K1 divorce help

[Ann2490 0]

Hello everyone, Im writing here again because so many people here gave me good advice about me being verbally abused and mistreatment during my marriage (K-1)

I attached everything the thread below.

My new question, well I recently starting looking for a divorce attorney due to (verbal) abuse and collecting all the evidence and statements against him. Hes very controlling in which he reflects his anger towards me, overall it was just a bad marriage.There is many bad things again the thread is below.

I want to know if Im entitled for Alimony support or spouse support due I dont work and he wont let me work anyway. Its not a good situation if I stay and he left me all alone this weekend with just $20 and no transportation. How would I go about this. I was told by the local clinics that the State of Washington does support my claim and him being my sponsor means he has to?

HERE IS MY PREVIOUS POST

I just feel so depressed, alone, shocked and trapped here as he keeps me locked up like a cage animal. This is my life and sometimes, I think this cant be real. Its another weekend as usual and Im left here all alone at home. This is normal for me. On Saturday and Sunday he went to attend another bachelors party in Spokane, Washington, which is a two drive, so its pretty far from me.

He left me all alone with no source of transportation and told me I can walk. The nearest store is about 40-50 minutes. He did not even care for my safety. He yells at me and tells me, I dont know anything because Im not from America and thats how it is. He tells me to listen and thats all. He said he would teach me what is right and wrong.

He knew that I wanted to go to Church this Sunday, which is normal for us and he said so what, you can walk. Walking to Church is about 50-minutes away and I dont feel safe doing this, but he does not care about that. He wants to save money and tells me why cant I just stay at home.

Its such a small city, but my city is in the country rural area, which covers a long distance. You need a car to commute around here. I walked before, a couple of times. My average walk time was 40-minutes to and 40 minutes back. Its so scary for me and dangerous, especially, when guys stop their cars and try to talk to me. No one walks alone here. I cant imagine that, on Labor Day he woke up and did not want to take me to Church, but we both volunteered to help the previous day. His reason was his head hurts and then he turned on the TV and watched for the whole day.

He told me when he was 15-years-old, he had to walk to his job, so now I have to walk. Keep in mind hes 30-years-old about to be 31 and Im only 21-years-old and have only been in America for one-year.

I asked him please could you leave me some pocket money in case I would need to buy something to eat and he replies to saying no, no, no. He said, he did not have any money, not even $5. He kept on saying I dont have money, go and work if you need money. He says this to me as he plans to spend his weekend driving to Spokane, Washington for his friends bachelors party. He will go to bars and go out there. This is my life, which is an everyday struggle for me. He yells at me and makes me feel like Im bad at everything that I do and tells me how stupid I am.

I recently received my work authorization, but cant work until I have my SSN/Card. I dont have any transportation as he tells me I dont need that. You dont need to drive, I will take you or you can walk. He uses verbal threats to me everyday and makes me dependent on him. I cant do anything without him. I feel trapped because how can my husband say these words to me and not even care. When hes done yelling at me, he just goes to his computer or watch TV.

Today he started an argument with me over personal stuff that I need. I ran out of bath soap and it took him three-days to take me to Wal-Mart, this morning (9-12-2015). This took three-days of me asking for him please I dont have any soap. He again made arguments and complained that this was too much money. My soap cost $5, which I need once a month. He does not care about me and does not even apologize; he just does what he wants to do because thats the way its supposed to be. I should listen to him all the time.

Im really upset and so worry about my life here with him. I married him for love and he does not love me back. Im scared, really and dont know what to do. He does not want to buy anything for me because his words are you dont need it. I cannot take a shower so he can save money and buy only what he wants. It makes me feel like Im nothing and not his wife.

[Ryan H 3,830]

Moved from K1 Process & Procedures to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum.

[belinda63 3,047]

You will need to speak to a divorce attorney in regards to questions about alimony. The rules vary from state to state. As far as his commitment under the I-864 you would have to sue him in federal court to obtain support under that agreement. Most likely during the divorce he will be ordered to pay you something monthly until you get on your feet.

[NewToK1 25]

Ann,

I see that you are from the Ukraine. My fiance is from Kherson. She is a wonderful woman, as I am sure you are, too. I am sorry you are being treated this way. Unfortunately, it is an all too common occurrence and problem with the K1 visa process. A lot of men use the K1 visa process as a way to have someone they can isolate and keep almost like a slave.

I am a lawyer, but not in Washington, so I can't give you any official legal advice as I'm not familiar with Washington law. But what I can tell you is that some state courts use the affidavit of support to support a finding of alimony when you file for divorce. I would look into it. Get a copy of the document signed by him - the official document. Take it when you go see a lawyer. But generally, alimony is only granted upon a divorce being completed. Failure to provide support is usually a ground to get a divorce.

