Chasing fair skin, Ivorians ignore whitening cream ban

[TBoneTX 45,293]

People have forgotten what real love is nowadays.

When we lurch into the bathroom in the morning, squint at our reflection in the mirror, and see a replica of our driver's license foto, we KNOW we're hung over.

the majority of men want straight, blonde hair and fair or white skin, you are already down a couple of points before you get into the game.

1. Blondes (-2)

2. Mrs. T-B. (+1 at least)

3. Janelle (+1 at least)

We prize diversity, si man.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

I'm a girly girl. I love makeup and have long hair. I love skirts and dresses and heels and handbags. And I struggle with trying to understand if that's because it pleases me, or because I think it will please my boyfriend (which is sometimes), or men in general, or because I think it will make other women think I'm a particular sort of woman. I don't know. But I do know I feel more confident when my hair is great and my makeup is fantastic. How much of this comes from male expectations, or women's misunderstanding of male expectations where we project thoughts that many men just don't even have, I can't tell.

tl:dr -- this kind of BS isn't just coming from men, and women have to own up to their own significant part in this charade.

Thank you for that honest and thoughtful addition to the thread!

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Fotos (Spanish spelling) of both, now, Dear. We shall inspect and offer feedback.

Here is a picture of my natural hair.

Glad I am in the minority then. I so hate going along with the crowd just to fit in.

No one is saying all women are jumping on the same wagon, but again, look at what women are going through and how they are being treated. I see you didn't look at the dark girls trailer.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

I have to say (and I'm probably going to have to turn my CABA Harpy Card in for this) that women do themselves no favours by lapping up the BS that is pushed to us about what is "beautiful" and not only perpetuating in ourselves, but forcing that BS on others. I'm conventionally cute by Western standards, but I'm an Old now, and I know that I'm not the little cutie-pie I used to be. The men in my life who have loved me, or were just dating me at various points in my life, have been infinitely kinder and more enthusiastic about my appearance than I have been about my own. I'm too round, or fat, or short, or my hair's too dark; I have zits; I'm not a size 0; etc., ergo I'm a hag and unloveable. It's a soundtrack that so many women have playing in their heads about themselves, notwithstanding what their partners say about their attractiveness. And then we project this onto other women and we're constantly comparing, comparing, measuring ourselves, finding others "less" so that we might... find our own selves more?

This is not just about men. In my experience, it's not men who say horrible things about how women are supposed to look as much as women do. Men, as has been said here, often don't give a squat about your hair, or your makeup, or your dress. And when it's a man who loves you, he usually doesn't even notice these things unless you point them out and ask for an opinion. They care about YOU.

This is not to say there are wastes of space who are happy to opine about how a woman should look, and that those who don't conform are somehow disgusting and should just go away and wall themselves up for lack of conventional beauty. These turds exist, and they do harm to the self-image of women. We see them here, on VJ. We hear them catcalling on the streets. They are not hard to find. But as women we should also take responsibility for taking up this torch and running with it. Be vocal when one of your girlfriends does this, and stop doing it yourself when you catch yourself doing it. I do it, and I know it's ridiculous, but I am trying to unlearn social conditioning.

I'm a girly girl. I love makeup and have long hair. I love skirts and dresses and heels and handbags. And I struggle with trying to understand if that's because it pleases me, or because I think it will please my boyfriend (which is sometimes), or men in general, or because I think it will make other women think I'm a particular sort of woman. I don't know. But I do know I feel more confident when my hair is great and my makeup is fantastic. How much of this comes from male expectations, or women's misunderstanding of male expectations where we project thoughts that many men just don't even have, I can't tell.

tl:dr -- this kind of BS isn't just coming from men, and women have to own up to their own significant part in this charade.

I agree, the women should not buckle into this pressure either, but it is hard when you are told you are ugly and not good enough your whole life growing up. I am not a 0 either and never have been.

