family issues and VAWA.

[hoalhash 5]

here is my story..I married my wife in Oct 2014, we filed for my I-485 and I-130 in nov. My current status is "ready to schedule for interview" since Jan 22 2015 !. Following marriage my wife became argumentative. I thought it was okay...all couples argue and no relationship is perfect. however, as days pass, things became getting worse. She became more jealous, self-insecure, and hostile and controlling. As i'd go to visit some of my friends, she would tell me that I don't spend time with her and I don't care for her. Which is a lie, I only go visit a friend like once a week. However, she will start yelling and acting grumpy so I stopped going to see friends. I told her I am a man and I need some man to man time, I need at least once a week to meet with friends and catch up with. I can't cut my friends (men) off. She would tell me that I don't include her in my plans and begin screaming and act psychotic. She has no friends, literally, so when I go to get togethers or parties, I take her with me so she can meet other people and make friends, but she would act rude and hostile toward people and sort of scares them where they don't try to get to know her. She would then talk negatively and rudely about every one I try to introduce her to. Many times we go out, she will get drunk or whatever and start wanting to argue and accuse me of cheating. One time she accused me of sleeping with a random girl I did not know, because she "photo boombed" my photo with friends. My wife tried to hit me with a bat. She also one time tried choking me and pushed me because I told her I was gonna go see a friend for 15 minutes to give my friend money. She did not believe me. then when I came back she apologized. She always apologizes after she cools down. She also accuse me of not taking her out or spend money on her, but I do all the time. When I try to go buy me clothes for work, she would come to the mall with me and start talking about how much she needs clothes, I end up buying her clothes and not myself. Now I hardly go to visit my friends because of how she would freak out on me. When my friends come to visit me, she would say inappropriate things in front of them. She has caused a scene in front of every single person I literally introduced. She even gets mad if I tell her I want to go visit my brother who I don't see for months. She also expressed not liking my brother, when my brother did nothing to her. She says my family are careless about her when my mom gave her $2000 to pay for her loan. She was struggling with money, and I helped her to pay for her lonas because I love her and she is my wife. I just got my first job, and it required a car, so I told her it is time for me to buy my first car. She told me how come I buy myself a car and not buy her a new car, she has a 2006 car in a bad shape because she don't take care of it well. She was in the military and basically did not save money and wasted her money. I told her I cant afford to buy her a new car right now. I'm still trying to settle financially, beside she already had a new car that she wrecked prior marriage. How is that my fault? when I went to buy the car, she insisted that her name is in the title, I said i'm that one who will be paying for the car, it is mine, but okay. I don't want arguing and accusing me that I don't love her as a family. Although I spend money on her, she still says I don't spend money on her. I really don't know what to do. I try to save money from my work, but since she knows how much I make, she stopped paying for things like electricity, water, internet, monthly food. She also sometimes say she is short with money, so I end up paying for the whole rent, but then I see her blowing money on stuff we can't afford. Also she one time accused me of sleeping with some customer service lady because I went to go ask her about a price of some dvd movie and the lady smiled at me, my wife was standing far away. She also keeps saying I have glitter on my face and says I must be cheating on her, when I don't know what glitter on my face she is talking about. She told me one time "good luck with your citizenship" because I asked her if I can go visit a friend and she did not want me to leave. She would tell me afterward that she is sorry, and she doesn't know why she behaves like this. She says stuff like she says she is bi bolar, or refer to herself as psychotic in a joking matter, but i really think she does have some sort of psychological problems. I feel like she is destroying our marriage because of her trust issues. I always manage to calm her down one way or another, but it seems like every day she is grumpy about something. Each day she will go through different moods, happy and sweet and then grumpy and mean. I feel unsettled. I have worked for almost 6 months for the Child Protective Services, I am a good person, and I never once broke the law. I feel like I put time, effort, and energy to build a life here in America, and I want peace of mind. I feel like she is becoming worse as days pass. Everything right now is calm. I'm basically sitting here waiting for the next unexpected moment something would happen. I have to think twice before I say anything to her, because she would always manage to perceive things the wrong way. My friend told me about VAWA. However, I don't know if I have sufficient proof of abuse. Although she tried to choke me, I'm 6 ft and she is 5'3 and I was able to flee. She tried to hit me with a bat but she hit the wall and made a hole instead. So I can't prove physical abuse, but she said I have emotional abuse. It is hard for me to tell if I'm emotionally abused. especially for being a guy. I know my feelings are hurt when she acts psychotic, but I'm the type who calms down quickly. Like I said everything is calm right now, but I don't know when the next "episode" of hers will happen again. If I apply for VAWA will it affect my I-130 and I-485. Will she find out? I'm still willing to try and save our marriage, but if things don't work out, I don't want to lose my job and what I managed to build so far. It will destroy me to lose marriage and also job, car, and what I invested in.

