Regret bringing spouse to the US...horrible marriage!

[Ash.1101 1,756]

File for a divorce if you have exhausted all avenues for reconciliation. You can also file for a restraining order if you fear for your safety. A background check doesn't tell us about mood swings or tantrums that is why people should use the USCIS/embassy processing delays to actually visit (multiple times if financially possible) intending partners and cohabit with these folks for an extended period. Face-booking and skyping is cute but cohabitation is where the rubber meets the road. I hope you are aware that your obligation under i-864 doesn't terminate with a divorce. Good luck in your future endeavor.

Agreeing with this.

It's not even an immigration thing, but an abuser thing. There's a reason that most people who end up being abused in a relationship say they didn't know s/he was like that. The ones that knew and stayed tend to blame themselves and keep staying.

But it is entirely possible for someone to control themselves enough for long enough to tie someone down, and then show their true colors. True colors aren't always shown before marriage, some people choose to show them after marriage and living together because it's not as simple to leave/kick someone out when you're married. There have literally been cases where people have had the most beautiful dating and engaged life, where people would envy the relationship, only to have the husband (rarely wife) become physically abusive THE NIGHT of the wedding and then continue that pattern.

Serve him with divorce papers and tell him he needs to leave. You may not be able to get a restraining order if he's never hit you even though you may think he will, if you want, call the police and ask them to escort ya'll to a safe location, serve the divorce papers, and have the locks changed WHILE you're at this meeting (as long as his names not on the house you can do this).

If his name isn't on anything, then he has no right to any of it once you kick him out. Have his things packed, and while with the police serving papers, make a time with both the police and him to pick his stuff up, so the police are there to make sure there is no ruckuss. If he shows up at your house after he has picked up his things, that's when you can get the restraining order, as he has no business there what so ever.

Wish you the best of luck and stay strong though this.

Edited September 21, 2015 by Ash.1101

[lbreal1 16]

Please know this. Depending on your state of residence you be living in a community property state and if you got married without any prenuptial agreement he may be entitled to 50 percent of your assets. As you said you have done well for yourself so it will be wise to seek an attorney so you can protect yourself and properties unless you are planning on giving him half of everything you own.

[Boiler 45,486]

Doubt if the increased assets over a very short time add to much.

Edited September 21, 2015 by Boiler

[lbreal1 16]

She said she is paying on a mortgage. I hope in order to show the relationship is legit she did not add him on title to the property.

[Dareen 0]

I am sorry for you, actually i am not experiencied but I hope you will find the right answer drom the others and find out the right decision.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Most Trinidadian households are headed by females..so OP been the breadwinner may have nothing to do with Op's husband unless OP has been insinuating that he plays that role.

But if that is not the case then you have two options:

1. if you want to savage this relationship and you believe he is a good person but he is having adjustment issues, then get counseling.

OR

2. Get away from him.

Whatever decision you take, think about you and the child in the house.

Good luck!

[Irene01 1]

Immediately call 1800 799 7233, national abuse hotline. You will be connected to a local family crisis center and they will help you and your family , protecting the life off the persons involved. WARNING: Under no circumstances should you let your spouse know that you are contacting a family crisis center. Abusive spouses usually get angry when they realize that that you are trying to get help. Good luck.......

[Ortolan 381]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Make sure you secure all your papers and paperwork; please let someone close to you know what's happening as well. I doubt you'd get a restraining order unless he actively threatened you, but inquiring about it might put you on the police radar, so at least they'd know there's a potential for trouble-making from your spouse. And file for that divorce....life's too short already. Good luck!

[Arslan12 20]

first of all if there is a child in the house first thing you need to do is take the child OUT of the house, if there is ever a domestic violence issue law enforcement will call DCFS, dept of child welfare services, and if ur grandchild is in the house at the time of the abuse, they WILL take away your grandchild from her parents for failing to protect the child, and that is a whole can of worms to clean up.

