Separation desparation

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

Edited March 3, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Jenn! 918]

I don't see at as needy, I see it as normal. But, to each his own, I guess. *shrug*

Personally, I would have been seriously questioning my relationship if I hadn't had a hard time being separated.

Edited March 3, 2007 by jenn3539

[Fandango 1,439]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

It irks me when ppl say their 'life is on hold' I don't feel that way. I think it's a lil ott, but hey..diff strokes for diff folks. But I also think that people have a way of rushing through life...when you're young it's 'oh I can't wait til I'm 16/18/21' then it's 'i can't wait til college is over/til I meet someone/get engaged/get married/have a baby' I think the tendency is to always be waiting for the next step, and often times you forget to relish where you are in the present. D & I use the time apart to our advantage...there's absolutely nothing we can do about the separation, so might as well try to minimize the 'unhappiness' of being apart by keeping as full a life as poss.

Oh, btw,I don't think your above statement in red could be taken any other way then being offended. You really should work on not being so condescending. Why automatically brand people as 'needy'? I think it's very short sighted and quite rude.

I also infer from many of your posts that you like being the oddball/standout/etc...don't worry....we're all unique in our own way...you don't have to try so hard to point that out constantly

oh, No offense intended btw

Edited March 3, 2007 by LisaD

[sereia 0]

I'm with Jenn on that one. Everyone deals with it differently. My fiance doesn't deal with it as "well" as I do...but we're both a mess at times. Which is why I keep going back to see him over and over! It definitely helps to be face to face as many times as possible during the wait. And like Lisa said, we're both taking this time to better ourselves ...since it is necessary we are apart we want to make the best of it and come together even better than when we met!

Edited March 3, 2007 by abdounjen

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

It irks me when ppl say their 'life is on hold' I don't feel that way. I think it's a lil ott, but hey..diff strokes for diff folks. But I also think that people have a way of rushing through life...when you're young it's 'oh I can't wait til I'm 16/18/21' then it's 'i can't wait til college is over/til I meet someone/get engaged/get married/have a baby' I think the tendency is to always be waiting for the next step, and often times you forget to relish where you are in the present. D & I use the time apart to our advantage...there's absolutely nothing we can do about the separation, so might as well try to minimize the 'unhappiness' of being apart by keeping as full a life as poss.

Oh, btw,I don't think your above statement in red could be taken any other way then being offended. You really should work on not being so condescending. Why automatically brand people as 'needy'? I think it's very short sighted and quite rude.

I also infer from many of your posts that you like being the oddball/standout/etc...don't worry....we're all unique in our own way...you don't have to try so hard to point that out constantly

oh, No offense intended btw

QFT.

[Mags 112]

I missed my fiance an incredible amount, but I'm a tough cookie and I just got on with my life. I knew we would be together eventually so I didn't see the point of stressing 24 hours a day about the distance. I love him an incredible amount, but I still had a life to lead in the UK at the time.

I had a full time job, a child to look after and a house to run.

Moping is counter productive IMO. You just get wrapped up in sadness and that doesn't do anyone any good. Sadness breeds sadness and depression and you can get caught up in a vicious circle.

I'm not the most patient person in the world, I admit that, but we were apart and I just dealt with it. I also knew that I wouldn't be in the UK for much longer...so I made the most of the place. I went and saw places I had not been to, I became a tourist and saw the sights of London etc etc

I didn't want the memories of my last few months in the UK to be bad, so I embraced it and had fun.

[SoL. 0]

I love and miss my fiancé dearly but I just learned to live with the situation because there is no way to change it. (Since USCIS decides for us what we do in this process). We do miss each other a lot but, since we know is a temporary thing, it is not that painful.

He is enjoying this time to be with his family and friends before moving to the US and pretty much busy lately.

I think people deal with their separations in different ways, some are more sensible than others We all miss our SO's but we manage the pain differently.

Edited March 3, 2007 by Sol-de-Verano

[mybackpages 0]

I'm with Jenn on that one. Everyone deals with it differently. My fiance doesn't deal with it as "well" as I do...but we're both a mess at times. Which is why I keep going back to see him over and over! It definitely helps to be face to face as many times as possible during the wait. And like Lisa said, we're both taking this time to better ourselves ...since it is necessary we are apart we want to make the best of it and come together even better than when we met!

