My K1 marriage

[Ann2490 0]

I just feel so depressed, alone, shocked and trapped here as he keeps me locked up like a cage animal. This is my life and sometimes, I think this cant be real. Its another weekend as usual and Im left here all alone at home. This is normal for me. On Saturday and Sunday he went to attend another bachelors party in Spokane, Washington, which is a two drive, so its pretty far from me.

He left me all alone with no source of transportation and told me I can walk. The nearest store is about 40-50 minutes. He did not even care for my safety. He yells at me and tells me, I dont know anything because Im not from America and thats how it is. He tells me to listen and thats all. He said he would teach me what is right and wrong.

He knew that I wanted to go to Church this Sunday, which is normal for us and he said so what, you can walk. Walking to Church is about 50-minutes away and I dont feel safe doing this, but he does not care about that. He wants to save money and tells me why cant I just stay at home.

Its such a small city, but my city is in the country rural area, which covers a long distance. You need a car to commute around here. I walked before, a couple of times. My average walk time was 40-minutes to and 40 minutes back. Its so scary for me and dangerous, especially, when guys stop their cars and try to talk to me. No one walks alone here. I cant imagine that, on Labor Day he woke up and did not want to take me to Church, but we both volunteered to help the previous day. His reason was his head hurts and then he turned on the TV and watched for the whole day.

He told me when he was 15-years-old, he had to walk to his job, so now I have to walk. Keep in mind hes 30-years-old about to be 31 and Im only 21-years-old and have only been in America for one-year.

I asked him please could you leave me some pocket money in case I would need to buy something to eat and he replies to saying no, no, no. He said, he did not have any money, not even $5. He kept on saying I dont have money, go and work if you need money. He says this to me as he plans to spend his weekend driving to Spokane, Washington for his friends bachelors party. He will go to bars and go out there. This is my life, which is an everyday struggle for me. He yells at me and makes me feel like Im bad at everything that I do and tells me how stupid I am.

I recently received my work authorization, but cant work until I have my SSN/Card. I dont have any transportation as he tells me I dont need that. You dont need to drive, I will take you or you can walk. He uses verbal threats to me everyday and makes me dependent on him. I cant do anything without him. I feel trapped because how can my husband say these words to me and not even care. When hes done yelling at me, he just goes to his computer or watch TV.

Today he started an argument with me over personal stuff that I need. I ran out of bath soap and it took him three-days to take me to Wal-Mart, this morning (9-12-2015). This took three-days of me asking for him please I dont have any soap. He again made arguments and complained that this was too much money. My soap cost $5, which I need once a month. He does not care about me and does not even apologize; he just does what he wants to do because thats the way its supposed to be. I should listen to him all the time.

Im really upset and so worry about my life here with him. I married him for love and he does not love me back. Im scared, really and dont know what to do. He does not want to buy anything for me because his words are you dont need it. I cannot take a shower so he can save money and buy only what he wants. It makes me feel like Im nothing and not his wife.

[Unidentified 2,930]

I just feel so depressed, alone, shocked and trapped here as he keeps me locked up like a cage animal. This is my life and sometimes, I think this cant be real. Its another weekend as usual and Im left here all alone at home. This is normal for me. On Saturday and Sunday he went to attend another bachelors party in Spokane, Washington, which is a two drive, so its pretty far from me.

He left me all alone with no source of transportation and told me I can walk. The nearest store is about 40-50 minutes. He did not even care for my safety. He yells at me and tells me, I dont know anything because Im not from America and thats how it is. He tells me to listen and thats all. He said he would teach me what is right and wrong.

He knew that I wanted to go to Church this Sunday, which is normal for us and he said so what, you can walk. Walking to Church is about 50-minutes away and I dont feel safe doing this, but he does not care about that. He wants to save money and tells me why cant I just stay at home.

Its such a small city, but my city is in the country rural area, which covers a long distance. You need a car to commute around here. I walked before, a couple of times. My average walk time was 40-minutes to and 40 minutes back. Its so scary for me and dangerous, especially, when guys stop their cars and try to talk to me. No one walks alone here. I cant imagine that, on Labor Day he woke up and did not want to take me to Church, but we both volunteered to help the previous day. His reason was his head hurts and then he turned on the TV and watched for the whole day.

He told me when he was 15-years-old, he had to walk to his job, so now I have to walk. Keep in mind hes 30-years-old about to be 31 and Im only 21-years-old and have only been in America for one-year.

I asked him please could you leave me some pocket money in case I would need to buy something to eat and he replies to saying no, no, no. He said, he did not have any money, not even $5. He kept on saying I dont have money, go and work if you need money. He says this to me as he plans to spend his weekend driving to Spokane, Washington for his friends bachelors party. He will go to bars and go out there. This is my life, which is an everyday struggle for me. He yells at me and makes me feel like Im bad at everything that I do and tells me how stupid I am.

I recently received my work authorization, but cant work until I have my SSN/Card. I dont have any transportation as he tells me I dont need that. You dont need to drive, I will take you or you can walk. He uses verbal threats to me everyday and makes me dependent on him. I cant do anything without him. I feel trapped because how can my husband say these words to me and not even care. When hes done yelling at me, he just goes to his computer or watch TV.

