Fiancee visa... wants to go home

[DA BOMB 1]

Hello everyone,

I would like to ask an idea about my cousin's case. She came here as k1 visa and been here already for 2 weeks, she realized that she is not happy with her man and wants to go back to Philippines, she told her man that she wants to go home but her man wont let her, anyone there can give an idea how can my cousin go back to Philippines? Her man will not buy her a ticket to go back? Do you think its his obligation? Help...

Call the cops! He cant hold her against her will and being that she cant work to earn her own ticket money maybe they can assist her. Where's her nearest embassy here in the states?

[GhanaLove 0]

There are so many opinions on this subject, but I just want to add that when I was in Ghana for three and a half months, as soon as I got back to the US I wanted to go back. I was miserable here and I lived here for 21 years!!!

It's a very hard adjustment to make coming from a different country, especially if you only know a few people here. I think two weeks is not enough time to deal with the culture shock. When I first got to Ghana, I too wanted to come back home, but I used my support system there to deal with my homesickness and culture shock.

I would suggest the same thing for your cousin. If it is her relationship that she is unhappy with, that's another ordeal, but if it is just her adjustment to her new environment, her partner should assist her in getting acclamated.

All the best!

[DA BOMB 1]

Hi Geraldine,

Good luck on your immigraiton journey. Frankly, in answer to your post about your cousin, if she is not happy here in the USA before she is married, then why would she be happy here after she is married? Remember, marriage is forever....

She doesnt want to get married...she wants to go home.

[DA BOMB 1]

Hello everyone,

I would like to ask an idea about my cousin's case. She came here as k1 visa and been here already for 2 weeks, she realized that she is not happy with her man and wants to go back to Philippines, she told her man that she wants to go home but her man wont let her, anyone there can give an idea how can my cousin go back to Philippines? Her man will not buy her a ticket to go back? Do you think its his obligation? Help...

It is sad to see something like this happen and it makes you wonder if it's him that she isn't happy with or she's just very homesick. Her maturity probably has a lot to do with this also. Is she very young? Besides all that, if she wants to go home it's his obligation to provide the means for her to do so. It's in the petition he filled out that he guarantees she will not become a public charge or dependent on charity.

Hey you made a REALLY good point! Whoever filed the affidavit of support has the responsibility of seeing that she gets home. (Probably HIM) Thats like not feeding her or housing her..its support even if that means sending her back where she wants to be.

[DA BOMB 1]

I have to say that I have read differing opinions on this post, thus I will give mine.

When considering all of the questions and requirements that were asked of both parties when filing for a K-1 visa, the answers that were given (as well as the papers that were submitted in conjunction with the petition and visa processes) assured the individuals determining eligibility for the K-1 Visa that this Filipina and her American fiancée knew each other well enough to justify it.

Why was this person given a visa in the first place?

The requirements set forth to prove a petitioner and beneficiary’s intent seem excessive to myself because I truly love my fiancée and have no doubt that I will spend the rest of my life with her, (shoot, just ask me .. I’ll put my hand on the bible, which would be enough in my case) but when I read of a case like this I can understand why these requirements were established.

This truly is sad as dav ehssa said, for both parties involved, but I do not agree that after 2 weeks it is her fiancée’s obligation to buy her a ticket, before the 90 days yes, but not after 2 weeks. I also feel that if she is deported for not meeting the marriage requirement that he should be responsible for her return ticket… no free ticket there, no taxpayer liability.

As far as the “red flags”, “kind of person that he is”, and “controlling” statement goes, it seems to me that he isn’t the one breaking the contract; maybe it is like Jim&Gemz said she is just immature and/or homesick and she’ll get over it, once again this brings me back justifying his not buying the ticket after 2 weeks.

As you can probably tell, without more information .. I am not compelled to consider the petitioner a “bad guy”.

