Huge Age Gap (24 years) (American/Mexican)

[TwoInLove 0]

I am concerned about this. While it is certainly something I NEVER EVER planned on, we did fall in love - I did try to avoid the relationship at first. I'm 44 and Edgar is 21 -- although I don't think we look all that strange together, in fact in Mexico, nobody really seemed to give a darn. Anyway, that's now what I'm here to write about. I am concerned with our age difference from the fiance visa perspective.

I have concrete evidence of our relationship, emails, msn conversations, tons of photos (go see our pics!), airline tickets, phone bills that show we talk every single day ... gosh if they want to see some of our lover's quarrels from msn I can provide that too! lol

I do not think they can deny us based on the fact of our ages, any input on this? I agree it is HIGHLY unusual and may seem like our relationship is a scam but it totally is not. We really do truly love each other, we lived together for awhile to make sure it was really what we both wanted. I have met his whole family and they love me too. Yes, some of his family members have expressed concern about the age gap but of course that is normal. I will get the same feedback from my family I am sure but we really want to be together. We have known each other since April 2006 so it has been 10 months now and I have been to Mexico twice to see him.

Any input on what you think about this and our eligibility for the K-1?

[kitkat1 5]

I am concerned about this. While it is certainly something I NEVER EVER planned on, we did fall in love - I did try to avoid the relationship at first. I'm 44 and Edgar is 21 -- although I don't think we look all that strange together, in fact in Mexico, nobody really seemed to give a darn. Anyway, that's now what I'm here to write about. I am concerned with our age difference from the fiance visa perspective.

I have concrete evidence of our relationship, emails, msn conversations, tons of photos (go see our pics!), airline tickets, phone bills that show we talk every single day ... gosh if they want to see some of our lover's quarrels from msn I can provide that too! lol

I do not think they can deny us based on the fact of our ages, any input on this? I agree it is HIGHLY unusual and may seem like our relationship is a scam but it totally is not. We really do truly love each other, we lived together for awhile to make sure it was really what we both wanted. I have met his whole family and they love me too. Yes, some of his family members have expressed concern about the age gap but of course that is normal. I will get the same feedback from my family I am sure but we really want to be together. We have known each other since April 2006 so it has been 10 months now and I have been to Mexico twice to see him.

Any input on what you think about this and our eligibility for the K-1?

Janet, your I-129F will be approved because the only concerns for the petition itself are that you are a USC and therefore eligible to file and that you two have met in person in the previous two years.

Your age difference will likely come up at the interview in Ciudad Juarez. Normally fiances and spouses are not allowed into the US consulate in Ciudad Juarez for interviews. But if you are able to go with him when the time comes, it would not hurt for you to be there, in case they want to talk with you. The age difference IS a red flag and it probably WILL come up but as long as you are prepared with tons of relationship evidence at the interview, you should be fine.

[tamara143 1]

hi,

don't worry age won't matter. what matter is that you'll be able to answer the questions of the consul honestly and confidently. also, that you'll be able to support him while he's in the US and that you've prepared all the proper documentation for your petition. FYI, my husband is 21 years older than me.

God bless,

tam

Edited February 25, 2007 by tamara143

[Mike and Adriana 0]

Janet:

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but I am not optimistic as the previous posters. Yes, assuming you complete your I-129F properly, you WILL get an interview. But the interview is a problem.

First, I think you need to read two threads in this forum: 1) Visa Denied and 2) Colombia Club (posts beginning in late January). Look for the posts by "OskaryAndrea." Andrea lives in Atlanta. Her HUSBAND is in Colombia. There is a 10 year age difference...with Andrea being older. Oskar had his K-3 interview in late January and neither approved nor denied. The CO requested that Andrea be present for the interview. Andrea went to Bogota recently and was interviewed with Oskar. They were denied, despite having significant evidence.

We can only speculate why (the excuse given was lack of pictures and a few conflicting answers to questions)...but my guess it that concerns over visa fraud in Colombia and the fact that Andrea, the female, was the older party had a lot to do with it.

Given what Andrea has gone through, I think you have reason for concern - the age difference might be a huge hurdle (and, yes, this would be discrimination....couples where the man is older don't seem to have these problems). What might make it even tougher is that you are filing for a K-1. Notice that Oskar and Andrea are actually married....yet they were still denied. Obviously, Mexico is not Colombia, so things might be different. But given the current environment and the Mexican immigration issue, I would not be surprised if the embassies in Mexico are not taking a tougher stance.

I am not trying to be discouraging. I just want you to go into this with your eye's wide open. Document that relationship as well as you can. You may even want to write a letter to the CO that addresses the age difference (if you did not include anything in your I-129F)....as it sounds like the embassy does not permit you to attend his interview.

Best of luck to you.