Keep a record of every negative thing that he does. It will come in handy later. Verbal abuse is abuse, and it is not okay. And if you ever feel like you are in danger, you need to call the police. It is also all too common to use isolation as a weapon. Your best weapon is knowledge.

Don't be afraid, all will be okay.

Edited September 18, 2015 by On3H34rT

[Fan_Dancer 171]

You have been married for a year, chances of alimony are very slim. You are every young and capable to work, so you can start looking for employment as soon as you leave your current situation. Use craigslist to see if anyone needs a baby sitter or a pet sitter. Sometimes, people would give out bikes for free as well.

40 minute walk is not that much of a walk, honestly, but a bike could help you go those 2-3 miles much faster. I used to commute to one of my jobs by bike, and that was the distance I rode every night.

Edited September 18, 2015 by Fan_Dancer

[Fan_Dancer 171]

I am a lawyer, but not in Washington, so I can't give you any official legal advice as I'm not familiar with Washington law. But what I can tell you is that some state courts use the affidavit of support to support a finding of alimony when you file for divorce. I would look into it. Get a copy of the document signed by him - the official document. Take it when you go see a lawyer. But generally, alimony is only granted upon a divorce being completed. Failure to provide support is usually a ground to get a divorce.

It seems to me that she is trying to get money out of him. Just a personal opinion. It seems that the financial aspect is what bothers her the most. And on that side note, 5 dollars for a bar of soap? Irish Sping is 5 dollars at Walmart and it has 10 bars in it.

[NewToK1 25]

I don't see how you could get that from her post. In fact, it appears she wants to work, but is unable to because of his control. She said the $5 soap lasted her a month. Your reading of her post is incredibly jaded. You need to read more closely.

If I was in a new country, and I wasn't provided any means of transportation or ability to support myself, and instead of giving me a little money for food and then took a trip to a bachelor's party...well...I'd be pissed too. That's abusive. You don't pry someone away from their home and treat them that way. There's a difference between using someone for money and just wanting to live with necessities. A woman who has only been in the country for a year certainly does not have the earning potential. She absolutely is entitled to alimony. The fact she's only been married for a year is only one consideration.

Edited September 18, 2015 by On3H34rT

[NewToK1 25]

And how do you think she does that without a car, money, or any resources whatsoever? This is a classic forced-dependency situation. He doesn't want her to be independent. If she wasn't interested in working at all, I might be singing the same tune as you. But when the husband actively prevents her from getting employed or otherwise bettering herself, alimony is warranted. That's partly why alimony exists. Her requests are totally reasonable. A little pocket money while he spends money going to a bachelor party? Give me a break. If money was tight, he wouldn't be traveling to a bachelor party and going to bars.

If my future wife asked for something, and I told her we couldn't afford it right now - well that's one thing. If she asks for something and I say no, but I'll by myself a gift instead - well, that's another.

It's a pretty negative outlook on marriage when the breadwinner gets to do as he pleases and the woman has to sit at home alone, with no friends, no transportation, and no means of caring for herself.

Edited September 18, 2015 by On3H34rT

[Izor 79]

And how do you think she does that without a car, money, or any resources whatsoever? This is a classic forced-dependency situation. He doesn't want her to be independent. If she wasn't interested in working at all, I might be singing the same tune as you. But when the husband actively prevents her from getting employed or otherwise bettering herself, alimony is warranted. That's partly why alimony exists. Her requests are totally reasonable. A little pocket money while he spends money going to a bachelor party? Give me a break. If money was tight, he wouldn't be traveling to a bachelor party and going to bars.

If my future wife asked for something, and I told her we couldn't afford it right now - well that's one thing. If she asks for something and I say no, but I'll by myself a gift instead - well, that's another.

It's a pretty negative outlook on marriage when the breadwinner gets to do as he pleases and the woman has to sit at home alone, with no friends, no transportation, and no means of caring for herself.

[Ann2490 0]

First of all, he should be lucky to have a lady like me, especially girls from my country are very beautiful and all we ask for is respect, love and we want to start a family.

Its hard to explain my whole situation in this little post, but I will try and give you updates about my situation in case something bad happens to me.

I have been faced with extreme difficulties over the past year of my marriage. First I been here for 17+ months and married to him for 14+ and I am beyond the point of no return and could never imagine that my life would end up like this at the age of 21.

Everyday I tell myself that he can not be like this and when he first came to visit me in August of 2012 in Ukraine, he was such a nice guy, we both were interested in working in the medical field.

My brother back home knows how he is and I'm so ashamed to tell my mother.

Every day I wake up and feel like this is hell, which Im locked away in a jail and there is no one here to save me because thats how my husband prefers me live my life. I have to be secluded away from the world and Im nothing and my opinions dont matter, just there for his entertainment.

But there is good news; I received my Social Security Card today. The problem was after we got married, I asked him to help me file this paperwork (actually work authorization) and he didnt want to do that. My job is to stay at home and Im not allowed to work. He says dont you worry about that, 17 months together, finally he did this.