Just thoughts in passing while reading posts and wondering why it takes so DARN long to get a Visa approved. Thank you OP for helping to ease my mind; there are in fact legitimate reasons for the requirements set forth to obtain a K-1 Visa.

the

These are assumptions are made based on the OPs "He wont LET her leave" line. Thats kinda freaky if you stick yourself in that situation. I imagine myself in the Phillipines (of all places because I'd move to Scotland in a second) and not knowing one person and the language is difficult (Im assuming) and my guy is not catering my inability to adjust...yep, send me home I have to get outta here! I would think the initial time spent in the US is the happy loving moment then the fire fades a little and its time to adjust to your new surroundings...then thats when the homesickness sets in...not the other ay around. Sounds like she wasnt happy the minute she got there.

[1HappyGuy 45]

This is exactly why I always advise that a round trip ticket should be purchased. There are any number of reasons why the relationship might not work. I agree that we don't know enough about the facts to properly advise and we shouldn't speculate about who's at fault.

I know that after only two weeks, it's a little early to make this determination. She hasn't even adjusted to the time change yet. What was she expecting when she agreed to marry him? What was his expectations? They should first try to talk it out before jumping ship.

If he refuses to pay for her to leave, then he could be stuck supporting someone here for a long time. That's what VAWA was all about (i.e. IMBRA). My advice to them is to try talking first and see where that leads. Obviously the situation is a "he said/she said" and only they know the truth. Second and third hand information is not too reliable.

Tell your cousin to try talking about the feelings both of them have, what they expected and see if it can be worked out. If there is no possibility of reconciliation, then she should contact the Philippine embassy for assistance. They can exert pressure on the U.S. State Department to contact this man.

[Sonshyne 2]

This is not good. If she is unhappy here and wants to go home then he should send her. This to me would be a red flag as to the kind of person "he" is. It seems that maybe he is controlling. I hope that if she has made up her mind that she is not happy and wants to go home, that he will finally understand that, and help her out.

After giving some more thought to the orignal post, I realized that my statement of "red flags" calling this man "controlling" was unfair. We don't really know why she wants to go back, and it could simply be home sickness, which in time I truly hope passes for her. Thinking of my own SO, I wouldn't want to send him back so quickly either. I am sure he will go through culture shock and will miss his home, friends, and family. I will do everything I can to make the transition as comfortable as I can.

Edited March 2, 2007 by Sonshyne

[Otto 83]

To clarify:

The phrase(s) doesn't want her to go and won't let her go often gets twisted depending on

1) language (sometimes)

2) who's telling the story and to whom.

Obligation

Moral Obligation:

I would think he is morally obligated, but that is from my moral point of view. You can't force people to be moral and it's not illegal.

Legal Obligation:

I do not know. I think when two adults enter into an agreement such as this there is a certain amount of responsibility (or obligation) on both parties, not just one (him in this case).

I always ask myself:

If the roles were reversed, would it be her responsibility to send him home? If the answer is no, then there you go. 'Right' is not unilateral.

Obvously there's no pretty answer. And I certainly hope there are/have-been no claims of physical/mental abuse as none has been stated. That would change a lot of 'obligations' and can be illegal.

[Yodrak 7]

MRS BILLY BONG,

Washington DC

Yodrak

..... Where's her nearest embassy here in the states?

[lostinblue 1,989]

This is not good. If she is unhappy here and wants to go home then he should send her. This to me would be a red flag as to the kind of person "he" is. It seems that maybe he is controlling. I hope that if she has made up her mind that she is not happy and wants to go home, that he will finally understand that, and help her out.

After giving some more thought to the orignal post, I realized that my statement of "red flags" calling this man "controlling" was unfair. We don't really know why she wants to go back, and it could simply be home sickness, which in time I truly hope passes for her. Thinking of my own SO, I wouldn't want to send him back so quickly either. I am sure he will go through culture shock and will miss his home, friends, and family. I will do everything I can to make the transition as comfortable as I can.