Mike

[paisita411 0]

I ditto Mike. I had lots of pictures from our wedding day with my entire family including my children in attendance. We took EVERY email to each other for the past 13 months, phone records, phone cards, we wanswered 90% of all the questions asked PERFECTLY and still were denied. The attorney that I'm working with says this is very common for women who are older than thier spouse. It would be worth a couple hundred bucks to talk to an attorney before the interview date. I wish I had done that myself now. My husband and I are in limbo for God knows how long. The fact that you've been there twice is very good. Keep visiting everytime you can.

Good luck.

[maya62 7]

If the difference in ages contravenes the cultural norm, there could very well be a question at the Consular interview stage.

Is it common in Mexico for younger men to marry older women?

If not, then the CO may very well have reservations about the fiance's motives in applying for a visa. I agree being there if possible, even if you have to wait outside, is a good idea... that shows your support/commitment and you are available if they have questions.

And please do heed Andrea and Oskar's experience and make sure your fiance is well prepared for his interview (without scaring him to death... it's a fine line, imho).

We were in the same boat once upon a time (I am 7+ years older than my husband). I did my best to prepare my husband (then fiance) for his interview. Here is a generic version of an email I sent to him about preparing for the interview. I got all of these questions from various lists and interview stories here on VJ. Only you can judge whether it is appropriate to send such a thing to your fiance. I'm sure it would freak some people out and that could be counter-productive.

The next thing to do is to start preparing for the interview. Please print out this document and review it whenever you have a few free moments.

Here are the most important things to remember about the interview:

1. Be calm and confident. You already know most or all of the answers.

2. Give short answers. Some people get into trouble by providing too much information. A short, polite answer is best.

3. Be polite and calm, no matter what happens. Smile. Let your love show a little.

This is a list of questions that have been asked in actual visa interviews. Most people are only asked a few questions. Usually, a visa interview is short…. just a few minutes, just a few questions. If you and I are asked questions separately, it is very important that we give the same answers.

Even though this is a long list of questions, many of them are very simple. Some questions are really the same as another question, but asked in a different way.

The more comfortable you are with these questions, the better. It is possible that they may ask other questions that are not on this list. If you are not sure of an answer, it is OK to say “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”.

Questions they may ask you about yourself:

What is your birthday?

How old are you?

Do you have any brothers and sisters?

What do you do for a living?

Do you speak and understand your fiancee’s language?

When did you get a divorce?

Do you have any children?

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

Have you ever applied for a traveling visa?

To what countries have you been?

When did you go there?

For how long?

How did you get there?

Are you a member of a terrorist organization?

Aren't you afraid to go alone to the US?

Have you ever been to the US?

Do you have any family in the US?

Why do you want to come to the US?

Why do you want to marry the petitioner?

Are you happy to be leaving?

When are you going to leave?

How do you feel about leaving your family?

Will you be sad?

When will you leave for the US?

To which city are you going?

Are you happy?

Does anyone object to you taking your son out of this country?

How does your family feel about you marrying an American?

What do your parents think about this?

What kind of profession do you want to do?

What subjects have you studied in school?

Do you want to study?

What is your plan?

What are your hobbies and interests?

What is your religious background?

Did you fill out these forms yourself?

Who helped you fill the forms out for the K-1 visa?

Why did you decide to print out all these emails?

Have you been married before?

What is your ex-wife’s name?

Why did your first marriage not work out?

Questions they may ask you about me:

What is your fiancee's name?

Can you write her name?

How old is your fiancée?

What is your fiancee’s birthday?

Where was your fiancée born?

Where did your fiance grow up?

Where does your fiancée live now?

Can you write her address?

What does your fiancée do for a living?

What does she do at work?

What did your fiancée do in the past for a living and for how long?

What is your fiancee’s job title?

What is your fiancee's salary (income)?

Did your fiancée go to university (college)?

What did she study?

What is her degree in?

Do you talk about her degree?

What is your fiancee’s religious background?

What is your fiancee’s religion now?

Does your fiancée speak or understand your language?

What is the color of your fiancee’s eyes?

What is the color of your fiancee’s hair?

Are your fiancee’s parents alive?

What are their names?

Where do your fiancee’s parents live?

What do her parents do (for a living)?

Does she have any brothers or sisters?

Where do they live?

Does your fiancee have any children?

Do you know that your fiancée was married before?

What is her ex-husband's name?

When did your fiancée get a divorce?

Does this matter to you?

Why did her first marriage not work out?

Have you met your fiancee’s family?

Why have you not met your fiancee’s family?

Has your fiancee met your family?

What are your fiancee’s hobbies and interests?

What does your fiancée do for fun?

What is your fiancee’s favorite food?

What color does she like best?

What kind of music does she like?

What car does she drive?

What first attracted you to your fiancee?

Please tell me something about her.

Are you willing to marry her?

Why do you want to go to the USA to marry her?

Why do you want to marry her?

How do you know she is the one most fit for you?

What do you love about your fiancée?

Which character/quality/nature do you like best about your fiancee?

