Struggling to adjust

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

What ? You don't like 'Merica where there is no melting pot but a layered salad ?

Just kidding, I hear you, keep looking for a community that you can vibe with, it's only been 4 months.

[NatashaSah 3]

Wow, I feel the exact same way and a small part of me was happy to find out that I am not the only one. I was so excited to move to Austin, and now I'm having a hard time to have a life here. I miss the comfort and familiarity of home and do not like how hard it is to get around Austin without a car!

I'm sure it will get better with time, and I know it will be worth it in the long run. (want to hang out at Barton Springs?)

[C8787 2]

I am both sadden and surpirsed by your post.

I lived in Houston prior to leaving the country while my i129F was processed. Being foreign, and having grown up outside of Texas, I was expecting a similar experience when I moved there some 10 years ago. I was pleasantly surprised it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. People were kind and open minded.

Perhaps I got lucky? I do agree race differences a lot more marked, though I would argue it's more of a socio-economic phenomenon than purely a race issue. What shocks me is that you're having a bad experience in Austin - a city unlike any other in Texas. Austin is quite liberal, at least in comparison to a Dallas or a Houston.

I hope that your experience gets better and can assure you its not all bad. Texas is large and often misunderstood. I suggest you give it some time and move around town a bit before making a decision to leave.

*Sending good vibes your way*

[Ash.1101 1,756]

Austin is weird because they want to be weird and they're not tbqh, our capitals there which causes there to be a lot of right leaners.

The "weird" people aren't just left leaners but they're usually the left leaners that even the normal left leaners don't want to be around. You also have to kind of seek them out. Austin is a vague term because a lot of people consider the austin metroplex austin, but you don't really find the "weird" -in- Austin. They're usually in the outskirts. But honestly, the only people I know who love the "keep austin weird" stuff are pretty unlikable.

MOST of Texas is pretty radicalized christian and right wingy, that is true though.

I'm in San Antonio, and we get pretty crazy here, but over all I do agree that Texans breed unto themselves. We're, as a stereotype, pretty loud and opinionated, which can easily come across as loud and ignorant depending on if you agree or disagree with said opinions LOL.

Texas doesn't care that much about the little guy. Just how it is.
As you said something about healthcare. Texas didn't expand their medicaid, a lot of the little guys and even the "almost middle class" got screwed over by that to where they can't afford insurance and can't afford the fee. I remember when I tried to get free birth control because I don't want another kid on the system (my daughter is autistic and considered disabled by the government), I was told that I had to have an income to get free birth control and women's health care. I ended up paying about 120$ that I barely had for six months of birth control. Once my daughters SSI went through, they considered it income and then everything was fine.

As for the christian views. My pastor says the "typical american christian" of today isn't really a christian. A christian who bashes and judges others every single day is not someone who follows christ. He says that we shouldn't fear the rapture (something VERY HEAVILY brought up in Texas churches) because if we live right, there's nothing to worry about, so he never talks about it. He believes people of all walks of life just simply have to live like christ, try their best to not sin, and feel truly sorry when they do sin, to be christian. Plenty of tattoo'd, peirced, and divorced people at my chuch. Love god, Love Jesus, try to live as christ like as possible but if you don't, that's okay as long as you realize and try your best next time, jesus already paid for our sins, that's all it takes in my pastors eyes.

My cousin's husband is fully tat'd, facial and everything. He had a hard time finding work, but once he did he found a great job. My cousin is also heavily tattoo'd, but had to get some lazer removed as she went to be a radiologist. She wears long sleeves with her scrubs.

America over all still has an issue with tattoo's, regardless of the city. Generally the head of the company makes the rules and it trickles down, as since most things are owned by big businesses, unless you're a mechanic or a musician, you have to follow the rules of big business.

I agree about Dallas and Houston. They're both very large and have more of a diverse group. Austin seems to be torn at the edges between wanting to be the hip town while also being the big corporate government town. It's awkward.

I've personally never liked Austin, but that's probably because I lived in San Antonio all my life LOL. I did very much enjoy Dallas when I lived there for a short while though.


Either way, yes it takes A LOT to get used to and Texas is pretty racist and culturally unaccepting unless it benefits Texas in some way. =[

Edited September 9, 2015 by Ash.1101

[*Snowdrop* 604]

Also you are here while the country is going through a particularly polarized time in its history.

