I don't know if it's all worth it anymore..

[Gary&Joy 18]

pull out that credit card one more time, buy two cheap bikes and get out of the house,, get those endorphins pumping,, robin williams was a video game addict and said bicycling saved his life (but not for long, i guess).. life is fast and crazy and i'm twice your age.. and you know our grandparents would say "things were tough, and we liked it".. time to put on your big girl pants and change that town into little canada,, yep, the ball is in your court, and its the court of life,, no referee there,, just make of it what you will.. wanna cry, where's that get'cha?? and if you dont like my advice, i will say that at least you read it, and maybe it will pull you back from a precipice at some point.. because the pendulum swings, and yours is already maxing out to one side,, give it a little push back to center and you might be surprised how far the other way you'll find yourself in a jiffy.. that's my 2 cents, like it or not..

[Jennyxorose 1]

Are you getting the EAD and AP combo card? If you are, that means you should be able to go home for a couple weeks and return. When my husband got his card we almost immediately put him on a plane home for two weeks. He then came back and got a job. It allowed him to finish the things he'd wanted to. If you did that you could apply for your SSN before going and wait for it in Canada. And you could always apply for some jobs (in Georgia) while in Canada too. Then you might be able to come back to the US looking forward to a job interview.

I am actually, and I have been thinking about that. I'm worried though, isnt the AP only supposed to be for emergency visits only? And won't it be hard to cross the border into the U.S. again?

I will be getting those documents in October, so it will happen very soon. It's so hard to wait though.

[Jennyxorose 1]

I've been in a very similar situation as you, except I'm from Arkansas and I've been living in Canada (Edmonton). My husband and I have been married since 2013 and together since 2009. We initially planned to get my permanent residence in Canada, but even though we had applied last year, they still wouldn't have looked at my application now. Since coming to Edmonton in 2012, I've been on a visitor's visa and prohibited from getting a job. I'm incredibly close to my family and have missed them so incredibly much. The stress has been unbearable, but at the beginning of this year, I put my foot down and told my husband that we needed to go to the US. I can't take not working and feeling worthless, and even though he is also incredibly loving and understanding, it has strained our marriage. It doesn't help that his mother, who lives about 20 minutes away is very controlling, manipulative, and heartless.

When we had planned to stay in Canada, I felt sad all the time. I tried to get out and volunteer, hoping that I would feel that I had a purpose, but on one income, we couldn't afford gas for me on top of our rent.

My question for you is, why did you move to the US? There really isn't a wrong answer, but if it wasn't exactly what you wanted to do, then I think that you and your husband should come to a compromise. Have you both considered moving back to Vancouver? I've been on a visitor's visa the whole time I've been here, and I haven't had to leave my husband in order to process any paperwork that we would have had to go through for my permanent residency here. Surely, your family could help you get on your feet there since you would likely be the only one working for a bit.

I'm not sure how your husband would feel about it, but I do know how incredibly hard it is for a woman to be away from her family, especially if you are close to them.

I didn't want to be away from my husband either, so I've stayed in Edmonton with him while we've been working on his green card. Surely there can be some compromise that you both can come to though. If you love each other, then a decision that you can both be happy with can be found.

If you want to stay in the US, would it be possible for your family to visit? My family can't afford to travel, but I was able to go home for a month last year, and it definitely revitalized my soul.

If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask! Since I'm not working, I have plenty of free time Plus, I totally feel where you are coming from!

Hi there, thanks for taking the time to reply!

Your message really related to how I was feeling and one of the ideas that crossed my mind. I have talked to my husband about going back to Vancouver, but right now he does not want to. He is a country guy, and i'm from the city, I honestly think he is scared. It then comes down to me making the move and him not willing, but that's another argument for another day.

I think in time he will be open to it, and I mean in a couple of years. Also, I'm not sure how I can even sponsor him for PR in Canada while i'm living in the United States with no Canadian job. My mom and her partner have already offered to take us in if we had no other options, and in a desperate situation (if or when it comes up) I'm pretty sure he would go. You know, once he gets a passport (still doesn't have one, haven't been able to afford it)

Right now, my husband isn't willing to immigrate to Canada. Maybe in a few years, but not right now. I'm going to have to just sit here and be patient and deal, or decide to just go home and give it all up. If I leave, i'm barred for three years, and i'm pretty sure he is unwilling to continue the marriage.

It's really hard to adjust and accept the fact that I just *cant* go home right now freely, but it's also very hard to sit here and let my mind wander and over-think. Not working for almost 7 months drives you nuts, and I already suffer from severe depression before I came here.

I didn't ever want to move to the US, but I did because I loved my husband and wanted to give the whole thing a chance. I never would have thought he would be unwilling to do the same for me.

pull out that credit card one more time, buy two cheap bikes and get out of the house,, get those endorphins pumping,, robin williams was a video game addict and said bicycling saved his life (but not for long, i guess).. life is fast and crazy and i'm twice your age.. and you know our grandparents would say "things were tough, and we liked it".. time to put on your big girl pants and change that town into little canada,, yep, the ball is in your court, and its the court of life,, no referee there,, just make of it what you will.. wanna cry, where's that get'cha?? and if you dont like my advice, i will say that at least you read it, and maybe it will pull you back from a precipice at some point.. because the pendulum swings, and yours is already maxing out to one side,, give it a little push back to center and you might be surprised how far the other way you'll find yourself in a jiffy.. that's my 2 cents, like it or not..

