I don't know if it's all worth it anymore..

[Ruipo 1]

You know what, I am on the same boat, like literally. We have been struggling to survive and i have been trying to stay positive for a very long time. And my husband told me things will get better but sometimes its hard to believe when you are in that situation yourself. And i hate the fact that because of money two people cant not stay together and when the situation keep going long enough, you even doubt if you should stay together anymore. But let me tell you something, if its love, and if you both are faithful to each other. You will regret to make the wrong decision when you look back. Can you see a future with him? grow old with the person you are with? because if this is the one, nothing should stop you.

[TBoneTX 45,536]

The story at the other site is illuminating.

Marry in haste, repent in leisure.

End this non-marriage immediately, move home as a priority, and reclaim your life.

[alexjtowell 7]

After reading that reddit post and assuming it was you, I want to let you know that you don't have to feel alone. You both need help. Before 2011, my husband (then boyfriend) drank constantly. Our relationship was not what either of us wanted, and even though we loved each other, we knew that it couldn't work with things the way they were. We parted ways, still very much in love, and I constantly encouraged him to get the help he needed. He has been sober since July 11, 2011, and even though we have endless love for each other, I think that things would have been worse if we had decided to stay together during his drinking days.

The biggest thing about love is that it cannot be one-sided. Words can only go so far. Action for you and him needs to happen NOW if you want things to get better. I don't think that staying in an abusive relationship is good for either one of you right now. I'm not saying that I don't think that he can change, but HE has to be the one to make that change for himself. I can't tell you how much I had wanted my husband to stop drinking, but no matter how much I nagged and no matter how many arguments we had about it, nothing changed until I left him and let him decide what he wanted for himself.

If he truly loves you, then he will let you go to Vancouver and will stay married to you while he gets help for his issues. I know how it feels to feel helpless in a situation like yours, but sometimes, you just have to do what is best for yourself and hope with everything that you have that he will finally decide to fix his problems. You struggling with depression is something you need to work on as well. I also struggle with depression, but I can't just hope that it gets solved; I have to take action to combat it, and moving back home to Arkansas for me is a step in the right direction. I'm just really fortunate that my husband wants to come as well.

If he doesn't want to come, that's sad, but it doesn't mean that things have to be "over" between you two. If he continues to say that he won't stay married to you if you leave, then that's incredibly manipulative. It's clear that you both are in a bad place emotionally. Something needs to happen. It sucks being in a foreign country and feeling completely alone, even when your spouse is sitting right next to you.

I think that you should go to Vancouver. If he becomes violent because you are leaving, then it only proves that staying there is a bad idea. He should care enough about your feelings to understand why you need to go. If he's supportive of you going, in the sense that he doesn't freak out and drives you to the airport, then that is a step in the right direction. I don't think that you need to stay just so that you can travel freely. If you think that deep down, you'll only be happy in Vancouver, then that's what you want for your life, and that's totally ok!

If things are going fine while you're in Vancouver and he has been working on his problems, then he seriously needs to consider moving there. You don't have to sponsor him right away. My husband had zero work experience when we came to Canada, so he worked for a year before we applied for my permanent residency. Since he hasn't really held a job since being in Georgia, I have a feeling that you'd feel a lot better about paying for most everything if you're in a place where you want to be.

At the end of the day, EVERYONE on this planet deserves to be happy, but we have to be willing to make those tough decisions that make it possible. You've already sacrificed so much without getting hardly anything in return, so it's time for you to take charge of your life. Get your situation together, and if things were meant to be between you to, then you will know. Just make sure that you are being cared for by the person who ought to, and if not, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[Jawaree 718]

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting here after being in the US for 6 months. I came here from Canada on a regular B-2 Visitor Visa (regular stamp on passport) and my 6 months were up on September 9, 2015. We have filed for AOS back in July and applications have been recieved. I have already completed my biometrics application last month, and currently am waiting for my work authorization/permit that is expected to arrive mid-October (according to our lawyer).

I met my Husband through an online game, and we married in April of 2015. I literally left home and didn't look back, but now I have some serious regrets.

My husband is 21, and i'm 23, yes we are quite young and jumped into this really fast.

Don't get my wrong, my husband is a good guy. He has been supportive, by my side, and very faithful, but we have had some major issues. Financially, I have solely been supporting myself half the time and have racked up some debt (I paid for all my own immigration), he has been working on and off to pay for some bills, but after 6 months he now finally has a steady-ish job and we are finally moving to a better living situation that he will be paying for. Hopefully I won't have to use my credit card anymore (I am about 8k in debt).

Relationship wise, we haven't been getting along well. We have our differences, and our good times, but I think our situation has taken a toll on both of us and I have definately built up some strong resentment that I can't get past with him.

