Struggling to adjust

[POM 21]

Going by what OP has said so far, it sounds like she'll be more in tune with NYC

You can walk around the streets of Manhattan and you'll see the true melting pot.

Plethora of cultures,ethnicity, and religious beliefs and no one will give you a hard glance or judge you for who you are.

Alas, the city life is certainly not for everyone but theres something special for everyone here. Come on over and visit!

[Grummy 1]

I've been here nearly 7 years and my accent is still enjoyed/mocked. I've just got back from a visit to my family and this time have found it harder to settle back into 'normal' life. I still sound different, will always think differently and also don't think that I'll ever quite fit in - but am OK with it now. Those that count have got used to my gross lack of Southern lady graces and those that can't get used to my straight forward personality don't stick around and we are all happy

It doesn't improve matters that I am an energy worker in the bible belt, so it's a challenge. Just console yourself with the fact that you are bringing new ideas, a different outlook and a fresh approach to some staid old fuddy duddy 'always done this way' environment. It's prolly time for a shake-up and you;re it!

I hope that you soon make some friends and reach that place where you are comfortable in your own space.

Edited September 12, 2015 by Grummy

[GurkenSalat 48]

I have a very liberal friend who lives in Seattle and she seems to fit in very well there! I don't know too much about it, but she doesn't seem to be the odd one out when it comes to trying to be environmentally friendly and progressive in some aspects.

That may be a really good place for ya'll!

Yes, yes, pleeeease come here! It's nice!

You're kind of reinforcing my opinion of Texas. I once said "nobody is worth going to Texas for" when a friend of mine moved over there (he's in Houston). I hope you find a group of people you get along with and don't find the environment too annoying/oppressive.

I don't know if it's possible at all, but moving to one of the coasts would definitely be a good idea!

[Natonstan 129]

Had to post my thoughts in this one, I've been in Texas almost 2 years now (It'll be two years in February since my arrival) and still to this day I cannot say i'm settled here, I've been trying to talk the wife into moving to another state, like many people have said on here, Texas is like a completely different country compared to the rest of the US, my boss at work is from California and through him i've learned that most of the things I find as being a little 'odd' or 'out of the ordinary' aren't American things, they are Texan things.

I'm heading home for Christmas/New Years so i'm hoping that gives me a little boost!

[TBoneTX 45,287]

Apparently, some people who seem to pride themselves on their open minds have some rather restrictive opinions about Texas.

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

Thank you so much everyone! It's nice to know this is a common phenomenon! There was no real reason for us to live in Texas other than the fact my in laws are here (4 hours' drive north of us) and I'd liked Austin when we visited, plus it's a hub for live music so we thought that might present some new opportunities for husband. He left Texas to go to college in the early 90s and hadn't lived back here until now either. When we moved from the UK we had to pick somewhere so that was about it!

So I told husband (bless him, he's away on tour until November so there's sod all he can do about it right now!) that I'm going to go home to the UK in 2 weeks to regroup then we're going to figure something out. If he really doesn't want to go back to the UK we're going to move to the Pacific Northwest and I'm going to concentrate my job search in that area.

TBoneTX - I'm genuinely sorry if you feel that I and others are bashing Texas. I can only speak for myself but as a very liberal, relatively heavily tattooed, environmentalist woman TX just isn't the place for me. I work in communications and engagement around climate change and sustainable development and have done for the past 10 years. I just can't do that here because a large proportion of the people I've met (and the job market!) don't place as much importance on those things as I do. Plus the car reliance here is driving me mad! I didn't drive for years in the UK (again, for environmental reasons) and I feel guilty every time I get in the car. I'd like to live somewhere more walkable, with more accessible public transit so I don't have to drive as frequently.

Edited September 14, 2015 by SCOTTANDVICKI

[TBoneTX 45,287]

"Different strokes for different folks."

[Natonstan 129]

Thank you so much everyone! It's nice to know this is a common phenomenon! There was no real reason for us to live in Texas other than the fact my in laws are here (4 hours' drive north of us) and I'd liked Austin when we visited, plus it's a hub for live music so we thought that might present some new opportunities for husband. He left Texas to go to college in the early 90s and hadn't lived back here until now either. When we moved from the UK we had to pick somewhere so that was about it!