I've been here 8 years now and the last few years have definitely been getting steadily worse for the 'take one side or the other' politics and the vehemence of how people argue their political points.

Also the thing I noticed straight away is that many people who are considered liberal or left-leaning here in the USA would be right of centre in the UK.

And I agree the individualism vs community mindset is hard to adjust to but there's not much getting away from that - it becomes something you just have to adjust to.

[ehklei19 18]

If your super liberal Texas is going to drive you crazy. You might consider moving to some place more attuned to your belief system, like the west coast or the north east. I lived in Texas for about 10 years and generally found the people nice to be around (but then I am kind of conservative.) However, the liberals I did encounter tended to be a bit defensive, even the ones I considered friends.

Please consider statements like this:

"People say things to me sometimes and I'm just taken aback at how prejudiced and judgmental they are - it's like 50 years behind Europe in some ways!"

And bear in mind they may be thinking the same thing about you!

But look at the bright side, no state income tax. You can carry a gun. It's hotter than Hades in summer and suffers constant droughts somewhere in the state. Great BBQ though.

I hope you find somewhere here that makes you happy.

Edited September 9, 2015 by ehklei19

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

I really sympathize with you in regards to adjusting because my wife went through the exact same thing when she came here 3 years ago.

But on the other hand you can not just live in one of the most conservative states here in the USA and bash them because they are too conservative for you. You live in the bible belt, and it has been that way for decades. Even though you live in Austin, guess what it is still in Texas and thus conservative leaning.

Wow... You work with a pretty conservative guy in your work place, and supposedly his views offend you. If his views offend you so much then DO NOT talk politics at all. That's what I do in my work place, we do not talk about politics and we get along pretty good even though my coworker is pretty left wing. Also it is pretty dumb to leave a good job for some ideals in a bad overall work environment.

You came from Europe and like how Europe gives out free healthcare and other benefits as well. Well guess what this isn't Europe and the majority of Americans like less taxes and more independence. We focus on individual rights and freedoms as a whole. You want to complain about not having a community environment, well then change where you live and move somewhere smaller where there is more community. Also someone complained because Texas didn't expand their Medicaid program. It is the state's choice to expand or not expand Medicaid. If you signed up on the website then more than likely you would have had low cost or free healthcare.

You do come off as very pretentious and a holier than thou type person, maybe that is why you haven't found many friends. Not trying to be mean just stating the facts. If you do not like Texas then move somewhere else, I know I am moving from California back to the South.

I may get blasted for this but I don't care.

Edited September 9, 2015 by cyberfx1024

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

If your super liberal Texas is going to drive you crazy. You might consider moving to some place more attuned to your belief system, like the west coast or the north east. I lived in Texas for about 10 years and generally found the people nice to be around (but then I am kind of conservative.) However, the liberals I did encounter tended to be a bit defensive, even the ones I considered friends.

But look at the bright side, no state income tax. You can carry a gun. It's hotter than Hades in summer and suffers constant droughts somewhere in the state. Great BBQ though.

I hope you find somewhere here that makes you happy.

Totally agree on everything but the BBQ part. NC/SC has the best BBQ in the world.

She might want to move to California to find more people like her, but you need to stick to Sacramento, the Bay Area, or Los Angeles. The rest of the state may be Democrat, but they are more on the Conservative Democrat.

[MSCastillo 27]

I moved to san antonio and i really can't get my head around how rude and obnoxious people will be right to you.

My fiance and his family are hispanic and i get dirty looks when i go to the shop with his mum and dad.

They make snide comments and i constantly get asked " are you sure you're ok"

like I'm being kidnapped or something! it literally drives me wild.

Or when you go in a shop and you get hounded by about 10 different people continuously.

you never realise how laid back and polite the uk is until here.

i hope you find more comfort in austin, if it wasn't for the fact my fiance had a giant family I'm not sure how i would be coping because they're the only people who seem to not be judgemental like that.

i know this might sound stupid but have you tried to join any clubs?

I'm looking into joining a few to try and find people with a similar mind set then hopefully that will show there are some other good ones out here!

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I agree with the above. San Antonio's pretty bad if you're non-hispanic dating a hispanic. It's old school prejudice, but it's more so the hispanic culture disliking it than the non-hispanic culture which is a big thing since according to census (not always accurate because we do have a lot of illegal aliens) about 60% of SA is hispanic, 40% is white, and then the other 10% is mixed. My ex-husband had dated two hispanic ladies and he's white, he's experienced the looks from people who aren't his girlfriends families.

