What do you call it?

[wsdp 0]

Intro:

I work from home and she used to work as medical billing but now she has her own business.

Age gap: 50/28. I know a HUGE gab. (she is from the Phil. I am not)

My wife got her K-1 a while back and now a holder of her 10 years GC. We (are?) were a very happy couple and we used to vacation and going out a lot. When her kid came, I told her, listern, I might need to spend a bit more time with the kid and less with her since I wanted to learn to become a dad. It was a bit hard for him at first since in the Phil. he has so many friends and here not so many friends to play with so I had to play the role of a father and a semi friend to play with him. She is my first wife and I never had a kid before.

My duty in the house? I think we are 75/25. 75% mean I do most of the work. (cooking, cleaning, and take care of the house in general.) I make sure to check his homework and be on top of his school work and his needs. I am very proud of him. His first year he became a 2nd honor and after that the kid is straight 1st honor student.

Since we can't go out that often at night to bars or stuff like that, I gave her freedom to go out with her co-workers and friends in general. She still young and I didnt want her to feel trapped in a house due.

Let's talk about the current situation:

2 or 3 times she caught me chatting with girls from the Phil and I told her not to worry because I would never cheat on her in real life. I admitted I did wrong but I told her not to worry because I will never meet those girls. Things stayed like that.

So anyway, all this time she was going out often and it didnt bother a bit. She used to come 10-12am and really I was trusting her.

One day (recently about two weeks ago) She came home around 12.20am. She has the habit that as soon that she comes from outside she takes a shower but first she goes to our room , turns on the light, get her clothes, go to the shower, then comes to bed to chat (with her family as she used to tell me). That night that she came at 12.20am, she went straight to the bathroom in a hurry. She picked up some clothes from the first floor. I found that odd. Then she went to the bedroom and didnt want to look at my eyes. That gave me more suspecious then she told that she was going to chat downstair on the sofa with her family. I found that so trange. So I went to the first floor to get water. Then I found something very strange. The hallway had a very strong men perfume. My perfurme doesn't smell like that. So I questioned her. Hey what is the perfume...and so forth and she gave me her reason. I still was not happy so I went to bed. We didnt talk about it. Right after that day she started to sleep with the kid and I was sleeping alone. That didn't bother me nor I was paying attention to it. Next week she did the same she went out and came back around 10.00pm normal time and she talked to me nicely but again, she slept with the kid. For some reason, I was feeling something the next day. Like curious george, I managed to do this: I managed to check her phone. Here what I found.

The night she came at 12.20 right before she left home...she exchanged text and phone call with a person..then when she came home that night she continued chatting with that same person and all day the next few days while she was work. Then I checked to see if he was the same person that she went out the next time and same.Indeed, it was the same person. Same number before she left and same number before she came.

I went to her facebook and saw she added a new person around the same time she came home around 12.20. It happened that he clicked liked on one of her picture. So i took his number, searched and guess what? it was the same name of the guy that she added last on her FB. So I called at her shop and told her, listern I know you are going out with this person because this and that. She closed the shop and came home running to argue with me. She admitted that she went out with that guy two times but it was only for drinking and eating. I told her but that is how things start. You go out one day, then the next day, then...who knows what can happen.

I told her, yes I chatted with a girl online and she is not in this country, but I would never go out alone with a girl for drinking that is almost like dating in secret.

We had a big argument that night and she said she needs space. We talked about separating, disvorce, etc.

She accuses me that I don't spend too much time with her and I explained the situation. I need to take care of the house, the kid, and it is very hard for us to go out at night. I can't bother my cousin each time we want to go out and use her as a babysitter. She has a life too. I told her the reason why I was letting her to go out. It was to have fun not for dating. She still tell me that she didnt do anything with that guy but I told her yes you did not but the simple fact that you went out two times in a role with him alone late at night for drinking it is a bit too much for me to handle. Those secret dates and long chat and phone conversation can be very dangerous.

She told me last time that she deleted him from her facebook and told him that she couldn't continue to do what she was doing with him because I found out. (What?? What do you mean - doing what??)

I told her that she has my permission to chose what she likes to do. I told her I love her, respect her, and enjoy every bit we spend together but she is free to chose whatever she likes to do. if she wants to disvorce, separate, or stay together. But if we stay together I would prefer to have a respectful marriage from both sides. So far things are working out but each time in the middle of the night that situation comes and hunt me. Sometimes the pain is too much and I get a bit angry with her and mention it and the fight starts all over again.

Should I monitor her or should I give her a second change of freedom to go out to have friendly fun?