[Jacque67 7,328]

Is there an age difference?

Is she the USC ? I gather so. If so why does she not have friends in the States, but you the foreigner(?) do?

Seems odd.

[Jawaree 717]

Dude theres 2 sides to every story, are you willing to put your

marriage B4 friends....yes we need man time but its how its done

& our ability to balance things...why is your wife suddenly insecure,

this is the same person prior to marriage...if you love & want to keep

the relationship healthy , talk to your wife in earnest & seek counseling.

Cultural differences can be a part of the prob. Wives in the US expect

attention & first preference from their spouse, some ppl elsewhere

spend lots of time with friends & leave the little woman home

Not getting along really is not a case for VAWA but you can join that thread

and ask

Edited September 2, 2015 by Jawaree

[nane1104 146]

You seem like a really nice guy, I really feel for you.

In a moment when you can talk to her, maybe after one of her outbursts when she is apologetic, do you think you can talk to her and ask if she would be willing to go to counseling? She might really be bi polar and might benefit from counseling or even medication to balance out her moods?

You mentioned she was former military, could that play a role? I'm thinking PTSD?

It really seems like your wife needs help and I applaud you for not just throwing in the towel and leave her, eventhough I really couldn't blame you. Are you in touch with her family? What do they say? Is that kind of behavior normal for her or has that started more recently? You said after marriage, but could that be something she has been dealing with for a longer time and it's now starting to show more and more as she might not be so careful anymore to hide her issues?

Wishing you the best!

[TBoneTX 45,324]

Everything right now is calm. I'm basically sitting here waiting for the next unexpected moment something would happen. I have to think twice before I say anything to her

I was married to this, the first time. Attempt counseling. However, if she doesn't accept the idea, or if she doesn't continue with the program, or if she attempts changes that don't endure, leave without looking back.

Spending time in encounters like these inevitably drain our emotional reservoirs south of a healthy level. This is not a partnership, marriage, or relationship.

[Ihavequestions 419]

So, let me get this straight. You were here (and so was/is your brother), married in October, filed papers in November, with an abusive (you suspect, although you work for child protective services, you aren't sure what abuse is), jealous, psychopathic drinker who, for some reason, expects you to contribute to the household expenses - which is what normal married people do. To make matters worse, she doesn't appreciate mom tossing her $2,000 to straighten out her finances. Is mom here, too?

Why don't you just get a divorce and get your residency?

[hoalhash 5]

Is there an age difference?

Is she the USC ? I gather so. If so why does she not have friends in the States, but you the foreigner(?) do?

Seems odd.

She is 3 years older. She is the USC. I guess what I meant is friends who you get to socialize with on regular basis, invite you for dinners, check on you, come visit you. She really don't. Not that I mean it in a bad way. I lived here 5 years and managed to make friends from school, friends through some family members, friends through friends. I know it sounds odd, but it is the reality, she has hard time to create a friendship. She moved from a different state 2 years ago.

[hoalhash 5]

Dude theres 2 sides to every story, are you willing to put your

marriage B4 friends....yes we need man time but its how its done

& our ability to balance things...why is your wife suddenly insecure,

this is the same person prior to marriage...if you love & want to keep

the relationship healthy , talk to your wife in earnest & seek counseling.

Cultural differences can be a part of the prob. Wives in the US expect

attention & first preference from their spouse, some ppl elsewhere

spend lots of time with friends & leave the little woman home

Not getting along really is not a case for VAWA but you can join that thread

and ask

I definitely agree with you, I did not consider VAWA or even knew about VAWA until recently. And even after I found out about VAWA I still struggled to accept the concept that I may be emotionally abused. I did ask friends and they do agree on her abnormal behavior. You may say why is she suddenly insecure. Nothing occurs suddenly. I don't even recall the first incident. It is something that happened gradually. Not a single woman I've met did not act jealous one way or another or tries to baby talk so you spoil her and assure her your love. I totally understand that. However, I began sensing that the behavior is over-reacted. Unhealthy. I totally understand that there are cultural differences. However, there're cultural similarities. I don't see much difference as in I lived in the U.S for 5 years or more already. family across the world need attention and I absolutely support that. However, she appears to have bi-bolar issues or something. Because many times she would perceive the good things I do to her in a wrong way. I thought I might be doing something wrong, but her reasonings are irrational. I asked other very close friends to tell me if there is something I am not seeing about my behavior. They told me they had seen those bi-bolar episodes. Where she perceives things wrong. I would not have posted on here unless I felt something is wrong. I understand you're making assumption based one side of the story, and you don't know whether I make her my first preference or If I speak to her in earnest.

