Regret bringing spouse to the US...horrible marriage!

[rlogan 2,036]

. I'm just simply exhausted.

That is a prime strategy of abusive people. Conscientious but naive and gullible people will knock themselves out trying to fix things when it isn't within their power to change an abusive person.

They'll string you along with empty promises and then a pretense of improving when they figure it will manipulate you into staying. Having you exhausted, broken, and weak makes you easier to control, and fall for their bullshit.

So the first thing is to get your mind right about leaving, the decision itself removing 90% of the anguish in your mind. Because the future is suddenly so clear. The steps seem so much less intimidating and the fear fades away. Sandranj has it right, that the most dangerous time is a victim telling the abuser all her plans to leave him. It isn't just that this is the time violence is the most likely, but they pull out all of the emotional stops too, everything from begging on their knees to threatening what you hold dear. Guilt-tripping, victim-playing, shaming, inappropriate anger, the works.

The point is to free yourself from it. Her advice here is really the best to follow.

[Harmonia 211]

Please get away from this man to protect yourself and your grand babies. Verbal abuse very often leads to physical abuse. Abuse is about power and control over another person. So there are different ways that can manifest itself, but it goes back to the root issue that he wants to control and intimidate you. You mentioned the $6K you spent. Just look at that as money that's gone. Its not coming back, so don't waste any more money, time, and energy on this person. $6K is a drop in the bucket when you look at a lifetime of being free from a toxic person.

Edited October 3, 2015 by Harmonia

[cokelili 3]

Please get away from this man to protect yourself and your grand babies. Verbal abuse very often leads to physical abuse. Abuse is about power and control over another person. So there are different ways that can manifest itself, but it goes back to the root issue that he wants to control and intimidate you. You mentioned the $6K you spent. Just look at that as money that's gone. Its not coming back, so don't waste any more money, time, and energy on this person. $6K is a drop in the bucket when you look at a lifetime of being free from a toxic person.

Thanks for the advise, I'm currently working on a plan to get him out of my life.