Struggling to adjust

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

Absolutely agree with this. Europeans, for some strange reason, think Americans, and only Americans, are racists, homophobes, etc. I have traveled extensively and I can assure you that we (Americans) did not invent these things or even come close to having a monopoly on them. Everywhere you go some group is at odds with another group. It is just a human thing, and I don't think we will ever be fully free of it. Is there racism here? Absolutely. Do we have problems? Certainly. But not other country has attempted to do what the U.S. has: Integrate a bunch of different cultures and races, as political and social equals. Is it utopia? No. Is it Utopian? Yes. So why not cut us a little slack and give us some credit for not being in a constant state of civil war.

Personally, I don't think that Americans are the only people with race, homophobia, sexism etc issues, I was just pointing out that it's a great deal different than in the UK where I'm from.

There does seem - from my own experience because it's all I can speak from - to be some very strong views presented (just look at the Kim Davis case) from that standpoint. A lady I'm acquainted with whom I was talking about my son quickly ended our conversation when she learned that my son's Godfather was gay (and a clergyman!) for example. That hadn't happened to me outside the UK. The husband of a good friend of mine (from before I moved to the US) who lives here and I got into a very heated discussion too when I disagreed with the fact that he said he is the 'leader' of his home and his wife and daughter defer to him in decision making because they are women and that the Bible says women ought to be silent. I've known his wife longer than he has - she is a highly educated woman and I completely disagreed with his point of view. Again, never had this type of conversation outside of the US. My views expressed here are just a product of my experiences.

Edited September 9, 2015 by SCOTTANDVICKI

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

I have a very liberal friend who lives in Seattle and she seems to fit in very well there! I don't know too much about it, but she doesn't seem to be the odd one out when it comes to trying to be environmentally friendly and progressive in some aspects.

That may be a really good place for ya'll!

I agree on the belief that everyone has the right to an opinion. It seems that for the most part, there's been a shift as to what opinions mean to people. I personally think that as long as you value my ability to have an opinion on something, that I should value yours. I can't stop anyone from having an opinion and others shouldn't stop me either.

BUT, as a generalization, in America there seems to be an issue where the fine line between, person A simply voicing an opinion that person B doesn't agree with, and Person B feeling personally attacked by person A's opinion. A debate on a topic quickly becomes a feeling of being personally attacked, even if the other person still thinks you're merely debating a topic. I'm sure it happens everywhere, but I do believe it's more common here or is at least becoming more common.

Your last point, be it a generalisation or not, definitely made me think. I wouldn't personally attack another person's opinion, I would just tell them (if they asked) why I didn't agree with it and how I came to be of that opinion. I didn't realise that they'd think that I was attacking them because I'm used to having those kinds of conversations back home.

[kevz900 5]

The problem is that in the UK we all know that in general a lot of the Scots hate the English. Same with the Welsh, some dislike the English too. The English dislike everyone, including European countries. The English northerners dislike the southern softies, even the country folk hate the townies... the list goes on. BUT in the UK and most of Europe, if you voice these opinions you are immediately classed as a racist. So the answer? We have to pretend to like everyone.

There is good and bad in every race and culture it's just that the Americans haven't had to pretend like we from the UK do.... not yet anyway, it's happening here for sure.

So, you aren't gonna change peoples opinions, it's their right to air their opinion as is your right to your opinion so why fight it? Live and let live, you won't make the US into a Europe. Enjoy all that the US has to offer which in my opinion is a lot more than the UK. Seems to me you need to ditch your job and travel with your husband on his tours, after all that's why you came to the US to be with him? Just do it, I'm sure that would make your time here a lot better and happier and be around the sort of folk you want to be around.

[ExPatty 502]

The USA is far more right wing than England and, to add spice to your food, you moved to Texas of all states. Texas is crazy in many ways. It's actually entirely legal to shoot a person to death for stealing something if it's night time and you fear they are going to run away. Google it.