Thanks. --

[avital 34]

no matter what she does and how much it hurts you you cannot "monitor" her. she is not your prisoner!

what she did was awful but she is a free person and she can go anytime she likes and shes not obligated to ask you for a permission.

now that being said, if you feel like you cant handle what happened then you either need to have a real honest conversation with her about it and try to work it out or get help from a professional. the problem wont go away on its own and you will have to deal with it at one point or another.

Edited August 27, 2015 by avital

[Darnell 8,478]

I say monitor her..

[avital 34]

if you feel the need to monitor the person youre married to it is clearly not a healthy relationship...

Edited August 28, 2015 by avital

[Shai and Caz 8]

i agree with u darnell

i think its not healthy too that u go out with some orher GUY AT NIGHT WITHOUT UR HUSBAND..

[Darnell 8,478]

She had to shower off the semen. I say monitor her....

[Greenbaum 12,259]

Oh Lord forgive me for what I am about to say.

You both suck at your marriage. First off, you don't tell your wife to go out without you. I don't care what age she is. If you two came into this marriage to make a loving family, it sure doesn't show. You sir, should not have been on the internet talking to other women. Period!!

Right now neither of you love each other like a husband and wife should or care for each other like a friend should. You two need to get your priorities straight. You need to be committed to each other. No one goes out on a date with friends or acquaintance's without the other with you. No one is chatting to others on the internet. In my opinion, Facebook is the worse thing that could happen to any society. People can not use it for it's intention. As far as I am concern it's Ashely Madison cloaked as some do good sight. It's nothing but trouble.

Well, I didn't see any lightning so I guess God is not that upset with me.

She had to shower off the semen. I say monitor her....

I totally agree. That is what popped into my little brain.

[j&ana 363]

After reading your story. It seems to me there is a lot of mistrust in your relationship. She should not have gone out with another guy. However you should not be chatting online with other girls from the Philippines. Then to say that because they are in the Philippines it is not the same thing that is just an excuse to justify your action while placing blame all on her

also checking her facebook account to me show trust issue too. Me and my wife each have our own fb account. If one of us want to see something on each other account we show it to each other. We do not sneak on to each other account. If you feel you need to monitor her that is not a healthy relationship

I will suggest counseling of some kind

[avital 34]

relationships are built on trust.

if you cant trust each other to go out and not cheat or to chat online and not cheat then monitoring will give you NOTHING but more things to argue over.

it will not benefit you in any way, the mistrust issue needs to be taken care of from the root, creating more problems will destroy your relationship.

if you start monitoring her you can tell your relationship bye bye.

only way itll get fixed is by building the trust back, which clearly wont happen if you cant have freedom.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

if you feel the need to monitor the person youre married to it is clearly not a healthy relationship...

You obviously are not married to a Pinay so I will forgive your ignorance (not being mean or a smartass). But they will monitor you for the sole reason of just because, and I mean it.

Intro:

I work from home and she used to work as medical billing but now she has her own business.

Age gap: 50/28. I know a HUGE gab. (she is from the Phil. I am not)

My wife got her K-1 a while back and now a holder of her 10 years GC. We (are?) were a very happy couple and we used to vacation and going out a lot. When her kid came, I told her, listern, I might need to spend a bit more time with the kid and less with her since I wanted to learn to become a dad. It was a bit hard for him at first since in the Phil. he has so many friends and here not so many friends to play with so I had to play the role of a father and a semi friend to play with him. She is my first wife and I never had a kid before.

My duty in the house? I think we are 75/25. 75% mean I do most of the work. (cooking, cleaning, and take care of the house in general.) I make sure to check his homework and be on top of his school work and his needs. I am very proud of him. His first year he became a 2nd honor and after that the kid is straight 1st honor student.

Since we can't go out that often at night to bars or stuff like that, I gave her freedom to go out with her co-workers and friends in general. She still young and I didnt want her to feel trapped in a house due.

Let's talk about the current situation:

2 or 3 times she caught me chatting with girls from the Phil and I told her not to worry because I would never cheat on her in real life. I admitted I did wrong but I told her not to worry because I will never meet those girls. Things stayed like that.

So anyway, all this time she was going out often and it didnt bother a bit. She used to come 10-12am and really I was trusting her.

