Going back to Russia

[Nancy2015 2]

I just read the whole thread to bring myself up to speed. It seems like the guys are siding with Satelite and the gals with Olga.

I'm siding with Satellite and I'm a girl

The best "we" could do was find a compromise on all fronts. We are going to go on a free trip to Israel in the beginning of August through http://www.birthrightisrael.com/. Afterwards I will return to the US to go back to work and school for my last semester and Olga will spend 1 month in Russia and return to start school as a transfer student this upcoming fall quarter at the end of September. Although I am still upset that she is going against my wishes she did promise to work extra hours up to August to make up for the time she is gone. Hopefully her employer will grant her a leave of absence of some sort so she still has a job to return to. Because as mentioned before her parents did leave her some money, and we are using the free ticket to cover the majority of the flight, financially we might just break even. So we are not getting divorced, although I am still upset with her level of selfishness. I am not looking forward to being apart for one month sad.gif

I'm glad you were able to work it out One month still seems like a long time though...

[russ 1]

I'm siding with Satellite and I'm a girl

I am siding with both of you.

There isn't a reason to take sides here. Sat is being rational, as he always is. In the end, all the hard work is done for one reason - to be able to do whatever you want. I'm glad it is working out - such things should.

Sometimes it is best not to fight things that won't be a big deal in the end. Sat has been the voice of reason here years now. We all need to sort things like this out, and it sounds like this trip to Russia is very important to Mrs Sat.

Our trip (in 2 weeks now!) is very important to me. I have been studying Russian for 2 years now, and it is my first real chance to use it. Galina prefers not to speak Russian with me. I do not have father of my own. I am looking forward to speaking with my father in law for the first time, in his language. To me, he is my father now.

[Satellite 1]

Galina prefers not to speak Russian with me.

How funny, Olga refused to speak in English with me for the longest time. She was "embarrassed" by her accent. It took about two years for her to get over it.

[akdiver 3]

Galina prefers not to speak Russian with me.

How funny, Olga refused to speak in English with me for the longest time. She was "embarrassed" by her accent. It took about two years for her to get over it.

My wife will not let me take anymore Russian courses. She said it is too much work for her (:

She said she might change her mind once we finish our graduate studies (:

Cheers!

AKDiver

p.s.: Sat, glad you got it worked out.

[Satellite 1]

"Now imagine, if everything your wife earned .... would be spent on trips to Russia and entertainment in Russia" Quoting my husband here, all I wanna say that it so not true. Every penny I have earned, I have put on our account, and these money are being used to pay off the rent. Moreover, I feel like I am being used by my own husband.. Thanks you guys for all your good wishes... but I dont think we can "concentrate on being happy"... because even though we have "reached consensus" on the issue of me going to Russia for 1 month, the thought that he does not care about my psychological needs will stay with me forever. It should not be like that. The arguing made me so devastated... it makes me think of leaving forever. I hope you guys treat your women better.

[akdiver 3]

because even though we have "reached consensus" on the issue of me going to Russia for 1 month, the thought that he does not care about my psychological needs will stay with me forever. It should not be like that. The arguing made me so devastated... it makes me think of leaving forever. I hope you guys treat your women better.

Sweetie, you need to make up your mind. Are you going to build a life in America, or are you going to stay mentally stuck in Russia. Take your pick because trying to do both will make yourself, and everyone around you unhappy.

Cheers!

AKDiver

[wissooner 0]

Sweetie, you need to make up your mind. Are you going to build a life in America, or are you going to stay mentally stuck in Russia. Take your pick because trying to do both will make yourself, and everyone around you unhappy.

Agreed

[Satellite 1]

akdiver, sweetie...

I made up my mind long time ago... I just didnt not know my husband would not keep his promises. Thank you for supporting me.

[slim 1,523]

I hope you guys can be happy together, but my personal feelings on relationships in general are that way too many people get together with someone because they're looking for something that's missing in their life, something that the other person is going to bring to the table to fill the void in their life.

My motto:

You can't be happy together with someone else until you're both happy with yourselves first.

Think about that for a long while. Are you happy with yourself, before you even think about the happiness of your relationship? If one of you isn't happy with yourself, or something in your life, some part of your relationship, (like where you are, if you're going to have to work more/less, if your spouse isn't doing this or that, etc.) then you must make a change. Hopefully the two of you (not just the Satellites.... all of us) can be adult enough to be honest about our feelings and reach an agreement that will be adhered to by both parties. But, if you both can't do this.... life is too short to be unhappy. Make the change, and get on with what's going to make you happy. All you're doing by living unhappily is delaying the inevitable. Give it an honest shot, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll know what to do.