As far as racial segregation is concerned, England is plenty segregated, too. If you didn't think so, you weren't paying attention. People across the world, even in "racially tolerant and progressive societies", are highly segregated. The difference may be you're seeing more non-whites in Texas, so the separation is more glaring.

Moving from England to Texas is a substantial adjustment.

The biggest fundamental cultural difference I've noticed, and that troubles me most is that the US is very focused on the individual, whereas Wales is very much about making good decisions for the best of the whole community and looking out for its weakest member. That was always a very big part of what makes me incredibly proud to be Welsh and, while I know I have to acclimatise, it flies so in the face of my personal beliefs I'm just finding it difficult.

Even if it's just a fantasy to a large degree in practice, the notion of individualism is alive and well here in ways you are going to have to learn to accept, or reject with friction. This is a country born from a revolution, and to this day the sense that the man is out to get people is still strong, and in some people intense.

Maybe I'm just a European person and my beliefs are so strongly held that I'll never settle here.

Or eventually you may change a bit. As I tell people the left wingers in the US are like right-wingers in other countries. I grow increasingly conservative each year, and more sympathetic to the "traditional" American values. I don't believe I could tolerate the political culture of the UK, as much as the one here needs work.

The husband of a good friend of mine (from before I moved to the US) who lives here and I got into a very heated discussion too when I disagreed with the fact that he said he is the 'leader' of his home and his wife and daughter defer to him in decision making because they are women and that the Bible says women ought to be silent. I've known his wife longer than he has - she is a highly educated woman and I completely disagreed with his point of view. Again, never had this type of conversation outside of the US.

This was an unwinnable argument because you were arguing--even though you didn't know it--a religious point with a proponent of a religion that you are not a part of. This is a common view and, in fact, not as crazy as it sounds on the outset. Any functioning group dealing with difficult situations always has a hierarchy. Always. They just codified it. Every married couple has a boss, whether one of them wants to pretend otherwise or not.

I also agree with the last guy--quit your job and travel with your husband. Being alone in a new country is particularly difficult.

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

The USA is far more right wing than England and, to add spice to your food, you moved to Texas of all states. Texas is crazy in many ways. It's actually entirely legal to shoot a person to death for stealing something if it's night time and you fear they are going to run away. Google it.

As far as racial segregation is concerned, England is plenty segregated, too. If you didn't think so, you weren't paying attention. People across the world, even in "racially tolerant and progressive societies", are highly segregated. The difference may be you're seeing more non-whites in Texas, so the separation is more glaring.

Moving from England to Texas is a substantial adjustment.

Even if it's just a fantasy to a large degree in practice, the notion of individualism is alive and well here in ways you are going to have to learn to accept, or reject with friction. This is a country born from a revolution, and to this day the sense that the man is out to get people is still strong, and in some people intense.Or eventually you may change a bit. As I tell people the left wingers in the US are like right-wingers in other countries. I grow increasingly conservative each year, and more sympathetic to the "traditional" American values. I don't believe I could tolerate the political culture of the UK, as much as the one here needs work.This was an unwinnable argument because you were arguing--even though you didn't know it--a religious point with a proponent of a religion that you are not a part of. This is a common view and, in fact, not as crazy as it sounds on the outset. Any functioning group dealing with difficult situations always has a hierarchy. Always. They just codified it. Every married couple has a boss, whether one of them wants to pretend otherwise or not.

I also agree with the last guy--quit your job and travel with your husband. Being alone in a new country is particularly difficult.

Sadly, though a nice idea, we can't really afford for me to travel with him full time because I need to work. He only earns when he's on tour which is about 8 months of the year. Plus I've spent all the time since university developing my career and I don't really want to give that up at 32!