I don't think so, Its not that dramatic. They may not take the child away. They don't always have space to temporarily keep the child. If the husband is creating trouble in the house, he will be simply asked to leave the house. That's it.

[Sandra G. 5,047]

A person to get a restraining order doesn't need to be physically hurt by the abuser, a verbal threat to hurt someone is enough to have a restraining order granted. The person must be afraid for her physical safety, and the fear must be based in something that the abuser threatened or did against the victim.

The most dangerous time for a victim is when she/he is trying to leave the abuser,because of that we do not advise the a victim to say to the abuser "I am leaving you", or " you must leave ", or even seat to "talk" about the relationship. The victim safety comes first than discussing the relationship with the abuser.

You have the option to call the cops and say that you fear for your life and you want your husband out of your house,but due his outburst/temper you need the cops to be with you when the abuser packs his belongs. Have a friend or any relative in the house with you when you tell him to get his ###### together because he has 30min to leave, as soon you say this to him go outside and call the cops, or go straight to the police station and ask their help when you wait your husband to leave the house.This option is considering you do not have his name on the deed.

Edited September 21, 2015 by sandranj

[trinaqueen 36]

I'm sorry your dealing with this--this is VERY difficult. Check your state laws before "locking him out." Just because his name isn't on the house doesn't always mean you can just change the locks. Thats his home. I know thats very frustrating. I was lucky to be renting an apartment with the lease expiring soon. So I just got up an left. (This also varies by state) But in Virginia you cant get a rest. order put out on him until he actually becomes physical or the threats are serious & direct that you fear for your life. Yep, thats our good old courts. I agree with the others that you should get the divorce going and serve him eviction papers ASAP. The eviction process can be a bit long so get started asap. One last thing, make sure your money is protected.

Edited September 21, 2015 by trinaqueen

[Arslan12 20]

Even though you are the one who owns the house and paying mortgage, Your husband owns half of it too because he is married to you. You will need to settle all those issues with your husband before you file for the divorce. You may also need to pay him financial support if you are the one who is his financial sponsor. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. You may need to hire a lawyer.

[Ontarkie 14,221]

~~Inappropriate post removed. Stick to answering the question or do not post.~~

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Even though you are the one who owns the house and paying mortgage, Your husband owns half of it too because he is married to you. You will need to settle all those issues with your husband before you file for the divorce. You may also need to pay him financial support if you are the one who is his financial sponsor. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. You may need to hire a lawyer.

Those issues are often dealt with during a divorce. Separation agreements are not always valid

[Khal_Drogo 50]

So if I may offer an opinion.

When I married my wife and first brought her over, I was very hot-tempered. I often rose my voice to her and snapped at her over the littlest things.

At the time I could not explain why I did it. Our situation was reversed; I was the one who worked and paid all the bills and stuff, she was not employed.

But early last year, I had an epiphany after a particularly bad spat; it had nothing to do with her.

My whole life, I had had things for the most part my way. I was used to doing things my way, I was used to living alone, having my own schedule etc. And then she moved in and, even though I was (and still am) madly head over heals in love with her, all of that got interrupted. She wants to go shopping? We JUST spent $50 on groceries! She wanted to talk to me? Come ON, we just talked five minutes ago! Why don't I try it another way? I have MY way! Etc.

Yes, we both put a lot of work into the relationship and into getting her over here, but it wasn't until she was there, in person, every single day, 24/7/365 did anything start to get rough.

Here's what I'm suggesting to you, because it worked for me: sit him down. Tell him how you feel. Be as honest as humanly able. Pour your heart out. If he loves you, if he cares for you, he WILL get his act together. It will not happen all at once, there may be stumbles along the way. As long as those stumbles do not involve violence, be patient with him.

But if he does not, well, then I fear it may not be meant to be.

Men are sefish animals. Sometimes we're hard to break in that regard, and yes, sometimes it takes a little tough love, but it can still work. Obviously, if it turns physically violent, or if his verbal abuse continues, you will need to remove yourself. But until then, that's what I suggest.

My humble opinion.