I feel horrible I need advice

[Ash.1101 1,756]

What concerns me here is that your future husband doesn't want you discussing anything with your own family. That's downright devious. It's not 'your problem' when it's your mothers grandchild being put at risk. He needs to listen to the doctor, you and your family about what is best. If you get on that plane and something goes wrong, you'll never forgive yourself and that could be the worst thing of it all.

I'm so sorry you're in this position, but stick to what you know to be right and don't be bullied into doing anything just because you're worried about bringing up a child alone. You'll never be alone if you have your family with you.

yes everyone has to have insurance and he may or not be able to get insurance for you thru his work place. If he is able to it might not happen right away. My opinion is since you have already got insurance in your country and it is probably lest costly there then here even if you do get insurance here, you should have the baby there. Maybe he is worry about extra cost but if I was in his place I will try to find a way to go there or see if I could send you whatever is needed

This goes for both posts:

I agree that it's devious he doesn't want her talking to her own family about relationship. Again, that's an abuser tactic. No one can know anythings wrong if no one is told what is wrong.

Second, she said that he's unemployed because he quit his job because they wouldn't give him time off to see her, instead of you know, waiting until he could get time off. Essentially, from the pathing of all of this, it's a "I lost my job to go see you". So yes, at the moment even he doesn't have insurance.

If he wants her there NEXT week, she won't have insurance either.

She said that he applied to the police academy, and that if he gets it then he can't visit her because he'll need to focus on his career, and that if she doesn't come next week, then he won't financially support her or the baby and he'll go on with his life.

We've had people on these forums who don't see any issues in their relationship until they're in America and being beat and abused by their new husbands. She's seeing issues. While it's good not to judge, I'd rather judge based off of what she's said herself and hopefully help her avoid a dangerous situation for herself and her baby, then just toss it off as "well there are two sides to every story!" and pretend like there's nothing happening here.

Edited September 15, 2015 by Ash.1101

[Michael and Ganna 104]

I would like to chime in here. There are many factors that have not been discussed here, which in my view I consider important. First off I am an older gentleman. If my wife was ill, i would be on the next plane to Ukraine. If I didn't have the money I would beg, borrow, steal or pick up cans on the side of the road. A pack of hungry wolfs could not keep me away from her. Besides being my wife, she is my best friend and lover We treat each other with respect and understanding. With a foreign spouse you have to try, give, and have patience with each other. Everything is more difficult, but the out come is blissful and more rewarding than you would ever think possible.

I lived with her, and i know first hand about the issues....many times I had my bags packed to come home. I was home sick! I miss my friends, family and son. I was in a country where no one spoke my language, food tasted different, transportation was different, I did not know how to shop in the market, I did not know what products to buy, the country smelled different, people were different.....every thing in my life was different. My now wife worked very hard to make me feel comfortable. I was a problem for her, and that made me feel sad....but we worked TOGETHER and got through it.

Right now you are stressed to the bone, and about to have a child. You are not even here yet.

It saddens me to say, your man is a game player

You will have a child.....very stressful

You will have a wedding....stressful

You will have tons of paperwork to file....stressful

Taking care of your newborn...WOW...stressful and very costly

Adapting to your new country....beyond stressful

A husband that is not employed....stressful

where is money coming from...stressful

He will be going to police academy.....stressful and costly

He won't have a lot of time to spend with you....and believe me, you will need it.

He already shows signs of abuse, and he clearly doesn't support you or your feelings.

Also it is fact that police officers have a high rate of Domestic Abuse.

Is this the way to build a foundation to a lasting and loving relationship? You have many issues and problems to over-come just with in the foreign relationship...Then you throw all the additional stress factors in..... I would doubt that the relationship could survive....I know I could not do it.

I am just being real here and don't want to upset you....but these are thing to think about

[Cristina375 7]

My fiancé and I also have a baby together, we both agreed that it will be best to give birth in Japan where i had good health insurance and everything worked out, I gave birth in June, my fiancé flew here after three weeks, went to the consulate and applied for the baby's paperwork, in less than two weeks I received his birth registration and US passport and a week later his social security card.

[Credo 12]

Healthy Women travel up to 35 weeks of pregnancy and is perfectly save. If the bacteria infection you have is called Group B streptococcus then you have nothing to worry about. if you are healthy enough to fly why not. is your body only you will know whats up with it

[Cathi 5,748]

I understand where your fiance is coming from, but point blank it's not safe to travel this far in with so many complications. Most airlines won't even take a pregnant woman after 28 weeks for the risk of pre-mature labor. I don't think it's a risk worth taking!

Not true, I flew at 8 months pregnant and noon at the airline said a word.