Today he started an argument with me over personal stuff that I need. I ran out of bath soap and it took him three-days to take me to Wal-Mart, this morning (9-12-2015). This took three-days of me asking for him please I dont have any soap. He again made arguments and complained that this was too much money. My soap cost $5, which I need once a month. He does not care about me and does not even apologize; he just does what he wants to do because thats the way its supposed to be. I should listen to him all the time.

Im really upset and so worry about my life here with him. I married him for love and he does not love me back. Im scared, really and dont know what to do. He does not want to buy anything for me because his words are you dont need it. I cannot take a shower so he can save money and buy only what he wants. It makes me feel like Im nothing and not his wife.

He's abusive and you need to get out of there. I did a quick google search and there seems to be a Domestic Abuse Women's Network in Washington that you can call: (425) 656-7867

I also don't know exactly where you live but here is a list of shelters and crisis lines for women:

Thurston- Safeplace a Rape Relief and Womens Shelter Services Crisis (360) 754-6300 or (800) 364-1776, V/TTY 24 Hours safeplace@tss.net

Benton- Columbia Basin Domestic Violence Services (509) 582-9841, (800) 648-1277

Bremerton Alive (360) 479-1980

Clallam- Forks Abuse Program (360) 374-2273

Clallam- Healthy Families of Clallam County (360) 452-HELP

Clark- YWCA Clark County/Safe Choice (360) 695-0501

Columbia- Inland Counseling Network (800) 382-4039, (509) 382-4039

Cowlitz- Emergency Support Shelter (360) 636-8471

Franklin-Columbia Basin Domestic Violence Services (509) 582-9841, (800) 648-1277

Grant- New Hope Domestic Violence Services (888) 560-6027

Citizens Against Domestic and Sexual Abuse

360-675-2232 and 1-800-215-5669

Jefferson- Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Program of Jefferson County (360) 385-5291

Lewis- Human Response Network a Domestic Violence Shelter and Support (800) 244-7414

Safechoice Domestic Violence Shelter and Support (800) 695-0167

South West Washington Emergency Support Shelter (360) 425-1176

Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline will connect you to any Shelter in the State (800) 562-6025

King- Eastside Domestic Violence 24HR Crisis Line (425) 746-1940

Catherine Booth House in Seattle, A Domestic Violence Shelter that helps Women and Families (206) 324-4943

South King County (DAWN) Domestic Abuse Womens Network a Shelter Helping Women and Families (425) 622-1881, Emergency (425) 656-7867, dawnetwork@aol.com

King- New Beginnings a Domestic Violence Shelter Helping Women and Families (206) 522-9472

King- Domestic Violence Shelter YWCA Shelter (206) 461-4882

King- Broadview Emergency Shelter (206) 622-4933

King- Asian&Pacific Islander Women& Family Safety Center

(206) 467-9976

King- Refugee Women's Alliance Domestic Violence Program

(206) 721-0243

King- Salvation Army Domestic Violence Program (206) 324-4943

King- YWCA- Anita Vista (253) 850-2181

King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (800) 825-RAPE(7273) 24HR Crisis Line

Kitsap- YWCA- Kitsap County (800) 500-5513

Kittitas- Aspen(Abuse, Support&Prevention Education Now)

(509) 925-9384, dvsa@cwcmh.org

Klickitat- Programs for Peaceful Living (800) 866-9372

Lewis- Families in Crisis (360) 740-8071

Lincoln- Family Resource Center (800) 923-0932, (509) 725-4357, famrc@sisna.com

Mason- Turning Pointe (877) 923-1212, (360) 432-1212

Okanogan- Family Support Center (509) 684-6139, nfoll@plix.com

Pacific- Crisis Support Network (800) 435-7276, csn@willapabay.org

Pierce- Korean Women's Association Domestic Violence (253) 535-4202

Pierce- YWCA of Tacoma/Pierce County (253) 383-2593

San Juan- Domestic Violence& Sexual Assault Services of the San Juan Islands(360) 378-2345, Friday Harbor dvsassanjuan@rockisland.com

Orcas Island dvsaorcas@rockisland.com

Skagit- Skagit Domestic Violence& Sexual Assault Services

(360) 336-9591 (Office), (800) 726-6010 (Crisis Line)

Skamania- Skamania County Council on Domestic Violence& Sexual Assault (509) 427-4210, (877) 427-4210

Snohomish- Snohomish County Center for Battered Women

(425) 252-2873

Stevens- Adams County Resource Center (509) 660-1067 Ritzville,

(509) 989-1027 Othello

Whatcom Crisis Services- Crisis Line (360) 734-7271

Whatcom- Womancare Shelter- Crisis Line (360) 734-3438, shelter@cnw.com

Whatcom- Lummi Family Services (360) 738-3959

Whatcom- Lummi Victims of Crime (360) 384-2285, lvoc@lummi-nation.bia.edu

Whatcom- Whatcom County Crisis Services (877) 715-1563

Whitman- Alternatives to Violence of the Palouse (509) 332-4357, atvp@turbonet.com

