Separation desparation

[JimandSarha 0]

What's AP? Am I there too?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

AP, in this case, is administrative processing, a procedure undergone after the interview where name and background checks are done. It can take various lengths of time to complete.

Edited March 5, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[limah 1]

I thought by now everyone should be reunited on this board. are all of yall on AP?

What makes ya think EVERYBODY has been reunited with their husbands? Nah, everyone isn't on AP, either.

Limah

[chri'stina 190]

I don't see at as needy, I see it as normal. But, to each his own, I guess. *shrug*

Personally, I would have been seriously questioning my relationship if I hadn't had a hard time being separated.

Same here. After meeting face to face, Sujeet and I were apart for 11 months before he arrived on the K1 visa. It was very painful for me. My entire life was not on hold, but some of it was, yes! I wanted to marry him, and had to wait. I wanted to actually be in his presence, and had to wait. I just wanted a hug. Had to wait. Visiting him was not feasible because of how far and expensive it was to go to India. I would not wish this experience on any of my family members. The only positive thing was getting a heck of a lot of patience built in both of us. That was a very valuable thing to gain, and to not take each other for granted. But still, I had a very hard time sometimes being separated from him. Thinking about the separation even now, over 2 years after our reuniting, makes me cringe and feel very yucky inside. I never want to be separated from him like that ever again. And I am not even an example of a very hard situation. Our visa was approved right away. But the separation was still horrible for me at times. I don't think it's needy, it's just wanting a normal life with your sweetie. Maybe others are stronger, and that is good too.

(I realize this thread is 15 pages long now and I am coming in late...but I am not going to go read every page, )

[rebex05 1]

Anothe poster on an earlier thread stated that the longer it takes, the more anxiety lessens. What thoughts about that?

I guess I cannot say much for the visa process because ours has only started a few weeks ago officially. But I would say that the longer I have been apart from my love the more I miss and love him... however, that said it is easier because I can see how fast time actually does pass by and that in the end it will all be worth it.

[rebex05 1]

It irks me when ppl say their 'life is on hold' I don't feel that way. I think it's a lil ott, but hey..diff strokes for diff folks. But I also think that people have a way of rushing through life...when you're young it's 'oh I can't wait til I'm 16/18/21' then it's 'i can't wait til college is over/til I meet someone/get engaged/get married/have a baby' I think the tendency is to always be waiting for the next step, and often times you forget to relish where you are in the present. D & I use the time apart to our advantage...there's absolutely nothing we can do about the separation, so might as well try to minimize the 'unhappiness' of being apart by keeping as full a life as poss.

I agree that too often we just basically waste our lives away waiting for the next best thing... instead of living life to the fullest each and every day. Of course I miss my fiance with all I am and want nothing more than to be with him, but I try hard to live each day like there is something I can give to this world and learn as well. Often I feel like I am just gathering more questions for the journey... but the experiences are what makes living worth it. And I will be the happiest woman when I can finally just be in the same place as my love (which does not make me needy at all... just human), but in the meantime I will do my best to not just wait for that moment but rather live in the present.

[rebex05 1]

you think missing your better half is a sign of weakness?

if my husband is sick. it hurts me alot because, I cant comfort him. if I am hurting

belive me he hurts he cant make it all better. when I am happy I cant share that with my husband the way I would like. I cant remember my husbands kiss. this is something you apprently are making fun of. its not funny to me. when you are apart so long and you forget his kiss how will you feel? dayum I cant rember. but, I really want to rember again. so dont say anyone is wrong for getting defensive because, certainly I feel that you are mocking those that feel empty when they are apart and suffering from their true love. when you are in true love

being apart really does hurt.

I cannot even imagine the hurt that is caused by being separated for that long... though we are getting there, but just over a year and one month since being together. I agree that it does hurt when you cannot comfort or be comforted the way you would like. Or to not be able to share your joy or in his joy as so many get to is torture. You want to be with this person and share everything with them... so yes it is painful to not be together. It is sad trying to remember with all you have what you SO's kiss is like or any other shared memory. I can see where you are coming from because I too feel the pain from being apart from my fiance.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

I thought that this was an interesting post, but got bogged down in all the drama. I don't know greeneyedgirl or her situation, but whenever I'm browsing here and find a combative, vaguely nasty post, somehow she's involved. Whatever.

But back to the question: sometime I wonder what's wrong with me that I'm just not dying to be with him and having crying jags because we're separated. It seems to be not the norm. But even though we're physically apart, he's been my other half for almost seven years that a period of separation seems like no biggie. Most of the time. We've been separated physically since Sept 2005, but our relationship still feels seamless and he's a very big part of my identity. I know that he'll always be by my side even if not in person right now. And we'll be married in June.

On the other hand, if I imagine a future without him, it all changes. I get sick to my stomach and it feels like a piece of me is being ripped out.

I'm going to enjoy these last few months of living as a single person very much because I know that soon I won't be.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I thought that this was an interesting post, but got bogged down in all the drama. I don't know greeneyedgirl or her situation, but whenever I'm browsing here and find a combative, vaguely nasty post, somehow she's involved. Whatever.

You raised an old thread to make a nasty crack. Must be a slow day for your own nasty cracks.

Edited March 25, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I was thinking the same, if she was there someone had to be on the other end of the discussions, takes two to tango and on here sometimes three or four....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

She's new, but she must be getting the PMs already.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Actually, I raised an old thread because the post topic appeared at the bottom as a related thread I was looking at and it looked like an interesting question so I opened it.

And the first paragraph of my post was in response to what I saw in the first few pages of this thread. Had I wanted to only make a nasty crack I would have refrained from responding, but as you can see in the second paragraph, I also wanted to share a genuine response.

Well, it seems that this off-topic forum is not the place for me!

[cbd2cai 0]

Run away, run away!!!