OP,do what is in the best interest of your child. Your fiance is being very selfish!!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Healthy Women travel up to 35 weeks of pregnancy and is perfectly save. If the bacteria infection you have is called Group B streptococcus then you have nothing to worry about. if you are healthy enough to fly why not. is your body only you will know whats up with it

That is very wrong advice.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_group-b-streptococcus-screening_1647.bc

http://sogc.org/publications/group-b-streptococcus-gbs-infection-in-pregnancy/

My fiancé and I also have a baby together, we both agreed that it will be best to give birth in Japan where i had good health insurance and everything worked out, I gave birth in June, my fiancé flew here after three weeks, went to the consulate and applied for the baby's paperwork, in less than two weeks I received his birth registration and US passport and a week later his social security card.

A very sensible solution for all involved.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Well he doesn't have insurance aand he is curently unemloyed. Before he had to leave his work to come to see me bacause he couldnt take off. And he wants to find better job now and concentrate on it. He also aplied for police academy so he told me he wont e ale to come to me even in a few days because he have to focus on his career. So if i don't come now i will e on my own and he wouldn't help me financial with baby too and he would continue his life without me.

The problem is that i love him, and i dont know how i would continue my life without him, im emotinaly unstable and right now very depressed. Also my mom was a single mother and i growed up without father and somethimes it wasnt nice at all because a lot of kids at school bully me cuz that , i dont want my child to grow like that too.

You will not be able to get insurance on a K1 without having at least filed for AOS. If he has no job he has no insurance to cover you from his work.

You can't get on Obamacare without having the EAD (perhaps the NOA1 from AOS).

Childbirth here costs an average of $20.000-$30.000 and that's without complications. What exactly does he have in mind for insurance ?

Great that he wants to find a good job to be able to support you and the baby but to threaten that he will go on without you if you don't come now

is outrageously insane. He said he will not help you financially with the baby ? Really ? What a low life comment to make.

What would he do financially now if you were there and he is not working ? Provide how ? Childbirth, infant care, wedding......with what will he pay ?

Seek some professional help to get you out of this state of mind, thinking that you can't go on without him.

There are many single Mom's who successfully raise their child(ren) by themselves.

You don't want your child to grow up being bullied because of not having a father around (probably not happening in 2015 much)

but do you want an abusive father for your child that disrespects you ?

Find some support from friends, family....especially your mother and allow yourself to be nurtured like you deserve.

You say you are emotionally unstable but I see a strong woman shining through that is thinking about her baby's health and to me

you are much more emotionally stable than he is. He is just acting like a spoiled brat with a manipulative mean streak and a short fuse.

You can do this and you don't need him.

You are young and have many other chances to meet someone who really cares for you and your child, you deserve better than this,

do not settle for less out of fear. You will encounter much more stress with him than without him.

A move to another country is stressful enough without having a husband without a job, no insurance and a screaming new infant.

What will you do if you come here and he has another hissy fit and decides to 'go on without you' if you don't do exactly what he wants

and when he wants it ? Where will you go ? Think this through, at least have a plan if you need it and empower yourself, you can do this.

[raven52 233]

I totally agree with Lowlie.,.very self center person, it would seem, making demands like that.

[elephanzo 4]

He does not sound like a man that I would want to marry! He doesn't care about you or your child. Don't listen to him! What a jerk. If my partner ever threatened to leave me over something like that, I would say "GOODBYE THEN! I DONT NEED YOU ANYWAYS!" You should never be with someone who cares so little for your well being. Find someone that adores every ounce of your soul and wants to protect you, not put you in danger.

[blondedoc 35]

Hi, Jelena!

Well, I´m a doctor who works at the airport and I deal with patients in your situation, almost everyday!!

I can´t exactly say about your case because I don´t know about the details of your pregnancy, but I can say that if you really, really, really want to fly and be next to your fiancé is just go to a doctor which one will accept make a letter saying that you can fly (doctors from airports are not allowed to do that, so you have to go to one from your place, city...) and all the flight companies have to accept if your doctor allowed. I know about the bacteria that you are talking about and definitely is dangerous for the baby to get birth without you receiveving the antibiotic. The only way without the antobiotic is make a c-section and during a flight is impossible! lol

The possibility for you to give birth inside of a plane is kinda small, because the labor time is not that fast, specially for the first baby. But with premature labor we never know for sure nothing... That´s why your doctor is worried about you. If you find a doctor who is more experienced with this kind of situations (fly conditions during pregnancy), I think he/she will advice you and look at your case to see which are the real risks and it will make you feel more safe to flight, ok?

I can imagine how hard is your situation, and if I can help you more, feel free to make questions, ok?

Good luck for all of us!!!

Be fine!

[TBoneTX 45,284]

1. Before he had to leave his work to come to see me bacause he couldnt take off.

2. And he wants to find better job now and concentrate on it.

3. He also aplied for police academy so he told me he wont e ale to come to me even in a few days because he have to focus on his career.

4. So if i don't come now i will e on my own and he wouldn't help me financial with baby too and he would continue his life without me.

5. i growed up without father and somethimes it wasnt nice at all because a lot of kids at school bully me cuz that , i dont want my child to grow like that too.