I get dirty looks when I go into heavily hispanic areas, because like other posters said, segregation is totally a thing and weirdly enough some of the racial groups want to be with their own racial groups. But even though I've lived in SA and the SA area since I was 12 (I lived at South Padre Island from 5-11), with only a few years out of state and I'll be 30 this year, even I don't feel welcome here sometimes and I'm american and have been here for a while lol.

For me, I guess I have the luck of being practically raised here. I know the good areas, the bad areas, and the areas where I'm just not welcome per se. I keep to my area, as essentially most everyone else does, but I'm atleast lucky to know these things before hand.

As for the hounding at stores, I've worked retail here and you generally are told to make sure to say hi to the customer and/or "help" them. So if ten workers see you and they're having a bad day with the manager, you'll have ten people bug you even if they know you were just talked too. Big business rules.

I personally think it happens everywhere though, at least that's a larger city. Too many different people living together with too many different ways of thinking and not enough acceptance of other peoples opinions.

Edited September 9, 2015 by Ash.1101

[MS and KK 13]

I want to take a second to some what stand proud of my southern christian ways as an american. First off unfortunately where ever you go there are going to be people that are rude and insensitive and have the nerve to call them selveschristian. They aren't real christians they are just mean people so don't associate with them. Second its totally not fair when some Europans and non-americans try take a higher ground on racial harmony than there is in american. People segregate themselves alllll over the world and the US is no better or worse. Racism is a human thing not a US thing. Look at the news an many of the world problems and issues have some kind of racial undertone if you want to believe it or not.

Generally I can tell you two things not to talk about when you meet new people in American religion and politics. You dont have to just talk weather because in Texas espeically if you are not from the South, its too damn HOT even for some of us southerns (that was until I went to the middle east).

As for liberal, conserative those are just labels. (see rule above) Treat people like you want to be treated. Your husband on the road or not should do his best to help you get acclimated. I don't want to dimish your feelings but it seems like you are mostly home sick and missing your boo which is totally natural. Last advice, put yourself out there, be open to meeting new people and people different from you, but meet them where they are an be open to find common interests and not point or high light differences. Also meet people away from work and/or find places to meet up with other Brits (facebook etc). Im sure there are a few pubs in Austin you can catch a futbol match and you can meet people there even if you don't like futbol, they are not from US more likely and you can strike up a convo. Also in Austin trust me there are some tree hugging liberal/socialist not unlike you may be that lean more towards your feelings its not that hard to seek them out.

Good Luck, thanks for your post it makes me mindful to do my part to may my boo feel comfy when he gets here.

M

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

Thank you so much for your replies everyone, the majority of you have made me feel much better - particuarly as regards the fact that 3 months is about the time people start to get disillusioned with the whole thing! The first 6-8 weeks were so busy in terms of finding somewhere to live, buying a car (and taking my drivers' test - I hadn't driven in the UK for 6 years before moving here!) and getting all the paperwork in order that now everything is just normal I have more time to notice how 'different' I feel.

I have talked to my husband about moving elsewhere - we're considering Oregon. He loves California but it's just too expensive. We're just renting our apartment right now so another move won't be too much of a big deal but it will be a shame to be that much further from his parents who live on the Texas / Oklahoma border. I've found what people have said about San Antonio fascinating. That's where my husband was raised and, although he is hispanic and I am white, I just didn't realise that was 'a thing' before I moved here. Generally speaking, people in the UK don't even notice (with the exception of elderly people, really) mixed race relationships, it's just a non-issue. Since we've been here a few people have said 'mixed race relationship' to or about us and I really don't like it.

I would have loved to not have political conversations with that person I mentioned earlier, but it's one of those things I couldn't get away from as easily as I'd hoped because he asked me a lot of questions. That kind of belief structure is just really alien to me, I guess I was just not as prepared as I thought. If I'd been moving to the middle east or south east Asia then perhaps I'd have expected more of a difference, but since my husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for 3, I've been back and forth here a lot and thought that I understood things. Being here on holiday is a totally different ball game to living here, I just wasn't prepared for how much so!