So I told husband (bless him, he's away on tour until November so there's sod all he can do about it right now!) that I'm going to go home to the UK in 2 weeks to regroup then we're going to figure something out. If he really doesn't want to go back to the UK we're going to move to the Pacific Northwest and I'm going to concentrate my job search in that area.

TBoneTX - I'm genuinely sorry if you feel that I and others are bashing Texas. I can only speak for myself but as a very liberal, relatively heavily tattooed, environmentalist woman TX just isn't the place for me. I work in communications and engagement around climate change and sustainable development and have done for the past 10 years. I just can't do that here because a large proportion of the people I've met (and the job market!) don't place as much importance on those things as I do. Plus the car reliance here is driving me mad! I didn't drive for years in the UK (again, for environmental reasons) and I feel guilty every time I get in the car. I'd like to live somewhere more walkable, with more accessible public transit so I don't have to drive as frequently.

The reliance on driving was something I forgot to bring up! Like yourself I didn't drive for a long time back in the UK, I replaced it with cycling, when I moved here my wife has a car so she drove me if I needed to go anywhere, then I also purchase a bike, big mistake trying to cycle around here, people seem to be either completely rude and just honk for no apparent reason other than to be idiots, or from what i've found certain areas are unreachable unless you take a highway (Cycling on 287 isn't fun at all)

[rlogan 2,036]

I guess, for me as a British person in particular, you don't realise how huge the cultural differences will be because we're so exposed to American TV/film/music/literature, we speak the same language, dress similarly etc that you think we're largely the same - we're not!

No, actually - people who spend a trifling amount of time looking into the culture of the place they are planning on living for the rest of their lives don't think this at all. That's why they do their homework, which for an educated person certainly ought not include television as a source of credible information.

On the one hand you've claimed to have an open mind, but on the other hand put down a pervasive culture by saying it is half a century behind yourself. I have never said such a thing about the Muslim culture so predominant in my wife's region where we have women in full burka's being escorted by male members - it is the only way they are allowed outside the house. I don't even think that, let alone say so. This is their belief system and it is not my place to judge them.

I knew more about the history of my wife's region than she did before I met her. I read extensively, traveled to six different islands, knew some of the other mixed-race couples - a godfather for one couple's daughter - the culture was one of the strongest reasons for considering a wife from her region. She is not Muslim - but we have a house on the border of the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao so it is mixed. We have neighbors on two sides that are traditional Muslim and upon meeting them I could empathize with them about the history of the US slaughters of Muslims in the Philippines; the hundreds that were tortured by waterboarding, the burning of crops and destruction of homes, etc. - so this is why they don't hate me like they hate the arrogant Americans who think the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim.

This is just so pervasive in these "struggling to adjust" types of threads - "Oh golly, after doing no research on the place I was moving, I am surprised to find out how little I knew" Well whose fault is that?

Were you to have done a parallel investigation into Texas culture you would be able to talk with them about a hell of a lot more than the weather, like the history of the Native, French, Spanish, and Mexican periods prior to the Republic of Texas - and why the culture evolved as it did. You'd empathize with them in the same way I do with the Muslim neighbors we have, even though I am an atheist.

Look before you leap.

[rlogan 2,036]

No, actually - people who spend a trifling amount of time looking into the culture of the place they are planning on living for the rest of their lives don't think this at all. That's why they do their homework, which for an educated person certainly ought not include television as a source of credible information.

On the one hand you've claimed to have an open mind, but on the other hand put down a pervasive culture by saying it is half a century behind yourself. I have never said such a thing about the Muslim culture so predominant in my wife's region where we have women in full burka's being escorted by male members - it is the only way they are allowed outside the house. I don't even think that, let alone say so. This is their belief system and it is not my place to judge them.

I knew more about the history of my wife's region than she did before I met her. I read extensively, traveled to six different islands, knew some of the other mixed-race couples - a godfather for one couple's daughter - the culture was one of the strongest reasons for considering a wife from her region. She is not Muslim - but we have a house on the border of the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao so it is mixed. We have neighbors on two sides that are traditional Muslim and upon meeting them I could empathize with them about the history of the US slaughters of Muslims in the Philippines; the hundreds that were tortured by waterboarding, the burning of crops and destruction of homes, etc. - so this is why they don't hate me like they hate the arrogant Americans who think the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim.