Here are the categories of men who I can't date. Men who like;

small thighs

size 0s

blonde hair

straight hair

4 ft tall

under 25

pointy noses

super fair skin

You see how many men are now updateable to me, yes?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I agree, the women should not buckle into this pressure either, but it is hard when you are told you are ugly and not good enough your whole life growing up. I am not a 0 either and never have been.

Here are the categories of men who I can't date. Men who like;

small thighs

size 0s

blonde hair

straight hair

4 ft tall

under 25

pointy noses

super fair skin

You see how many men are now updateable to me, yes?

You'd be surprised at how men ARE dateable and will find you amazing as you are. When I started dating again (I took a year off between separation and going out on my first date in years), I was terrified. I live in LA, land of young, toned, lean, blonde honeys. What chance would I have -- I'm short, a little plush in places, and dark-haired. I'm opinionated and I talk big words. I found out there are more than a few men who thought what I brought to the table was awesome, or at least interesting. If we buy into the beauty myth we believe ourselves to be unable to be attractive to everyone, just because we aren't attractive to some, or we don't measure up to some unattainable standard.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

You'd be surprised at how men ARE dateable and will find you amazing as you are. When I started dating again (I took a year off between separation and going out on my first date in years), I was terrified. I live in LA, land of young, toned, lean, blonde honeys. What chance would I have -- I'm short, a little plush in places, and dark-haired. I'm opinionated and I talk big words. I found out there are more than a few men who thought what I brought to the table was awesome, or at least interesting. If we buy into the beauty myth we believe ourselves to be unable to be attractive to everyone, just because we aren't attractive to some, or we don't measure up to some unattainable standard.

Glad someone else sees it..

[Janelle2002 3,865]

You'd be surprised at how men ARE dateable and will find you amazing as you are. When I started dating again (I took a year off between separation and going out on my first date in years), I was terrified. I live in LA, land of young, toned, lean, blonde honeys. What chance would I have -- I'm short, a little plush in places, and dark-haired. I'm opinionated and I talk big words. I found out there are more than a few men who thought what I brought to the table was awesome, or at least interesting. If we buy into the beauty myth we believe ourselves to be unable to be attractive to everyone, just because we aren't attractive to some, or we don't measure up to some unattainable standard.

You just said fighting words for some men. :rofl:

They want, shut up and cook my breakfast woman. :rofl:

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

Here is a picture of my natural hair.

No one is saying all women are jumping on the same wagon, but again, look at what women are going through and how they are being treated. I see you didn't look at the dark girls trailer.

I was referring to men who apparently all want straight-haired blondes, not women.

I did watch the trailer, actually. Obviously, some people are not comfortable with being dark. Not just blacks, but anyone with darker-than-white skin. It seems many think they appear dirty when they are dark. I mean, a white towel is clean, and a brown one is dirty, right? For sure, I had never considered the depth of emotion surrounding it that was evidenced in the clip you assumed I didn't take the time to watch.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

I was referring to men who apparently all want straight-haired blondes, not women.

I did watch the trailer, actually. Obviously, some people are not comfortable with being dark. Not just blacks, but anyone with darker-than-white skin. It seems many think they appear dirty when they are dark. I mean, a white towel is clean, and a brown one is dirty, right? For sure, I had never considered the depth of emotion surrounding it that was evidenced in the clip you assumed I didn't take the time to watch.

Ok. I got it.

Most people don't. They think people go unaffected and never consider the psychological stress the person endures with not being able to change what was given to them by nature.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

I agree, the women should not buckle into this pressure either, but it is hard when you are told you are ugly and not good enough your whole life growing up. I am not a 0 either and never have been.

Here are the categories of men who I can't date. Men who like;

small thighs

size 0s

blonde hair

straight hair

4 ft tall

under 25

pointy noses

super fair skin

You see how many men are now updateable to me, yes?

You are a beautiful person in your own right, and if you are hanging around men who say the above, you need to change your venue. I promise you, there is someone out there who appreciates your looks just as they are now, and would be happy to be with you (at least physically to begin with - the attitude part is up to you in the long run).