Yakima- Lower Valley Crisis Support Services (509) 837-6689

Yakima- YWCA- Family Crisis Program (509) 248-7796

Yakima- Family Crisis Network (509) 447-5483

Wahkiakum- St.James Domestic Violence Program (360) 795-6400

Wahkiakum- Charolotte House (360) 795-6400

Walla Walla- YWCA- Walla Walla (509) 529-9922

DV Center of Grays Harbor- Crisis Line (800) 562-6025

King- Abused Deaf Womens Advocacy Services (ADWAS)

(206) 726-0093 (TTY only), adwas@adwas.org

King- Chaya is a community based non profit organization serving South Asian Women in time of Crisis and Need. Helpline (206) 325-0325, Toll-Free (877) 92CHAYA

King- Jewish Family Service- Project DVORA (206) 461-3240

King- The NW Network of Bisexual, Trans & Lesbian Survivors of Abuse (206) 568-7777, info@nwnetwork.org

Phoenix Place-Wenatchee- Crisis Line (509) 663-1952

The Support Center- Omak- Crisis Line (888) 826-3221

YWCA- Spokane- Crisis Line (509) 326-2255

[Alaska2012 462]

I'm so sorry you are in such a mess! You need out! Is there any chance that someone back home can help you with some money? Either for a ticket to go back or to move into something of your own?

[Unidentified 2,930]

I would wait till you get your social security card. (He could use it against you, to try to get you back...then what??)

I would also start going through my things, sorting out what I would need to keep like legal papers, favorite things, etc. and I would do it secretly, so he doesn't catch on to what you're doing. Have your things in one or two different places, so you can just grab and go when the time comes.

Until then, Could you call the Church and see if someone could give you a ride? (He wants you to support yourself with a job, so he can't complain if you get your own ride, I'd hope...) If that doesn't work, do you have 2 tv's? If you do, you could watch Joel Osteen Sun morning. Google or just check the channels before 9am. He is a very inspirational Christian preacher, very famous because he is genuine.

Just some advice/options. I am praying for you dear. Yes, call those domestic assault shelters, they will help you. You will be fine, and sounds like he will always be miserable. I'll pray for him too. Blessings, Natasha

How is she going get a SSN card when he refuses to help her get to the SSA office?

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

****** Moving from K1 to Effects of Major Changes as the best suited forum for this. ******

[starlisle 0]

Sorry this is happening to you, dont you have a way to get a plane ticket home? By some support group or family? I really dont think that environment is good for you.

[j&ana 363]

Yes as others have stated you need to leave him and get on with your life. You are still young. There are many good men in this world that will treat you with respect and the way you should be treated. I know I will never treat my wife the way you are being treated

[chaoticlogic 27]

After you got married, did his demeanor change, or has he always been somewhat abusive?

I'm really sorry for your situation. Everyone here seems to offer very good advice.

[oksmel 4]

Are u married to him? This happened to me once. I had to leave my husband and filed I-360 ( As I remember )form, against violence abusive spouse form, this will protect you and u can den a green card if you are ready to stay strong and fight.

[tayjoc 4]

Oh my...you poor girl!! Use this week-end to go through the place and collect all your personal and private belongings and papers without him around. This is not a safe situation with all these threats and alienation going on. I would get to a shelter as soon as possible. Take whatever time you need to quietly collect what you need and when he is next away that is when you leave...call a shelter if you have no way to get there.

[Ann2490 0]

Hey thank you everyone.

Yes, we met on February 2013. I been married for 14 month already. I lived in USA already 17 month with him. He just change after we got married and its getting worse and worse.

I have SSN but Im waiting for my SS card.

Im scared to leave him because I don't want to be in trouble. And also scared to live with him.

It still doesn't seems real. I don't know how he could change so much. Once we married he just lied to me. He always hide from me everything( putting password, putting all his stuff in his safe in our appartment). He is so secretive guy.

After we filed joint tax return he told me that it's his money and not my. He just said me that he has to teach me why its only his money. He said if I don't work I dont get money. He doesn't want to open up a bank account which he always said me "I dont need that"

Edited September 13, 2015 by Ann2490

[puffers 14]

Get the hell out of there

[oksmel 4]

I agree, leave him, you are going to be ok!!! Find a place where he can never reach you and run! You are going to have legal status in USA, so don't worry. Collect all evidence if you can what he did to you and run.

[Fan_Dancer 171]

Can your family help you?

[tayurshu 37]

You will not be "in trouble" for leaving him. You will be in trouble if you stay with him. Abuse, physically and psychologically will happen.

Get out.

There have been plenty of great posts here and I implore you to pack your things, get everything you need (including your immigration papers) and either attend a police station or one of the many shelters listed in this thread.

Look after yourself first. Get to a safe place - these places are experts, have seen your situation before and CAN AND WILL HELP.

Please, look after yourself. And keep us updated if you can. We are all thinking of you.