I do consider myself a Christian, it's just that the 'brand' of Christianity around here seems so different to what I was taught! I don't think there's a boss in our marriage, or in my Mum and Step Dad's marriage as another example of a relationship I've seen. My husband and I are equal partners. We make all our decisions together and thrash it out even when we don't agree (which isn't often in fairness, we have very similar values). We have a fair division of labour around the house - we do the chores we prefer (cooking, bill-paying and laundry for me; cleaning/vacuuming, car stuff and trash/recycling for him and we grocery shop together).

Perhaps I was just spoiled living in Cardiff which is a particularly multi-cultural city. We lived in a fairly afflent suburb of north Cardiff and many of our neighbours were Indian, Pakistani, Chinese. I suppose I'm just used to it and have noticed the difference.

Edited September 9, 2015 by SCOTTANDVICKI

[Darnell 8,478]

left leaning environmentalist with a passion for social justice

alas, Houston is a better place to ply this trade. it's either YOU MOVE,

or you learn how to work for a PAC specializing in environment or social justice issues. PACs do a lot of work in Austin, suggest you study more to find the PACs that do business there.

Failing either thing, I don't know what to tell you.

Networking in Austin isn't easy, you have to show up at the events. If you don't know the calendar, or even have access to the calendars, it sucks.

[Lowlie 191]

The difference between different areas of the USA are quite vast. You can actually say, our country has many different cultures. In my personal opinion, you've moved to one of the most difficult areas of the USA that you could have possibly chose. I would rather take a daily whipping than live in Austin Texas.

[reilena 9]

You could say that I'm a bit struggling too and I've only been here for 3 weeks. I've come to the realization that how Hollywood has painted LA (which is where I live now) is totally correct in all ways. It is expensive, fake, harsh, and friggin hot. So far, all of the people I've met here are only interested in talking about pop culture, the VMAs, how they can get it big as an artist, comedian, etc. I am getting depressed as the day goes by. My work experience in the PH was also centered on social development jobs and such which is hard to find in LA. Most of the job listings I see here are connected to the entertainment industry which I have no interest whatsoever. The only light at the end of this is seeing my husband at the end of his work day.

How long until this "homesickness" go away?

[MoroccanEscape 31]

Hi there !

First of all, Welcome ! I'm a native Texan--living about 5 hours north of you---I just came back from living in Morocco for nearly a year and I had never realized so many things about my country, and particularly my State as I did when I came back after living overseas.

You are not alone first of all. In the south, we are steeped in tradition and it is called the "bible belt" --i've found it to mean more that people think they are free to judge others--I too am a more open minded and liberal person and I have found that I have to pick my battles and often times find myself biting my tongue and chocking a lot of what people do/think to ignorance. So many Americans have never lived any other life. They've never ventured outside their comfy little box. Never exposed themselves to other cultures or ways of life. They are just happy and content to stay where they are. I am worried about when my husband comes here---I live in a much smaller town than Austin. I am worried about not only how he's going to feel, but how he will be treated. He's Muslim as well. I have found one other couple here locally whose husband is from Morocco, so I'm hoping they will become friends so at least he won't feel too isolated.

I know how hard it is to work in another country as well as I worked in Morocco and found it extremely difficult. You feel like you are always trying to prove yourself and I ended up not knowing what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to feel. I just couldn't get grounded in my position. Could not feel successful or that I was "making" it.

Just keep trying and keep an open mind even when others aren't. Again, welcome ! I hope everything works out for you both.

Janet

;

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

You could say that I'm a bit struggling too and I've only been here for 3 weeks. I've come to the realization that how Hollywood has painted LA (which is where I live now) is totally correct in all ways. It is expensive, fake, harsh, and friggin hot. So far, all of the people I've met here are only interested in talking about pop culture, the VMAs, how they can get it big as an artist, comedian, etc. I am getting depressed as the day goes by. My work experience in the PH was also centered on social development jobs and such which is hard to find in LA. Most of the job listings I see here are connected to the entertainment industry which I have no interest whatsoever. The only light at the end of this is seeing my husband at the end of his work day.

