My husband doesn't want me to relocate

[kareelina 42]

Hello VJ members

I found out that my husband doesn't feel like takin us there , we started the process in Feb2014 , now our application is at NVC , my husband has to submit the affidavit of support , but here he froze everything , and keeps delaying things , each time he justifies that either by : he is busy now with his taxes , another time he doesn't have time for that , another time he's preparing for probate court hearing in January2016 , so I understand that he doesn't want u to go there and live with him , he visits me 3 times a year , I have my own place and my own job , and I think he likes it this way , what should I do ?

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Personally? I'd find another husband. That's not a marriage.

[Ryan H 3,812]

***Moved from IR-1/CR-1 Process & Procedures to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum.***

**Moderator hat off**

There is nothing you can do if the petitioner does not want to pursue the process any further.

[tonyb919 107]

Reevaluate your relationship is the first thing that comes to mind for me.

[aaron2020 11,651]

It's up to him if he wants to pursue the petition with the NVC. There is nothing you can do on the immigration issues.

You can discuss the marital issue of why he wouldn't continue the immigration process with him. That's about all you can do.

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

What he wants is to have the wife (YOU) living in your country, so he can come visit you when he feels like it. And he is free to have his mistresses in the US without you knowing or interfering.

This guy sounds like a cheat. And I'm a guy saying this.

[aaron2020 11,651]

What he wants is to have the wife (YOU) living in your country, so he can come visit you when he feels like it. And he is free to have his mistresses in the US without you knowing or interfering.

This guy sounds like a cheat. And I'm a guy saying this.

Did you consider that the holdup at the NVC may have something to do with not being able to meet the I-864 requirements?

Infidelity may not be the issue.

Communication is a definite issue in this marriage.

Edited October 23, 2015 by aaron2020

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

Did you consider that the holdup at the NVC may have something to do with not being able to meet the I-864 requirements?

Infidelity may not be the issue.

Communication is a definite issue in this marriage.

The "hold-up at NVC" (it's not much of a hold up, 2 months is not a big deal--but I'm not trying to start that argument, it's irrelevant to the discussion at hand) should have nothing to do with him filing. He keeps putting it off with bogus reasons. I would be skeptical if I were her.

I have always believed that if a petitioner can't meet the ridiculously under-estimated poverty limits to file I-864 (which nobody can live on to begin with), how can they claim to be able to support a spouse? Love doesn't pay the electric bill and buy food.

[kareelina 42]

Personally? I'd find another husband. That's not a marriage.

I agree with you concerning the second part , but if I got divorced , I will never think of getting another husband , living alone is much better.

It's up to him if he wants to pursue the petition with the NVC. There is nothing you can do on the immigration issues.

You can discuss the marital issue of why he wouldn't continue the immigration process with him. That's about all you can do.

The problem is that he never says he would stop everything , but he always says I will

[kareelina 42]

Reevaluate your relationship is the first thing that comes to mind for me.

I'd like to live a normal life , no matter the place or the country , a husband , a wife and kids should live together all the time.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

You need to evaluate your marriage, it seems his life is a mess. He has a court hearing, probably low income, poor communication and no love for you. It is time for you to ask yourself why you still want to be with him, and if you tell me "because I love him", well just your love is not enough, he must love you as well, and his actions speak louder than his words my dear.

[kareelina 42]

The "hold-up at NVC" (it's not much of a hold up, 2 months is not a big deal--but I'm not trying to start that argument, it's irrelevant to the discussion at hand) should have nothing to do with him filing. He keeps putting it off with bogus reasons. I would be skeptical if I were her.

I have always believed that if a petitioner can't meet the ridiculously under-estimated poverty limits to file I-864 (which nobody can live on to begin with), how can they claim to be able to support a spouse? Love doesn't pay the electric bill and buy food.

He always gives me the feeling that everything is OK , he is stable financially , he has his own house there and his business , but I feel skeptical towards other things.

What he wants is to have the wife (YOU) living in your country, so he can come visit you when he feels like it. And he is free to have his mistresses in the US without you knowing or interfering.

This guy sounds like a cheat. And I'm a guy saying this.

I have the same feeling

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Personally? I'd find another husband. That's not a marriage.

That is true if the only interest of OP is to come here. OP could suggest to her husband to move to where she is if her claim is true.

