I feel horrible I need advice

[Steven&Jelena 12]

Hello everyone, i really feel miserable rignt now and very stressed. Im 29 weeks pregnant now and i am at risk of premature labor, i got my fiance visa (expiration date is 10 february 2016) but doctor told me that i shouldn't travel for such a long trip from Serbia to New York where in case of emergency plane wont be anyhow abe to land. I also have som bactaerias that are very deengerous in pegnancy and i have to recive antibiotic 2 hours before labor and every hour during labor and baby also must recive them when its born and if dont there is a big chance that baby can die or be demaged and i can get blood poisoning and die. When i think baout that im even more scared when i think about what if something happen during flight, what will be with baby . I talked with m fiance about that and he knows that im at risk of premature labor and doctor told me not to travel but he says i should come next week and nothing wont happen during flight cuz its safe. I called embassy and told them for my case and they told me that the best thing would be if my fiance come here when baby is born and aply for crba (that takes 15 days) so baby can come with me and then he can take us to USA. I see that like the best thing but .. my fiance got very mad and he tod me that i must come next week and he wll book me ticket, i have only one chnace to come or to keep life on my own and take care alone about baby beecause he dosn't wnat to come back. So now he want me to come next week or dont come at all. I feel broken and i stress more and more every day. I don;t know what too do, i dont want to be single mother but im so afarid to fly now. ..

Edited September 15, 2015 by Steven&Jelena

[theskeets 10]

I understand where your fiance is coming from, but point blank it's not safe to travel this far in with so many complications. Most airlines won't even take a pregnant woman after 28 weeks for the risk of pre-mature labor. I don't think it's a risk worth taking!

[Transborderwife 4,666]

I understand where your fiance is coming from, but point blank it's not safe to travel this far in with so many complications. Most airlines won't even take a pregnant woman after 28 weeks for the risk of pre-mature labor. I don't think it's a risk worth taking!

Wrong, many take women late into their third trimester with doctor's approval. Delta for example, has no restrictions

http://www.babycenter.com/0_airline-policies-for-pregnant-travelers_6976.bc

But OP in your case I would not travel

Edited September 15, 2015 by Transborderwife

[Lowlie 191]

Sorry, but he must be very immature, spoiled and selfish. It's absolutely beyond ridiculous to insist you fly in your condition or don't go at all! To be very blunt, if you give in to his selfish demand and put yourself and your child at risk, you're insane. Since he's not able to behave maturely, you're going to have to be mature for both of you right now. He's trying to bluff you into freaking out and jumping on a flight. Just tell him, now that there's a child on the way, it's time for you to both be grown-ups and PARENTS, which means the baby comes first. He'll get over his little boy tantrum and do what's best if you lead with a good, adult example.

[Steven&Jelena 12]

Sorry, but he must be very immature, spoiled and selfish. It's absolutely beyond ridiculous to insist you fly in your condition or don't go at all! To be very blunt, if you give in to his selfish demand and put yourself and your child at risk, you're insane. Since he's not able to behave maturely, you're going to have to be mature for both of you right now. He's trying to bluff you into freaking out and jumping on a flight. Just tell him, now that there's a child on the way, it's time for you to both be grown-ups and PARENTS, which means the baby comes first. He'll get over his little boy tantrum and do what's best if you lead with a good, adult example.

You are right, even if he don't wnat to come back and if we end our relationship if i don't come next week.... i will do the right thing, i don't want to put my unborn child in any risk.

[Lowlie 191]

You are right, even if he don't wnat to come back and if we end our relationship if i don't come next week.... i will do the right thing, i don't want to put my unborn child in any risk.

If I had a million dollars, I could bet it all on him NOT ending the relationship, and I feel sure I'd win. He's only trying to frighten you. By not letting him do this to you now, you're setting the ground rules for your marriage.....You won't be manipulated into doing things with threats of being abandoned.

I had a husband like that, and I let him pull that stunt on me all the time. I was a good example of what happens when you let your man scare you with threats of leaving. By the way, he never did leave, it was me who finally left him. If your fiancé learns right now that this isn't how to get you to do what he wants, you'll be doing your relationship a huge favor.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Do NOT go there. He needs to man up, literally, and fly to you. You have a very high risk pregnancy and you need to stay put.

You do NOT need to go next week. You need to think for yourself and your baby, because your fiance is NOT.

I think you need to have a longer talk with your fiance, he knows you're about to have a baby, he knows that he can go there and get you and the baby, and he knows you have until feburary to go to the US. Yet he's willing to just dissolve the relationship because you won't be there when he wants you too even though you have an at risk pregnancy? He sounds controlling, and he is NOT putting you and the baby first, which is already a bad way to start off a marriage. No guy should put his wants over the health of his fiance/wife and children. That is -not- good father material.


If he does leave you (which is the most scumbag thing I've ever seen, but honestly you're probably better off), remember. The baby didn't ask to be brought into this world, but you can be an amazing mother to baby. While things may not have worked as planned, at least you can work on starting a new life for you and baby.