How long until this "homesickness" go away?

Magandang Gabi po. Your homesickness will go away eventually I promise. My asawa was the same way when she came here 3 years ago. Where in Los Angeles do you live? I say this because there is a large Filipino contingent in Eagle Rock/Glendale and West Covina. We live in Pasadena ourselves.

It is hot here of course you came about the same time as a heat wave has been going on. Los Angeles is an expensive place to live, you might want to try to live further out into the SGV. Also job wise is kinda hard for you because this is an entertainment town.

[rob999 51]

The problem is that in the UK we all know that in general a lot of the Scots hate the English. Same with the Welsh, some dislike the English too. The English dislike everyone, including European countries. The English northerners dislike the southern softies, even the country folk hate the townies... the list goes on. BUT in the UK and most of Europe, if you voice these opinions you are immediately classed as a racist. So the answer? We have to pretend to like everyone.

There is good and bad in every race and culture it's just that the Americans haven't had to pretend like we from the UK do.... not yet anyway, it's happening here for sure.

So, you aren't gonna change peoples opinions, it's their right to air their opinion as is your right to your opinion so why fight it? Live and let live, you won't make the US into a Europe. Enjoy all that the US has to offer which in my opinion is a lot more than the UK. Seems to me you need to ditch your job and travel with your husband on his tours, after all that's why you came to the US to be with him? Just do it, I'm sure that would make your time here a lot better and happier and be around the sort of folk you want to be around.

I was born and raised in England and then spent 5 years working in Scotland and traveled much of the country. I'm not sure where you come from in the UK but I certainly did not experience the "hate" that you put across here and nor did anyone else I know. Maybe you were being a bit too exaggerated in making the point? In the UK you usually have a minority whom spoil it for the rest, a minority of English who are nasty to all others, a minority of Scottish whom are nasty to the rest. I have met a few of these nasties but the majority is certainly not the picture you paint...just so no one gets any wrong opinions of our country

For OP, I'm in Houston, the majority of people have been respectful knowing I'm not from here and I have tried to return the respect in turn. I know what you mean there are certainly "hot" subjects and to be honest I tend to avoid certain subject areas until I get to know them better and they know me better. I have only got here in last 4 weeks so I'm right at the beginning of this journey, I would say I'm hoping to meet some people from Europe when I start work just so I can get some "balance" as I would say it's quite a harsh transition, not necessarily cultures but definitely in communication and interactions between people here compared to home. When I started a new job at home I remember the same, you do tread careful initially to test what people are sensitive about, no different here, just the initial test takes a little longer I think.

[Katherine93 30]

Houston is way better. It's a very diverse city and you get to meet new people all the time!

I'm a foreigner myself and have been attending college in Houston. I love it here!

[mlh 93]

Oregon is an amazing place to live if you love the outdoors. I lived in Portland for 3 1/2 years before I moved to Dallas and it was great being 1 1/2 hours from the mountains and about the same from the ocean.

One thing that I did find hard was making new friends. I had a great job and knew a lot of people through work and my husband (now ex), however, to me, it was very much an area that if you didn't grow up there, or had lived there for most of your life, it was very hard to get into a group of friends. Very "cliquey" to me.

But you'll definitely find your share of environmentalists (and don't be offended when you hear them called tree huggers by a lot of other groups)

Good luck!

[Izor 79]

Move to north California reminds me of home (Sweden so not really UK, but similar). Way more layed back and relaxed. Haven´t noticed any religious freaks and society is welcoming.

We could go on hikes and have tea/scones dates haha.

Just wanna cheer you up a bit it can get better and each state is like it´s own country.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

I read the posts quite fast after the original one so not sure if I missed it but - if your husband is a musician and travels a lot, is there any particular reason you need to be based in Texas? There are enough places in the U.S. that will suit you better in terms of your political views and are not as segregated ( such as NorCal, already suggested above). Is there any reason you're not willing or able to move?