This is just so pervasive in these "struggling to adjust" types of threads - "Oh golly, after doing no research on the place I was moving, I am surprised to find out how little I knew" Well whose fault is that?

Were you to have done a parallel investigation into Texas culture you would be able to talk with them about a hell of a lot more than the weather, like the history of the Native, French, Spanish, and Mexican periods prior to the Republic of Texas - and why the culture evolved as it did. You'd empathize with them in the same way I do with the Muslim neighbors we have, even though I am an atheist. Same thing with Christians. I would never say they are "behind" me because they believe differently than I do.

Look before you leap.

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

The reliance on driving was something I forgot to bring up! Like yourself I didn't drive for a long time back in the UK, I replaced it with cycling, when I moved here my wife has a car so she drove me if I needed to go anywhere, then I also purchase a bike, big mistake trying to cycle around here, people seem to be either completely rude and just honk for no apparent reason other than to be idiots, or from what i've found certain areas are unreachable unless you take a highway (Cycling on 287 isn't fun at all)

Isn't it nuts? Good grief, we have cycle lanes here in Austin (which city are you in?) but there's no way in heck I'd use them because people drive like loonies! I used to enjoy cycling or walking to work in Cardiff.

I've tended to find that speed limit signs are just decorative street furniture here, but I guess they don't have the speed cameras that we have at home! I always drive the speed limit and people are constantly overtaking me, even with Police around, and nobody seems to pay any attention at all! I also can't get used to turning right on red. I've been honked at a couple of times when there's been a red light and I've got my indicator on.

It is rubbish that you can't get places unless you take the highway - I've been trying to find ways around it too, but no such luck! Traffic is truly miserable here in Austin. My husband tells me that drink driving is still a much bigger problem here than in the UK because there are no bars / pubs within walking distance unless you live really firmly in the middle of a city. There's definitely nowhere to walk to where we live, not even a shop!

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

No, actually - people who spend a trifling amount of time looking into the culture of the place they are planning on living for the rest of their lives don't think this at all. That's why they do their homework, which for an educated person certainly ought not include television as a source of credible information.

On the one hand you've claimed to have an open mind, but on the other hand put down a pervasive culture by saying it is half a century behind yourself. I have never said such a thing about the Muslim culture so predominant in my wife's region where we have women in full burka's being escorted by male members - it is the only way they are allowed outside the house. I don't even think that, let alone say so. This is their belief system and it is not my place to judge them.

I knew more about the history of my wife's region than she did before I met her. I read extensively, traveled to six different islands, knew some of the other mixed-race couples - a godfather for one couple's daughter - the culture was one of the strongest reasons for considering a wife from her region. She is not Muslim - but we have a house on the border of the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao so it is mixed. We have neighbors on two sides that are traditional Muslim and upon meeting them I could empathize with them about the history of the US slaughters of Muslims in the Philippines; the hundreds that were tortured by waterboarding, the burning of crops and destruction of homes, etc. - so this is why they don't hate me like they hate the arrogant Americans who think the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim.

This is just so pervasive in these "struggling to adjust" types of threads - "Oh golly, after doing no research on the place I was moving, I am surprised to find out how little I knew" Well whose fault is that?

Were you to have done a parallel investigation into Texas culture you would be able to talk with them about a hell of a lot more than the weather, like the history of the Native, French, Spanish, and Mexican periods prior to the Republic of Texas - and why the culture evolved as it did. You'd empathize with them in the same way I do with the Muslim neighbors we have, even though I am an atheist.

Look before you leap.

I don't think that's entirely fair. I'd visited the US about 10 times before I moved here and have been to 13 different states so far. What I was trying to say is that visiting and living here are entirely different things. Firstly, you don't get as wide an exposure to the population as you do when you have to work in a country. I'd mostly (as you'd expect) spent times with friends that live here and with my husband's family and friends who are pretty liberal. I hadn't realised how the extent to which they were the exception rather than the norm here in Texas.

For me, the primary issue is things like climate denial because it makes me so angry that people wilfully ignore the facts and refuse to act. I think I've pretty much accepted that living here doesn't suit me - but if you don't take a risk in life and try things you'll never know. Luckily my husband has a job that travels!

