AOS and RFE

[rebeccajo 14]

Just curious, since you mentioned a chip on my shoulder and that I should toughen up, how many people have made comments to you like the ones they've made to us? You know, things about green cards and terrorism.

I have. I was advised more than once that since he's from Northern Ireland, I should have him 'checked out'. When I used to tell people where he was from I would get "oh my" and funny looks. It's been said many times that since he's from the North, that's probably why his background check is taking so long.

And I've had a few other stereotypes tossed my way. Like 'Irish are big drinkers, aren't they?'

And MOST USC's on VJ would tell you they've gotten the 'greencard' comments. Don't you know everybody in the WORLD wants to live in America and would do just about anything to live here? *sarcasm*.

Edited March 1, 2007 by rebeccajo

[AbeandDeb 0]

Dear Mirlan,

If you are from the US - then you know you are dealing with many types of people everyday and many cultures, thoughts and beliefs. To generalize and say all people from the US believe Moroccans are ALL terrorists is just plain silly.

Many of us - myself included, do not personally know a single thing about Moroccans. Those simple minded people who told you bad things about them have their own beliefs and thoughts and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to change them or make it better.

To come on this forum and start out with a touchy subject to you is a problem because no one else here knows how touchy you are about it. When someone says something in an email or a post - you have no idea where they are coming from most of the time.

Email and posts are generally difficult to type since we have no ability to view facial expressions or tones and voice inflections.

Many times things are said in jest, just in passing or simply not stated as succinctly as they should be in order to get a message across.

I have thus far not found anyone on these forums UNSUPPORTIVE or purposely rude. What you will find is many people who have been in the same situation as you, dying to know the next step, what to expect and how to be ready for the next hoop to jump through.

I hav spent many nights reading over posts until 2 or 3 am in the morning hoping to glean just a tiny bit of knowledge from someone or some little bit of information to be able to help me know what step to take next.

Take a deep breath and give the benefit of the doubt when you are not sure how someone truly meant to type something to you.

Reading up on email etiquette and proper phrasing is always a great idea prior to posting on forums as well. Also, using I statements about how you feel (I am scared and confused......I do not understand your last post....etc) are often not so intimidating. When someone uses a "you" statement - Are you always so rude? - then others also are on the defensive and with just cause.

We are all here to help each other through a horribly stressful time. Just understand that we are not the only people under stress going through this and taking an extra bit of time to work through it can make things much easier for everyone.

I wish you luck and a speedy glide through all the red tape, hoops and jumble of papers. We are all doing the same LOL

paper clips, papercuts and stamps! wheee!

Take care,

Deb

[athena_ny 1]

You're blowing this way out of proportion. dr_lha said if your marriage is real, don't worry about it. If your marriage is real, move on. Those are things that are said 5946456 times a day at VJ, sometimes directly, sometimes not-so-directly. We've all had the same things said to us in different ways, no matter where our spouse is from. My friend told me "weird" when I said I got married, not "congratulations." My husband is from Peru and people think South America is a vast land of nothingness with no cities where they still run around in tribal gear or live in straw huts in the jungle. My own father doesn't know that he was on a tourist visa and wasn't yet a PR because had I told him, he would have told me he didn't love me, he just wanted a green card. I had people tell me he was a pervert or would beat me - and these people didn't know him, just knew we lived far away and he was South American.

Most of us deal with it to some degree. You aren't any more special than any of us - we all have to go through rude remarks from practical strangers. But if you can't deal with someone who is lending support - if you married for love, don't worry about it, if you didn't, do worry is hardly criticism on your marriage, just a fact of the system. If you can't handle that, how are you going to handle an interview that may or may not be grueling, depending on the officer?

Take a hint from the chip on the shoulder and loosen up comments or I'll doubt you'll get much help in the future.

Nobody here thinks Moroccans are terrorists.

I guess you mean nobody here on VisaJourney thinks Moroccans are terrorists.

I had someone in person actually tell me not to bring him here because (in his words) "he is a terrorist... he will brain wash you and make you into a suicide bomber". No, I'm not making this up. Also, the woman in immigration at the airport told me that he will get me pregnant, beat me up, take all my money and leave me once he gets his green card. Oh, this was right after she told me I was a little overweight and not very attractive. Many well meaning but misinformed friends and family members have made similar comments about my husband's intentions. Some days it bothers me more than others. Especially when it comes from somewhere unexpected.

Just curious, since you mentioned a chip on my shoulder and that I should toughen up, how many people have made comments to you like the ones they've made to us? You know, things about green cards and terrorism. Also, have any of your spouse's American 'friends' stopped socializing with you because of your marriage? If I hear anyone else with similar experiences, I'll be sure to tell them that I sympathize and hope that things get better, not criticize them for not being tough enough, or otherwise having normal human reactions to the situation.

I don't need sugar-coating, just a little support. Doesn't everyone? I thought this forum was for helping, not making people feel worse.

Mirlana