Before you stated on your visa journey, how many people lived together? Or in the same coutry?

[Savanphil 3]

We lived apart in separate countries until he got his visa.

[Jenn! 918]

I 100% agree with you! It's difficult for all couples, but I feel that it is definatly worse for those people who've lived with each other and used to that person being around 24/7.

I guess I've never believed this. Separation from one you love it tough no matter whether you've 'lived together' in the past or not.

I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by trying to elevate your misery to a higher degree than others. It's kind of negative thinking, IMHO.

I don't really think the comment was meant to elevate misery or sound superior. To me it just makes sense because you're not only going through the difficulties of the separation, but you're also coping with a major lifestyle change. For me, it was very tough going from living with my husband to living alone, not just because I missed *him*, but also because I missed living with another person. I ended up getting a roommate to help alleviate that.

[Fandango 1,439]

I 100% agree with you! It's difficult for all couples, but I feel that it is definatly worse for those people who've lived with each other and used to that person being around 24/7.

I guess I've never believed this. Separation from one you love it tough no matter whether you've 'lived together' in the past or not.

I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by trying to elevate your misery to a higher degree than others. It's kind of negative thinking, IMHO.

I don't really think the comment was meant to elevate misery or sound superior. To me it just makes sense because you're not only going through the difficulties of the separation, but you're also coping with a major lifestyle change. For me, it was very tough going from living with my husband to living alone, not just because I missed *him*, but also because I missed living with another person. I ended up getting a roommate to help alleviate that.

I agree

D & I lived together for about 3 years and a bit. I personally couldn't have done this K process without that experience first.

It's hard when you're used to his prescence...opens up a whole new can of worms cos not only are you all angsty and whatnot cos you miss him, you're going thru a major lifestyle change too. He hates being in our house now cos I'm not there. I miss so many things about our lifestyle it's not even funny.

Becca, no one's saying anything's more superior than another....but it seems kind of short sighted to suggest that couples who previously lived together don't face other challenges other than the bog standard LDR ones.

Edited March 5, 2007 by LisaD

[Fandango 1,439]

Oh, I mucked up the poll cos I put 'no' in the first question cos I thought it said 'DO you live in the same country'

whoops!

[Lou Lou 1]

Over the 6 years before I moved here, we had a year together without any separation when he had a sabbatical, and then a total of a few years together on extended visits. Anything from 1 month to 6 months.

Edited March 5, 2007 by Lou Lou

[Arazia 0]

Didn't live in the same country, or live together. Unless you count a month and a half visit.

[Nessa 23]

no and no

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yes and no.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Yes and no.

[JamalNTam 1]

I 100% agree with you! It's difficult for all couples, but I feel that it is definatly worse for those people who've lived with each other and used to that person being around 24/7.

I guess I've never believed this. Separation from one you love it tough no matter whether you've 'lived together' in the past or not.

I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by trying to elevate your misery to a higher degree than others. It's kind of negative thinking, IMHO.

As the others have said I was not trying to sound like my misery is higher than others. It's just a fact. I never said that it isnt hard for everyone, however, if you are used to someone being there 24/7 for over 1 year it is a little different than if you've never known what its like to be in same country as them. As stated before, it's a lifestyle change as well as the seperation. It's one thing to speak to your loved one on msn every night, but its quite different when you are used to kissing that person goodnight every night.

[rebeccajo 14]

I 100% agree with you! It's difficult for all couples, but I feel that it is definatly worse for those people who've lived with each other and used to that person being around 24/7.

I guess I've never believed this. Separation from one you love it tough no matter whether you've 'lived together' in the past or not.

I also don't think you're doing yourself any favors by trying to elevate your misery to a higher degree than others. It's kind of negative thinking, IMHO.

As the others have said I was not trying to sound like my misery is higher than others. It's just a fact. I never said that it isnt hard for everyone, however, if you are used to someone being there 24/7 for over 1 year it is a little different than if you've never known what its like to be in same country as them. As stated before, it's a lifestyle change as well as the seperation. It's one thing to speak to your loved one on msn every night, but its quite different when you are used to kissing that person goodnight every night.

It was shortly after I woke when I typed this and I wasn't making myself real clear. Half awake...but I digress.

I simply meant that I think you are making it harder on yourself IF you believe your situation is more difficult. I mean - this stuff is hard enough as it is without concentrating on the negatives. I believe if any of us become overwrought on what's personally tough for us, we are making our road harder.

I try (sometimes without success) to always remember there are people out there worse off than myself. I think it's vital to do that when we are separated from the person we love. That person may be far away from us physically, but they are well and healthy. You will see them again. You may long for their presence in your daily life - I used to drink from the last teacup Wes had used until he returned to me. You do what you have to do until you see them again.

But we are much better off than those whose spouses are ill or who have passed away. There will be a day we can hold them again. Whether we 'lived together' for months, years or not at all.

[sparkofcreation 0]

Yes and no. Well, unless you count the fact that we got married and moved in together before we filed for AOS. But before we got married, we were living in the same country, but not together.