Thr trick is not to be "a mess" both at the same time. Better to take turns so the "strong" one at the moment can comfort the one having a difficult time. IMO its normal to have moments of difficulty, and everyone has different levels of messiness.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

It irks me when ppl say their 'life is on hold' I don't feel that way. I think it's a lil ott, but hey..diff strokes for diff folks. But I also think that people have a way of rushing through life...when you're young it's 'oh I can't wait til I'm 16/18/21' then it's 'i can't wait til college is over/til I meet someone/get engaged/get married/have a baby' I think the tendency is to always be waiting for the next step, and often times you forget to relish where you are in the present. D & I use the time apart to our advantage...there's absolutely nothing we can do about the separation, so might as well try to minimize the 'unhappiness' of being apart by keeping as full a life as poss.

Oh, btw,I don't think your above statement in red could be taken any other way then being offended. You really should work on not being so condescending. Why automatically brand people as 'needy'? I think it's very short sighted and quite rude.

I also infer from many of your posts that you like being the oddball/standout/etc...don't worry....we're all unique in our own way...you don't have to try so hard to point that out constantly

oh, No offense intended btw

I agree whole heartedly with the first part. As for how I post, I know darn well that if I didn't say "no offense", offense would be taken. But, I don't hold myself responsible for the easy offense people often take to innocuous comments that are neither condensending, short sighted or rude, but only perceived to be so by the reader.

Sorry, but I can't help but notice how different I am from many here; no constantly trying hard involved. I may as well go with it and enjoy it in the present! No offense taken; amateur psychoanalysis is always interesting, if not particularly useful.

Edited March 3, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[RosaMystica7 0]

I agree that everyone handles it differently. My fiance is handling our 14 months apart horribly, his response to it is crying and getting angry really quickly. I'm not handling it all that well either but my response is oh well, we're in it, we'll get through it, it'll be over. He gets all "oh I wish I could hug you" and I'm all like "well you can't so figure something else out!" Don't get me wrong, there's times I cry about it too. And it's true that it's been so long now that I can't remember what his hug feels like anymore, or what it's like to look up into his eyes, or what he smells like... and that hurts. And there's times that I whine and complain and cry and carry on. But not nearly as much as he does. That doesn't mean he's needy or emotionally unstable or anything... it's just his way of handling this pain. Just like it doesn't mean that I'm cold or don't love him, it's just MY way of handling the pain.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Anothe poster on an earlier thread stated that the longer it takes, the more anxiety lessens. What thoughts about that?

[mybackpages 0]

I love and miss my fiancé dearly but I just learned to live with the situation because there is no way to change it. (Since USCIS decides for us what we do in this process). We do miss each other a lot but, since we know is a temporary thing, it is not that painful.

He is enjoying this time to be with his family and friends before moving to the US and pretty much busy lately.

I think people deal with their separations in different ways, some are more sensible than others We all miss our SO's but we manage the pain differently.

This became our mantra. What do we do? We are doing everythign we can, there is no way to change it now, so we wait. This frame of mind always made it a bit easier when things felt difficult.

[bostonparis 0]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

I think it's great that you don't want to be with your husband, and that you're happy alone. For you. To each his own.

I'm content while I wait, I know I have a lot to do before he gets here, I don't cry about him not being here because I know eventually he will be. (In 1.5 months!)

But to demean people in the condescending way that you do (often, by the way), seems to me that you think you are ordinary, and try to stand out. It's sad, but I think it's just your personality. I know people like you (that I used to be friends with), but honestly, it's exhausting to listen to someone talk about how much of an individual they are. ALL the time!! LOL!!

[sereia 0]

Thr trick is not to be "a mess" both at the same time. Better to take turns so the "strong" one at the moment can comfort the one having a difficult time. IMO its normal to have moments of difficulty, and everyone has different levels of messiness.

soooo true. usually thats how its been. him a mess. me strong and supporitve. me a mess, him strong. oh boy i hope we never are a mess at the same time! heheehe

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I read alot of posts about how stressed out people are, how the wait and separation is killing them, and how they can't stand to be apart. I'm not like that, not because I don't love and miss my hubby, but, I'm just not that emotional or needy (no offense intended to those who are).

Any more taking the wait in stride, or am I an oddball (as I've been told frequently)?

I think it's great that you don't want to be with your husband, and that you're happy alone. For you. To each his own.

I'm content while I wait, I know I have a lot to do before he gets here, I don't cry about him not being here because I know eventually he will be. (In 1.5 months!)

But to demean people in the condescending way that you do (often, by the way), seems to me that you think you are ordinary, and try to stand out. It's sad, but I think it's just your personality. I know people like you (that I used to be friends with), but honestly, it's exhausting to listen to someone talk about how much of an individual they are. ALL the time!! LOL!!

When you can't say anything nice, it's best not to say anything at all. You must be stressed out, depressed, and acting out alleviates your pain for a while. It's ok, I can take it! Have one on me!