My husband doesn't want me to relocate

[mohdirfan08787 16]

Please dont listen to people negtivety towards your hasband without knowing him. Life is not easy as you think here in US he might be having financial difficulty, issues to settle and nothing to do with your marrige. Alot of people here are brain washing you " He might have a mistress here in US" . I dont think so he does.

He come to visit you 3 times a year, i saulte him atleast he visits you, and keep regular contact with you.

Ask yourself do you want to break up marrige cause he cant bring you over here at this moment?

Sepration is tempary, in future you guys will be together, just keep your self positive and continue on your normal life, Having to visit you 3 times a year and regular contact with you if bettert then not been married at all.

Hold your love, and your marrige tight, dont let people brain wash you and give you bla bla bla . You said you are pretty much independent right? So why so much worry?

Hope you guys be happy one day.

Take care.

[mallafri76 1,012]

The fact that for the past four years, your husband have been taking these long trips from California to Egypt to see you three times a year speaks volumes about his feelings for you. I'm the foreign spouse and I've been travelling four times a year for the past four and a half years to see my husband, so I know what your husband goes through on his trips to see you. It's not like he hops on a flight and a few hours later he's at his destination. My husband's in Texas and when I fly to see him, I go on a nine hour flight from Scandinavia to the US east coast (Newark or Dulles), change to a three and a half hour flight to Houston, change to an hour and a half flight to my final destination, then an hours drive. My travel time door to door is about 22 hours and I do that four times a year. Sure it's fun the first two years cause you get to see new places but trust me, that fun gets old real fast. There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way your husband would be taking those long trips to see you that frequently unless he really loved you and was dying to see you.

Since he was the one who came up with the idea of you moving to him in the US and the issue didn't start till recently, I see three options for his hesitation:

1. You've now reached NVC and he's realized he doesn't have enough money to meet the financial responsibility needed for you to immigrate.

2. It takes a lot of time to gather all the documents and do the forms and the fees at NVC, not to mention chasing NVC to get them to do their job. Maybe he just really is super busy right now and don't have the time to go through it all.

3. He's met someone else. Usually there are clues if this is the case, like maybe he didn't come see you in the timeframe he normally does? Has his mood changed or the things he says? Does he call and write as often as usual?

You need to call your husband and have a serious conversation with him. Ask him straight out if everything is ok and what's going on? You're married, you need to communicate with each other.

Wish you the best of luck.

[kareelina 42]

Honesty and communication are ALWAYS number one when you live apart from the person you're in a relationship with. Even only having one (communication but no honesty or honesty but no communication) can destroy a relationship.

Personally, I would want to be with the person I'm married too. I don't really see the purpose of marrying someone when neither of us have the intentions of moving to the others country, as with that you might as well just stay dating. Some people argue that marriage makes it more committed, but honestly if you aren't that committed in a normal relationship, your values don't change at the alter.

There are also people who are very okay with having an emotional relationship with as little physical in between. I have a family member that has been "dating" on and off someone for 15 years, and for those 15 years neither of them have moved in together or become something more than a long distance relationship because there's always a "reason". (Excuse). Now if the person came out and said "I personally like having someone I can confide in and see twice a year, but have not much commitment other than that" that's fine, at least there's honesty, but sometimes you just gotta be the one to step back and realize you've wasted a long time waiting for something that will only leave you waiting more.

Some people honestly do like it like that, have your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife at one place, and see them and talk to them on your terms or when ever you need to. Here on VJ that's very hard to understand seeing as most people here are fighting to be in the same place as their loved one, but again seeing a family member doing that for 15 years does help me see that some people are fine with this. BOTH people need to both be fine with it for it to work though.

With that said, if there is no reason that he hasn't sent the I-864 and he's coming up with excuse after excuse, ask him why he even bothered sending off for the visa in the first place. If he's financially unstable, then sending off for the visa was a bad choice to start with as it costs a lot of money and you have to prove you make more than enough money.

Tbqh, I don't agree with not talking about immigration related things. If he sent off for you to be able to come here, and you didn't really care if you lived there or not, then he needs to talk about it as you're just along for the ride at this point. I understand not talking about immigration related things if you're in a waiting period or a limbo, but when the only reason there is a wait is because of the husband, I think that warrants some communication.

At the end of the day, the best advice is to talk to him. If you can't do that, your relationships in peril anyways because that is the CORE of a long distance relationship. You can't survive a LDR without communication.

