Spouse threatens divorce if I don't sign I-864a!

[Cathi 5,726]

divorce her first. That would be the day would put up with threats from my spouse, I don't care if it's a "cultural thing".

Edited August 25, 2015 by mimolicious

[j&ana 363]

The word divorce is never a good word to mention in a marriage regardless of the circumstances

You should tell her that you do not can not and will not sign it and explain your reason. If you think you need to help. Offer to help in some other way like helping with plane tickets or other expenses If she does not like that then do not sign the form

Edited August 25, 2015 by j&ana

[j&ana 363]

Why do you think its wrong for your wife to petitioned her mother? You would have done same for your parents if they were living in home country. You would have try to bring your sibling to usa also. Its very common. I petitioned my wife, she became citizen and petitioned my in laws, they got greencard and petitioned their under 21 daughter. In all process, i have given spondor because my wife wanted her family closer to her. You should be helping your wife instead you are doubting her. Its sad.

The op is not doubting his wife.That is a big responsabilty to sponsor soneone to come to usa and he is most llkely sponsoring his wife right now. I see nothing sad about the sisuation maybe deceit on the wife part. I do not know the whole story

I hate to bust your bubble about all americans being rich and able to sponsor someone and their whole family

I can not. However I can sponsor my wife and I will help her if her family wants to come here but like the op i will not sign a I-864 form of any kind

Edited August 25, 2015 by j&ana

[Anh map 2,098]

In general, in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage. The OP not signing the form means that the spouse "loses face" with her family. That is a big deal to most Vietnamese. So the OP is feeling the effects of this as the spouse wants to bring some other members over.

OP, if you are feeling that your wife's attention will shift away from you once the family begins to arrive, you are probably correct. You must consider all the "facts" and make the best choice for yourself. Most people don't respond well to threats. Your feeling are normal.

[j&ana 363]

In general, in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage. The OP not signing the form means that the spouse "loses face" with her family. That is a big deal to most Vietnamese. So the OP is feeling the effects of this as the spouse wants to bring some other members over.

OP, if you are feeling that your wife's attention will shift away from you once the family begins to arrive, you are probably correct. You must consider all the "facts" and make the best choice for yourself. Most people don't respond well to threats Your feeling are normal.

The Philippines are the sameway in fact i would say family is more important to philippines then vietnam but i do not know that for a fact

I do know most americans can not sponsor wife and 10 other family members.Where does it stop once you start sponsoring family members. This should of been bought up in the op relationship with his wife.

[raven52 233]

Well to me, this is a huge red flag, for your relationship, for such words to be spoken.

Just be careful, and as others have said on this site, I would not sign nothing!

[Gary&Joy 18]

between Anh map and Darnell I think there is plenty to work with..
you wont have much legal exposure to fear.
and if your wife has been working on this for a while, perhaps you carry some blame for why you have not been a loving enough spouse to spend the time communicating the particulars in a way that keeps your marriage intact and based in love.

you cross me as a chess player, while your wife prefers the old card game of war, so "the taming of the shrew" might be some enjoyable light reading for you.

I'd sign, and I would inject a lot more love and compassion.

yes, Anh map is correct "in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage". but marriage means love and connection. did I say "I would sign"? because I would sign, and follow thru with more spousal time.

[KierenHby 897]

In general, in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage. The OP not signing the form means that the spouse "loses face" with her family. That is a big deal to most Vietnamese. So the OP is feeling the effects of this as the spouse wants to bring some other members over.

OP, if you are feeling that your wife's attention will shift away from you once the family begins to arrive, you are probably correct. You must consider all the "facts" and make the best choice for yourself. Most people don't respond well to threats. Your feeling are normal.

That is a totally acceptable, totally normal, and a totally human trait. Even in India where I came from, family ties are very strong.

The unacceptable part of this circumstance is threatening a spouse with legal recourse, and using a child as leverage to get one's way.

[jess100 53]

My spouse is trying to get one of her relatives to the US on an immigrant visa. As my spouse doesn't meet the minimum requirements for the I-864, she is insisting that I sign an I-864a, as my income would be sufficient as a co-sponsor. It's my understanding if I sign an I-864a, my obligation towards my spouse's relative doesn't terminate until one of the following happens:

• becomes a U.S. citizen
• has worked, or can be credited with working, 40 quarters as defined by Social Security (about ten years)
• loses or gives up permanent residence and leaves the United States
• is granted, in a removal proceeding, adjustment of status as relief from removal, or
• dies.

It's also my understanding that a co-sponsor's obligations under an I-864a would continue on in the event of a divorce between sponsor and co-sponsor or the death of the spouse. As my spouse is merely mentioning the d-word, it wouldn't make sense for me to be a co-sponsor if my obligations continue on after divorce.

Anyone have any thoughts?

The fact that she's threatening divorce is the very reason you should not sign it. If you sign it and later she divorces you, then you will be stuck supporting her family. And only you know if she is serious about divorcing you or just angry and frustrated and making idle threats. If she is serious then think twice about signing it. Actually, think twice about signing it either way.