I have heard men talk about "assets" such as skinny thighs, straight hair (though many prefer curly, too), blondes (but many prefer brunettes, or redheads). But I don't recall ever hearing a man say he wanted a woman with a pointy nose. Or under 25, unless they were under 30. Or super fair skin (in fact, most guys I know would prefer a woman with a tan over white skin). Only a super short guy would want someone 4 feet tall. Or anything under 5 feet, for that matter. And I have also never heard a man say he wants a size 0 woman. Not saying they don't find skinny women attractive, but size 0 women are far from the norm, at least in the US.

Edited August 12, 2015 by ROYGBP

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

Ok. I got it.

Most people don't. They think people go unaffected and never consider the psychological stress the person endures with not being able to change what was given to them by nature.

Here's the dealio, though: MOST people, women more so than men, want to change themselves. Either they are dark and want to be white, or they are white and want to be darker. Women with straight hair want curly hair, and women with curly hair yearn for straight hair. If more people could just be content with how they look and who they are as a whole, these issues would just melt away. Now, I know this is not going to happen, but it would be nice, yes?

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Here's the dealio, though: MOST people, women more so than men, want to change themselves. Either they are dark and want to be white, or they are white and want to be darker. Women with straight hair want curly hair, and women with curly hair yearn for straight hair. If more people could just be content with how they look and who they are as a whole, these issues would just melt away. Now, I know this is not going to happen, but it would be nice, yes?

Yes, this is true.

You are a beautiful person in your own right, and if you are hanging around men who say the above, you need to change your venue. I promise you, there is someone out there who appreciates your looks just as they are now, and would be happy to be with you (at least physically to begin with - the attitude part is up to you in the long run).

I have heard men talk about "assets" such as skinny thighs, straight hair (though many prefer curly, too), blondes (but many prefer brunettes, or redheads). But I don't recall ever hearing a man say he wanted a woman with a pointy nose. Or under 25, unless they were under 30. Or super fair skin (in fact, most guys I know would prefer a woman with a tan over white skin). Only a super short guy would want someone 4 feet tall. Or anything under 5 feet, for that matter. And I have also never heard a man say he wants a size 0 woman. Not saying they don't find skinny women attractive, but size 0 women are far from the norm, at least in the US.

You would be surprised at the men who have these requirements. The attitude part is up to me. I don't think my attitude is that bad. lol

But most men want their women smaller than them, and black women come a little big boned.... I leave it at that.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

You would be surprised at the men who have these requirements. The attitude part is up to me. I don't think my attitude is that bad. lol

But most men want their women smaller than them, and black women come a little big boned.... I leave it at that.

Eff those dudes. They aren't for you, and you wouldn't want to be around them anyway. They may be right for someone else, but not for you. And that is okay! You do not have to be everyone's divine, immortal goddess. You're gorgeous, funny and smart. PLENTY of men will see that as what will mesh well with their lives.

Girl, you need to love yourself a little more. Be good and patient with yourself. You've just been through the wringer.

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

Eff those dudes. They aren't for you, and you wouldn't want to be around them anyway. They may be right for someone else, but not for you. And that is okay! You do not have to be everyone's divine, immortal goddess. You're gorgeous, funny and smart. PLENTY of men will see that as what will mesh well with their lives.

Girl, you need to love yourself a little more. Be good and patient with yourself. You've just been through the wringer.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Eff those dudes. They aren't for you, and you wouldn't want to be around them anyway. They may be right for someone else, but not for you. And that is okay! You do not have to be everyone's divine, immortal goddess. You're gorgeous, funny and smart. PLENTY of men will see that as what will mesh well with their lives.

Girl, you need to love yourself a little more. Be good and patient with yourself. You've just been through the wringer.

Awwwww, you're so sweet. I'm not necessarily talking about my situation, but the situation that many black women face. But thanks for thinking I'm gorgeous, funny and smart. You're my new best friend.