Thanks a lot for your input , after four years of marriage and 6 years of relationship , i found out that I do not know him that much , before marriage we put plans to be here in my country and he welcomed relocating to Africa and thought of getting another bigger house , but that didn't happen, and he kept coming and going 3 times a year after 3 years of marriage he told me to move with him and he even got a lawyer to help him with our visa and paperwork , everything was ok till our petition got approved and moved to NVC , he has only one step which is the I-864 but he keeps putting it off by different excuses , he never says he wouldn't send the form , but those excuses made me suspicious and many times he didn't reply to my question : any update concerning our application? and finally I got it , he really likes the idea of living apart and keeps coming here for a couple of months each time and have a nice romantic time then go back to his own life which I know nothing about, even if he cheated on me there , I would never find out, while I keep waiting for him to come and visit me , OMG What kind of life is this !!

[kareelina 42]

The fact that for the past four years, your husband have been taking these long trips from California to Egypt to see you three times a year speaks volumes about his feelings for you. I'm the foreign spouse and I've been travelling four times a year for the past four and a half years to see my husband, so I know what your husband goes through on his trips to see you. It's not like he hops on a flight and a few hours later he's at his destination. My husband's in Texas and when I fly to see him, I go on a nine hour flight from Scandinavia to the US east coast (Newark or Dulles), change to a three and a half hour flight to Houston, change to an hour and a half flight to my final destination, then an hours drive. My travel time door to door is about 22 hours and I do that four times a year. Sure it's fun the first two years cause you get to see new places but trust me, that fun gets old real fast. There is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way your husband would be taking those long trips to see you that frequently unless he really loved you and was dying to see you.

Since he was the one who came up with the idea of you moving to him in the US and the issue didn't start till recently, I see three options for his hesitation:

1. You've now reached NVC and he's realized he doesn't have enough money to meet the financial responsibility needed for you to immigrate.

2. It takes a lot of time to gather all the documents and do the forms and the fees at NVC, not to mention chasing NVC to get them to do their job. Maybe he just really is super busy right now and don't have the time to go through it all.

3. He's met someone else. Usually there are clues if this is the case, like maybe he didn't come see you in the timeframe he normally does? Has his mood changed or the things he says? Does he call and write as often as usual?

You need to call your husband and have a serious conversation with him. Ask him straight out if everything is ok and what's going on? You're married, you need to communicate with each other.

Wish you the best of luck.

Your words are encouraging and give me some hope , yes you are right concerning the very long flights he has each time he comes here . and to be honest with you we always have wonderful time when he comes , but what puzzled me It was his idea for moving to the States not mine as I am OK here I am very independent person and I've been reading stories about immigrants there and how miserable their lives in America , no decent jobs for most of them. Whenever he comes he keeps talking about the job he keeps for me there and the work we will do together when I move, but that's only talking the moment he gets back home he keeps telling me his excuses. I always tell him that I hate living apart we need to be together anywhere , all what I want for him is to be honest and tell me the truth , if he can not accomplish the process then fine , it is not the end of the world , I welcome him to live with me here ,in fact I told him that many times.

[kareelina 42]

Please dont listen to people negtivety towards your hasband without knowing him. Life is not easy as you think here in US he might be having financial difficulty, issues to settle and nothing to do with your marrige. Alot of people here are brain washing you " He might have a mistress here in US" . I dont think so he does.

He come to visit you 3 times a year, i saulte him atleast he visits you, and keep regular contact with you.

Ask yourself do you want to break up marrige cause he cant bring you over here at this moment?

Sepration is tempary, in future you guys will be together, just keep your self positive and continue on your normal life, Having to visit you 3 times a year and regular contact with you if bettert then not been married at all.

Hold your love, and your marrige tight, dont let people brain wash you and give you bla bla bla . You said you are pretty much independent right? So why so much worry?

Hope you guys be happy one day.

Take care.

Not only the people here who said so or talked negatively about him , but even my family members keep asking me: what kind of marriage life is that ? His problem he never talks about his issues , everything is OK . If he has financial issues he should tell me , it is not against his manhood to show a little weakness , we are partners , I even asked him to come and live with me here , I can manage that . but he refused , if he told me that he couldn't go further with the process due to financial problem , fine I would accept that , I am independent but I got married to have a family and live a normal life .

Thanks for your words

[Ortolan 381]

Kareelina, I think you know the answer to your own question. You just have to decide what you want for yourself. Have a considerate and serious talk with your husband one more time; if you can't see that it's going to go forward so you can, in your own words, "have a family and live a normal life," then I think you know what you have to do.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Not only the people here who said so or talked negatively about him , but even my family members keep asking me: what kind of marriage life is that ? His problem he never talks about his issues , everything is OK . If he has financial issues he should tell me , it is not against his manhood to show a little weakness , we are partners , I even asked him to come and live with me here , I can manage that . but he refused , if he told me that he couldn't go further with the process due to financial problem , fine I would accept that , I am independent but I got married to have a family and live a normal life .