[TBoneTX 45,287]

OP, you have several options:

-- Find a like-minded circle of friends where you are (they're there).

-- Move somewhere more to your liking.

-- Broaden your mind and become more accepting of others.

Unless you're a golden-tongued orator (and perhaps not even then), people are not going to change for you, and you're not going to get them to change, whether by complaining, expressing your opinion of your comparative superiority, or by any other means. You say that you're open-minded, but some of what you say comes across as "everyone is free to hold their own views, as long as they think and talk exactly as I do." Think about all of this.

You're feeling like a fish out of water because of culture shock (a vastly underrated psychological jolt), and perhaps this partially explains your dismissiveness of what you're encountering. Although folks in this thread can express sympathy to a certain extent, it's ultimately up to you to adjust to your current circumstances or to remove yourself from them, such as by relocating.

Texas is the second-largest U.S. state, and you can drive all day and not see as much as a "yaller dawg." It, and most areas of most of its cities, require driving in order to do and go and see and function. Get your driver's license, recognize that 60 miles per hour is the speed at which many Texan drivers go through a car wash, and understand the usually unstated view that cyclists can be an irritation because they impede traffic. (Sidebar: Austin's vehicular traffic is the worst in the state, chiefly because the city fathers failed to look ahead in the 1980s when there was the chance to proactively expand the roadway system.) Mobility in Texas -- and indeed in much of the U.S. -- requires the use of a car or truck. This reality will not change. You'll feel much better when you're mobile.

If you remain discontent, grasp at the little crumbs of happiness that you can find until you can relocate. When you become a U.S. citizen, you'll be free to return to your land of origin or to live anywhere else in the world that suits you.

Edited September 16, 2015 by TBoneTX

[Natonstan 129]

Isn't it nuts? Good grief, we have cycle lanes here in Austin (which city are you in?) but there's no way in heck I'd use them because people drive like loonies! I used to enjoy cycling or walking to work in Cardiff.

I've tended to find that speed limit signs are just decorative street furniture here, but I guess they don't have the speed cameras that we have at home! I always drive the speed limit and people are constantly overtaking me, even with Police around, and nobody seems to pay any attention at all! I also can't get used to turning right on red. I've been honked at a couple of times when there's been a red light and I've got my indicator on.

It is rubbish that you can't get places unless you take the highway - I've been trying to find ways around it too, but no such luck! Traffic is truly miserable here in Austin. My husband tells me that drink driving is still a much bigger problem here than in the UK because there are no bars / pubs within walking distance unless you live really firmly in the middle of a city. There's definitely nowhere to walk to where we live, not even a shop!

I'm in a smaller town about 20 minutes south of Dallas (Which i've always assumed was worse than Austin). I was in a lane here, that had the arrows on the road letting you know you could either turn left or right in that lane, obviously if you're turning right you can go on red, if you're waiting to go left you obviously have to wait, the other day I was turning left and I had a guy in a pickup truck behind me honking like crazy, I was trying to work out what exactly he wanted me to do, either he wanted me to turn right and go in the complete opposite direction just to suit him or he wanted me to go left and run the light, needless to say I just waited for green

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

TBoneTX - I do have my drivers license and I appreciate that public transit is 'not the way' here. I personally choose to avoid driving as far as possible (hence the concerns about walking and cycling here) for reasons of environmental conscience. I worked in climate change education and community engagement for the government in the UK so it's not that I get irritated that people 'don't agree with me', it's that people - particularly in Texas, from what I've been told by other Americans - don't accept the facts. Anthropogenic climate change is very real and people need to act and change their behaviour NOW. President Obama's Climate Plan, while admirable and better than anyone else has done thus far, needs to go much further. This is a big source of frustration to me.

Natonstan - That's exactly the kind of thing that I mean! What are you expected to do?! I saw a wreck the other day when I and the car in front of me were waiting to go into the filter lane to turn left started a little way down a road. We were in standstill traffic and both waiting for the solid line to finish before merging over, but of course as you said, a guy in a big pick up truck comes thundering down the lane - over the solid line - into oncoming traffic and hits the back left of the car in front of me that was moving over at the right time. I'd seen people do that so many times in that spot but that was the first time it actually caused a crash - though not the last I'm sure. Be safe out there!