Spouse threatens divorce if I don't sign I-864a!

[General Buhari 46]

I have to be careful here Sir, but why are you still worrying about immigration at this point after your wife has threatened divorce.

Please step back for minute and think.

[Darnell 8,478]

I believe her sister is 18. It's my understanding that if her mother comes to the US, she can't petition my wife's sister until she (her mother) is a citizen herself. That could be what - 2 to 3 years?

5 years, an IR-5 visa holder must wait, to be eligible to apply for USCitizenship.

[nilx25 18]

I was under the impression that was her plan all along. And then she slaps the I-864a in front of me and as soon as I showed a little bit of hesitance - even though I explained I was to research what it entailed and that it didn't mean "no" - I was given the divorce threat.

Why do you think its wrong for your wife to petitioned her mother? You would have done same for your parents if they were living in home country. You would have try to bring your sibling to usa also. Its very common. I petitioned my wife, she became citizen and petitioned my in laws, they got greencard and petitioned their under 21 daughter. In all process, i have given spondor because my wife wanted her family closer to her. You should be helping your wife instead you are doubting her. Its sad.

[EmilyW 1,349]

You don't seem to understand what the OP is having an issue with. It's not necessarily the petitioning, it's the threats of divorce if he does not comply that is the issue. From what the OP has said, his wife threatens divorce in order to get what she wants. That alone is unhealthy in a relationship and cause for concern.

it's not sad to be worried that your wife threatens you if you don't comply with her demands. It's what any normal, robust person with an ounce of self-esteem would do. He's not there to be his wife's doormat / administrator. They are supposed to be a partnership, working together. I don't know of many healthy partnership where one party just threatens when things don't go their way.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Why do you think its wrong for your wife to petitioned her mother? You would have done same for your parents if they were living in home country. You would have try to bring your sibling to usa also. Its very common. I petitioned my wife, she became citizen and petitioned my in laws, they got greencard and petitioned their under 21 daughter. In all process, i have given spondor because my wife wanted her family closer to her. You should be helping your wife instead you are doubting her. Its sad.

You are missing the point. It's not about his lack of desire to help the mother. It's about his wife controlling him by threatening to divorce for him telling her he wants to research the I-864a obligations. Threatening divorce to control him is the issue.

How would you like it if your wife threatens to divorce you if you want to think about something she wants?

[Kelvavik 1]

5 years, an IR-5 visa holder must wait, to be eligible to apply for USCitizenship.

Is that correct - that it will likely be 5 years that her mother is here before she can petition my wife's sister? Must one be a US citizen to petition to a family member? The 5 years to get US citizenship sounds a little bit long to me. I seem to recall it's about 2-3 years max.

[Kelvavik 1]

Why do you think its wrong for your wife to petitioned her mother? You would have done same for your parents if they were living in home country. You would have try to bring your sibling to usa also. Its very common. I petitioned my wife, she became citizen and petitioned my in laws, they got greencard and petitioned their under 21 daughter. In all process, i have given spondor because my wife wanted her family closer to her. You should be helping your wife instead you are doubting her. Its sad.

Yes, in an ideal world, I should be helping her. But if she's trying to motivate me using threats - and especially threats of divorce - it makes me question whether she deserves my help. She can petition her mother herself, but she'd have to work for a while and have the appropriate income to report.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Is that correct - that it will likely be 5 years that her mother is here before she can petition my wife's sister? Must one be a US citizen to petition to a family member? The 5 years to get US citizenship sounds a little bit long to me. I seem to recall it's about 2-3 years max.

LPR mom would be able to file for her unmarried 18 years old daughter. It's 2-3 years. Mom does not need to wait for US citizenship. Edited August 24, 2015 by aaron2020

[warpedbored 0]

I know nothing of your relationship so I won't speculate as to the health of your marriage. Technically yes you would be legally bound by the I-864 but the only case I have ever heard of where the I-864 has actually been applied was in a divorce court where the foreign spouse was suing for spousal support not the USCIS going after someone. Since your wife is a US citizen that wouldn't apply. My wife and I are in the process of bringing her adult son here. After 7 long years our petition is finally at the NVC. Even though she makes enough money on her own I am gladly submitting the I-864a. There are only 2 categories where there wouldn't be at least a 7 year wait. A parent or an under 21 child of a US citizen. Unless it's one of those two categories you will have plenty of time to withdraw your support of the petition before it gets to the interview stage.

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

Think how many times spouse could do this to you with other family members.

I would say "ok, then all you wanted was a visa and now all, i want is the divorce." i agree with above RUN

But being an older person now, no one can control me

If it ceases to be fun, quit.

[IleanaArpaio 10]

You and only you knows the insides of your relationship..if u feel like she is using you then u have more reasons than this one...sounds to me she is like a kid that wants his toy and if not he will fuss the whole time...that's not how i would handle this whole situation but i think u should reflect deeper before u agree on signing anything.

[warpedbored 0]

Another point, The I-864a wouldn't be filed until the I-130 your wife files reached the NVC. Assuming this isn't a child or parent you have years before you actually have to file the I-864a..

[aaron2020 11,651]

Another point, The I-864a wouldn't be filed until the I-130 your wife files reached the NVC. Assuming this isn't a child or parent you have years before you actually have to file the I-864a..

His USC wife is filing for her mother.

Once again, the main issue is not the I-864a. The issue is controlling your spouse through threats.

[Boggy1974 124]

I fully support the sentiments! Very well said!!!

You don't seem to understand what the OP is having an issue with. It's not necessarily the petitioning, it's the threats of divorce if he does not comply that is the issue. From what the OP has said, his wife threatens divorce in order to get what she wants. That alone is unhealthy in a relationship and cause for concern.

it's not sad to be worried that your wife threatens you if you don't comply with her demands. It's what any normal, robust person with an ounce of self-esteem would do. He's not there to be his wife's doormat / administrator. They are supposed to be a partnership, working together. I don't know of many healthy partnership where one party just threatens when things don't go their way.

Edited August 24, 2015 by Boggy1974

[KierenHby 897]

Why do you think its wrong for your wife to petitioned her mother? You would have done same for your parents if they were living in home country. You would have try to bring your sibling to usa also. Its very common. I petitioned my wife, she became citizen and petitioned my in laws, they got greencard and petitioned their under 21 daughter. In all process, i have given spondor because my wife wanted her family closer to her. You should be helping your wife instead you are doubting her. Its sad.

As others following your post wrote, you're completely missing the point.

True, a lot of Asians tend to sponsor parents, siblings, inlaws etc to bring entire families to the US.. which is fine legally. However, threatening divorce, and to top it off, willingness to lose a child in a custody dispute, are NOT healthy. Try imagining your wife doing something similar.

Since when is a parent\sibling take precedence over spouse\child?