[onye uwaoma 131]

TBonetx is right! Regarding your need to successfully roc on your green card, tread extremely cautious while moving out; gather all evidence of bona fide marriage in joint names and quietly give peace a chance.... You're probably in the initial stage of something of disastrous consequences in the near future. Nobody can predict the turn of events if you aren't careful enough... in other words, you must guard your countenance and not be rash or easily provoked by your wife hard attitude. This could land you in serious trouble. Make sure you are not planning to add a kid in between. Finally, seek therapy for yourself emotional and psychological healing at anytime. You might not need vawa to roc at least at the moment. Divorce waiver could suffice...good luck!

[Cheezees 1,514]

So, let me get this straight. You were here (and so was/is your brother), married in October, filed papers in November, with an abusive (you suspect, although you work for child protective services, you aren't sure what abuse is), jealous, psychopathic drinker who, for some reason, expects you to contribute to the household expenses - which is what normal married people do. To make matters worse, she doesn't appreciate mom tossing her $2,000 to straighten out her finances. Is mom here, too?

Why don't you just get a divorce and get your residency?

Are you familiar with the AOS process? This is not an ROC where you can just file a divorce waiver.

[Cheezees 1,514]

TBonetx is right! Regarding your need to successfully roc on your green card, tread extremely cautious while moving out; gather all evidence of bona fide marriage in joint names and quietly give peace a chance.... You're probably in the initial stage of something of disastrous consequences in the near future. Nobody can predict the turn of events if you aren't careful enough... in other words, you must guard your countenance and not be rash or easily provoked by your wife hard attitude. This could land you in serious trouble. Make sure you are not planning to add a kid in between. Finally, seek therapy for yourself emotional and psychological healing at anytime. You might not need vawa to roc at least at the moment. Divorce waiver could suffice...good luck!

I don't think they are even in the ROC stage yet. They are in the AOS process which means that a divorce almost guarantees they have to leave the country. There is no evidence gathering at this stage. I am assuming no green card was issued yet. OP, am I correct?

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

no, not all American women say PUT ME FIRST / some of us just want to know we are a part of your life so spending time with other freinds whether work related or not is not the issue / telling us about the visit and sharing things is

But your problem is not anything you can take care of yourself / read up on Bi Polar disorder and get familiar with this condition.

Discuss it with her to see if she will seek help (when she is in one of her appology moods) Ask her to see if this is the problem or some other issue.

If she will not seek help, you will end up calling the police when she attacks you and does some serious damage. And the court will force the physiciatic help. Better to do voluntary. If she will not get help, look in your community newspaper for support groups for yourself ( for BI Polar and other illnesses). Tell her you are going and since she wants to be included in what you do, ask her to go.

Spending money foolishly in this case is a sign she is trying to buy herself FEELING GOOD

All this fails, give it up and take care of yourself before she drives you crazy or ruins you financially.

She is unable to control her mood swings and you happen to be the brunt of them / since she has no freinds probably becfore you came she did this to others.

Edited September 2, 2015 by Adil & Jeanne

[kamw 93]

