K1 divorce help

[ISLANDBOY 21]

When you filed, did you do all together, AOS,AP and EAD? do you have your GC?

[Arslan12 20]

I am sorry that you are going through all that. I agree with a previous post that your Husband's treatment towards you is not because of him being an American. It's him who is trying to keep you under his control. And maybe the reason you are feeling trapped is because you are in a new country, you don't know about a lot of things in America yet and you don't know driving either. Getting around here is very difficult without a car, and He is not going to provide you one if that's what you want. Owning a car here cost at least $500 per month.

my thoughts to you would be to stand up for yourself, let him know that you are capable of taking care of yourself. Tell him that he doesn't need to worry too much about your safety, He is using that as an excuse to keep himself in control. You should look for a job, start working and manage your own money.

You have been married for only one year. Chances of you getting alimony are very slim as you are very young and have degrees too. Usually women who are married for over 20 years and have not worked at all with no degree either qualify for spousal support. You have to build confidence in yourself, Men and women are equal in America. You are fully capable of working and having your own income.

Suppose if you file for divorce and after it is final, you do manage to get him to pay some support. The support won't be enough, You can't have fun with that money, It will be just enough for you to buy food and pay for your residence. You will still feel trapped in the house. It won't cover your transport expenses either.

Good Luck

Edited September 18, 2015 by Arslan12

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

sorry, some judge you

Most of us do realize abuse is real and could be the reason the man didn't find an American wife but went out of the country

this is what the rules say of Washington alimony

In Washington there is no uniform standard for determining the proper duration of a maintenance award. The amounts and duration of maintenance awards are usually decided by judges, using a list of factors. The court will look at the length of the marriage, the standard of living established during the marriage, the difference in incomes of the spouses, the age and health of the spouses, and time necessary for a spouse to get reintegrated back into the workforce.

The purpose of spousal maintenance is to support a spouse until he or she is able to earn a living or otherwise become self-supporting. Accordingly, the court disfavors an award of maintenance for life.

You obivously have use of the internet, so get in contact with any attorney and/or agency for abuse. The National Domestice hotline is 800-799-7233. Also you can send an email. Lawyer and agency can direct you more than anyone on this site.

Edited September 18, 2015 by Adil & Jeanne

[Maritah 101]

OP, go to a shelter and find legal help asap for check the options that you have.

Good luck.

M.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

Sorry for your situation but If i were you, I wouldn't count on that alimony as a way to support yourself. that amount may not get you a place to stay to think about other expenses.

Get out and get a job. If there is a bus route not far away from where you live, get on the bus and find a job.

You can't sit there and pity yourself. You are only 21. You are too young to take this route to your independence.

If a man is controlling you , you think will part with his money so easily?

Since you have EAD, you should have a GC. he may have hidden it from you. Find the SS office in your area and go and request for a new one.

Things might turn out good when you stand up for yourself and get a job and be independent.

You said he was a nice guy..He went through this tedious process to bring you here..I am not excusing his behavior but maybe he is getting tired of been the sole breadwinner (most American couples share financial responsibilities)..

The fact that you have an work authorization which i'm guessing ,was paid by him. So there was an expectation for you to get a job..he might be too chicken to tell you that you should work and help contribute to the household.

Life during and after divorce will not be easy..Toughen yourself up, get help and get your freedom

Good luck

[Ann2490 0]

Hello, thank you and for everyone with the helpful advice, the good and the bad.) I respect everyones opinion here. I found a job, but he will not take me, so I will just walk. But my husband told me that it wont be my money, If I work, over the phone. He wont even open up a bank account for me. I don't care anymore, I have found a group of support here, that sees my situation and know the kind of man he is. Church is where I go to find solice and the people there are really helpful and witness how bad he is to me.

This is not the first Ukrainian young lady he tried to marry before and caught him in his web of lies. I'm still alone here, while he's away for the weekend again. As for the attorney there is a nice Russian law firm not to far away that deals with this and is helping me.

As for being dependent on him, the town we live is very small and when someone who does not want you to succeed in life and locks you away from the world is another story. He talks about minorites taking American jobs and I'm his wife and he thinks I don't understand him. I speak three languages, fluently and very good English by the way and yes I'm only 21. Someone here asked me was this the first time that I have been away from my home, yes, for the past 18 month I been here.

As of the Alimony, I don't care for this, I wanted to know, because I have found a job.

I just don't want to see him ruin another young ladies innocents and go praying again over the internet and tell more lies. If I was an American Lady this would not happen. I see him and his lies, when he talks he lies or just likes to verbally abuse me. But he forgot one thing, that I'm from Ukraine and we are very strong young girls and ladies there. For 18 months we lived together over 3 years communicating over the internet, Skype and email. I never saw this side of him until, I was already here in America.

[nane1104 146]

If you have decided for yourself to leave him and get a divorce, you need to leave. Any day longer in the house with you planning the divorce is putting you at risk to get caught and I'm worried for your safety if he finds out what you are planning to do.

Get out and get to a safe place. Then you can figure out what to do next and what you might be entitled to.