What do you and your fiancee have in common?

Questions they may ask about both of us:

Where and when did you first meet your fiancée?

How did you first meet your fiancée?

How do you know each other?

How often have you met?

Who made the first move?

How long have you known your fiancée?

How long have you been corresponding with your fiancée?

When is the last time you saw your fiancée?

How many times has your fiancée visited?

What are the dates of the visits?

What did you do when she visited?

When did she come the last time? When did she leave?

Why did she come here?

Where did your fiancée visit when she was here?

Have you taken any pictures of your visits together?

When and where did you take these pictures?

How do the two of you keep in touch (communicate)?

In which language do you talk to each other?

What do you have in common with your fiancee?

When did you decide to get married?

When did you get engaged?

When did you propose to your fiancée?

Do you have a ring?

Do you have any wedding plans?

When are you getting married?

Where are you getting married?

When are you going to have the wedding?

Will your parents be at the wedding?

If you can’t marry, what will you do? (Correct answer: return to my country)

Are you planning to have children?

Where will you live (in the US)?

Best wishes!

Maya

[Bill y Bella 0]

That is a good set of questions Maya. Thanks!

[ELW 5]

Yes, great questions Maya, thanks so much!

May I say here that I have read tons here but for the most part I have only been seeing denials from MARRIED COUPLES, NOT K1 applicants (and there are many here with big age differences, with women being the elder one, who have successfully received the visas). Often the trouble comes when they grill the couple each seperately, and some (though very few) answers are different. That is the golden excuse they use to deny the visa.

Of course I have not done any solid research on this but it would be interesting to do so.

[Mike and Adriana 0]

I stand by my opinion, but, of course, it is based on what happens at the embassy in Colombia. I suspect it is different at the varying embassies. Regardless of location, I would have concerns about your situation....it pays to be prepared. Perhaps you should repost your issue on one of the threads for the embassy in Mexico...and get points of view from folks who have been processed through the embassy there.

Mike

Yes, great questions Maya, thanks so much!

May I say here that I have read tons here but for the most part I have only been seeing denials from MARRIED COUPLES, NOT K1 applicants (and there are many here with big age differences, with women being the elder one, who have successfully received the visas). Often the trouble comes when they grill the couple each seperately, and some (though very few) answers are different. That is the golden excuse they use to deny the visa.

Of course I have not done any solid research on this but it would be interesting to do so.

[paisita411 0]

Maya those are great questions. They will be very helpfull to Janet and Edgar and I STRONGLY recommend they answer each of them on paper and review them well prior to the interview. Its funny how nerves can make you forget the slightest details. I don't want anyone to go through what I'm going through and you' can't be too overprepared.

I think I said this in another post and I'll say it to Janet and Edgar again. YOUR job at the interview is to convince the consular officer, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you love each other. Edgar needs to keep this present in his mind and in his answeres. The interview itself is unnerving and can be intimidating at times, but remember that you love this person and you want that to show in your answers. Anyway, don't be alarmed by my situation, just keep in mind that some of the same issues may come up and be very prepared.

Dre

[TwoInLove 0]

Thank you all for your input on this I really appreciate it - we know each other pretty well and are going to prepare as much as possible for the interview - I pray everything is ok for us.

[Alex+R 0]

Good luck. I just wanted to clarify one thing. The second post might have given you the idea that being married helps your case; it doesn't. Relationships are evaluated for validity the same way with a K3 as with a K1. After all, on a K1 you are also planning to enter into marriage eventually. (Just don't want you to run to Mexico to get married and mess up your K1 or anything)

[Lucy N Fer 0]

Janet,

I guess I am the appropriate person to answer your question. I am 20 years older than my husband (also went through K1). He is from Mexico and we also went through Juarez. We knew each other for about a year and half when he went to the interview. He didn't have any problems. They did however question him a little longer regarding when and how we met. He did say that they asked him if I was there. They never asked to speak to me, but I was there just in case. We are now going through the AOS process and have our interview this month.

As long as your relationship is legitimate, you shouldn't have any problems. As others have mentioned, there are more older males that get approved than females. I too was extremely nervous about our situation. Don't worry gather all your evidence and move forward.

[TwoInLove 0]

Janet,

I guess I am the appropriate person to answer your question. I am 20 years older than my husband (also went through K1). He is from Mexico and we also went through Juarez. We knew each other for about a year and half when he went to the interview. He didn't have any problems. They did however question him a little longer regarding when and how we met. He did say that they asked him if I was there. They never asked to speak to me, but I was there just in case. We are now going through the AOS process and have our interview this month.

As long as your relationship is legitimate, you shouldn't have any problems. As others have mentioned, there are more older males that get approved than females. I too was extremely nervous about our situation. Don't worry gather all your evidence and move forward.

Wow, I can't tell you how much your response has made me feel better! You are a very cute couple by the way! Thank you so much for responding!!!