here is my story..I married my wife in Oct 2014, we filed for my I-485 and I-130 in nov. My current status is "ready to schedule for interview" since Jan 22 2015 !. Following marriage my wife became argumentative. I thought it was okay...all couples argue and no relationship is perfect. however, as days pass, things became getting worse. She became more jealous, self-insecure, and hostile and controlling. As i'd go to visit some of my friends, she would tell me that I don't spend time with her and I don't care for her. Which is a lie, I only go visit a friend like once a week. However, she will start yelling and acting grumpy so I stopped going to see friends. I told her I am a man and I need some man to man time, I need at least once a week to meet with friends and catch up with. I can't cut my friends (men) off. She would tell me that I don't include her in my plans and begin screaming and act psychotic. She has no friends, literally, so when I go to get togethers or parties, I take her with me so she can meet other people and make friends, but she would act rude and hostile toward people and sort of scares them where they don't try to get to know her. She would then talk negatively and rudely about every one I try to introduce her to. Many times we go out, she will get drunk or whatever and start wanting to argue and accuse me of cheating. One time she accused me of sleeping with a random girl I did not know, because she "photo boombed" my photo with friends. My wife tried to hit me with a bat. She also one time tried choking me and pushed me because I told her I was gonna go see a friend for 15 minutes to give my friend money. She did not believe me. then when I came back she apologized. She always apologizes after she cools down. She also accuse me of not taking her out or spend money on her, but I do all the time. When I try to go buy me clothes for work, she would come to the mall with me and start talking about how much she needs clothes, I end up buying her clothes and not myself. Now I hardly go to visit my friends because of how she would freak out on me. When my friends come to visit me, she would say inappropriate things in front of them. She has caused a scene in front of every single person I literally introduced. She even gets mad if I tell her I want to go visit my brother who I don't see for months. She also expressed not liking my brother, when my brother did nothing to her. She says my family are careless about her when my mom gave her $2000 to pay for her loan. She was struggling with money, and I helped her to pay for her lonas because I love her and she is my wife. I just got my first job, and it required a car, so I told her it is time for me to buy my first car. She told me how come I buy myself a car and not buy her a new car, she has a 2006 car in a bad shape because she don't take care of it well. She was in the military and basically did not save money and wasted her money. I told her I cant afford to buy her a new car right now. I'm still trying to settle financially, beside she already had a new car that she wrecked prior marriage. How is that my fault? when I went to buy the car, she insisted that her name is in the title, I said i'm that one who will be paying for the car, it is mine, but okay. I don't want arguing and accusing me that I don't love her as a family. Although I spend money on her, she still says I don't spend money on her. I really don't know what to do. I try to save money from my work, but since she knows how much I make, she stopped paying for things like electricity, water, internet, monthly food. She also sometimes say she is short with money, so I end up paying for the whole rent, but then I see her blowing money on stuff we can't afford. Also she one time accused me of sleeping with some customer service lady because I went to go ask her about a price of some dvd movie and the lady smiled at me, my wife was standing far away. She also keeps saying I have glitter on my face and says I must be cheating on her, when I don't know what glitter on my face she is talking about. She told me one time "good luck with your citizenship" because I asked her if I can go visit a friend and she did not want me to leave. She would tell me afterward that she is sorry, and she doesn't know why she behaves like this. She says stuff like she says she is bi bolar, or refer to herself as psychotic in a joking matter, but i really think she does have some sort of psychological problems. I feel like she is destroying our marriage because of her trust issues. I always manage to calm her down one way or another, but it seems like every day she is grumpy about something. Each day she will go through different moods, happy and sweet and then grumpy and mean. I feel unsettled. I have worked for almost 6 months for the Child Protective Services, I am a good person, and I never once broke the law. I feel like I put time, effort, and energy to build a life here in America, and I want peace of mind. I feel like she is becoming worse as days pass. Everything right now is calm. I'm basically sitting here waiting for the next unexpected moment something would happen. I have to think twice before I say anything to her, because she would always manage to perceive things the wrong way. My friend told me about VAWA. However, I don't know if I have sufficient proof of abuse. Although she tried to choke me, I'm 6 ft and she is 5'3 and I was able to flee. She tried to hit me with a bat but she hit the wall and made a hole instead. So I can't prove physical abuse, but she said I have emotional abuse. It is hard for me to tell if I'm emotionally abused. especially for being a guy. I know my feelings are hurt when she acts psychotic, but I'm the type who calms down quickly. Like I said everything is calm right now, but I don't know when the next "episode" of hers will happen again. If I apply for VAWA will it affect my I-130 and I-485. Will she find out? I'm still willing to try and save our marriage, but if things don't work out, I don't want to lose my job and what I managed to build so far. It will destroy me to lose marriage and also job, car, and what I invested in.

I think you need to first figure out your paperwork. Play nice until you get it but then you really need to figure out what's going on. I have a close family member that is ex military and acts alot like some of the things you've described and was diagnosed with PTSD. You took a vow and now is the time to prove that you meant them. Suggest therapy for you both and if she is receptive she if she'll consider therapy to deal with just her issues.Someone suggested getting her family involved. Depending on your relationship to them this is a good idea but they are dysfunctional leave them out of it. Once you're given it your all you need to focus on you. No marriage is worth your health and sanity. Stress kills and living in a hostile environment will send you to an early grave.

