and came to the US with marriage visa 5 months ago. He complains about everything although he was telling me before he will do anything to make a living in the US, now he is complaining about $11.30 pre hour paid job. He was paid $25 a month when he was living in Cuba. He was living in a very bad living conditions (house with out a roof). Now he has everything he needs on his hand and complains about everything. He is jealous about my relationship with my family, my friends and very controlling. Recently he became violence and I had to report for a police and now he has domestic valence charge and restraining order, also has court date coming up soon. I'm not sure yet how to handle the situation yet. I may ask our VJ support how to deal with what I have to do next. But, all I'm saying is, you are not the only one please stay strong and do what it takes. The damage it made emotionally and economically is not easy, but we have to learn how to move forward with new life. I thought this article say a lot about the behavior of Cubans http://www.havanatimes.org/?p=114882(Rebuilding Cubans’ Self-Esteem). Blessings

[Pythos1 24]

Judging by his behavior listed in this thread, I somehow don't think making him leave would be a cakewalk. Manipulation is the only surefire way to do it!

Agreed. At this point, just get rid of him. Make him want to go back home instead of throwing a temper tantrum in front of everyone.

He thinks you're weak. He thinks you're his house servant. And he thinks he's better than you. An aristocrat, even.

Don't take him anywhere. Don't buy him any more clothes or accessories. Don't cook his meals. If he wants meat, pull a package of off-brand hotdogs out of the freezer and tell him to cook them himself. He says you don't understand Cuban culture? Show him some good ol' American culture! Put your foot down and be tough as nails. A little finger wagging and head wagging with a good strong scolding will be a good starter.

But don't marry him. Don't enable him any more. And don't coddle him.