Maybe I'm just a European person and my beliefs are so strongly held that I'll never settle here. I've committed to trying it for at least a year and not making any big decisions about going home until then anyway. Thank you again everyone for all your thoughts!

[ehklei19 18]

I want to take a second to some what stand proud of my southern christian ways as an american. First off unfortunately where ever you go there are going to be people that are rude and insensitive and have the nerve to call them selveschristian. They aren't real christians they are just mean people so don't associate with them. Second its totally not fair when some Europans and non-americans try take a higher ground on racial harmony than there is in american. People segregate themselves alllll over the world and the US is no better or worse. Racism is a human thing not a US thing. Look at the news an many of the world problems and issues have some kind of racial undertone if you want to believe it or not.

Generally I can tell you two things not to talk about when you meet new people in American religion and politics. You dont have to just talk weather because in Texas espeically if you are not from the South, its too damn HOT even for some of us southerns (that was until I went to the middle east).

As for liberal, conserative those are just labels. (see rule above) Treat people like you want to be treated. Your husband on the road or not should do his best to help you get acclimated. I don't want to dimish your feelings but it seems like you are mostly home sick and missing your boo which is totally natural. Last advice, put yourself out there, be open to meeting new people and people different from you, but meet them where they are an be open to find common interests and not point or high light differences. Also meet people away from work and/or find places to meet up with other Brits (facebook etc). Im sure there are a few pubs in Austin you can catch a futbol match and you can meet people there even if you don't like futbol, they are not from US more likely and you can strike up a convo. Also in Austin trust me there are some tree hugging liberal/socialist not unlike you may be that lean more towards your feelings its not that hard to seek them out.

Good Luck, thanks for your post it makes me mindful to do my part to may my boo feel comfy when he gets here.

M

Absolutely agree with this. Europeans, for some strange reason, think Americans, and only Americans, are racists, homophobes, etc. I have traveled extensively and I can assure you that we (Americans) did not invent these things or even come close to having a monopoly on them. Everywhere you go some group is at odds with another group. It is just a human thing, and I don't think we will ever be fully free of it. Is there racism here? Absolutely. Do we have problems? Certainly. But not other country has attempted to do what the U.S. has: Integrate a bunch of different cultures and races, as political and social equals. Is it utopia? No. Is it Utopian? Yes. So why not cut us a little slack and give us some credit for not being in a constant state of civil war.

Edited September 9, 2015 by ehklei19

[SCOTTANDVICKI 11]

Also you are here while the country is going through a particularly polarized time in its history.

I've been here 8 years now and the last few years have definitely been getting steadily worse for the 'take one side or the other' politics and the vehemence of how people argue their political points.

Also the thing I noticed straight away is that many people who are considered liberal or left-leaning here in the USA would be right of centre in the UK.

And I agree the individualism vs community mindset is hard to adjust to but there's not much getting away from that - it becomes something you just have to adjust to.

This is so true. I was raised by a left wing, trades unionist single mother in south Wales in the early 1980s and for the past 10 years I've been a civil servant to a Labour government so that should tell you a lot about me! The left here would absolutely be slightly right in the UK!

I'm very liberal personally but believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion as long as they're prepared to accept that someone else has a different one and it's not necessarily 'wrong'. I will debate with anyone (I enjoy a good debate!) and respect their opinion as long as they have the facts to back it up.

I know I'll have to adjust to the propensity towards individualism over the benefit of the whole community but it's going to be a tough one!

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I have a very liberal friend who lives in Seattle and she seems to fit in very well there! I don't know too much about it, but she doesn't seem to be the odd one out when it comes to trying to be environmentally friendly and progressive in some aspects.

That may be a really good place for ya'll!

I agree on the belief that everyone has the right to an opinion. It seems that for the most part, there's been a shift as to what opinions mean to people. I personally think that as long as you value my ability to have an opinion on something, that I should value yours. I can't stop anyone from having an opinion and others shouldn't stop me either.

BUT, as a generalization, in America there seems to be an issue where the fine line between, person A simply voicing an opinion that person B doesn't agree with, and Person B feeling personally attacked by person A's opinion. A debate on a topic quickly becomes a feeling of being personally attacked, even if the other person still thinks you're merely debating a topic. I'm sure it happens everywhere, but I do believe it's more common here or is at least becoming more common.

Edited September 9, 2015 by Ash.1101