Is there an age difference?

Is she the USC ? I gather so. If so why does she not have friends in the States, but you the foreigner(?) do?

Seems odd.

That's typically a huge sign towards mental & personality issues. If someone has literally no friends, not even coworkers that she hangs out once in a while there is a reason. I tell my guy friends if they are dating and she never mentions at least 2 friends that she's know for over a year- RUN. No matter how much of an introvert someone is they must have a few people they calls friends.

[Amhara 460]

I agree with TBone. Seek professional help for your marriage and for her individually. She should be showing some effort if she is truly sorry. She could be a psychopath. She might snap hard one day. It's good to try to try to fix things, but you can't fix her. She needs to fix herself to be a good wife to you. You will always want to be somewhere else (and out of the house) if she continues this behavior. She'll sense that and things will get worse.

If she can't see your side of the relationship, it's not a good sign.

[hoalhash 5]

You seem like a really nice guy, I really feel for you.

In a moment when you can talk to her, maybe after one of her outbursts when she is apologetic, do you think you can talk to her and ask if she would be willing to go to counseling? She might really be bi polar and might benefit from counseling or even medication to balance out her moods?

You mentioned she was former military, could that play a role? I'm thinking PTSD?

It really seems like your wife needs help and I applaud you for not just throwing in the towel and leave her, eventhough I really couldn't blame you. Are you in touch with her family? What do they say? Is that kind of behavior normal for her or has that started more recently? You said after marriage, but could that be something she has been dealing with for a longer time and it's now starting to show more and more as she might not be so careful anymore to hide her issues?

Wishing you the best!

First, thank you so much for showing sympathy. I graduated from college with a bachelor degree in psychology. I'm not a psychologist, but I do see signs of distress. She told me she was never deployed. However, I believe the root of this distress comes from past childhood experience, and perhaps bi-bolar. As we lived together, the arguments are becoming worse and worse. But soon after we make up and we're all lovey dovey again. The arguments usually take time during the night since we both work. However, she would wake up to be a whole different person. She will talk to herself, she will cuss me off too sometimes while I'm asleep, but i'd wake up and hear her and i'm like "#######" is going on.

Yesterday something happened. She came from work then went to the gym while I was at home cleaning the house, ok. Then she said she was hungry, so I told her I was going to take her to buy food then I'll go to the gym, but first I need to stop by some car tools store to buy some car cleaning wipes. While I was driving I called a friend of mine and asked him if he wants to go to the gym with me. He said ok. Then I started noticing her acting grumpy and upset. I asked her whats wrong babe, and she said nothing. So i was like ok...i will not bother you. then we got to the car store place, she said, " oh you must be happy that I went to the gym already so you can go with your friend and not me". I told her nooo that is not true. Why would you say something like that? I was at the gym with her the previous day ! i always go to the gym with her. Then when I was driving to go pick food for her, she said to just drop her home instead, I was like why? are you sure ? she said she will just make something to eat at home while acting mad and grumpy. We got home, she got out from the car right away without saying buy and closed my door. I went to my friend to pick him up. I was talking to him and his children and then my wife called me saying" i am at some fast food restaurant" I said okay nice yummy. Then she said " oh well bye" in a rude way and hanged up. then I knew she would definitely call again to start some argument. She always calls me 4-5 times to start problems when she knows I'm at a friend house. Then she called me and said that she wants to talk about something when I get home. Then 30 minutes later she called again to come home. I did not even spend one hour and she called 3-4 times. So I went home and said whats going on? She began talking about all kind of random things. She said I don't care about her, I don't do anything for her and the step daughter. I go out with my friends to talk to girls, my family don't care about her, she will just be a stay at home mom and depressed. No body ever cares for her, not even her family while crying. It made me feel bad to see her cry, but then it was all random things thrown. I told her I'm sorry you feel this way. I thought in my mind she was having some of her episodes. Its like things are either heaven or hell to her, nothing in between. Of course I knew she took my step daughter to the fast food to buy her ice cream and talk sh$t about me behind my back. She does that thing where she talks to the 9 year old daughter like she is an adult or something and say things you should not say in front of a child or discuss with a child. Supposedly the step daughter said I no longer help her with her home work. School just started, she only had one math home work. I did help her with it. It was multiplications with Zero, which is the answer is always zero. I told her I only have one brother who lives in the U.S and he only came to visit twice in 6 months. first time he came he took us to eat, bought us grocery, took my wife out for dinner while I was at work. He took my step daughter to buy her toys and food. I just took her on a 3 day vacation to Six flag and out to eat, I am with her on daily basis. She only says I don't care about her and make things like a hell when I only go to visit a friend, which occurs not often, i promise. You might think why not take her with me? maybe I forgot to mention that, but I do take her out with me quite a lot. A part of my job, I work as a caseworker for children..My job requires me many times to work over time past 5pm. Usually until 6-7 depending on the work load. One day I had to work until 11 PM, but I had to meet with a foster parent who was coming out of town. I was sick that day and got all sweaty and dirty. SO i came home at 8 to take a quick shower and change, she asked me why I'm showering, I told her because I was dirty and I'm sick, I needed hot shower because I was cold, and it was raining that day. She said began telling me that I was getting ready so I can go cheat on her with some other woman...She insisted to look into my phone, so I showed her. I explained to her that I don't have time to do this kind of talk, because I have to be somewhere. it is my job that feeds us and provide for us. I honestly felt bit relief showing her my phone, but then I felt horrible. By letting things go her way, I encourage her negative behavior. I totally agree. But then I don't want to upset her because she acts psychotic really bad. She will scream and yell at might. I don't want to get to that point where I get angry and do something stupid. You may say why not be rational with her? I swear to god, she does not accept no rationality while she is angry. She shuts off and becomes a demon. I am very patient and calm person. I talk with calm voice since I was a child. Its just how I'm. It takes so much for me to be angry, and she gets mad and don't like it unless I get angry and yell.

