I am absolutely beside myself right now...

[Jersey Girl 2]

Neurotica, he may be sending signals about who he is and how he expects the marriage to unfold.

If he's passive aggressive, that is, telling you what you want to hear but doing something else, it's a major red flag. If he expects you to wory about all the details while he sits back, it could become a nightmare down the road. I'd be questioning if he's truly invested in the relationship, since he blows off so many things.

Ask him point blank what he sees for the future. Who will be the breadwinner? Will there be children? Does he value fidelity? I don't mean to sound like Dr. Phil, but this is not about government forms, it's about trust and partnership.

Edited February 24, 2007 by Jersey Girl

[ladykelia 0]

Oh my god, I know almost exactly how you feel! I'm so sorry that this happened to you!

I do really think this is the way a lot of guys are though. I don't want to sterotype... but how many men have posted complaining about this issue? Why worry about stuff when your woman has you covered? >

I have the fortune of being able to stick with my fiance throughout the process, a luxury that many people going through the process do not get to have. With them I deeply sympathize. Everything is worse when you and your loved one are thousands of miles apart... yet, even I have many problems with my fiance's inability to follow through or plan ahead, and probably always will.

There are simply parts of this process that we can not be responsible for.. the US citizen has to do certain things and the beneficiary has to do other things. Short of "nagging" (he undoubtedly sees it as nagging, I see it as necessity to more things foward) my fiance to get copies of his birth certificates, police reports, passport photos, or anything that only *he* can do, it's not really in my control. But, I am the one who keeps everything organized and I get very distressed when he doesn't do these things right away, or when he forgets to do them at all until I remind him AGAIN.

I've told him over and over that he needs to be more responsible and he needs to help me out more, and he has, very sincerely I think, told me that he would. But...

Certainly it is a serious trust and balance of responsibility issue that will most likely plague us throughout our marriage, but hopefully our many good qualities and things we love about eachother will keep us together and let us maintain a healthy relationship for a very long time. I need to learn to be calmer and more patient. He needs to learn to keep to-do lists, and be more cognizant.

[rebeccajo 14]

*shakes head sadly*

People usually don't change. They are what they are. You know?

[Flames9_RN 358]

As usual, I have no wise wisdom, ok, don't eat yellow snow!! Prior to one making a giant step with anything, one should step back and really think things over and try not to let love shadow everything. Who knows, he may have honestly just forgotten about the paper, not realizing the possible outcome of doing so. If one is thinking, oh he will change when he gets to the USA, maybe he will, probably not. I know I was a bit slow at time swith the immigration paperwork, because I thought I had oodles of time, which we sort of did. Best of luck!!

[Autumnchik 6]

Just wanted to add that I agree with the others who suggested that you have a nice long chat with your fiance and not only discuss this particular issue but also the larger issue of responsibility in the relationship.

That said, I also wanted to say that my then fiance sent in the Packet 3 checklist 3 weeks after receiving it also, because the instructions did say to send it in when you have everything completed (even though I told him to send it ASAP).