I cant even explain the words he directs towards me and how he treats me. There is no way he would ever treat an American women like that and would get away with it. He tells me how bad my English is and that I am so dumb and he will teach me the American way to act. Thats not nice and say this to in public. His mother and family act like this towards me.

One day I saved money to buy something in the store and it was $27, I had $25.50 and he looked at me and did not want to help me and just left me in the store. I mean god, he talks about having kids and says $1.50 is to much money.

When he does take me out to eat, I ask him for some help and he tells me no. When I ask to explain things to me he says shut-up and why don't I know this.

Even now with my status recently being changed, he told me that that does not mean anything and just laughed and stayed silent again and went back to his TV and Computer his favorite hobbies or leaving me here all alone with no money and transportation. We could go a whole day without him saying something to me. When I talk to him he does not say anything. Then when he yells at me and tells me that I never want talk with him.

From the very first day I met him at the airport in America, especially after we got married, he made it clear that he would keep me dependent on him. I dont want my wife to work. In my country I have two degrees, which is more than him and Im 21 and hes about to be 31-years-old.

I cant do anything and everyday I go crazy inside, because I know this cant be how American men should treat there wives. Im not some trash where he could treat me like that so he could feel better about his life. If you only knew how badly it is. Im from a normal size town and dont expect much, just start a family like many ladies in my country wants.

Simple task and normal things is so difficult with him. He just has to be right. When I asked him that I want to learn how to drive and get a American Driver License, he told me later, later, we will see, after 13 months of waiting, he said to me, that Im stupid and I will never drive and If I would drive that I might kill somebody.

I came here from Ukraine a much different country from America, all by myself with the hope of a loving marriage to him and to start a family with him. I was only 20-years-old and he 30 and cant believe that he acts like that. He says I dont have no cards, no cash for you and I when I say let me go work he tells me no. My city has less than 10,000 people here.

I married him for love Instead I got a broken heart, disappointments, and stuck in some depression. When I go to the store, he tells me what I can buy, and he chooses when we go to the store, Nicks time. He walks step-by-step by me and never lets me out of his sight, always looking down my shoulder and breathing down my neck. Clothes is a no, anything that I ask for is no, but he likes to spend money on beer, going out in town by himself and buy supplies for his fishes and tells me we have no money for food some days.

Im the one who cleans at home, cooks, washes clothes and he doesnt want to buy cleaning supplies at all. He just gets things and mixes it and tells me to use that.

I have to walk 40 minutes one-way into town and back on the highway ; no one walks in my town. I dont think that any normal person would do that and let their wifes go out like that; first of all its dangerous. Im very beautiful young lady and when I walk, guys all the time tries to stop their car and say things to me. First of all, when I speak its not a common accent, especially where I live. I asked him several times to get for me a cheap bike at Wal-Mart, of course he told me no. When I said let me work then he said no. My safety is not important.

[Ann2490 0]

Sorry but we met in August 2013 in my country in Ukraine not in 2012.

Edited September 18, 2015 by Ann2490

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Sadly, abuse isn't an american OR country only thing, it's not based off country all the time, maybe culture but that's a slippery slope.

It's a human thing and some people feel they're entitled to control others simply because they are stronger physically or want to believe they're better than the person or thing they're trying to control. These people that do that have some inner demons that they want to make sure no one else sees. Some people just truly are not good.

A good man, no matter from what country, would never treat you like this. I remember times where my ex and I didn't talk, we're both American and I spent a lot of time actively trying to stay away from him in our own house. If he was in the living room, I'd stay in there as long as I could, try to make small talk, and then eventually go into the bedroom and close the door. I wouldn't see him again until I came out of the bedroom for dinner, and then again until bed.
That feeling is -awful- and no one should go through it.


You know what though, I'm glad you have confidence and you know you're beautiful because you are. You work with your attorney and see what you can get. You're literally going to start out with nothing and your husband trapped you at the end of the day, you do deserve some help. You came to this country and only to be victimized and you probably could be owed -something-, it just depends on what your state allows.

There are people who specifically target those who are easy to control, while others like to think the best in people (as we all should), there are people that are like this and it sucks, but they're out there.

I wish you the best of luck and please know that you're better than any words he says to you.

Edited September 18, 2015 by Ash.1101

[TBoneTX 46,067]

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[Transborderwife 4,666]

Grab your things and any money that you can get. Call a taxi and leave! In abusive situations many cabs will either charge the emergency shelter or let the fare slide. Get yourself out of there now.

[Ausa 66]

I'm sorry you are in this situation; I think the best thing is for you to return to the Ukraine where you have the support of your family. You have a great education and I think you'll go a lot further in life than struggling to support yourself in the US.

I wish you all the best.