Soothing nerves?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Hey all --

First off, I have got to say what a godsend this site is -- I have felt alone in this process and, well, it seems I'm not! I've been picking up some great advice from you all.

Anyway, does anyone have any good advice on how to soothe the nerves of your applicant SO? My husband is (and has been ever since we discussed leaving the UK for the States) convinced he is not going to get his immigrant visa. This is despite having a clean criminal record, good health and a BA, an MA and (hopefully soon!) a PhD, not to mention being a native English speaker from a "non-scary" country, etc etc. It is driving me freakin' CRAZY having to tell him everything is in his favour and he is going to sail through this. He actually thinks he might have some sort of undetected illness that the blood test will pick up (believe me, knowing his history, impossible).

His justification for thinking he will be denied is that so much has gone wrong for him in the past when he had great hopes, he doesn't dare get his hopes up again. I tell him, hey, you're hitched to MY wagon now and good stuff happens to me on a regular basis -- so just sit tight and we'll get through it just fine. While this worked earlier on, it has lost its charm on him. Any words of advice here? Magic spells? Potions??

[Kimberley+Dave 0]

If he's someone that thinks like that anyway, I'm not sure that there's much you can say to calm his nerves. Just try telling him to keep positive! If you're doing most of the paperwork, maybe asking him to double-check things so that he can have some control over the forms would help? That way he could feel like he was doing something to make this happen?

I don't have much experience giving advice on this subject as I am normally the one who is freaking out and my hubby is cool as a cucumber (on the outside).

[Mags 112]

Well, if he had HIV or Syphillis the doctors would have contacted him BEFORE the interview (the doc I saw at the medical said if anything was detected in my blood test they would tell me within four days or so). You don't get told that at the consulate!

These are the only medical things that the blood test looks for btw.

Does that help?

[Catica 1]

You guys sound just like my fiancee and I but flipped, I have a saying which is Murphys law owns me.. Basically meaning anything that can go wrong will, and yeah its usually been the story of my life and my fiancee tells me the same thing you have told yours that he has good luck and im with him now so it will balance out. And hearing that from him no doesnt help me with my stress any lol. I do find that being in "control" has helped the most. Kinda like Kim+Dave said, seeing all the forms double checking them reading reading reading and asking a million questions even if they been asked before. I called the USCIS during the first part even though everyone said it wouldnt do any good until after 6 months, I called the NVC, I call the state dept now everyday and my fiancee calls the embassy too when I start stressing a bit. Even if its too soon, or they wont tell me anything yet it still makes me feel like Im doing something which makes me feel better. Maybe you should direct your fiancee to this forum and let him stress it out here, it has been a huge help to me though you do get the occasional smart butt or I already been through this process and seen your question a thousand times dont ask it go find it out for yourself type of person who answers, but Im learning to ignore them and keep working things out. This might be a good place for him to ask questions he has even if you have already told him answers yourself sometimes seeing it in writing from a few other people makes it better lol.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Thanks guys -- the ideas about getting him involved and maybe posting here are great. He's already taken the lead on filling in the I-130 (and checking it, and checking it again, ad nauseam) and he's going to apply for his police report this week. It's just the waiting now!

[mmb 0]

Keep him busy every time he stresses by having him organise more evidence than could ever be needed, have him index it, organise it, photocopy it etc.

That worked reasonably well for me, I just kept doing things that might be needed and was too tired to stress so much.

[John & Annie 0]

Sounds like Annie and I.

We patiently talk through everything that can go wrong and disprove it one by one. Gradually things have gotten better.

[flutter95 4]

I would also show him the timelines and whatnot.

I know hes not worried about how long it takes but the timelines show just how MANY people are being approved

[garyandkris 0]

I agree with everything that's been said here. I tend to worry constantly while my husband has a much more relaxed attitude towards the entire process. Telling me not to worry doesn't help, and he knows that. I need to find answers to every little question I can come up with, and this site has been a great help with that.

Your case sounds very straightforward, but I know that in itself won't stop your husband from worrying. I hope he'll read through the posts on this site and see how many people get approvals, even those with complicated cases. Ours has a couple of small complications, but I have every confidence now that we will get an approval sooner or later. I wouldn't think this if it weren't for what I've learned from this site.

Good luck! (though you won't need it )