To add on, I am incredibly home sick and lonely. I talk to my mom daily, but it's never enough. I am originally from Vancouver, and I live in a small town in Georgia (complete opposite ends). The culture is vastly different, and we haven't had any money to do anything fun. The weather is hard on me, and ugh, the bugs! I'm very sensitive to them here. I haven't been able to work, so i literally sit here day after day in absolute solitude and boredum. I think my mind is just going into overload. I have had some medical issues that were being treated in Canada, but when I came here I had no insurance and had to stop all treatment. That really hindered me as well.

OK I just saw 1st Post I take this all back go home to Canada

My husband loves me to death, and we have had the conversation on whether I should leave or stay (If i leave, I legally cannot come back for three years and my green card gets canceled due to abandonment) and he has begged me to stay and promised things will get better, but it's been extremely hard for me because i've heard that from him many times. I love him dearly, I truly do or else I wouldn't have stayed and put up with so much for so long.

I'm asking for some help and support. I'm very lonely, with no friends and no real family support here other than my husband, and my mom and aunt are sitting back at home. I am in tears daily due to being so homesick, but i'm not sure if that's because of how isolated I am and my emotions taking over, or what. It would be great to be able to talk to someone, or a few people, going through a smiliar situation. Advice is also greatly welcomed.

Anyway, i'm looking for some support from you guys if possible. I'm not sure if I should stay or go based on homesickness

Yep...the homesickness will do you in please don't let it get to you , give it a chance because you obviously

have a loving caring husband...Can you look into volunteering in your area, join the library, attend a church,

look into taking a few classes at the local College even for enhancement, thus you will find a few like-minded

friends. I do believe you should cut the calls to mom to maybe 3 times a week because this also cause being

homesick, once you can work things will change, you are both young...give it time, I married young its not always

smiles & laughter , but allow your love for each other to over-come all negatives , hang in there after you can

travel to Canada you will realize you miss hubby & new home a lot....best wishes Saw 1st post now I take it all

back go home

Edited September 12, 2015 by Jawaree

[indiana_sweetie 120]

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kgvlj/i_f23_feel_like_i_made_the_biggest_mistake_in_my/

Ok, I read the story. I do understand the PCOS. My daughter has it. Don't stay in this abusive relationship just because you feel he may be the only man who will ever love you (even though you didn't say that). My daughter married twice. She and her new guy are very happy.

[TBoneTX 45,536]

You might be amazed at how much weight is off your shoulders (and how many monkeys are off your back) after you relieve those loads.

[B3zo_Mimo 4]

If u love him truly it's worth to stay and fight for it, I know u r homesick now, but maybe in the future ur family can visit u to make things easier, and soon ull be able to adjust and find a job.

I suffer from homesickness all the time,10 years living far away from my family and now I'll be moving to the states which is 14 hours away from them, but I'm willing to do it app over again cause my soul mate happened to be in the other side of the world, I know it's gonna be hard but I'm willing to fight and so u should be. Being in ur twenties doesn't mean ur young, it means ur an adult and ur smart and can take intelligent decisions. My advise work on making it better and have faith in your marriage. Finally your not alone, there are many of us (foreign fiancées and wives ) and ready to support even if it's virtual.

Edited September 12, 2015 by B3zo_Mimo

[Lee 23 5]

Think about how fortunate it is to have someone supportive, by your side, and faithful. And who loves you. Have you read some of these posts from people who have to deal with infidelity, or a husband that abandons the visa process, or an abusive spouse. It seems like your husband is a good man. If you go home, would you be missing him? The first year or two is difficult away from home. You need friends and some work to do during the day. I know you want to go out and have fun, but that costs money and debt is weighing you down. Find a group that meets weekly for game night (www.meetup.com). It is free, fun and you will meet people.

Or you can go back home. And start new. Either way you will be fine.

I know the issues that you are having feel serious and perminent. And that you need to let go of resentment but do not know how. And this adds to depression. You need to work as a team, to get over resentment. You need to talk with him, when you are both feeling ok; not upset. You need to tell him about the resentment so that you can let go of it together without demands or promises. Just let it be out in the sun and watch it melt away. You can not get rid of it, but after you accept it, it goes away.

[Anthony and Becky 6]

When I read your first post, I was going to suggest waiting it out. You've come this far and relief is in sight where you'll be able to go home and visit, find a job, and start paying off that debt which I know weighs heavily mentally. I was going to suggest doing some volunteer work which will get you out of the house and allow you to make some friends. I was even going to suggest that talking to your mom daily is probably not a great idea because she's probably encouraging you to come home and making it extra attractive by saying that she'll put you both up if you need. My mother was probably a bit sad that she was "losing her son" when I told her about this whole immigration thing, but she's also always told me to follow my dreams and if that meant moving elsewhere, that was ok. I'm going to assume she also meant that dream-woman counts.

Then after reading more of your replies to people, a couple of flags started coming up... He doesn't have a passport (this one always makes me think "uhhhhhh... What? Don't you want to go out and see the world?"), he doesn't seem very willing to accommodate your needs (I'm so thankful to have a fiancée that has said "if the K1 doesn't work out, I'll come to Canada to be with you") and the off and on employment is also an issue.