I agree with the above post . Why is it always the mans fault, We are controling, abusive . You have someone who has spent many dollars and much time trying to establish a warm loving relationship with a woman from another country and in less time than many people go on vacation she has decided to run home to mommy. In my opinion she is a gold digger . This is if there is no abuse . If she was abused then she would be with the cousin right now . So I have to believe there is no dangerous situation for her . She is either homesick,never been off the farm and cannot cope being away from the family or took advantage of this man to receive a free vacation and will laugh all the way on the return trip home. If she has up to 90 days to decide why not stick it out and forgo making a rash decision. A certain percentage of people involved in this process enter into this with their eyes half shut. This should serve as a warning as to spending time getting to know someone before making this commitment. I can see this man saying to her you have been here only 2 weeks and you desire to leave . Please stay and we can work this out. give it more time before you make this decision. I would rather you not go home at this point. You have a hard working christern man .Who could be the most honest man in his town and many people act as if he is an abuser without knowing any of the story. You people watch too many dramas on tv.Call the cops call the cops ,, what a bunch of #######. Call the cousin and have her send her home. Why give this man a black eye .

[Dan J 277]

There is too much unknown to really give good advice in this situation. And likely some miscommunication as well as bias.

If this is a case where her partner is abusive, go to the police. Period.

If this is a case where she is regretting her descsion, either because she really doesnt like her partner or she is homesick, she should attempt to work it out. If that doesnt work, then its probably the legal obligation as the supporter of your cousin, of her fiancee to pay for a trip back. If he wont or cant, contacting the embassy of the given country or just getting deported would get her sent back, but at a cost to the tax payers who really shouldnt be responsible for this situation.

Due to the cost of travel there are many cases where people dont spend as much time together as they should or for whatever reason, rush things when they should take more time.

[JenT 0]

... if she wants to go home it's his obligation to provide the means for her to do so. It's in the petition he filled out that he guarantees she will not become a public charge or dependent on charity.

That's a very excellent point.

The I-134 is not legally enforceable.

[Rob and Melinda 0]

You know, when Melinda first arrived here in the US from the Philippines we went through many struggles together where we both wondered if we were really right for each other. It was a period of adjustment for her and for me. We worked through all of our problems and continued to love each other and it has paid off tremendously. Today after 4 months we love each other more than ever and are really happy with our lives together.

Perhaps she needs to be a little more patient and give it some time. Coming to the US from the Philippines is a huge culture shock. Even the way we say things here in the US is sometimes offensive to a Philipina. After she has been here awhile she will adjust to the new culture and here new husband. Hang in there, give it some more time.

Rob and Melinda

[JamalNTam 1]

If she has up to 90 days to decide why not stick it out and forgo making a rash decision. A certain percentage of people involved in this process enter into this with their eyes half shut. This should serve as a warning as to spending time getting to know someone before making this commitment. I can see this man saying to her you have been here only 2 weeks and you desire to leave . Please stay and we can work this out. give it more time before you make this decision. I would rather you not go home at this point. You have a hard working christern man .Who could be the most honest man in his town and many people act as if he is an abuser without knowing any of the story. You people watch too many dramas on tv.Call the cops call the cops ,, what a bunch of #######. Call the cousin and have her send her home. Why give this man a black eye .

I totally agree with you on this! Truthfully, is there any USC who are bringing their fiance(e)s or have already brought them to the states with a K1 that would happily agree to let them go back home after 2 weeks of being in the states? If you love someone enough to go through this horrible process for them to be in your life, you will want to fight for the relationship (not in the physical sense) and wouldnt be like 'Ok - I'll get your ticket tomoro. Goodbye.' It's so sad to see cases like this (and there have been alot) when I know my fiance better than I know anyone and love him with all my heart (due to us previously living together and living in the same country) and because of the people that walk into this whole process 'with their eyes half shut' it delay the ones who truley know and want to be with each other forever. The ones who would not give up after 2 weeks.

[olafgypsy 0]

... if she wants to go home it's his obligation to provide the means for her to do so. It's in the petition he filled out that he guarantees she will not become a public charge or dependent on charity.

That's a very excellent point.

The I-134 is not legally enforceable.

JenT: Could you elaborate on this more? The question this whole thread raises for me is as follows: what are the LEGAL financial obligations of the USC fiance to the alien fiance once s/he has arrived? My guess is that there is no clear-cut answer to this question: it may be one that I would have to research by searching for legal precedent.