Edit: I agree with Lowlie. I've also been in this situation. Even before I married the guy when I tried to leave him when I was 4 months pregnant he would tell me how he was going to go kill himself, and then while married he never actually threatened to leave me but he would remind me that I would be screwed if he didn't have me. No way to pay the bills, where would I live? There's no way I could ever make it without him. The one time I tried to take the keys and actually leave, things got physical. I'd be told if I left he'd report the car stolen, he'd file for primary custody in the divorce, things to keep me from leaving.

Needless to say I left him, after two years of him dating another woman he pulled the same thing to her "Well if I don't pay the rent, who would pay it? She doesn't make enough". I still see him on a regular basis because we have a daughter, but for some reason he's only controlling to those he dates once he has the upper hand. It's weird, but it's a thing, but you should NEVER be okay being in a relationship like that. No one deserves that.

Edited September 15, 2015 by Ash.1101

[MS and KK 13]

Lowlie beat me to the punch. I could not have said it better. My prayers are with you and your baby in this very unsafe time for BOTH of you. I also pray that your little boy of a fiance grows up and becomes a man before he becomes a father and husband! He has lost his mind. You are about to be a mom an hopefully a wife. Maturity is a must. On top of everything he is stressing you out even more! They will not let you fly even if they do late terms you are an at risk pregnancy. You need to tell the little boy-man of yours in a very short and sweet way to GROW THE F UP, CONVERSATION OVER you are staying put till the baby comes and if he wants both of you in the US then he will just have to wait. Dont start your marriage like this. I would also recommend that if this is how he behaves perhaps he needs marriage thearpy so that you can have a long happy loving relationship together otherwise you'll be a divorcee! I wish you luck an all the best young lady!

[puffers 14]

He's an ####### for trying to pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with. Even if there wasn't any risk for you or the baby, who is he to tell you what to do and threaten you like that?

[mrskvelasco 30]

Ditch the guy.

I'm sorry (not really), but not only is he controlling but he is also putting your unborn child in danger. You are high-risk and the fact that he is suggesting you come next week is unacceptable.

Put yourself first and take care of yourself

[B-2-Z 37]

Hello everyone, i really feel miserable rignt now and very stressed. Im 29 weeks pregnant now and i am at risk of premature labor, i got my fiance visa (expiration date is 10 february 2016) but doctor told me that i shouldn't travel for such a long trip from Serbia to New York where in case of emergency plane wont be anyhow abe to land. I also have som bactaerias that are very deengerous in pegnancy and i have to recive antibiotic 2 hours before labor and every hour during labor and baby also must recive them when its born and if dont there is a big chance that baby can die or be demaged and i can get blood poisoning and die. When i think baout that im even more scared when i think about what if something happen during flight, what will be with baby . I talked with m fiance about that and he knows that im at risk of premature labor and doctor told me not to travel but he says i should come next week and nothing wont happen during flight cuz its safe. I called embassy and told them for my case and they told me that the best thing would be if my fiance come here when baby is born and aply for crba (that takes 15 days) so baby can come with me and then he can take us to USA. I see that like the best thing but .. my fiance got very mad and he tod me that i must come next week and he wll book me ticket, i have only one chnace to come or to keep life on my own and take care alone about baby beecause he dosn't wnat to come back. So now he want me to come next week or dont come at all. I feel broken and i stress more and more every day. I don;t know what too do, i dont want to be single mother but im so afarid to fly now. ..

Your #1 priority has to be your health and the baby. You should stay where you're comfortable, have a good doctor and support. Not only are you putting yourself, your baby and everyone else on board in danger(If it has to be diverted) you'd be going against Dr's orders. Then, what happens when you land here in the USA or another country and get slapped with a massive medical bill? Not a good way to start off the rest of your life.

Stand your ground and protect yourself!

[TBoneTX 45,284]

The fiance's reaction is curiously extreme. Might he be worried about the unplanned expenses involved with a last-minute airfare, or losing more time from his job? Unless this behavior has been typical during the relationship, perhaps something else is underlying it.

OP, is his behavior in character or out of character for him?

Edited September 15, 2015 by TBoneTX

[theskeets 10]

Wrong, many take women late into their third trimester with doctor's approval. Delta for example, has no restrictions

http://www.babycenter.com/0_airline-policies-for-pregnant-travelers_6976.bc

But OP in your case I would not travel

US airlines typically do not require any documentation or have any travel restrictions until the last month of pregnancy, whereas many international flights do require medical clearance starting at 28-weeks.

Here's a link to some information of travel/due dates for International Carriers, including Delta which seems the most lax:

http://www.cheapflights.com/news/air-travel-and-pregnancy/

[Lowlie 191]

........... Then, what happens when you land here in the USA or another country and get slapped with a massive medical bill? Not a good way to start off the rest of your life.

The medical cost! I didn't even think of THAT when I gave my piece of advise! The USA has such high medical cost for birth of a child, it would shock your socks off...and you'd be stuck with the whole big-fat bill. There's not free medical care in the USA (unless you're an illegal but that's a whole other subject). It would take many years to pay it off. You have no idea how cold-blooded and relentless bill collectors are here. They would make your life a living Hell.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

He said come now or don't come at all, my response would be ok I won't come at all, have a nice life ! End of story.

What a jerk. I see a big red flag looming.