Obviously we were living in different countries before he got his visa, but we weren't married (or engaged) yet and it wasn't a marriage-based visa.

Edited March 6, 2007 by sparkofcreation

[Fandango 1,439]

It was shortly after I woke when I typed this and I wasn't making myself real clear. Half awake...but I digress.

I simply meant that I think you are making it harder on yourself IF you believe your situation is more difficult. I mean - this stuff is hard enough as it is without concentrating on the negatives. I believe if any of us become overwrought on what's personally tough for us, we are making our road harder.

I try (sometimes without success) to always remember there are people out there worse off than myself. I think it's vital to do that when we are separated from the person we love. That person may be far away from us physically, but they are well and healthy. You will see them again. You may long for their presence in your daily life - I used to drink from the last teacup Wes had used until he returned to me. You do what you have to do until you see them again.

But we are much better off than those whose spouses are ill or who have passed away. There will be a day we can hold them again. Whether we 'lived together' for months, years or not at all.

But Becca, with all due respect, you're sayin it can't be harder, but the truth is you don't really know cos you didn't experience that with Wes. Not trying to sound catty, just stating the facts. D & I did both....before I moved there and he did the regular jaunts here, then now after we lived together. And I can categorically say without a doubt that this is a million times worse.

3 years of living with someone day in and day out and having a life then BOOM! it's all gone....it is a huge adjustment. No one's saying it's the worst possible thing ever or there are not people worse off than any of us here. But imo it is an addition to the complications of the LDR. D hates being in our house. Why? Cos everywhere he looks, he sees me. He recalls the day we saw it for the first time and when he bought it. And it hurts him to the point that he'd prefer being home as little as possible. He can recall how we picked every piece of furniture, and how we had fun decorating the house. And he purposely avoids using my fave cup when he makes tea. Or how he says he comes home to a dark and empty house and how it devastates him everyday cos I was always waiting for him before. And how he misses our routines that we had. He says the house has no spirit now. Blah blah blah I could tell you a million things.

And it's no real picnic for me either...cos all my fricken stories here start with 'when I was in England' because I'm in a new place, without him, without our friends, without the familiarity of everything. I go in my closet to get something and find that it's not here cos I left it there. Or how he tells me how our friends don't ask 'when's she comin back?' every time he sees them anymore, And to this day I wake up in the middle of the night expecting him to be there. I watch tv and miss when he used to stroke my hair, and I actually get sad shopping in Wal-Mart cos it reminds me of when we used to do our weekly shopping at ASDA. I miss him there all the time, I miss our routine, I miss every single thing about our life that we had there. Again, I could tell you a million things that you can get used to in a few years, and then one day BOOM! gone

It's one thing to yearn for your partner, to wait to start a life together...I do believe it's an added complication to have that also with the complete displacement of separating after living together. I'm not saying the former is a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination, btw. No one here I think is implying that somehow we're more special, or our pain more meaningful, or anything like that....but unless you dealt with it...you wouldn't really have a clue as to how odd it is. I don't mean that in a nasty way, btw. It IS harder. I believe it, Tam believes it, Jen did, etc. That's not a bad thing for us to acknowledge. We're not making it harder it by acknowledging it, we're acknowledging it cos we felt it's harder. We could use different words like 'complicate' or 'compound', but it's still the same thing. But eh, it's a subjective thing and everyone has their own idea of how long a piece of string is.

Edited March 6, 2007 by LisaD

[Alex+R 0]

3 years of living with someone day in and day out and having a life then BOOM! it's all gone....it is a huge adjustment. No one's saying it's the worst possible thing ever or there are not people worse off than any of us here. But imo it is an addition to the complications of the LDR. D hates being in our house. Why? Cos everywhere he looks, he sees me. He recalls the day we saw it for the first time and when he bought it. And it hurts him to the point that he'd prefer being home as little as possible. He can recall how we picked every piece of furniture, and how we had fun decorating the house. And he purposely avoids using my fave cup when he makes tea. Or how he says he comes home to a dark and empty house and how it devastates him everyday cos I was always waiting for him before. And how he misses our routines that we had. He says the house has no spirit now. Blah blah blah I could tell you a million things.

And it's no real picnic for me either...cos all my fricken stories here start with 'when I was in England' because I'm in a new place, without him, without our friends, without the familiarity of everything. I go in my closet to get something and find that it's not here cos I left it there. Or how he tells me how our friends don't ask 'when's she comin back?' every time he sees them anymore, And to this day I wake up in the middle of the night expecting him to be there. I watch tv and miss when he used to stroke my hair, and I actually get sad shopping in Wal-Mart cos it reminds me of when we used to do our weekly shopping at ASDA. I miss him there all the time, I miss our routine, I miss every single thing about our life that we had there. Again, I could tell you a million things that you can get used to in a few years, and then one day BOOM! gone

You guys are such a cute couple (it seems). Sounds like you got yourself a keeper, from the above

[Fandango 1,439]

You guys are such a cute couple (it seems). Sounds like you got yourself a keeper, from the above

Ty Alex, he is such a keeper it's not even funny. Seriously, he is everything to me.