The support he agreed on is a contract between him and the government, that is not he same as agreeing to pay you alimony or any other type of support. That's something you have to get settled in court with a divorce lawyer.

Please, again, get out first,mind a job and get somewhat situated and then you can worry about everything else. If you do get any kind of support from him, it most likely won't be enough to live off anyway.

Edited September 18, 2015 by nane1104

[Ban Hammer 13,474]

one post removed for tos violation
Make comments in a Post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, harass, insult, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users.

admin action has been taken. post constructive advice or don't post.

charles
vj moderation

[UkrainianLady 0]

You are right "But he forgot one thing, that I'm from Ukraine and we are very strong young girls and ladies there."

Hello, thank you and for everyone with the helpful advice, the good and the bad.) I respect everyones opinion here. I found a job, but he will not take me, so I will just walk. But my husband told me that it wont be my money, If I work, over the phone. He wont even open up a bank account for me. I don't care anymore, I have found a group of support here, that sees my situation and know the kind of man he is. Church is where I go to find solice and the people there are really helpful and witness how bad he is to me.

This is not the first Ukrainian young lady he tried to marry before and caught him in his web of lies. I'm still alone here, while he's away for the weekend again. As for the attorney there is a nice Russian law firm not to far away that deals with this and is helping me.

As for being dependent on him, the town we live is very small and when someone who does not want you to succeed in life and locks you away from the world is another story. He talks about minorites taking American jobs and I'm his wife and he thinks I don't understand him. I speak three languages, fluently and very good English by the way and yes I'm only 21. Someone here asked me was this the first time that I have been away from my home, yes, for the past 18 month I been here.

As of the Alimony, I don't care for this, I wanted to know, because I have found a job.

I just don't want to see him ruin another young ladies innocents and go praying again over the internet and tell more lies. If I was an American Lady this would not happen. I see him and his lies, when he talks he lies or just likes to verbally abuse me. But he forgot one thing, that I'm from Ukraine and we are very strong young girls and ladies there. For 18 months we lived together over 3 years communicating over the internet, Skype and email. I never saw this side of him until, I was already here in America.

[EmilyW 1,512]

You sound strong, articulate and determined. Think of this as just a test of all of those wonderful characteristics: a test you will surely pass.

[ikeNme 38]

And how do you think she does that without a car, money, or any resources whatsoever? This is a classic forced-dependency situation. He doesn't want her to be independent. If she wasn't interested in working at all, I might be singing the same tune as you. But when the husband actively prevents her from getting employed or otherwise bettering herself, alimony is warranted. That's partly why alimony exists. Her requests are totally reasonable. A little pocket money while he spends money going to a bachelor party? Give me a break. If money was tight, he wouldn't be traveling to a bachelor party and going to bars.

If my future wife asked for something, and I told her we couldn't afford it right now - well that's one thing. If she asks for something and I say no, but I'll by myself a gift instead - well, that's another.

It's a pretty negative outlook on marriage when the breadwinner gets to do as he pleases and the woman has to sit at home alone, with no friends, no transportation, and no means of caring for herself.

[jandjin 19]

I agree with nane. Ann must leave and start divorce process. I'm also worried about her safety. Small town in WA, I'm assuming central or eastern, can happen anything and no one would notice.

[ikeNme 38]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he is afraid for you to meet anyone else in case you realize there are better men out there than him. On the other hand, he makes you walk alone everywhere, so maybe you should use that as your time to run for the hills. He wants you to rely on him, and even if you pursue alimony, you're still going to be relying on him. Your age and inexperience in the United States, coupled with the fact that you dont know anybody, makes me think you realllyyy need to be guided in the right direction from someone who is there in your area. I dont think you can get yourself out of this situation alone and certainly not under the same roof as him. I know in many states, if not all, you can dial 211 from your phone and it will connect you to a help line. They help give referals for many different things, including emergency shelter. Not providing food, basic neccesities, leaving you alone all the time, preventing you from doing ANYTHING is classic abuse...I know you dreamed of a wonderful marriage, but this is not it! If you already have some sort of of 'escape plan' in place and you're just looking for advice if you can get spousal support, then you need to contact a lawyer. But if you truely are in this situation and no end or resolution in sight, then please take steps to get out of there. Best Wishes

[NewToK1 25]

This sort of thing just burns me up and makes me want to get more involved with immigration law. My fiance is from the Ukraine, and like you Ann, she is beautiful. But she's more than that - she's just a good person who wants to be loved. I will never understand how a spouse could treat his or her significant other this way.

I made it very clear to my fiance that I will do whatever I can to make sure she has a career - going to school, sharing a vehicle, etc. The point is - I would find a way to make it happen. Plus, a family benefits from having both parents working and having a career. That means more money for college, retirement, so I don't understand this man, at all.

I say this not as a soapbox or make it about me but rather to let you know that there are good people here - you just have to find them.

[Boiler 45,913]

You are required to mitigate your loses and you seemingly have done that by getting a job.

The AoS requirement is pretty low and anybody in a full time job would likely exceed it or be so close that the difference is not worth the hassle. Assuming of course you could use it.

As others have said if you want to stay get a divorce and move on.