Thanks for your words

Don't listen too much to what your family members are saying about your marriage. There are always family members with bad marriages and some who cannot sustain friendship but are expert in other people's marriages. Listen to your gut. In the end, you should hold yourself responsible for any choices you make. So If I were you, I will get to the bottom of this whole thing and decide what to do. When I visited my husband and had the opportunity to witness what he goes through to get some things done for our relationship,it changed my view and increased my appreciation for him. Like others have said, getting on a flight that many times in a year is not cheap and it is scary too.

Whenever you doubt everything but have no evidence to support that, ask yourself why a anyone will go through that for someone?

Things are not that easy here and I don't expect it to be over there either but wherever the two of you will be, every hardship or difficulty will be a little easier to go through.

Good luck!

[Sandra G. 5,047]

I know one guy who has two families,one here and one in Russia,he goes to Russia often,that being said travelling often means nothing if her husband action does not match how a couple should live...TOGETHER. He has money to travel often then his problem is not money,he is not sick,I can't see a reason for him not to have his wife with him here.I believe he is living a double life.

Edited October 30, 2015 by sandranj

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I agree with the above. Some people think it's a grandiose adventure to get on a plane and see someone for a couple of weeks, but in reality, it's not. A lot of people are willing to throw down a thousand bucks for a week or so of "vacation", especially if they have it.

It's great that some like to see ONLY the good in things and believe that everyone is honest and true, but when it comes to something like this, you need to play it safe. Don't ignore signs, but also try to not misconstrued them into something more than they should be.

Do you know ANYTHING about your husbands finances? How much he makes a year? If he has no children and is only sponsoring you, he only needs to make 19,912$. That's roughly 10.38$ an hour for full time 80 hours for two weeks, 40 hours per week. While the minimum wage is lower in most places, A LOT of places hire at that or more. Shoot, the BBQ joint down the street starts at 10$ for all shifts where I am. Most retail places start at 9 here. Shoot, walmart passed a thing across ALL walmarts that start them at 9$ an hour this last July.

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. I don't bug my fiance with finances too much as I know he's perfectly able of doing that himself because he went to school for accounting, but every so often I'll just ask if he's okay money wise. Sometimes he'll say he's tight and then say how much he has, a roundabout estimate, and other times he tells me it's all good and then usually says that a paycheck was better than normal or something. I've never been given a reason to doubt him, and he's upfront about it when money is tight.

When we're married, we plan on keeping most of our money separate mainly because I don't want to have to deal with the finances and he's good at it, have one joint, one separate that he works with, but at no point will that separate account become a hidden trove of deceit and lies. Even though I don't mess with the separate one, I can still see what's in it, that we're doing okay, etc. Because it's not a "his only" or "hers only" it's a "We".



At the same time, if my fiance were in this situation, he would have NOT filed for me unless he knew he could meet all that was required. Doing it knowing you can't make the financial side and have no cosponsors is just setting you up for failure.



Another question: Have you asked him about a joint sponsor? I'd just ask him "well if you aren't doing well money wise, we could always get a joint sponsor to help us!" Make him know you know there are more options than just him.

Either way, it's up to you, have a talk with him or don't, but don't expect anything to change without there being any effort on either side.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Ash.1101

[Ihavequestions 419]

I know one guy who has two families,one here and one in Russia,he goes to Russia often,that being said travelling often means nothing if her husband action does not match how a couple should live...TOGETHER. He has money to travel often then his problem is not money,he is not sick,I can't see a reason for him not to have his wife with him here.I believe he is living a double life.

I thought the same thing.

[heo luoi 206]

This is peculiar. I have heard of guys that have 2nd families abroad and the like and by all accounts all parties seem to be 'ok' with it. Obviously other times not. But he did file which seems like more to do if not genuine, albeit it is some basic paperwork. If hes too bogged down now, he should seek some visa services help to support getting it to finish. Counterpoint, if he does have genuine other issues stalling at NVC may be the most opportune time to do so. If delayed too long, may expire.

I dont know either of you so I cant conclude, from a 4 line blip about your lives. Thats something you'll have to pass judgement for yourself, but I think if you really want to immigrate here, a frank and earnest discussion ought to be held soon.

Edited October 30, 2015 by heo luoi

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

From the opening post, I believe that he likes this arrangement because he can have women in 2 countries. I'm not saying he has families in both places, but he has a wife (OP) and in the US he can still live the bachelor life. Once she comes to the US, the fun would be over.