so the other day, I told her that we should not wait until we get into an argument. It is only getting worse, we should seek marriage counseling. Also you should see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. i'm not being judgemental. I love you and care for you. She told me long time ago that she saw a psychiatrist and was given depression medicine that she never followed with. So I knew something was there... I can see something, everyone can. She said no, everything will be fine no need for marriage counselor. I told her everything is fine for the present time, but i really don't want to get into those argument modes. it breaks me..it breaks our marriage.

I figured I'd talk to any of her friends or family members who might sit down with her and talk some rationality into her head. However, she has no close friends. only one person but they don't hang out often. I only met two friends of hers so far. guess what? My wife also had some of her episodes in front of her friends !, they even told her she was wrong for saying bad things about me ! That i'm a very good loving husband she needs to stop being insecure and suspicious and be easy on me. her own friends said that in front of us when one day my wife got angry on me at some friends get together who i invited her and her friends to. It was on my graduation party at a friend place. i took her and her friends with me to the party. The whole time my wife was watching me and being clingy. I did not even get to have conversation with any of my friends. We went there at 9:30, at 10:30 her friend got drunk and had to be taken back home, and my wife said she wants to go home. I told her ok, ill drop both of you home and ill return to the party and come home at 12 AM. she got mad and said no i am your wife, you will not be here by yourself. I told her it is a graduation party for me and i did not even get to talk to my friends. we can either drop your friend home and return together or i can drop u home and come home afterward. She mad a big scene that night, her friend told her to clam down. I'm a loyal person and would not do anything stupid. it is my graduation party.

i tried to talk to her family but...they're not right in the head. dad is alcoholic, brother is a pot/weed/marijuana smoker. i tried to tell the brother how the wife treats me, and all he said is "good luck" while laughing. He said he knows how his sister is. I was like wth... no body is right in the head. Her mom is also the same. i told her about how the wife acts, and she said nothing at all. literally nothing. She is not right in the head either.

We met in may 2 2014. My lease was about to end in july 2014, so my wife or gf back then, told me to move in with her. i told her I'm going to college right now, beside I don't want things to change in a bad way if things did not work out well. She said She will give me some own space and would allow me to have some personal space as in do things like visit with friends or let me play my video game you know...my own thing. So i moved in. At the beginning everything was nice and normal, at least it appeared to me. She did let me go out to visit friends, and we also went out together, we used to go to the gym together and all kind of things. we had a beautiful simple life as family but not married. She was struggling with finances but things were ok. during the summer we were talking about the future, I told her my plan was to graduate from college in Dec 2014 and return back home " in united arab emirates" where my family are but now since we're together she may want to come with me if she is serious about our relationship. I love her and she became a family to me, we did husband and wife stuff..cook and all kind of things. I told her by immigration law I have to leave. She said she won't let that happen and that she loves me and what can she do so we can stay together in america and be a family. I told her we can get married and have a family here. we already living like a family. So we decided to get married in nov.