One day (recently about two weeks ago) She came home around 12.20am. She has the habit that as soon that she comes from outside she takes a shower but first she goes to our room , turns on the light, get her clothes, go to the shower, then comes to bed to chat (with her family as she used to tell me). That night that she came at 12.20am, she went straight to the bathroom in a hurry. She picked up some clothes from the first floor. I found that odd. Then she went to the bedroom and didnt want to look at my eyes. That gave me more suspecious then she told that she was going to chat downstair on the sofa with her family. I found that so trange. So I went to the first floor to get water. Then I found something very strange. The hallway had a very strong men perfume. My perfurme doesn't smell like that. So I questioned her. Hey what is the perfume...and so forth and she gave me her reason. I still was not happy so I went to bed. We didnt talk about it. Right after that day she started to sleep with the kid and I was sleeping alone. That didn't bother me nor I was paying attention to it. Next week she did the same she went out and came back around 10.00pm normal time and she talked to me nicely but again, she slept with the kid. For some reason, I was feeling something the next day. Like curious george, I managed to do this: I managed to check her phone. Here what I found.

The night she came at 12.20 right before she left home...she exchanged text and phone call with a person..then when she came home that night she continued chatting with that same person and all day the next few days while she was work. Then I checked to see if he was the same person that she went out the next time and same.Indeed, it was the same person. Same number before she left and same number before she came.

I went to her facebook and saw she added a new person around the same time she came home around 12.20. It happened that he clicked liked on one of her picture. So i took his number, searched and guess what? it was the same name of the guy that she added last on her FB. So I called at her shop and told her, listern I know you are going out with this person because this and that. She closed the shop and came home running to argue with me. She admitted that she went out with that guy two times but it was only for drinking and eating. I told her but that is how things start. You go out one day, then the next day, then...who knows what can happen.

I told her, yes I chatted with a girl online and she is not in this country, but I would never go out alone with a girl for drinking that is almost like dating in secret.

We had a big argument that night and she said she needs space. We talked about separating, disvorce, etc.

She accuses me that I don't spend too much time with her and I explained the situation. I need to take care of the house, the kid, and it is very hard for us to go out at night. I can't bother my cousin each time we want to go out and use her as a babysitter. She has a life too. I told her the reason why I was letting her to go out. It was to have fun not for dating. She still tell me that she didnt do anything with that guy but I told her yes you did not but the simple fact that you went out two times in a role with him alone late at night for drinking it is a bit too much for me to handle. Those secret dates and long chat and phone conversation can be very dangerous.

She told me last time that she deleted him from her facebook and told him that she couldn't continue to do what she was doing with him because I found out. (What?? What do you mean - doing what??)

I told her that she has my permission to chose what she likes to do. I told her I love her, respect her, and enjoy every bit we spend together but she is free to chose whatever she likes to do. if she wants to disvorce, separate, or stay together. But if we stay together I would prefer to have a respectful marriage from both sides. So far things are working out but each time in the middle of the night that situation comes and hunt me. Sometimes the pain is too much and I get a bit angry with her and mention it and the fight starts all over again.

Should I monitor her or should I give her a second change of freedom to go out to have friendly fun?

Thanks. --

As a husband to a Pinay I would be worried to. I would monitor her. Where in California do you live? I am in Pasadena.

[avital 34]

You obviously are not married to a Pinay so I will forgive your ignorance (not being mean or a smartass). But they will monitor you for the sole reason of just because, and I mean it.

no im not married to a pinoy but doesnt matter because "monitoring" your spouse is bad no matter what race they are.

maybe its a common thing in your culture, i dont know. but for me it just doesnt make sense. (it sounded a lot more harsh in my mind but i had to filter my words)

if they are unhappy they should work on it, and going behind your spouses back is the opposite of working on it.

[j&ana 363]

I am married to a pinay . I do not monitor her nor will i ever start monitoring her. We are both working full time now some weeks we do not even have the same days off.

You stated that you do not have tine to spend with her but you had time to chat with other girls from the Phililpines online

You do not have to go out all the time to spend time together

Me and my wife spend a lot of time together watching american and tagalog movies off the internet

I agree that she should not had gone out with another guy but it also seems like you are making excuses also There is just to much trust issues in your marriage.

Edited August 28, 2015 by j&ana

[Zanby 1]

I would agree with Greenbaum 100%!

Mind you, you monitor somebody if you don't trust that person. And that's not the way to go.

[Tahoma 2,292]

Monitoring your wife will not resolve your problems. She will find a way to cheat on you. You can take that to the bank.

You have boundary issues. Your wife has a child at home to nurture, so why are you okay with her partying so much? Simply get a babysitter and go out together on a Saurday night. If your wife is not ok with that, then you have bigger problems.

You also have maturity issues. Chatting online with random women is not acceptable and you know it. That's why you were hiding it from your wife.

Both of you need marriage counseling.

[Tahoma 2,292]

You obviously are not married to a Pinay so I will forgive your ignorance (not being mean or a smartass). But they will monitor you for the sole reason of just because, and I mean it.

Please don't generalize.