There could be other things at stake. Maybe OP is constantly bothering him with the immigration process and showing little concern for her husband's well being or even the relationship...yeah, i said it. An ex of mine did the same thing. Ever since I spoke to him about possibly moving here, his first question in every communication was all about immigration first and sometimes,a common "how are you ?" was missing in the convo. I left him before that season of immigration nagging was over.

So OP, find out if everything is going well with your husband. No USC wants the foreign partner to come to a mess in US and he might be stressing over his finances or other things.

If you love him then it doesn't matter where you both live, would it? Talk to your man about his life, your relationship or anything but immigration.

Your answer may be there. Don't conclude that infidelity is the reason as some have suggested unless you have evidence.

Good luck!

[kareelina 42]

That is true if the only interest of OP is to come here. OP could suggest to her husband to move to where she is if her claim is true.

There could be other things at stake. Maybe OP is constantly bothering him with the immigration process and showing little concern for her husband's well being or even the relationship...yeah, i said it. An ex of mine did the same thing. Ever since I spoke to him about possibly moving here, his first question in every communication was all about immigration first and sometimes,a common "how are you ?" was missing in the convo. I left him before that season of immigration nagging was over.

So OP, find out if everything is going well with your husband. No USC wants the foreign partner to come to a mess in US and he might be stressing over his finances or other things.

If you love him then it doesn't matter where you both live, would it? Talk to your man about his life, your relationship or anything but immigration.

Your answer may be there. Don't conclude that infidelity is the reason as some have suggested unless you have evidence.

Good luck!

It was not my idea to apply for immigrant visa , he did that and I always tell him no matter the place , I am fine living here I have a very decent job , my own apartment my own car , I even asked him to live with me here permanently we've been married for 4 years . but he prefers coming and going when he mentioned moving to US I said fine if that what he wanted, and when our petition is approved the NVC asked him for the affidavit of support , but he did nothing and comes with excuses from time to time , all what I asked for is honesty , frankly speaking either wants me to move or not , but leaving me in that horrible state of mind is not good at all.

You need to evaluate your marriage, it seems his life is a mess. He has a court hearing, probably low income, poor communication and no love for you. It is time for you to ask yourself why you still want to be with him, and if you tell me "because I love him", well just your love is not enough, he must love you as well, and his actions speak louder than his words my dear.

I appreciate your point of view

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Honesty and communication are ALWAYS number one when you live apart from the person you're in a relationship with. Even only having one (communication but no honesty or honesty but no communication) can destroy a relationship.

Personally, I would want to be with the person I'm married too. I don't really see the purpose of marrying someone when neither of us have the intentions of moving to the others country, as with that you might as well just stay dating. Some people argue that marriage makes it more committed, but honestly if you aren't that committed in a normal relationship, your values don't change at the alter.

There are also people who are very okay with having an emotional relationship with as little physical in between. I have a family member that has been "dating" on and off someone for 15 years, and for those 15 years neither of them have moved in together or become something more than a long distance relationship because there's always a "reason". (Excuse). Now if the person came out and said "I personally like having someone I can confide in and see twice a year, but have not much commitment other than that" that's fine, at least there's honesty, but sometimes you just gotta be the one to step back and realize you've wasted a long time waiting for something that will only leave you waiting more.

Some people honestly do like it like that, have your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife at one place, and see them and talk to them on your terms or when ever you need to. Here on VJ that's very hard to understand seeing as most people here are fighting to be in the same place as their loved one, but again seeing a family member doing that for 15 years does help me see that some people are fine with this. BOTH people need to both be fine with it for it to work though.



With that said, if there is no reason that he hasn't sent the I-864 and he's coming up with excuse after excuse, ask him why he even bothered sending off for the visa in the first place. If he's financially unstable, then sending off for the visa was a bad choice to start with as it costs a lot of money and you have to prove you make more than enough money.

Tbqh, I don't agree with not talking about immigration related things. If he sent off for you to be able to come here, and you didn't really care if you lived there or not, then he needs to talk about it as you're just along for the ride at this point. I understand not talking about immigration related things if you're in a waiting period or a limbo, but when the only reason there is a wait is because of the husband, I think that warrants some communication.


At the end of the day, the best advice is to talk to him. If you can't do that, your relationships in peril anyways because that is the CORE of a long distance relationship. You can't survive a LDR without communication.

Edited October 23, 2015 by Ash.1101