[tayurshu 37]

I'm going to support 80% of the posters here.

Why on earth would you allow someone to emotionally blackmail you like this? Really, why?

Take a step back when you met her. If she told you when you met "a condition of me staying with you if we get married is that you will be financially responsible for my family to come to the United States", would you have gone through with the relationship?

This kind of thing REEKS of emotional blackmail. She's used you for a visa, she's using you to bring her family to the United States. Any normal, team-like relationship/marriage would have sat down together and discussed options. Not said "sponsor or i'll divorce you".

Why are you staying with her? Do you not think she'll do this with other things? Loans, other finances, other family members?

I'm not in a position to weigh-in on your relationship, but if I were in your position, I would be already filing for the divorce she's holding you to ransom over.

[EmilyW 1,349]

between Anh map and Darnell I think there is plenty to work with..

you wont have much legal exposure to fear.

and if your wife has been working on this for a while, perhaps you carry some blame for why you have not been a loving enough spouse to spend the time communicating the particulars in a way that keeps your marriage intact and based in love.

you cross me as a chess player, while your wife prefers the old card game of war, so "the taming of the shrew" might be some enjoyable light reading for you.

I'd sign, and I would inject a lot more love and compassion.

yes, Anh map is correct "in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage". but marriage means love and connection. did I say "I would sign"? because I would sign, and follow thru with more spousal time.

So it's HIS fault that she threatened divorce because he wouldn't comply with her demands? And then he should sign to keep her happy and he should try harder?

Perhaps SHE ought to have spent 'time communicating the particulars in a way that keeps [their] marriage intact'. Perhaps she ought to try some love and compassion. Instead, she has threatened divorce which - from what the OP has said - is not the first time. She uses this threat as a weapon to get her own way. Not unlike a toddler acts out to pressure the parent into buying the toy. Except that toddlers grow up.

Edited August 25, 2015 by EmilyW

[mallafri76 1,012]

The point I was getting at is it appears as if a co-sponsor must be a household member (see http://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/files/form/i-864instr.pdf). But can you provide a source which says the primary sponsor doesn't need to be a relative of the immigrant?

I'm not exactly sure where in the 'chase a visa' timeline the relative is at. The relative is my wife's mother.

I think you're confusing the terminology. The primary financial sponsor is ALWAYS the petitioner, whether that person meets the financial requirements or not. If the petitioner doesn't meet the federal guidelines they can either use a household member's salary to add to their own salary to meet the requirements OR use a joint sponsor, who will have to meet the federal poverty guidelines on their own. The joint sponsor must be at least 18 and a USC or an LPR. The petitioner fills out an i-864 and the joint sponsor fills out i-864. If the petitioner (or joint sponsor) must use salary from a household member to meet the poverty guidelines, that household member uses form i-864a.

Meaning, your wife fills out an i-864 but because she can't meet the federal poverty guidelines on her own she can either use you (the household member) and add your salary to hers to meet the poverty guidelines, in which case you fill out an i-864a. OR she can find a joint sponsor, which meets the federal poverty guidelines on their own, and fills out an i-864. So if your wife wants to use a friend as a joint sponsor, she can.

Lots of us here on VJ use joint sponsors to meet the financial requirements for an immigrant visa.

Link to more information about the Affidavit of Support from NVC:

http://travel.state.gov/content/visas/english/immigrate/immigrant-process/documents/support/i-864-frequently-asked-questions.html

[Gary&Joy 18]

@EmilyW, and OP,
it is the responsibility of a man to know whats going on at home..
this woman has had this in her mind a long time, and he is just now getting around to notice??
where do you think this woman is going to learn love and compassion if not from her husband?
yes, men lead.. some women can, but real men do anyway..
all of this should have been on the table from the start..
I mentioned this guy seems like a chess player, but unfortunately doesn't look 2-3 moves ahead..
the woman has a great deal of time into this, and he has no clue..
now that he sees from these posts that he has nothing to lose, he might get the chance to lead here for once..
she has been the one responsible for all the progress as far as my eyes can see..
put a number in front of these reasons, and decide what you disagree with ! !

[IleanaArpaio 10]

Anyway for him to come here and ask us what we think?!...i won't need anyone to advice me in my marriage since i'm the only one that knows the insides..we can all sit here and judge or point fingers...in reality maybe he just had a bad day and had no one to talk with so he came here ..maybe by now they are ok. Yeah it looks bad and probably she only asked him and probably for more reasons than this one i'm sure he is feeling used..

Some ppl here act like they are experts in relationships..calm down ppl we don't really have to put this woman down and disrespect her...we don't know 99.99% of the facts.

[lufyz 4]

In general, in Vietnam the ties to the blood family are much stronger than to the marriage. The OP not signing the form means that the spouse "loses face" with her family. That is a big deal to most Vietnamese. So the OP is feeling the effects of this as the spouse wants to bring some other members over.

And when it's the wife's mom, it's even stronger. It's understandable that she threatens to divorce when her husband refused to help her mother. To other cultures it might be shocking but it's totally normal for Vietnam cultures. Any wives would threaten to divorce her husband in this situation.