[DavidEvgeniya 0]

That is a strange statement to make. Divorce?

Is it that he does not trust you and he thinks you will not return? Or is it financial? From your side there should have been understanding that with what you are leaving behind. But he should have known that you would want to return to see your family. That is only the right thing to do.

He is being somewhat unreasonalble.

If this is any indication to how he will behave, then maybe you need to rethink the whole thing.

I would be careful.

Good luck with your final decision.

[Jamie76 0]

I hope you both get this worked out...did you have the "talk" before even thinking about marriage or was it a second thought? Neither should be making promises they can't keep. When you sit down and talk about finances etc, you need to be frank about it...no sugar coating.

My fiancee and I have had this talk a few times. I told her that she is not going to be able to go back to Thailand right away when we are setting up our home. She understands the fact that traveling back and forth would not be feasible. We talked about her getting a job and she knows this is something she will eventually have to do. She wants to help out as much as she can. In our case, she will be moving thousands of miles away from her friends and family, and I will be moving to the other side of the country so all we will have is each other.

When you are married, you are a team. If one person decides to do things on their own, then you don't have a team anymore. I'm not sure what your ages are but there seems to be some maturity lacking sorry to say.

[Waitlisted 0]

This is a very long thread and I didn't read all of the comments. However, since I am an American man that was married to a Russian woman for 6 years I thought I would add a comment here. I never once stopped my wife from travelling to Russia to see her family. FAMILY always comes first! This is not a culture thing. There is no compromise and the fact that he mentions divorce in association with family sounds like big trouble down the road.

Just my humble opinion.

[slim 1,523]

FAMILY always comes first! Just my humble opinion.

Isn't the first part of family your husband/wife once you're married?

That's my humble oppinion.

When you're married, your first obligation is not to "family" as it was when you were single. Parents, brothers/sisters, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.; they should all come first..... until you get married! Then, your significant other should come first. The joint needs of your relationship should trump the rest of the family until the needs of the husband/wife are met.

Furthermore, I believe too many people place their children's wishes above their husband/wive's. Marriage is set up to be the union between two people, not one person and their offspring. Sure, offspring are a part of it, but the first connection is to the other person, not the offspring.

I truly believe if husbands and wives would pay more attention to each others wishes before those of the rest of the family, their marriages would fare better.

[bruc 0]

FAMILY always comes first! Just my humble opinion.

Isn't the first part of family your husband/wife once you're married?

That's my humble oppinion.

When you're married, your first obligation is not to "family" as it was when you were single. Parents, brothers/sisters, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.; they should all come first..... until you get married! Then, your significant other should come first. The joint needs of your relationship should trump the rest of the family until the needs of the husband/wife are met.

Furthermore, I believe too many people place their children's wishes above their husband/wive's. Marriage is set up to be the union between two people, not one person and their offspring. Sure, offspring are a part of it, but the first connection is to the other person, not the offspring.

I truly believe if husbands and wives would pay more attention to each others wishes before those of the rest of the family, their marriages would fare better.

Good post slim with some good points made.

I'll tell you about my family situation with the ex wife.

Our daughters were still young and one day my ex told me her mother was the most important person in her life. I asked the question "is she more important than our daughters" ?

Her reply...I told you my mother was the most important person in my life.

Well, when my oldest daughter was a junior in college and my youngest daughter had just graduated from high school....I walked in one day and asked her if her mom was still the most important person in her life and she said yes...I then told that ole gal to pack her stuff and move back to her mom and I sent her packin back to her mom.

I was taught in church that God is first, your intermediate family is next, then your parents come next....my heart also told me this.

When my ex remarried she was still living wih her mom and moved ole new hubby in also. He's a drunk so I don't guess it mattered to him where he lived.

My daughters tell me my ex's mom died a couple years ago and she now realizes she has NO ONE but a drunk husband .....amazing!

bruc

[Nancy2015 2]

my ex told me her mother was the most important person in her life.

It's hard for me to even try to understand something like that - maybe because I had a very bad relationship with my mother up until I actually moved out and started living on my own. Now that I live in a different country and we see each other once a year, we get along great.

It is my humble opinion, but I don't think it's even healthy to care about your mother more than about your children.