Thanks, I appreciate every bit of advice!

Honestly if my card wasn't maxed out I probably would! I enjoyed biking a lot in Vancouver and miss it greatly!

[alexjtowell 7]

Girl, my heart is breaking for you! You've sacrificed so much! I hate knowing that a fellow woman is going through all this, but honestly, your husband needs to be more supportive of you! At first, my husband didn't really want to go to the States, but after telling him all of the benefits (both of us working, a loving family that will help us with anything we need and not interfere in our marriage), he finally agreed. It definitely wasn't easy, and we had several fights about it. It got to the point where I told him that I was going and he could come with me, or choose not to. It wasn't the nicest thing for me to do, but after having dealt with his completely insane mother and feeling completely alone, I had to just make a decision for myself for once. We did end up going to counseling for two sessions, and now he's even to the point where he's excited about going!

If he had decided not to come with me, I would have had to move on. I've never wanted to leave without him, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being unhappy. It wasn't good for me, and it certainly wasn't good for our marriage.

If he does ever decide to go, maybe you two could compromise on a place that's a little more rural! I've only just crossed into BC from close to Jasper, so I've never really been to the nice parts of BC, but surely there could be a rural place near Vancouver that makes it easy for you to visit with friends and family and for him to be in the boonies.

I always want relationships to work, but it's important for both spouses to be happy. Life isn't meant to be perfect, but if being close to your family helps you feel as peace, then your husband needs to be more understanding and be willing to compromise. After all, you've been contributing more than he has!

I don't want this to come across as if I'm against your husband in any way. My husband probably didn't realize how much went into a marriage, so he's had to learn a lot along the way. There's ALWAYS time to make things better, but you both have to want that, not just one person. Things can totally get better for you. Maybe not right away, but if there's anything I've learned about being away from home, it's that I now know exactly where I want to be and how I want my life to turn out. It's not about being selfish, because I want my husband in the picture too, but it just comes to a point where if sacrifices are only being made on one side, then SOMETHING needs to change.

Edited September 12, 2015 by alexjtowell

[Lemonslice 4,886]

If he cannot imagine living without you, would he consider moving to Canada? It doesn't seem like he has a big career holding him back... and you seem close to your family. Also, it is important to take care of yourself, and your health. You should be your priority.

Edited September 12, 2015 by Boston~Montreal

[Lowlie 191]

I don't know much at all about a lot of the immigration processes, but my husband came to the USA with a K1 visa and he was in the AOS process when he had an emergency back home. He learned it would take about 3 months to get AP. Someone advised him he could leave and I could send the AP to him once it arrived. I was doubtful, but he was extremely anxious to go, so he took his chances. How it played out was, he wasn't allowed to come back and his K1 and AOS were considered abandoned. He was NOT banned for any time at all though, so we applied for a CR1 visa (thank God we got married while he was still in the USA).So that was early last September that we applied. Our case is finally complete and we're waiting for an interview. I don't know if your immigration case differs when it comes to leaving without AP during the AOS process, but you should look into it. It's possible you won't be banned for 3 years.

[Lemonslice 4,886]

Found the full story. Please go back home as soon as possible. You are the victim of domestic violence. Please contact your parents, they seem nice and will take care of you. Forget the ban, save your life.

You will not regret being free.

[V24 21]

Found the full story. Please go back home as soon as possible. You are the victim of domestic violence. Please contact your parents, they seem nice and will take care of you. Forget the ban, save your life.

You will not regret being free.

What?

[raven52 233]

wish I could add something I see positive, maybe the GC, would change things, a job, being able to visit, depending on the expenses, but from what you said, "he wants it more than you"

and by reading your statements, your negative statements are more than the positive.

You, really sound miserable. No one should live like that, happiness is so important, and some times you need to put yourself first.

I am just being honest about what you posted. Do what makes you happy, and is the balance of that and what is rational.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

What?

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kgvlj/i_f23_feel_like_i_made_the_biggest_mistake_in_my/

[Izor 79]

Wow that changes the story completely.....get back to Canada ASAP. I take back what i first wrote. It is not worth hanging around.

[V24 21]

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kgvlj/i_f23_feel_like_i_made_the_biggest_mistake_in_my/

Oh, wow

[tiko1426 17]

Wow that changes the story completely.....get back to Canada ASAP. I take back what i first wrote. It is not worth hanging around.

I agree with this reply..

Edited September 12, 2015 by tiko1426

[V24 21]

I agree with this reply..

Second that

[Gary&Joy 18]

ok, even i renege,, major personality disorders are things no younger person can competently deal with if underemployed and depressed.. you jumped in too quick, but that alone doesn't justify leaving,, but to help in healing of mental disorders while you are a sinking ship? nah, maybe best to take a pass on that for your young life, couples are there to help each other.,. not good to start a dead end street with more than you can handle and an empty bucket of hope.. so rare in my book where "no fault divorce" is legit, but here? maybe even annulment is possible.. if there's room on that credit card for just one bicycle, get to chicago and i will pack you a nice lunch to get you the rest of the way to mama