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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Ukraine
Timeline
Posted

Yes, I'm taking the proper steps to get out. I know he won't change anymore, and I realized, thats who he is as a person. I never dreamed of this, that I would get a divorce. I wanted him to be just normal guy, but he's not and just a really scary person. He left me here all alone for the weekend, so I'm getting all my documents that I have and I do have some network help here, so it makes it easier. I understand the sooner I leave the better for my overall safety. Thanks for your advice, it really means alot.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he is afraid for you to meet anyone else in case you realize there are better men out there than him. On the other hand, he makes you walk alone everywhere, so maybe you should use that as your time to run for the hills. He wants you to rely on him, and even if you pursue alimony, you're still going to be relying on him. Your age and inexperience in the United States, coupled with the fact that you dont know anybody, makes me think you realllyyy need to be guided in the right direction from someone who is there in your area. I dont think you can get yourself out of this situation alone and certainly not under the same roof as him. I know in many states, if not all, you can dial 211 from your phone and it will connect you to a help line. They help give referals for many different things, including emergency shelter. Not providing food, basic neccesities, leaving you alone all the time, preventing you from doing ANYTHING is classic abuse...I know you dreamed of a wonderful marriage, but this is not it! If you already have some sort of of 'escape plan' in place and you're just looking for advice if you can get spousal support, then you need to contact a lawyer. But if you truely are in this situation and no end or resolution in sight, then please take steps to get out of there. Best Wishes

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Ukraine
Timeline
Posted

I don't understand either and thats what I told him many times, to let me help, i want to work, I want to help us, I want to buy my own things so he wont get mad at me, but he does not want this at all. He told me three-years ago, when he was writing, Skype'ing with me and also coming to visit me in my country, that he would always love me and support me in anything I do. When I came and accepted his invitation for marriage, he just showed me his ugly side. Words or text can not describe what he does to me, threats of deportations at times. I'm dumb, stupid, and wont say the rest.

He just lied about everything, who he really is. I told him lets get counseling or lets get some help but he refuses. So I'm just out of options, because I will not make it here, everyday gets worse for me, I am strong person, but there is only so much that I can take from him. I know what he's doing to me is not right.

This sort of thing just burns me up and makes me want to get more involved with immigration law. My fiance is from the Ukraine, and like you Ann, she is beautiful. But she's more than that - she's just a good person who wants to be loved. I will never understand how a spouse could treat his or her significant other this way.

I made it very clear to my fiance that I will do whatever I can to make sure she has a career - going to school, sharing a vehicle, etc. The point is - I would find a way to make it happen. Plus, a family benefits from having both parents working and having a career. That means more money for college, retirement, so I don't understand this man, at all.

I say this not as a soapbox or make it about me but rather to let you know that there are good people here - you just have to find them.

Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Ukraine
Timeline
Posted

sorry, some judge you

Most of us do realize abuse is real and could be the reason the man didn't find an American wife but went out of the country

this is what the rules say of Washington alimony

In Washington there is no uniform standard for determining the proper duration of a maintenance award. The amounts and duration of maintenance awards are usually decided by judges, using a list of factors. The court will look at the length of the marriage, the standard of living established during the marriage, the difference in incomes of the spouses, the age and health of the spouses, and time necessary for a spouse to get reintegrated back into the workforce.

The purpose of spousal maintenance is to support a spouse until he or she is able to earn a living or otherwise become self-supporting. Accordingly, the court disfavors an award of maintenance for life.

You obivously have use of the internet, so get in contact with any attorney and/or agency for abuse. The National Domestice hotline is 800-799-7233. Also you can send an email. Lawyer and agency can direct you more than anyone on this site.

I found out that I was not first girl he tired to do this with. He made numerous attempts to find a young girl before me in Ukraine. He even lied to me about it, but I found many letters in our home. He was trying to bring somebody over here before. Here was the strange part, he lied by trying to give an explanation and made it sound worse. I knew he was lying but went along with him. He must of thought I could not read Russian or my own language Ukrainian. Something so little like how can be like this just really baffles me. It was not even that important and does not matter, but he likes to hide things and treat me like Im nothing.

I mean his story always changes everyday and I realized thats how he is. My husband is a dictator or boss in our household and uses his power over me because he thinks he can.

Our house is like a bank he hides things from me and acts like hes some big shot or someone important.

Thank you very much for your note and advice. It really meant a lot to me and for the support.

Filed: Timeline
Posted

He seems like he might be having a affair.

I was in similar situation and got out.

I found out that I was not first girl he tired to do this with. He made numerous attempts to find a young girl before me in Ukraine. He even lied to me about it, but I found many letters in our home. He was trying to bring somebody over here before. Here was the strange part, he lied by trying to give an explanation and made it sound worse. I knew he was lying but went along with him. He must of thought I could not read Russian or my own language Ukrainian. Something so little like how can be like this just really baffles me. It was not even that important and does not matter, but he likes to hide things and treat me like Im nothing.

I mean his story always changes everyday and I realized thats how he is. My husband is a dictator or boss in our household and uses his power over me because he thinks he can.

Our house is like a bank he hides things from me and acts like hes some big shot or someone important.

Thank you very much for your note and advice. It really meant a lot to me and for the support.

  • 4 weeks later...
Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: China
Timeline
Posted

~non-contributory post removed~

~Constructively post, or DO NOT POST~

Completed: K1/K2 (271 days) - AOS/EAD/AP (134 days) - ROC (279 days)

"Si vis amari, ama" - Seneca

 

 

 

 
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