Reading the reddit post changed the story altogether. I'm going to go ahead and assume that that was you, there are just too many similarities to not be. The change in lifestyle that you have gone through in addition to not having access to your medication has created a bit of a perfect storm. No job for you, no steady job for him (and not much motivation to go out and look for one (why find a job when the wife's plastic keeps putting food on the table?), no medication, no family or friends, alcoholic mom's unfinished basement, having to sell your personal entertainment devices to pay off debt, and the icing on the cake, a husband that isn't willing to make the same sacrifices as you have to be together. The physical abuse might very well be the result of him just snapping during a verbal altercation, but they're still happening and I really hope you aren't blaming your BPD on it and making excuses for him.

My advice: get out. If he really loves you, he'll follow you. You're young and there's still plenty of time in your life for him to learn what a marriage really is or to meet someone who's willing to put in an equal amount of effort. Marriage isn't easy and he isn't helping.

Anthony (a fellow Canuck)

[Lowlie 191]

Think about how fortunate it is to have someone supportive, by your side, and faithful. And who loves you. Have you read some of these posts from people who have to deal with infidelity, or a husband that abandons the visa process, or an abusive spouse. It seems like your husband is a good man. If you go home, would you be missing him? The first year or two is difficult away from home. You need friends and some work to do during the day. I know you want to go out and have fun, but that costs money and debt is weighing you down. Find a group that meets weekly for game night (www.meetup.com). It is free, fun and you will meet people.

Or you can go back home. And start new. Either way you will be fine.

I know the issues that you are having feel serious and perminent. And that you need to let go of resentment but do not know how. And this adds to depression. You need to work as a team, to get over resentment. You need to talk with him, when you are both feeling ok; not upset. You need to tell him about the resentment so that you can let go of it together without demands or promises. Just let it be out in the sun and watch it melt away. You can not get rid of it, but after you accept it, it goes away.

You should learn the whole story before you give this advise. Good Lord!

[ExPatty 502]

I have definately built up some strong resentment that I can't get past with him.

...

I love him dearly, I truly do or else I wouldn't have stayed and put up with so much for so long.

These two statements don't mesh. If you love him enough you can get over the resentment.

Going from Vancouver to Georgia without any friends or money, and a new relationship, is a huge adjustment.

Can he move to Canada?

If you do really think this is a waste of time you need to yank the bandaid off as soon as possible. Don't spend more time and your youth and your debt on a losing prospect.

Sounds like your mom is super supportive because she wants you to stay for the GC, but I can tell you it is crushing her that you are gone. I bet she is hiding most of that because she wants to not have that influence you too much.

Perhaps you should indeed wait until January if you think you'll have a GC by then.

---

All the above is only based only on this thread. I've now read the reddit and I have simply this advice:

You may a terrific, massive mistake. Leave him NOW. He is a loser and you are wasting your time. It would utterly devastate your mother if she knew what he was doing to you. Please accept the advice of everyone here. Leave him. It will not get better for you. You said you're stuck but you aren't. Buy a plane ticket, tell your mom you're coming home. I am a parent. Believe me, all your mom wants is to see you taken care of. She will pay for a ticket, she will come get you if you want and she'll never hold this against you or question it. Please leave now. You are in a terrible, terrible situation, way worse than you are letting on here or are aware of. You made a mistake with him. These things happen, now get him out of your life and move on. I don't want you to hang around him and a few years from now with a kid now with an abusive guy with a terrible mother you're truly stuck. Count your blessings you aren't pregnant and get the heck out. four jobs lost in six months? The people he works with see him for what he is, why can't you? You can, you just don't want to. Please leave. You didn't pick a winning horse.

Edited September 12, 2015 by ExPatty

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Check with your local public library. Ours here has all kinds of free programs and classes. Check into volunteering at a hospital, mission, church, or animal shelter. I think if you find a way to get out of the house you will meet people and feel a little better. October is not too far away. U can do it! Try not to dwell on your homesickness. Keep busy and look at all the positive you have in life. Before you know you'll be able yo go back to Vancouver for a visit. Best of Luck!

[tiko1426 17]

The story at the other site is illuminating.

Marry in haste, repent in leisure.

End this non-marriage immediately, move home as a priority, and reclaim your life.

Totally Agree with this Reply !

[tiko1426 17]

Ok, I read the story. I do understand the PCOS. My daughter has it. Don't stay in this abusive relationship just because you feel he may be the only man who will ever love you (even though you didn't say that). My daughter married twice. She and her new guy are very happy.

Second time around is a Charm.....

[hir0 49]

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kgvlj/i_f23_feel_like_i_made_the_biggest_mistake_in_my/

I just saw this post and I really wish that my previous post would be deleted because I don't think that you should even consider staying.

Even if it is what you want... I have been in an abusive relationship in the past, you think it's love but it's passion.

You stay together because you believe it will get better and every time he proves you wrong, he still says it will get better.

Go home to your family, do it for yourself.