1. This sounds like deep, genuine commitment on his part -- love over job. What man does that?

2. It sounds as though he has the best long-term interests of his future family in mind.

3. It sounds as though he has the best long-term interests of his future family in mind.

4. This sounds not like abandonment, but rather that he's trying to manage crucial timing.

5. Very sensible, and crucial for the child -- strive for this.

To others here: The OP had given us sparse information until the above post. I see only commitment and forethought, versus dismissiveness or abuse.

We next need to hear details from the OP about her fiance's treatment of her throughout their relationship. Until now, we've been focusing only on the trip and impending birth.

Edited September 16, 2015 by TBoneTX

[MrsAwakened 7]

You are right, even if he don't wnat to come back and if we end our relationship if i don't come next week.... i will do the right thing, i don't want to put my unborn child in any risk.

That's really great you are trying to do what's right for you and your baby. You are definitely doing the right thing by not flying. If you're in the air, it's hard to have proper medical attention so it's better to wait until after the baby is born and you have the OK from your doctor. I'm also glad Serbia seems to care about your safety. I agree with blondedoc that you should discuss with your doctor all of your options. If you really want to go, tell your doctor to ok it. If you've been placed on bed rest, it's probably for the best you don't go. I have experienced the flight from the Balkans to the US more than once and it's not very fun. Plus, the flight changes and the walking. Nije dobro! Please don't go just because of the threats from your fiance. Only go if you think it's worth it. Either way, he needs to get his priorities straight and realize what's REALLY important.

I hope everything works out for you and your baby! I hope that everything works out for you and your fiance also.

Edited September 16, 2015 by MrsAwakened

[D.Ba 85]

Of course you can get health insurance while on K1, Ebunulowa. From the second you enter the country! What a strange thing to say you cannot! There are special plans for incoming immigrants that you can take out for any amount of days (like 22 days), not even monthly. Since they are not subject to Obamacare and are only for non-citizens they may have strict rules about existing conditions, i.e. not cover a birth.

You should still get one if and when you arrive and not wait for the wedding.

I would never enter the country without!

Edited September 16, 2015 by D.Ba

[Unidentified 2,930]

Healthy Women travel up to 35 weeks of pregnancy and is perfectly save. If the bacteria infection you have is called Group B streptococcus then you have nothing to worry about. if you are healthy enough to fly why not. is your body only you will know whats up with it

Please don't give out medical advice you don't know anything about. You're just guessing. Her doctor has told her she's not safe and doctors generally know what they're talking about.

[Unidentified 2,930]

Hi, Jelena!

Well, I´m a doctor who works at the airport and I deal with patients in your situation, almost everyday!!

I can´t exactly say about your case because I don´t know about the details of your pregnancy, but I can say that if you really, really, really want to fly and be next to your fiancé is just go to a doctor which one will accept make a letter saying that you can fly (doctors from airports are not allowed to do that, so you have to go to one from your place, city...) and all the flight companies have to accept if your doctor allowed. I know about the bacteria that you are talking about and definitely is dangerous for the baby to get birth without you receiveving the antibiotic. The only way without the antobiotic is make a c-section and during a flight is impossible! lol

The possibility for you to give birth inside of a plane is kinda small, because the labor time is not that fast, specially for the first baby. But with premature labor we never know for sure nothing... That´s why your doctor is worried about you. If you find a doctor who is more experienced with this kind of situations (fly conditions during pregnancy), I think he/she will advice you and look at your case to see which are the real risks and it will make you feel more safe to flight, ok?

I can imagine how hard is your situation, and if I can help you more, feel free to make questions, ok?

Good luck for all of us!!!

Be fine!

That's really great you are trying to do what's right for you and your baby. You are definitely doing the right thing by not flying. If you're in the air, it's hard to have proper medical attention so it's better to wait until after the baby is born and you have the OK from your doctor. I'm also glad Serbia seems to care about your safety. I agree with blondedoc that you should discuss with your doctor all of your options. If you really want to go, tell your doctor to ok it. If you've been placed on bed rest, it's probably for the best you don't go. I have experienced the flight from the Balkans to the US more than once and it's not very fun. Plus, the flight changes and the walking. Nije dobro! Please don't go just because of the threats from your fiance. Only go if you think it's worth it. Either way, he needs to get his priorities straight and realize what's REALLY important.

I hope everything works out for you and your baby! I hope that everything works out for you and your fiance also.

If the doctor has said it is unsafe to fly, why should she then go from doctor to doctor to find someone who will say "okay, fly". You have no idea what's going to happen if she goes on that flight and if something goes wrong she's in danger. Yes, first time labor is slow, but like she explained she needs antibiotics during the labor. That won't be available for her in an airplane. And with complications things can go really fast. I definitely think she's doing the right thing by NOT flying. Flying would put both her life and the baby's life in danger.